How Much Alone Play Is Too much...toddler....

OMG. I have the reverse problem, kinda like Debi S. I am in the painful process of having to teach my 2.5 year old to play on her own and I don't even mean 20 minutes. I'm talking 10 minute intervals, even 5. I have reverse guilt.

I say, if he is playing on his own happily now, go with it. However, if he's just playing happily with electronics, I would try and mix it up a bit. He may come to you more , minsu the electronics.

My almost 3 year old plays by himself or with his sister about 95% of the time. I expect my kids to play by themselves starting immediately. I use a playpen when they are babies, so they are contained, and I do things like exercise, take my shower, etc.

How much is too much? I don't think they can play by themselves too much! This whole idea that you have to constantly be with your kid is destructive, if you ask me. My friends that always play with their kids (doing dishes and things when they are sleeping) have 5 year olds that can't play by themselves. It's amazing to me, since my 4.5 year old plays by herself or with her brother for most of the day. Teaching them how to be self-sufficient and to self-entertain at a young age is a good thing, if you ask me. I know that the trend nowadays is to be present every waking *(and even sleeping) moment, but I'm not convinced this is healthy for all the parties involved.

My kids are both very advanced for their age. I do talk to them all day long, and I am always available. But this does't mean I play with them all that often. We have our playtime together, and then the rest of the time they occupy themselves while I take care of my stuff. Right not, my almost 3 year old is doing his favorite thing: playing firemen. he prefers to be alone, while my 4.5 year old is reading to herself --as she has been doing for the last hour.

I don't feel guilty about this approach because my kids are healthy and happy.

If kids are playing alone because they are genuinely interested in what they are doing, don't feel guilty. Kids need to have time to explore without us right at their side. They need time to notice what *they* want to notice, and to have their own thoughts, even if it is something as simple as 'these blocks are the same size; this block is different". I believe that, unless we park them in front of the tv, kids are learning all the time, just in more subtle ways than we always notice.

My son is five and newly enamored with Legos. We are using this to our advantage,and his own play is often what's best for him. Honestly, I am always pretty happy when my son can keep himself busy for a while. This is a good quality in kids, in my opinion. Later, when they get older, they'll be less likely to be complaining "I'm bored" because they've learned to entertain themselves.

I'd also suggest directing his interests toward three-dimensional interactions (blocks, cars, crayons, etc.) first; save the technology for a last resort. Kids can get addicted to screens, and repeated research has proven that kids learn best in the real world, with tangible materials. As with all aspects of parenting, balance is everything!

My child is seemingly unable to be by himself (he's almost 5). At first I thought, "cute, he likes me. and what's the point of being home with him if i'm not WITH him?" Now, though, I am totally burnt out! He can't even do typical one-person things - like a quick game on the kindle, his tag reader, coloring, even watch a show - without constant interaction from one of us. I've created an attention monster! Good thing I like him. :)

I'm so glad he is in school three days a week for the time with other kids/teachers and for me to get my sanity back. Having last week off was tough!

His OT (for some other stuff) has him trying to play by himself for 10 minutes a day. He hates it if I suggest it's time to start! But I occasionally catch him playing by himself on his own. I love that. Although it does seem to be when he's supposed to be doing something else, like getting dressed, brushing his teeth or picking out bedtime stories...

These are times I wish he had a sibling to play with.

As long as you are both content and still get enough quality time with each other, you're doing a fabulous job.

Try to have a good balance: when you can, play with him but when you have something to do (eat/drink, do dishes, etc), make a good activity for him. I don't mean to offend you but playing games on the i phone does not sound like a good activity for me... playing with real toys, drawing/coloring, etc is. I have seen children getting addicted to technology to a point they have a fit when it's taken away from them and would rather watch TV than interact with people.

If he's happily playing alone, let him. Play with him when you can, but don't feel bad about having to do other things as well. He neither needs nor really wants your undivided attention 24/7/365.

Playing alone is fine. It develops independence and creativity. But - sorry - video games are not developmentally appropriate for a 3-yr-old. They really impair a child's ability to focus on anything BUT video games. I feel particularly strongly about this right now because I know a truly wonderful mom who happened to have no problem with video games and gave her son unlimited access to them. Her son has had terrible - and I really mean terrible - academic and behavioral problems as a result.

A parent, never has to be playing with/entertaining their child *constantly.*
A child, also has to learn, their OWN cues and to have curiosity and imagination etc.
It also ENABLES a child, to learn the routines/rhythms of a home and what their Mom does and needs to do. ie: cleaning and chores. It is NORMAL stuff... not anything to feel guilty about just because you have to do it. Thus, if a child is ABLE to learn these things then it enables them... to also learn how to do it too, when they are old enough or able enough. At that age of 3 for example, my kids liked to "help" me clean. Help... in a fun way. Not as a "job." Just to clarify.

Children, LEARN by playing:
By thinking of things on their own. By also playing by themselves, by learning to "wait" a few seconds when they call for Mommy when she is finishing up with the dishes, by learning that they can problem-solve and think of fun things too, by learning to gauge their own interests and ideas, by showing us what they like or not, by discovering things, and... by learning their own cues.
For example: when or if my son, WANTS TO play by himself instead of having me or his sister always interrupting him.. he will SAY "I want to play by myself for now..." or if I am busy with chores he will say "Mommy, when you are finished with the dishes, can you play with me?" And I say Yes. He does not demand my every waking moment. He says what he needs or wants. He can be patient. In the meantime, he is playing with his cars on the rug. It is all quite productive. And he has also learned roles in the home and how to take turns and how to request things and how to speak up for what he wants. Lots of things, a child learns, just by doing what is normal in a home.

But, if a child is constantly entertained and never left "alone" they learn that they cannot be or cannot be by themselves or are not used to thinking on their own.

Anyway, to answer your question, no.. I don't feel guilty just letting my children be.

They let you know it when they've been left alone enough. They'll demand to be held while you work and then you know your time is up.

I used to love to watch the kids play. It really gives you insight as to how they see things and what goes through their little minds. I NEVER felt guilty for that. Independent play encourages imagination and imagination fosters invention!

Get him off the iPhone and into his own imagination!

Try setting him up in the kitchen with you while you do the dishes. Get a buster seat with a belt and get him some puzzles, play-doh. Sing, dance, wash dishes. :)

OK, as I was reading it I was thinking your child plays alone with toys, you know, trains, blocks, animals, cards, whatever... but you are giving him your i-phone???
No, that is not considered playing alone, that is considered getting hooked on video games way too earlie. It is bad for brain, eyes, and posture (the kids are bending forward while looking down at the monitor).