How Much Prep

Updated on June 13, 2013
M.L. asks from Conneaut, OH
27 answers

I just realized that when i take my kids places, I run through expectations with them and a brief agenda as i know it.

Like drama camp for instance, in the car on the way over, i tell them camp starts at 9 my guess is registration will take about 30 mins so you'll probably get started more at 9:30. you have your water bottle if you need it, and here is your lunch my guess is you'll eat a little later than you did during the school year. when we get there I'll go with you to turn in your registration and I'll make sure we find the bathroom then i'll leave and take your sister to where ever and i'll be back when it's over at 2 pm, I"ll meet you right in the lobby, i might even come a few mins early and watch the last 10 mins, but if for some reason i'm late, stay with the director she will have all the contact info and can give you a phone to call me just as a back up. Have fun, I know James and Henry will be there too so make sure you guys don't goof around too much.

But then i realized there were "parents" on their cell phones that pretty much just turned their kids loose, toss the registration form at the director really quick and didn't even wave good bye to their kids.

so maybe they already went over everything? or am i a nut job for wanting to be clear and make sure my kid knows the plan. It's kind of like my way of connecting with him.

He is 10.

Do i need to stop this?

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

"parents" as in nanny,babysitter, grandparents, teen/adult siblings, people I assume are acting in a parenting capacity but who knows. I'm finding that as more and more people work full time the people i see iwth the kids aren't necessarily there parents.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I see no problem with what you are doing.
Initially I did it to prepare my son.
He's 14 now and doesn't need it anymore.
But I still do it.
Not for his benefit but because running through things out loud organizes my thoughts and mine are getting more disorganized the older I get.

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

I pretty much did the same thing . . . I'm trying to NOT do it now but my youngest is 16 so I'd say it's time. :P

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Depends on the kid and the situation. You might also start asking him if he knows the drill about things like what to do if you are not there. If he knows, then you can stop reminding him.

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O.O.

answers from Kansas City on

I don't just put my 10 year old in the car, drive him somewhere & dump him off. He knows where he's going & for what.
Maybe the other "parents" already did their prep before they left the house or in the car?
Finding a bathroom? Pretty sure my kid could find O. or ask, if needed.
Emergency contact info? Usually on the registration form, right?

A brief overview is all that's needed.

Approx 50% of mothers work. I see as many cavalier SAHMs as WMs. Don't see any connection.

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A.R.

answers from Dallas on

Ditto JB, the "parents" comment is really condescending. My kids are 9 & 11. They are currently at college for kids at a local college campus. I was one of those who threw the door open and hollered Have Fun! as I tossed them out of the car. It's their 3rd year, they know the drill. I also expect them to listen to the instructors and people at orientation who told them what to do if they are lost/scared/hurt/etc. I trust them to have listened so they know what to do and am confident they did or at the least will be able to figure it out on their own (not rocket science to find a volunteer with an orange STAFF shirt on).

I figure if I don't give them gradually increasing levels of responsibility now I'll be back on here in 6 - 8 years complaining about my twenty year old who doesn't know how to do his own laundry and can't manage a checking account.

ETA: Saw your SWH, ok, the quotes make more sense now. The whole tone of your post is still a little judgmental, but not condescending. To each his own; my kids would rebel if I gave them that level of prep but if it works for you great.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

Some kids need parents to go over stuff with them, others don't. My ten year old is pretty self sufficient. He knows where his lunch and water bottle are because he packed them. He has already read the rules and itinerary, so he knows what to expect. He knows what to do if I am late picking him up, regardless of where he is. He doesn't need me to show him where the washroom is. If I am dropping him off at a camp all I need to do is let him out of the car and say "Have fun!" There is nothing wrong with what you are doing if your child needs this, but it wouldn't hurt to foster some independence either. He is ten, not six.

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S.E.

answers from Wichita Falls on

It depends on the child. Does he need the routine explained? If not, then I would start abbreviating listing out the schedule. There are other ways to connect with your child. I spend the ride to school (or camp, or games, etc) letting them tell me about what they plan to do. I get to hear a lot from their point of view instead of the other way around.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Sure, I go over the basic "I'll meet you at X location when camp's over, don't forget to put on your sunscreen" kind of stuff, but unless it's a particularly complex event, OR if my kid's nervous for some reason I leave it at that. I mean, they've been going to preschool, real school and various activities for years so they know the drill. If I didn't show up for some reason they would know they were okay with the adults in charge, and they know they would be taken care of.
I can say for SURE if I gave my kids as much information about what to do and where I would be as you do at the age of 10 they would probably get highly annoyed and just say "okay mom, okay, I KNOW, I'm not an idiot" LOL!
Honestly, unless your child has never done a day camp before that sounds like overkill to me.
But I do always say good bye and have a great day :-)

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

Sounds a like a little bit of overkill for a 10 year old, but if this routine works for you, who cares? I wouldn't feel compelled to tell my child about their water bottle and lunch, and wouldn't find the bathroom either.

