How Long to Breastfeed For?

Updated on August 31, 2008
C.R. asks from Chicago, IL
21 answers

My daughter is coming up on 14 months. She is mostly a breastfed baby except for the occasional bottle of formula since I stopped pumping once she was about 10 months of age. Now that she is 1 she has 2 bottles of whole milk and I nurse about 3 times a day. My milk supply has gone down because I had to start giving her a bottle at bed time instead of only nursing. I truly enjoy nursing and she does also. I'm wondering though if I'm more of a pacifier than a provider of nutrients. I'm really torn here. I coming to terms with the fact that she's not a baby anymore and I don't want to continue to nurse for selfish reasons (trying to hold onto her as a baby) if that is not what is best for her. There are so many reasons to continue to breastfeed: organic, convenient, free, comforting for her, special bonding time for both of us.

During our night time ritual I'll nurse her and then if she still seems hungry I'll give her a bottle and she normally falls a sleep in my arms because that is what we are used to although I really think for all of us she needs to fall asleep on her own.
So tonight I was nursing her and at one point she shook her head no which means just that but she still nursed but when I offered her the bottle she took it and once she finished and put her down and she fell asleep all on her own and this situation is why I think I'm more of a pacifier than a provider of nutrients.

These are the tough times as a Mom, to know what is best and to have no regrets.

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So What Happened?

Thank you for all the support and personal experiences with breastfeeding. I am continuing to breastfeed until my daughter is no longer interested at least that is the new plan. She has been sick lately and it is at these times that I'm really glad that I am still nursing her. I truly enjoy breastfeeding and that special time that her and I share and the thought of these times being over really do make me sad. So I know that we are not ready for this part of our relationship to end. I am truly grateful for all the support for extended breastfeeding and I know that I will not regret breastfeeding my daughter for longer that 14 months but I would regret it if I stop now. Thanks again!
C. and Jocelyn

More Answers

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K.B.

answers from Chicago on

Hi C....
I don't think there should be a time limit on how long you should nurse your child. In my situation I nursed till they were about a year. When I felt like they could handle going to bed on their own. I skipped the bottle and went right to a sippy cup. They did just fine. It took a couple of nights of tears on their part and mine, put we all made it through. I didn't want them to use me as a pacifier and I wanted to nip it in the bud before it became a problem.
Honestly, if you are questioning it, it's probably time. Good luck.
K.
Wife to One wonderful Man, Mom to Four Beautiful Girls

1 mom found this helpful
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J.A.

answers from Rockford on

Breastfeed as long as you and your child like. You're doing a great job, and I can promise you that you won't regret this time. I nursed until my son turned three, and I worked full time, out of the house. My sister nursed her son until he was two. My cousin figured when the kids were old enough to climb in her lap and unbutton her shirt, then it was time to wean, LOL. I was fortunate to have a lot of extended nursers in my life. We all are glad we did. No regrets at all.

The benefits of nursing aren't just the nutritional. So much of the positive effects of breastfeeding is the emotional bond. That's not something to worry about, it's something to cherish and enjoy and be glad for. Don't be in a rush to wean. I've talked with mothers who wish they had breastfed, or wish they had breastfed longer. I've never met a mother who wished she hadn't done it so long.

In our country, the average time a mother spends breastfeeding is three months. Do you know what the global average is? Three years.

One of the former Surgeon Generals (C. Everett Koop) has stated that it is the lucky baby that gets breastfed to 2 years of age.

So continue if breastfeeding is right for you and your child. Nuturing and comforting is not a bad thing. Your child will only benefit from what you are doing.

And congratulations! You're doing a terrific job!

By the way, a woman once handed me this when I was nursing my son at a local bowling alley. I've cherished it ever since. I thought you might appreciate it as well:

Thank you for nursing your baby in public.
You are not only nourishing your child,
but the hearts and minds of everyone here.
When nursing in America is more
common and understood, the credit will go
to women like you. I thank you on behalf
of my grandmother who had never
heard of breastfeeding. I thank you on behalf of
my mother, who hadn't a single soul to support her
nurturing instinct. I thank you on behalf of my
daughters and granddaughters, may
they never think twice when their children
thirst. May they never search for a "secluded
corner," a dressing room, or a restroom. I thank you on
behalf of every woman who ever was
or ever will be. Have a beautiful day.

copyright 1999, Lisa Russell
For more information, Email ____@____.com, or visit www.nursingnotes.org

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Chicago on

Breastfeed for as long as you and your baby want! I love reading responses from you nursing mama's.

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A.S.

answers from Austin on

Even if she is only getting a little bit of breastmilk, it is still good for her. It still has antibodies. And it is a scientific fact that breastmilk gets more concentrated as the baby gets older and takes less. As for the whole "if you're questioning it, then you should probably stop" that's bull. You're only questioning it because "society" says that we should only nurse until 12 months. In reality both the AAP and WHO say to nurse as long as it is mutually desired....it IS good for her.

