X.O.
Please don't feel like a failure!
My aunt and uncle are millionaires, many times over, but they have faced ruin at least once in their professional lives, and another time have been part of a lawsuit due to business dealings with some unethical people who kept them in the dark, and their entire estate was at risk. At the same time my uncle was battling multiple myeloma, and they were reeling from the death of their granddaughter to an e. Coli infection. I've never known people to suffer through so much suffering at once. My uncle eventually lost his battle with cancer, but had stabilized their financial situation first. What my aunt wouldn't give to be poor, but to have her husband and granddaughter with her today.
My in-laws immigrated to the US over 20 years ago. They left behind, in their war-torn country, prestigious careers as a mechanical engineer (FIL) and an OB/Gyn (MIL). They also left their beautiful house in a major city, which they rented out to the US embassy for housing diplomats. It was that grand. Due to the situation in their country they couldn't take anything with them. Their pensions, their bank accounts, and their property were all left behind and they had to pay to have their kids smuggled out of the country. When they left their country their home was worth over $1million US. 12 years later when they finally had the opportunity to sell their beautiful house, their country's economy was devastated. Their home was now worth only about $100k, US. My FIL has spent so much energy and emotions trying to play the "what if" games. My MIL put her head down, washed her hands of the situation, and looked to rebuild their life here in the US. I'd say they did quite well. They started over at the bottom. My FIL has been working for Wal-Mart for nearly 20 years, and my MIL has done everything from scrubbing toilets to working in a factory to now being a beauty advisor at Walgreens. They were able to put my SIL through pharmacy school and my husband through med school, because they knew that they had to just keep plugging on.
One final thing. The past 2 weeks my husband has been terrified that he could have ALS (Lou Gherig's disease), which is universally fatal anywhere from 6 mos-8 years of onset. He's the sole provider, and my earning potential is only about 15% of his. I didn't think about finances a single time while we were awaiting his possible diagnosis. All I could think about is that my kids might grow up without a dad, and I had no idea how I could even begin to be strong for them without him. On Thursday he was given a clean bill of health, and thankfully his symptoms have a benign explanation. I have never been so happy and hopeful!
I hope there's something somewhere in here that is of some comfort to you.
Prayers and hugs in this difficult time!