Perhaps the other kids have done this camp before and know the drill? Perhaps they went over this in the car? In any case, you do what works for you and your kids and they do what works for theirs.

By the way, the "parents" in quotations clearly sends the "I really think I'm better than these people and am just seeking validation that I am a more conscientious and therefore better parent" message.

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C.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

I "prep" my kids whenever they are going to a new situation.

Like when dropping off at school I always say bye to them and tell them I love them. Also usually tell them what we'll be doing/eating after school. When I pick them up I ask about their day and tell them about my day.

If taking them somewhere where I know I have to fill out forms I warn them about it or if something will take long I warn them too. Also many reminders about things too.

My kids are 6 & 9 and I hope to always be like this. To me this is open communication as well as making them comfortable in new situations. So don't stop!

Usually as in first day of school I will ask if they want me to go in with them. My oldest usually says no but my youngest will usually say yes. New situation I always go with them, if they've done it before I ask them but usually go in just to make sure everything is in order.

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D..

answers from Miami on

Please don't stop. This is your personality, giving your kids the understanding that there is a schedule to their day. It will help them when they get to be older teens and have to learn to do this stuff on their own.

In this particular interest, you are helping the camp. Really, they need parents like you to help them out! Those moms on their cell phones who don't help? They will be the first ones to holler when something goes wrong (something that is actually their own fault because they didn't do something right...)

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M.S.

answers from Salinas on

I think it's overkill and I doubt he is actually listening to half of it. Of course you want to communicate basics, but he will figure out the rest as it comes and he will be ok. Kids are adaptable and resilient. He is old enough to learn as he goes. As long as you trust the place and people you are leaving him with and he some basic knowledge of what to do if he gets separated from the group, where to wait for you etc. Also, you may want to go over some things in casual conversation a few days ahead instead of cramming it into the car ride over.

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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

I'm in your club. We go over everything...the what and why's. In my mind, I am teaching them my thought process so they can learn how to prep themselves when they get older.

I hope the approach is a success!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Oh don't worry.
If you need to stop that, your 10 year old will tell you.
But please don't worry.
You are a Mom. Don't have to feel awkward about how you "prep" your kid.

My daughter is 10.
She thinks like me.
But I still "prep" her if it is somewhere she's never been, nor I.
But she also knows how to speak up etc.

But hey, don't worry about your doing this.
Sure, some parents just let their kids loose.
So what. You aren't them.
They aren't you.
Tossing a registration at the Director is real rude anyway.
Kids observe things like that too.
Even my daughter will say how some parents have no manners and they don't even follow directions.

You're okay.
Don't worry.
Each kid is different.
You know your kid.
Fine.
And as you said, this is kinda like your way of "connecting" with him.
Don't feel bad about it.

But YES, as kids get older, and they are at venues for kids, then there WILL be other adults with them, that are NOT their parents. These adults are the groups/organizations, "Leaders" or supervisors etc.
This is normal. It doesn't matter if a parent is working full time or is a SAHM.

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A.C.

answers from Huntington on

If it works for you both, why stop?
I don't explain things to the degree you described (I do think my kids would tune out after more than 3 instructions). However, like one other responder said, saying things out loud is a great way for me to commit ideas to memory. So telling the kids in the car what our plans are is a way to cement the schedule into my head. This way I forget less and feel more prepared.
I am also the type that has to "plan", I do not fly by the seat of my pants. I have a detailed to-do list each day and that is the way I feel in control and make sure things get done in a timely manner. Most of my friends do not do this. I think I am just more anxious and have more of a need for control than my friends do, though.
I can think, though, that the parents that turn the kids loose without instructions may end up with the benefit of kids who are less reliant on parents and figure things out for themselves, which is a good thing. But so is showing concern for your kid's needs and making sure they are all set. And yes, perhaps they talked about all these things in the car. That is what I tend to do...get all the details worked out and discussed before we get there.