I nursed my oldest until 29 months....we always nursed at night at the later months and he had no problem going to bed without it. The night he weaned, he got his big boy bed. I asked him if he wanted his "gilkies" and he said "no, I just want to go to sleep". And I said...OK. And to sleep he went.

Nursing is more than just nutrition, more than just comfort. What does it matter what label you put on it? She still wants it and you still want to do it. Ignore people. They are not in the nursing relationship and thus their opinion matters not at all. Most people don't even have to know...I know by the time my boy was that age it was mostly just at home at night anyway. Enjoy her while she is little!!!

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

I think it all depends on what your long term goals are and how 'all players' on the 'breastfeeding team' feel about continuing the game. (I'm not belittling breastfeeding as a game; just using an analogy) If you come to a point where you want to be done, then be done and don't worry about what anyone else has to say. If your daughter comes to a point where she decides that she wants to be done, then respect that and let her be done.

People have lots of opinions as to when someone should stop breastfeeding, but each family is different. Do what feels best and is right for your family. For some families that has meant never feeding at the breast while for others it has meant feeding at the breast to age five and older. Both situations are what each family has determined as appropriate for their situations.

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E.P.

answers from Chicago on

I'm sure your child is getting the comfort from mom as well as nutrients that help her. I nursed my daughter until 9 months - SHE was done! However, I weaned my son at 18 months. I have asthma and needed to go on a new medication. It was also time to close that chapter in our lives. It was a very hard time for me. My husband took over the middle of the night feeding for me, for about a week, because my son still wanted me. But....for me...looking back, it was time. And yes, it really was hard. I think it was especially hard because, in my heart, I knew this was going to be the "baby" of the family. You will know when the time is right. You're not being selfish - trust your instincts. Enjoy this time - it sounds like you are already making the decision. Just keep in mind - even though this chapter in your life may close, your child will still need you very much! That special bond hasn't left - it's just altered a bit. Best of luck to you.

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A.A.

answers from Chicago on

I breastfed my daughter for 27 months, my 20 month old is still nursing and my 9 week old will be nursed for at least as long as my daughter.

Even if you are not providing any more nutrition (which you are)...if you are enjoying the experience and your daughter is still desiring to nurse...why not keep doing it?

Your daughter will wean herself when she is ready and you'll both be healthier for the experience. ;)

The kids grow up so fast. Enjoy the time you have to cuddle, etc with them.

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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

Just follow her lead. Sounds like she will self wean when she's ready. Enjoy these beautiful times with her, and don't second guess yourself. Check out Kellymom.com for support with this.

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C.F.

answers from Chicago on

...as long as you can!!! It fills both physicall and emotional needs. Don't stop yet!

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K.

answers from Chicago on

I nursed my son until he was 21 months and like you, we cut back so that I could stop pumping at work when he was around a year old. Even just nursing once or twice a day is great I think. As your girl gets older she'll be so BUSY. Nursing is a great way to have some extra cuddle time that you don't otherwise get. And as you know, once you cut back to mornings and evenings, and maybe before a nap, it's really very unobtrusive and doesn't impose on your life at all. I was very glad to nurse my son as long as I did, and I weaned him when I was 5.5 months pregnant with baby #2 because I needed a little break before I started up again.

Even if you *are* a pacifier as much as your milk is food for her, that's great! Nursing is as much about nurture as it is about nourishment. Keep at it until either you or her decide you're done.

J.R.

answers from Decatur on

I think that this is a very personal decision. Of coarse you are a pacifier, you said it yourself...

"There are so many reasons to continue to breastfeed: organic, convenient, free, comforting for her, special bonding time for both of us."

It's comforting. I don't think you are forcing her to nurse because that's just something you can't force on a 14 month old. Whether you're nursing her for nutrition or not she's still getting nutrition....I mean honestly since she's 14 months old she doesn't need a bottle to fill her up before bed....so that may be a comfort thing as well...something she's used to ya know?

I believe that you should wean a child when they are ready to wean and it doesn't sound like she's ready yet. There is nothing wrong with continuing to breasefeed, 14 months is still pretty young anyway. My 18 month old still nurses. Once they are over a year they don't really do it because they're hungry anymore like it was the case when they are little....it is more of a comfort thing. I love the bond my 18 month old and I still have. He doesn't drink milk yet, but nurses around 5-10 times a day....just depends on the day. :)

My whole point is that you can chose to wean now and everything will be just fine...or you can chose to stick with it and enjoy this once in a lifetime journey with your daughter while it lasts. Either way it sounds like you are a wonderful mother who only wants the best for her.

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K.N.

answers from Chicago on

I am still nursing my 18 month old son--and I love it. A lot of the time I am a pacifier, but nursing is about nurturing as much as it is about nutrition. If it feels right, it is right.
Good luck,
K.

