How Much to Tell 4 Year Old About a D & C

My heart goes out to you DJ,
I know this is hard for you and your husband on many levels, and you are in my prayers. As for your little 4 year old, I think you should tell him the truth. That you are going to the hospital to have a procedure done so that some day he'll have a little sister or brother. Tell him you may be sick from the procedure but you'll be fine in a few days. Let him know you may also be a little sad, but let him know how much you LOVE him. If you want to go a little further and let him know what's going on with you a friend of mine had the same thing happen, and the doctor said it's like all the lights are on in the house but no one is there. Then you can add that one day his little sister or brother will be in the house. Kids are so smart, they don't need all the details, they do need to know how important they are. They need to know that their mommy and daddy is okay, because they do worry about us too.
May God Bless your family and give you the peace that passes all understanding, the trials we go through make us stronger and God has a plan for your life and your family. Lean on him!
God Bless You!

Honestly, I would not tell him much. I would let him know that you have been sick, and that you will be going to the special doctor that works at the hospital tomorrow. His job is to try to make you better. You may still feel bad for a few days after that, so you need his special help, but that you will be well in a few days. You and daddy will let him know when there is a baby coming, and you are just thrilled that he is ready to be a big brother. Then, leave it at that. Get some movies from blockbuster, and maybe some special snacks for him, and let this be a nice time for you two to lay around and spend some time together. I truly would not mention the pregnancy at all. I am sorry for your struggles, and wish you well in your recovery!! ~A.~

My heart goes out to you right now. I went through this same thing back in August. I have two boys - 3 & 6 and we had told them I was pregnant. We had to tell them otherwise, they didn't understand why I wouldn't get on the trampoline and ride rides with them at Six Flags. Anyway, we told the boys that the baby had died and was going in heaven to be with Papa (their great grandpa) and Petey (our bird that had just died a couple weeks before) but would be watching out for them and we'll meet her or him when we go to heaven some day. Mommy was sad just like we were at Papa's funeral. My oldest cried but was very loving to me, and my youngest who was almost 4 gave me lots of hugs too. We still talk about her occasionally and about how she's in heaven now and someday maybe we will have another brother or sister, but it's up to God. Honestly, I find nothing wrong with levelling with a 4 year old. YOur emotions are going to be all over the place, and a 4 year old can be very empathetic. After the D&C, we went and got a new bird to focus on the new life instead of focusing on the other. It helped the kids a lot.

I agree with Amber, do not tell him about the lost "baby sister". He does not need to know. When it is time and things are right with the new addition coming then tell him. Just let him know that you are not feeling well and that the doctor is going to help make you better and that you need his help for a couple of days taking care of you (like bringing a tissue box or something). The movies and quiet together time sounds good. Have a happy holiday season and enjoy what you have to the fullest. The other S.

Edited: A four year old cannot relate to what is going on and it should not concern him/her. Young children don't always need to know everything that goes on in the house. Telling them things that happen between mom and dad puts them in the middle and then they feel like it is their fault something happened. They grow up quick enough.

I'm so sorry for you. I have to say that if he didn't even know about the pregnancy, that you shouldn't mention anything at all about the complications or D&C. I don't see anything positive that can come from that -- most especially when he didn't know about it anyway. I wish you all the luck and pray that you have a healthy conception and pregnancy when you begin trying again. I know it must be hard, and I truly am sorry for your loss.

DJ,

First off, I'm sorry for your loss. My hubby is a nurse and I can relate to how tough it is to go through what you are right now. As for your son, I would just tell him when you are being dropped off at the hospital that sometimes it takes a lot of work to help mommies have babies and you are going to the doctor to get some help so that he can have a brother or sister sometime soon...he doesn't need to know the details...good luck!