I'm just curious. I had a friend whose teenagers knew when their parents made love, and the family was open to talk about it in a "light" sort of way. They were on such comfortable terms that they made comments like, "mom and dad are going to make love tonight, so make sure no friends come over", or they'd talk about how wonderful of a sex life they have (while teaching to their kids that sex is much better when married)...etc THIS ABOVE SITUATION, ISN'T MY FAMILY, SO DON'T RESPOND AS IF IT WAS!
My own kids, all girls, (7,6,4,2) know very well that M. and daddy take showers together. We also hug and kiss and cuddle in front of them all the time... that's all.
What do your kids know?
I really agree with what Amy B. has to say... and others.
I don't plan, either, on being open to my own kids about our sex life. You are right when you say that those details are private. I do plan on being open to any questions they have or making sure I tell them what they need to know about sex as they get older-but just not our own sex details... I just thought I'd see if any parents out there were like my friend was...
I think it is important to be open with your affection with your spouse around your kids. I guess its normal that some kids find it "gross", but i wouldn't be OK with it if my kids had a problem with it. I'd defend it- saying that we love each other, and that is one way we want to express our love. I personally think its disrespectful when kids say "eww"... but that's just me.
nothing. my big boys have fits when my husband and i hug in front of them. they are 8 5 and 11 months. I personaly would never want to know anythiing about my parents sex life...gross.
My kids are still quite young so they don't know about anything much. My 5 year old remembers me being pregnant with his sister and knows that babies get genes from both parents but none of the mechanics. The kids have seen us hug or kiss in a very G rated way. When they are a bit older they will get more of the detail of how sex works but they don't need to have a calender or details about my sex life. I might talk about my personal sexual history to an adult child (such as college age or older) if there was a circumstance where it was relevant.
My mom was teaching a parenting class with a substantial sex education part starting when I was in college. We talk about sex often in a general way without getting into the personal details. I saw my mom buying birth control in the store when I was a teenager but nothing was said about it then. My mom did talk to both me and my sister about using birth control when we went off to college and were dating. She also talked about her values regarding sex quite a bit.
While I don't think it's necessary to tell kids everything (like when you plan to make love) I do think there's really something to kids seeing that physical intimacy (not just sex but hugs, kisses, cuddles, etc) can be a great part of marriage and it's a healthy expression of love and caring. I know that I want my kids to save themselves for their future spouse and I want that goal to seem worth it to them bc of the closeness they'll share with their husband/wife. If they see that marriage can be happy and pleasurable, they'll be motivated to approach theirs more positively and show affection to their spouse.
Conversely, if kids never see their parents interacting this way, or treating sex like a taboo subject, they'll go find out about it on their own, possibly in a much more risky or regrettable context.
Yeah...that just seems wrong on quite a few levels. I agree that it's great to show & express love and affection for your spouse in front of your kids but "we're making love tonight...."? Eew.
Holy moly really?? LOL that's just too much. Good for them but um, no, never ever in my house would that be a conversation. Just...no, never, way, way way TMI. Eek! Ack! Just the phrase "make love" weirds me out.
So to answer your question...NOTHING. And I hope to keep it that way!
We have 3 children and they know we love each other...we kiss hello and goodbye and at other times for no reason and hug each other in front of them. We are affectionate with them, too, but I think it is clear to them that we are affectionate with each other in a different way and I want them to know that. I think it is important for kids to know their parents love each other apart from them, not because of them but in a way special only to us. They will not be with us forever and will have to move on. Knowing that their parents are in love, I think, helps make all those kinds of transitions easier in the future. Plus, children shouldn't think the world revolves around them.
That said, our sex life is not their life. It is between us. They have walked in on us when they were younger but had no idea what was going on and were not permanently scarred by it (LOL). Now that two of mine are 12 years old and 10 years old, we are even more careful to not have that happen. As they learn more and more about sex they will know, obviously, that we had/have sex, but they do not need to know more than that. I don't think it is healthy for children to know that much about their parents. We have a life apart from them that just we two share. Yes, we work it around our children because they are the most important part of our life but still, we have something special between just us two and it should stay that way.
I want my children to view sex as something special just between them and their spouse; a special private gift that just the two of them will share. They see enough sex on t.v., shopping mall displays, billboards, etc.; never mind the music! Anyway, sexual intimacy should be held to a high esteem and should be treated with respect. Not thrown all over the place and open to everyone with everyone.
Okay...I think I will step off of my morality soapbox now;)
My kids know that their M. and daddy love each other. They know this because we verbally say it to each other and most importantly, treat each other with respect.
They do not know about our sex life. They do not need to know about it. I am not going to ask my 11 year old when he is going or if he is already matisbating. We have talked and will continue to talk to our children, as they reach fifth grade about sex in textbook terms but never as a porno with mom and dad with the starring roles.
