How Rude Was This?? - VENT

Just not showing up is my BIGGEST pet peeve! Good grief she called and said they were ON THEIR WAY! She couldn't call and say they had an emergency come up?

I've posted about this before. I don't care what the situation is, unless you are unconscious or actually dealing with the crisis at that second, (IE car crash, or some one is in front of you bleeding) you can make a ten second phone call. I have NEVER just not shown up. I have even called on the way rushing to the hospital because my grandfather was dying. I was supposed to meet some friends and they were waiting on me, I wasn't about to let them wait and worry.

The end result is, if I am not somewhere I am supposed to be, people will know something has gone terribly wrong, and probably panic.

I think the mother was rude and I wonder what "sick" really means here. Was she ill or something else? If she could text you that they were on the way, they could also have texted you that something came up.

Teaching moment.

How you react will set the foundation for how your daughter reacts to future rejections.

You can teach her that texting when late/cancelling is the right thing to do.

You can also teach her that not everyone will be polite, but her reaction is within her control.

You can teach her to let it roll off her back - or you can teach her to hold a grudge.

Best of luck! :)

Seriously rude! Who stands up an 11-year-old? Yuck!

Wow, more strange than rude I would say.
I am 43 years old, and my kids are 18, 16 and 12 and nothing like this has EVER happened.
I can imagine how disappointed your daughter must have been!
I would call the mom and check in. Not a "how dare you stand my daughter up" call but a "we were waiting for you for thirty minutes at the theater, I hope nothing bad happened, is everything all right, was I wrong about the time" call.
As far as your daughter asking her friend, never take a child's word, especially second or third hand, TALK to the mom personally. You will know soon enough if this is a relationship you want to encourage and/or pursue.

That so stinks for your daughter! I hope that the two do get a chance to see it again another time. Hopefully the girls will get through this.

If I was the mom with a sick child and had to turn around. I would make every attempt to communicate with the people I was trying to meet up with. If I couldn't get a hold of them, I would do my best to try again later.

Yes, that was rude... she could have easily called and let you all know. I would have stayed at the theater and watched the movie with your daughter. Since you didn't, then take her later.

I once had a sleepover with 2 girlfriends. I made the food, desserts, had it all planned out, cleaned the entire house, even declined an invite to another outing. I waited all night and they never showed up, but went to the mall together instead. Some people (and their mothers) are just so rude.

That is extremely rude. If she could call to say she was on the way, she could call to let you know the kid was sick and they wouldn't be able to make it. I'd be hesitant to make plans like this with them again.

Oh that is just heartbreaking. It's moments like those that you just cringe and want to protect your child from all the hurt in the world! I'm glad your daughter seemed to pull through and I'm glad she confronted the girl at school and at least asked what happened. I do agree however to probably not plan on too much in the future or at least go into knowing it might not play out. Too bad you had your little one with you and couldn't see the movie. I know she probably would have rather seen it with her friend, but at least she could have seen it first right?! Just kidding, that's just my spitefulness coming out! ;)

I'd try to cool down, first. There is every possibility that after the phone call she made to your phone, hers died. It has happened to me -- phone death at a critical moment, and no time to recharge before having to be somewhere vital. Or she rushed into the house to see her sick kid and totally forgot that the phone was in the car and not with her -- after all, you left your own phone in the car, so you know that it does happen.

I agree that she should have called you en route to her home, to say they would not turn up. That was lax -- but possibly understandable if the other child was really sick. So unless you know for sure what happened, please consider cutting her some slack, and think about how you might react in the same situation, especially if you had no idea whether your child was a little sick or instead might really, really need you immediately -- and you're not home. I know most of us would say "I'd at least make a quick call" but that's easily said when we're not the one frantically driving home trying not to hit another car as we wonder how ill our child is.

So...she should have called again, yes, but she probably is pretty mortified that she didn't. If the child is OK now, it would be nice if she called to apologize and say "let's try again." But those are all "shoulds" and "it would be nice" situations. Unless you know just what happened, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt here. In fact, if she's your daughter's good friend' s mom, why not call her to ask how her child is doing? It would be the big thing to do.

And as another poster noted, why didn't you take your daughter to see the movie then and there without them? That at least would have distracted her from her disappointment for a while.

That was BEYOND rude! But the good news is now you know how disrespectful they are so you don't have to plan anything with them in the future! Good luck!

I would wait to judge until you find out what happened - it could have been something serious.

The best way to handle it is to say "wow, well I hope the sister is okay..." Then mention "I wish she would have called us to let us know, but she was probably so concerned about her sick daughter she just forgot."
The curious part is why didnt your daughters friend call your daughter? She is 11 after all and it seems like she would have been disappointed enough to want to explain things to her friend.

That is soooo freakin rude and strange and super annoying I'm getting upset just reading this! What a B*tch!!! It'd only take 2 seconds to inform you what's going on. That is probably a load of bull that the sister was sick. Honestly it sounds like something or someone better came up and they just changed plans and didn't know what to say.
I would confront this mother. I would let her know exactly how rude she was and that it doesn't make any sense whatsoever that she couldn't call or text to let you know they couldn't come. Wow that's all they could come up with?? The sister was sick so they went back home? What a joke. She should be held accountable so she thinks twice before she does this to someone else's poor daughter.
Normal people just don't do things like this, they call and apologize and make the excuse sound realistic no matter what the reason is.

I've had friends like this. I still do. I accept that they are lacking in the responsibility department and only make plans to get together with them when there is a group. If they cancel at the last minute (about 50/50 chance) then the rest of us still go and they miss out.

It's sad when my kids are affected. They have friends with parents like this. My boys' friends are responsible and will call to cancel. The problem is their parents will make them cancel at the last minute if the parents decide they want to do something else. Not the kids fault. So we only make last minute plans with these folks. Last minute like, are you free right now, oh good, wanna get together at your house or mine? And I know I will probably have to do all the chauffering because the other parents are "busy". It's inconvenient but my boys and their friends shouldn't have to suffer because their parents are irresponsible.

That is totally rude! Why didn't the mother say that in her VM? Why say they are on the way when they aren't! I can imagine how heartbroken and disappointed your daughter was.

A hard life lesson - People cannot be counted on!

If your girl was so upset, why didn't you just take her to the movie yourself and let the other party deal with their own business. They were flakey for their reasons...you were flakey for leaving your phone in the car. No one is perfect, but you perhaps, could have saved your daughter a little disappointment by watching the movie with her.

Wow! I have a 10 year-old daughter and she would have been broken hearted if her friend stood her up. That was incredibly rude of her mother not to call you; on this time and age it is almost impossible to NOT communicate with someone. Cellphones, facebook, twitter, etc etc. Why didn't she have the decency to make a 20 second call???
I wouldn't make plans with her again...ever

What goes around ...

I cannot stomach standing someone up--at any age!

Sorry to hear that. Don't understand why it is hard for people to just be upfront about it! Hope it did not damage your friendship with this girls mom. ( or civil friendship)