My 7 year old son has been asking a lot of questions lately about babies and where they come from. He knows that the baby grows in the mommy's tummy. We have a neighbor that is expecting a new baby any day. But now he is asking how did the baby get there and how does the doctor take the baby out. At this point I have told him that when a mommy and daddy love each other God will bless them with a baby sometimes. He knows the mommy goes to the hospital but as far as how the baby comes, I just told him we would explain when he was older. (He actually accepted that but still bugs me about it.) I don't want to give him too much information so I wanted to hear from other moms on what you have told your children. Also are there any good books that will help for this age group?
Thanks Moms!
Reba :0)
Thanks for all the advice. No I'm not worried about where these questions are coming from as my son is naturally curious about everything. At his age this is just another subject like why is the sky blue.
We also are firm believers in telling our son the truth. We have never referred to body parts by nicknames or made up names only by their actual names. So I have decided to go find some books, and next time he asks I will answer to the best of my ability but only give him enough info to answer the question.
Thanks again!!
One note about using correct terms and medical terminology, I don't think parents give their kids enough credit. Every child is different and you would tailor the information given based on the individual childs needs. My son has been reading since he was 4, and is excited to learn new things. At age 3, which is the normal age that most kids become very curious about their body parts my son knew his clavical and his pitella, and wasn't confused at all. My son now at 7 reads at about a 3rd grade level, so I'm not worried about confusing him with terminology.
I hope that we continue to have open communication like some of you other moms!!
I have always thought that if my kids were old enough toa sk, they were old enough to e answered. It has worked well. They all come to me with all kinds of questions - some I'd rather NOT answer but i do. I try not to give to much info as to not confuse them but do answer whatever they ask. hth
We do the answer-the-questions-as-they-come type of thing. I don't agree with telling too much, but if they are asking questions and want to know, if you're comfortable with it, it wouldn't do any harm to tell him. Birth is a very natural process. You could tell him that the baby comes out of the birth canal or sometimes they have to cut the mom open and take the baby out if things go wrong. Then if he asks more questions, I'd probably tell him. But I would under-explain, just in case he's not wanting to hear the answer you think he's asking. If that made sense...like if a child says, "how do babies get in mommy's stomach" I wouldn't immediately assume they want to learn about the birds and the bees. I'd do like you did and explain how mommy and daddy love each other, etc. You can do the same with how the baby comes out and then continue answering any more questions he asks. I don't think you could tell him too much - even if he learned everything about how a baby comes out. Hope I made sense. I'm being slightly distracted!
I told my 7 year old the same thing you did except when he asked how I had the baby, I told him Out of my private area. That God made girls different than boys and he made us so that we could have babies. He said ok. I said Remember Eve in Adam and eve. I asked if he had anymore questions and he said "not yet". I then told him if he comes up with any more questions come talk to me or daddy and we will answer them so that he can understand. I also told him that it is not appropriate for him to discuss with his friends.
I personally think that this is a trust issue with kids. IMHO it is better to hear it all from you at age seven than from the older kid on the bus. Someone told me a lie about it that I believed until I was 14! My parents never said a word to me. SOOO I learned never to ask them a question. I had no trust in them. So where did I get my answers?
If you don't tell your kids what they want to know, they might go somewhere like YAHOO ANSWERS and see some of the horror there. Do it sometime. See what kids are asking and the trash people are telling them. Information is SAFE if it comes from you. And it opens the door to have conversations about safety and morality and self respect. Neither the kids on the bus or the predators on the internet will arm them with that.
Someday they might have a need to talk to you about something that you'd rather not talk about but you'll be glad that you've set the stage for them to trust you enough to ask. That is worth some discomfort.
Good luck.
THE TRUTH WILL NOT FRIGHTEN HIM FOR LIFE!!!!!! Kids at school talk. The information should come from mom, not some other 7 year old that has a 14 year old brother that told them everything!!!!!
What fun!! I remember when this first came up at our house, I was a nervous wreck!!
I've always been a big fan of answering their questions honestly. At 7, the fact that he is still bugging you might be because he knows he's not getting the full meal deal from you. I don't think we should tell them anymore than what they are asking, but at this point, you might need to go ahead and tell him the truth. But only to the questions he has asked! I'll tell you this, I can almost guarantee you he has heard things at school. Kids talk, and it's amazing how much they know early on these days!!
My daughter is now ten, and at about 8 she was asking me a lot of questions. And the "nice" little kiddo version wasn't cutting it anymore. She kept pressing. So, I just told her matter of factly. She handled it well, and we all survived!! (even Mom!) I don't think I am making her "grow up" too fast. She know what I think about sex. That God created it so that husbands and wives could make babies. That it is natural and healthy, when between two married people. You don't have to be explicit and gross to tell the truth, either.
Good luck!!