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C.G.

answers from Augusta on

The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 2 years. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 1 year and as long after that as mutually desired by mother and baby.... You just have to decide if it is mutually desired. Baby definitely still gets benefits from breastmilk at any age- especially important are the immunological things that can keep her from getting sick when everyone else is. Congrats on making it this far and I hope you are able to decide what to do and be happy with your decision.

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T.F.

answers from Chicago on

C., Breastfeeding is not just nutrition it is bonding and love. I still breastfeed my 28 month old once a day. She likes to spend some one on one time with mom to snuggle and calm down. It is totally natural to continue. This culture is just coming around to Breastfeeding. For so long it was thought taboo and too personal to do in public. Other countries do not have this problem and most leave it up to the child to decide when they no longer need that comfort. If you still enjoy it do not let anyone tell you it is wrong. I deal with the grumbles from those that do not understand but it is not their decision it is mine and my child's. Good luck! and I say Breastfeed as long as you want.
T.

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J.K.

answers from Chicago on

Especially with the cold/flu season coming up, nursing is a great way to help protect your daughter from getting sick since your body will provide antibodies against all the illnesses that you are exposed to.

I agree with you that she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own though. I have an almost 3 year old boy who goes to bed at night on his own, but rarely naps because we always rocked him to sleep. Rocking doesn't work anymore because he is too uncomfortable now that he is much bigger. He is chronically overtired and it may be affecting his development.

P.M.

answers from Chicago on

Hi C.,
I think what you are doing is great! You are following her lead. It doesn't sound like you are a pacifier or nursing her for selfish reasons or anything. With my first, he is now 21 months, I remember feeling how you do right now about a lot of things/transitions (breast to bottle; bottle to cup, etc). I was afraid I wasn't letting him grow or whatever. But it was fine; we were on our own timeline. I was following his lead in addition to introducing new concepts. I nursed him until he was 7 months. I stopped becuase he just seemed ready to move on. But I would have nursed him for as long as he wanted. That's what I plan on doing with my 5 month old. I think it's great she put herself to sleep. It's not like she did it on her own and then you lifted her up into your arms. You not only let her do her own thing but 100% supported her. You sound like a great mommy!!

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L.S.

answers from Chicago on

Hi, C.. My name is L.. I too have a child close to being 14mths old. I was reading your question and although it is your child and no one can tell you what to do and whether you are right or wrong for still nursing her, in my opinion...You need to feed her something other than breastmilk. If Jocelyn is like my son, she has close to 8 teeth, which means she has the God-Given capibility to chew food. I do also think you are more of a pacifier and like you said it's all you guys know, breastfed, formula, go to sleep. But let her try something new and exciting! Gerber makes a wonderful selection of baby foods including an Organic line!

They come in stages so the likely hood of choking is reduced, Stage 1- more soupy-veggies(carrots),fruit(pears,)even combos(apple-prunes).Stage 2-thicker, more variety. Stage 3- more grown up menu-ingredients that she can chew(Spagetti & meat balls)Yes, there is a bond that no one can ever break while breastfeeding. But you should see the look on their faces when they taste real food for the 1st time! She'll love it and it'll give you a break too. C., Let her grow up. She'll always be your "baby girl" but let her become a "big girl" giving her a chance to develop her own sense of taste, likes & dislikes with food. I hope I've helped you a bit. I wish you and your family the best.

A little about me:
I've been married 5 Great years! I have 1 child, he is a handsome little guy & TOTALLY AMAZING! He'll be 14 mths old-Sept.5th. His name is Dylan. & he LOVES Mashed Potatoes, Mac-n-Cheese,Greens & Bananas!

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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

If it is mutually desired than there is no reason to stop. I know many woman who are still nursing 2 year olds (only 1-2x a day) but are very content with it.

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J.

answers from Chicago on

She might be ready to wean, and that is fine if that's how it works. But I wanted to also say that it's OK if it's nice for you, too - so what if you are a source of comfort as well as a source of some nutrition. You wouldn't stop hugging your child because it was "pacifying." And how could it possibly be selfish? 14 months is still a baby in many ways - enjoy it! I think you're doing the right thing by watching and using your own judgment and letting her guide the way.

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G.C.

answers from Chicago on

She is still a baby! There is no reason for her to grow up so fast. And I believe no selfishness either. I nursed my girls till 3 and 2. Nursing can be just as important for attachment/pacifing as for nutrition. I think you should nurse as long as it is right for both of you. If she wasn't interested she wouldn't nurse. Your doing a wonderful thing for your daughter just by making it this far. Do what your most comfortable with and trust your instinct. Good luck!

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E.B.

answers from Peoria on

So what if you're a pacifier? That's what ALL loving parents are, whether there's a nipple in the child's mouth or not. I've known a few moms who nursed up until the child was age two or three. What's the harm? And clearly it's beneficial to you and your baby (yeah, 14 months is still a baby!), so do what YOU think is best.

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