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H.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I do the same thing. Usually my son wants to know what to expect so I try to give him as much info as I know. I also double check with staff as to drop off pick up points, etc. and always reiterate to my son he is not to leave with anyone but me or his dad. No biggie. I don't find it weird or overbearing.

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

At 10, he's fully able to be dropped off with minimal instruction. Let the people at camp take over.

Our 10-year-old has ADHD and even I just give him a brief overview the night before for camp. He's fully capable of finding the bathroom or asking someone where to find it. In fact, it's good for him to navigate it all himself.

There really isn't a plan with camp. You drop off, they have fun, you pick up. Let him figure out all of the rest. There are adults there to help him when he needs it. He's been in school many years already, so this isn't a huge change for him.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

My boys are 10 and 13. When it is a new camp - I talk with them and tell them about the schedule, when to expect me, etc.

If it's a camp we have been to before? We have a "once over" and we walk in together. I do NOT just drop them at the door and leave. My cell phone is in my car and not in there with me.

You are SSSOOO NOT a nut job for setting expectations and letting your kids know when to expect you! DO NOT stop doing this. Setting expectations and keeping the lines of communication open is the way to go!!!

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Do what works for you. You are not that other parent and your son is not that other kid. If it works, keep doing it.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You must like to have your total day planned out in a day planner. This just seems to be how you like your time organized. It's not a bad thing.

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J.B.

answers from Houston on

You're doing what I do. I want to make sure as much as possible that the kids walk into 'whatever' having some sense of what to expect.
In any situation there will be plenty for them to figure out on their own.
So no, don't stop it.

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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

I probably look like one of those parents that are just turning their kids loose and leaving. However, they are prepped in the car on the way there. Not in as much detail, but -"Here's your water bottle. Here's your lunch. I will be there to pick you up at 3pm. If perchance I'm late, stay with your coach/teacher and I will be there soon. Do you remember my phone number? Know your address? Please remember to behave - if I get any negative behavior reports, you will be in a world of trouble". I assume they can find a bathroom on their own or ask someone. But again, that all happens in the car or even before we get in the car. By the time I'm at a location, I'm dropping and running to take care of one of the 200 other things I have to do that day.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

Nope - keep on doing what you are doing. It will make him a better man.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I still do this. My sons are twenty eight and one is almost twenty three. The older one has a wife. I am sure after watching her that she will not do this and I will do this forever. After living away my younger son moved back and is in college and working. I ask him if he has gas. I ask him if he registered or dropped a class. And I am thrilled if he remembers on his own. His friends James and Bill will be there. He will be fine. I do not meet him anywhere unless he is in a show so he knows I went. He is in college after all. One day, There might even be a girl for him there. Maybe he'll find one that is more like my other son's wife. She even tied up our puppy when he was annoying us outside. To a fence. We went and snuggled it after they left. Ok, the dog was kind of annoying but well, that's the way it is. We are all different. I followed my older son's bus in the car on the first way to kindergarten and he is now living across the country. But I bet he'll be watching his first little one if they have one the first time he goes somewhere special. And maybe won't remember why. And if anything ever happens to our little ones we will blame ourselves, our cell phones or for not being protective enough. That's what being a parent is about.

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H.G.

answers from Lancaster on

I believe in explaining things to a degree. This may be a little too much explaining in my opinion. The only problem I see is that as life goes on for your children, other people who are in charge of them when you're not there will not be explaining things in such detail so your children may feel like they don't know what to do. I usually limit my explanations to safety stuff - if you don't feel well, there will be a nurse, you can call me by asking a staff person, etc. Make sure you listen and pay attention, etc.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I do a simple review with my son when we go out places. Before the zoo, we talk about what to do if he gets separated from me. He'll go to a soccer camp this summer and I will likely prep him with just the simple stuff-- what's going to happen, that I'll stay until he is settled and with a teacher, what the expectations are. I've been very clear with him in the past that the grown-ups share information and that they'll call if they think I need to come and that he'll be fine as long as he stays with the group.

I try not to talk too much about "if I'm late" as I think it only serves to make him more anxious. I'm rarely late, and I try to really give him the message that he can depend on the camp counselors.

It's our habit to connect before I leave if I'm dropping him off and to wish him a fun time. He's six right now. We'll see what he does well with when he gets older.

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G.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hahaha! Some "parents" sure do "wear their heart on their sleeve". ;)

I think you're doing just fine!

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