My son is only 21 months old, but I can tell you we will NOT be like your friends. I don't feel anyone needs to know when my husband and I are intimate, but us. You can absolutely raise your children not being ashamed and embarrassed, without having your sex life on show. In fact, I think people are compensating for something else, when they need to constantly talk about their sex-life. Our intimate life is sacred to us and no-one else gets to enter that relationship. How can an intimate life even be intimate when you are so chatty about it?
(I meant you, in the general sense. I was not specifically saying you, M. B. Sorry, if it came across like that.)
I can't imagine telling them that we're "going to make love tonight." I feel like I'm a very open person, but not that open. My kids see us cuddle and kiss. They know we sleep together and my oldest knows that we made his little brother "with our love." In other words, we are affectionate with each other in front of them, but what happens behind closed doors is private in our family.
We ALWAYS hug and kiss, I lay on his lap and he strokes my hair or back, we hold hands all the time, stuff like that. They know we love each other and it's healthy for them to know we love each other and that the family is "safe" and happy. We're pretty matter of fact when children ask basic questions, because we want them to know correct information, and we don't want things to be "taboo" or whatever so that they're sneaking off trying to learn from places they shouldn't.
HOWEVER I think parents should remember children are children, not your friends. And even then, I don't tell my friends much either. Our private time is private. (Although once, my 4 year old was acting kind of frumpy at the breakfast table and said he didn't sleep well. I asked why, thinking he'd had a bad dream, but he said that daddy tickling me kept him awake. That's what he figured he'd heard because we have tickle wars with the kids sometimes. I just smiled and said "Oh, I'm sorry that bothered you. I'll talk to him about tickling me at a better time." That was when we were staying temporarily in an apartment.....it's ok now that we're in a house again).
My kids know about what your kids know...we shower together sometimes and are not shy about kissing (small smooches) and snuggling on the couch and that's about it.
I am a pretty open person but I don't think I would ever be comfortable talking to my kids about my sex life with their Dad...and I know for a fact that my hubby would NOT be comfortable with that, at all!
I think that's gross! I think it's wonderful and important to be affectionate in front of your children; for your children to hear you tell one another you love each other; and to be very open about sex, what it is, etc. with them -but your private life is supposed to be PRIVATE. Yes, kids can know their parents have sex, but to let them know when and all of that kind of makes me gag. Boundaries are good things!
My sister, brother and I firmly believed our parents had sex 3 times in their lives (there are 3 of us) and that was it. My DS is only 5 so he doesn't know much yet.
My boys are 8 and 5 and I have a 7 week old as well. My boys know that we have "mama/papa time" and not to bother us. But, really? THat only happened about 5-10 times. We make love at night usually. Or on the sly.
I think it's odd the friends that so openly talk about their love life. It's private. Yes, your kids know you have sex, but you certainly don't need to announce it. I remember feeling a bit queesy that my parents "did it" the 5 times they did (there are 5 kids) and prefer just to think they ONLY did it 5 times! LOL!
L.
(my kids have never even seen us shower together!! That's pretty bold in my book. :)
My kids know nothing, and I dont plan on ever telling them too much. But thats just me. I dont think there is anything wrong with being open about it though and letting your kids know its for married adults. Its just personal preference really. I dont think there is a wrong or right way to go about it.
My kids are 5 & 3 and are clueless. I am expecting #3 and was thinking my 5 year old would have questions about how the baby got in there but she was satisfied with the answer "God put the baby in my tummy" I know it will come up later but for now I am fine they are clueless. They do see us hug, kiss and snuggle and often try to be apart. We don't plan on sharing with them about our private sex life it is none of their business.
my son is 4 and he thinks it is silly when M. and daddy kiss because he thinks we are only supposed to kiss him ... the dog gets in the middle as well! I do not plan to hide things from him ... he has walked in on me and daddy in the shower together (2) and he was more concerned that we were standing in the tub because you do not stand in the bath tub!
Wow. I don't have teenagers but I know that I will NOT be talking about my intimate details as dinner table conversation :) My kids are little, so they really don't know much if anything about our intimate times. They see us hug and kiss and nude while in bed or shower etc, but nothing else. I will continue to be positive about body image etc, but when it comes to sex, i will emphasize sex is for people you love and hopefully marry.
M
My sisters friend knew when & how and what they used! Ew! TMI but they are still very open with her, shes now 22...she used to spend the night when they 'made love' as they would ask her to find somewhere to stay since they didnt want to have to mind her being there lol I knew nothing about my parents, thank God! Gross lol
right now, my daughter doesn't know much, and i don't think my fiance's sons know much either. they are 7, 4, and 2, the two year old being my daughter. The kids know we share a bed. my daughter knows i sometimes sleep naked, cause when its just her, and she screams at night i won't always take the time to get dressed before checking on her. all of the kids have seen us kiss and snuggle. I don't plan on hiding things from the kids if they ask. I believe in having an open conversation if they want to know. but i don't think it will be a thing that i will just announce to them. but they know when we are going to have time together. We normally have our time at night after the kids are in bed or we'll sneak off to our room and "talk". we are careful to make sure our toys get put up before the kids enter the room too. i think that would be a really awkward conversation when they are this young.