April
I am no where near crossing this bridge so I'm not really a good person to answer this question. However I have taught in public school and yes you would be shocked by what kids know at young ages. I think I would start with a few questions of my own. Find out what he knows. Ask him where he thinks babies come from and how they get in there and out. You may find that he just wants your confirmation on what he thinks or that he thinks babies come from eating fish. Also books are a great way to open up discussions about lots of things and there are a lot of age appropriate books avaliable. Don't put off the discussion if he is asking there is a reason. I agree with some of the other responses that said if you aren't answering his questions then he'll find an answer somewhere eles.
I am right there with you. My 6 year old daughter is very curious and started asking questions when she was four. I have told her that God puts the baby in the Mama’s tummy. And she knows how the baby comes out, both ways. I have not told her about intercourse yet. But I am planning to this summer before she turns seven, unless she asks again before then. When she was five she over heard me tell someone that we trying to have another baby. “Mama, how are you trying? What are you doing?” I told her that we were praying for another baby. I felt like I coped out. She probably would have handled it fine but I wasn’t ready.
My real concern is that she hears it from me because most 8 and 9 year olds know. I heard some kids at the park 3 summers ago talking about lesbianism. They were 8 and 9 years old. Talk about a wake up call.
I heard a local speaker at our church named Mary Flo Ridley talk about "talking with your children about sex" and she was absolutely wonderful. You can hear a piece of her CD presentation on the website she's affiliated with at http://www.justsayyes.org. She believes that if a child is asking questions then he/she is ready to receive the answers and they need to be truthful answers. Of course be careful not to give more information than they are asking. For example, if a child says, "mommy where do babies come from?" they may be completely satisfied with from their mother's bellies. If they are ready to hear more than that then they'll ask. Mary Flo suggests when talking about mommies and daddies having sex I like the way she explains it. "God made mommies and daddies bodies to fit together in a very special way."
Mary Flo believes that being honest and up front with our kids when they are ready to receive the information will help them to be more open to these types of conversations as they mature and will eventually need more detailed information.
There are books on it. Age-appropriate books. Go to Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com
I wish I knew what to tell you. I was trying to think of what I'd say, but I can't come up with anything good.
When I was pregnant with my youngest my kids all wanted to know how the baby was coming out. Mine were 6, 5, and 4 when the baby was born. I just asked them if they have ever have to push to go "stinky" (have a BM). They said yes. I said "Well, the baby is going to decide when it's time to come out, and I'm going to go to the hospital and push and the baby's going to come out kind of like that."
They totally got it. There was a couple of days when the kids would tell someone that the baby was going to come out my butt when I went to the potty, so we did have to tell them that they don't need to tell everyone where babies come from. But that seemed to answer their questions, and so far they haven't asked for any more explanation. (They're now 10, 9, 8, and 4!)
In response to other posters** It's all a matter of our opinions, but why would a SEVEN year old be hearing anything of this nature on the bus? If any other SEVEN year olds are talking aobut intercourse and vaginal delivery there is a problem there. I'm not sayimg wait until the kid's 15 for a lesson in birds and bee's. I'm just saying when a little SEVEN year old asks where babies come from and how doe they get out, why do you need to sit them down and start explaining the whole detailed story? I don't know, my son is going on 7 and I couldn't imagine telling him anything in that nature. Now, my 11 year old daughter, yes-but not my 6-7 year old who still watched Nick Jr.
IMO the more you keep talking, the more they'll keep asking. When my kids ask I keep it simple: "mommy and daddy or that mommy and daddy, etc. wanted a baby and I personally say 'so they prayed to Jesus' and she got one in her tummy and when it's big enough and healthy enough, the Dr. will take it out. Period. Nothing there is a lie. And, there's no need to go into the actual intercourse description nor frighten the child for life going into the whole vaginal delivery thing. My little one's think the Dr. just takes it out of the mom's tummy, and it's no big deal right now for them to think otherwise, sometimes babies do come out that way. Sometimes I think one of the biggest problems now a-days, is that parent's tell their young children TOO MUCH, then a few years down the line they whine about their children growing up too fast! What you've told your child is fine, and should be plenty.
Sometimes I think that as parents we over think things. You don't need to give explicit details. I wouldn't lie, but let's be real - I thought my husband was going to puke when we took child birth classes! Remember, just talk in age appropriate terms.
Hi Rebecca,
I agree with Connie A. I think telling a 7 year old about sex, conception and vaginal chid birth is WAY too much. I honestly cant imagine my 6 year old asking me so many questions about this, I would frankly be concerned that someone has been saying things around her she should not hear? She has asked how a baby can fit in mommies tummy but this is natural, she remembers me pregnant with her brother. I am all for honesty and instructing children at home about these matters but at the appropriate age and well, I just dont think its 7, in my opinion this is a good conversation for a 12-13 year old. There is a reason why kids are now on birth control at 13. We have allowed it. If I was in this situation I would be firm and let my child know that as she gets older, she will understand more about this topic and carefully monitor where all these questions are comming from. Good luck.
