How Much Is Too Much?

Unfortunately, I have no advice, but wanted to let you know you are not alone. In my case, however, they are always wanting to come to my house and they are not that close in age or relationship. I look forward to hearing what other parents have to say. With summer just around the corner, I'm sure lots of parents are trying to balance their children's time appropriately.

My son is 10 and a friend is 6 or 7. This friend will want my son to come over everyday at whatever time. He even tells my son what to do. One day he told my son-after I said playtime was up-that now it was time to go to his house because he said so. Another time he called at 8:45 and told my son to come over. I know he thinks I am mean. It doesn't matter. If there were other boys in the area, I would definitely encourage my son to play there instead sometimes. I also sometimes say that they ca nonly play in our yard so that my son is not ALWAYS at the other house. One thing that has happened is that this boy's parents sent my son home one day because they thought they played too much together. It is great to have a close friend but kids need more than one. I think you are doing fine. Encourage your son to play with others as well if they are available.

I wouldn't worry too much about this. When your neighbor's son comes over, it's your call whether you let your son play with him or not.

My daughters will ask their friends in the neighborhood if they can come out and play, sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes the answer is no. At no time ever, have any of my daughters claimed that a mom or dad was "mean" for saying no. I've had to turn kids away for various reasons, which I don't feel I have to explain to anyone. Neither should you.

G.-

I have the same thing going on with my neighbor's child. Everytime we go outside (Even if I'm just grilling) she yells over the fence or my son yells over to her (They live in my backyard) Can so and so come over or can I come over there. It is everyday!!!! It drives me nuts! So what I chose to do is call the mom and tell her my concerns. I explained to her that I feel horrible telling her child that she cannot play with my son but there are times when I come home from work and I would like to spend time with my son and my husband alone in our yard. I also told her that my son was not allowed to shout over the fence anymore and I told him that he is to ask me first and that if it's okay with me I will call the mom and see if it's okay with her. She agreed and said that she would also speak with her child.

So far so good...

Good Luck to you-

That is a hard one, if your backyards are attached, but if not just say, "Thanks for asking Tommy to play, but right now we are having family time and he is going to stay here with me. But, thanks for checking." And then close the door and play indoors until he leaves then go into your backyard and have fun with your own child.

Also, encourage your son to invite a friend from school for an after-school playdate. Then, when the little neighbor asks to play you can explain, "Tommy has Jimmy over right now and they are having a special visit together. But he can play on Friday." He has to learn that you are not being mean. You are a nice lady who also likes to spend time with your son. You could say, "Tommy was in school all day and I missed him and now are are catching up."

I'd say that playing together every other day, or every third day, is probably the "norm" in my experience, but we don't live in a subdivision with lots of kids. Good luck!

Now that summer vacation has begun for many people, this concern may just resolve itself. I would definitely try to (somewhat) alternate homes and I would also encourage your son to make other friends, as well, especially since he has others in the subdivision who are available. Get your son into the "call first" policy too. At that age, my children did call their friends, even though they were just across the street and next door. Now that my kid's are older, they just go from house to house but they need to keep me posted on where to find them, otherwise they are in trouble.

Your son is still very young and I think that many kids at that age do have a tendency to have that "one friend" who is special. Unfortunately, at some point, one of them will branch off and the other will get their feelings hurt because the other is leaving them out or one is feeling a bit smothered or controlled. They are just learning the fundamentals of friendships. At that age, I often found that there were those "friends" who only wanted to play at their homes - either because of comfort or they had toys that were bigger and more luring. Do your best to keep that balance of having fun things to play with, without trying to "keep up with the Jone's". That becomes a bad precedence to set. I see it all the time, where I live - I've always done my best not to play that game. Yet, I still have my children's friends who enjoy coming to our home, even though we don't have the biggest and best toys!

Get your son involved in other programs, as well. Library programs are usually free and it keeps him reading through the summer. Park district programs sometimes are a nominal fee and, perhaps, through your park district, they may offer a "picnic in the park" type program.

Also, don't forget about some old "school pals" that your son had. Those moms may be grateful when you call to invite them over, especially by July, when kids start looking for new faces to play with.

Good luck.