How Long Should You Let a 9.5 Month Old Cry???

I agree with Kelsy, she just isn't ready yet. She probably needs to feel the comfort of you to know she is home and safe with you. Give a little while and try again. I do not like the "cry it out" thing because they will start thinking of it as a punishment or abandonment. Hope it gets better soon. Good luck!!

My son use to do the same thing. He would be extra tired and falling asleep in the living room or on my shoulder and then as soon as he touched that mattress, he would wake up and start crying. I knew that I didn't want to go through this every night so for a few nights in a row, we let him cry but we only let him cry if we knew it wasn't a stressed out cry. He has a cry that says... "I don't want to lay in here, come and get me" and then he has a cry that says... "I'm stressed out, please just come and show me your still here" we would let him cry for about 10 minutes sometimes 15 or 20 and then his cry would change to sounding stressed out and at that point, we would go into his room, comfort him so that he stops crying and then lay him back down. Sometimes he would continue to cry but other times he would start to calm down, cry less and go to sleep and sometimes, he just would be so tired of crying that he would fall asleep. It's just a matter of knowing his or her crys because if you go in too early then your baby will know that if she crys then you will save her. You don't want her to think that! To this day, my son has no problems going to bed. I still turn his mobile on but he usually goes to bed without a fuss. every once in a blue moon he'll cry but it only lasts a few minutes and then he's fast asleep.

One thing you can try is to lay your daughter down for bed and then go take a shower. That way you won't hear her crying and a shower kills the perfect amount of time to let her cry. If she is still crying after your done then go comfort her and then lay her back down. Also I think that an hour and a half is way too long.

Don't give up and Good Luck

An hour and a half is excessive, period. There is clearly a deeper issue here than a strong will and you don't want to make it worse.

I would encourage you to hold her as much as possible when you are home. She needs your touch right now. Also, talk to her when you are in the same room, almost like you are narrating your day to her.

Let us know how things are going with updates. I am so sorry that you are having these medical issues (I read some of your other posts). She sounds frightened and a little insecure right now. You are a strong woman and a great mother. I do not envy the position you are in and have the highest respect for you.

As a last-minute note, try adding either a heartbeat bear (Babies 'R Us) or that Fisher Price Aquarium soother in her bed. My son loves the ocean waves on it.

I think this is a personal decision but for me I did the cry it out thing with my first son and I would never do it again with my second or any others way may have. I personally don't let my second son, 8 months now, cry for more than 10 minutes.

I swear by the book The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. You may want to pick it up. It sounds like your daughter might need some extra care to get her back on track.

I would say 20 minutes, adn then go in to pat/soothe her but not pick her up, and repeat this cycle until she falls asleep. We read that babies should be put down drowsy, but awake, so they can learn to not only get themselves to sleep at first, but put themselves back to sleep when they wake at night. It has worked pretty well. I bet the teething is making it hard for her too; so glad we don't remember cutting our teeth! Best wishes to you!

"How long is too long?" is a tough question to answer, but if MY family had ever let my son cry for an hour, they never would have seen him again. I think that's atrocious.
I occasionally let my son cry for a few minutes at a time if I really needed a break, but honestly I never went more than 10 minutes. And especially if your daughter is teething - it's shameful that no one in your family attended to her.

Obviously I'm not a fan of letting your child "cry it out". People will argue that you need to teach your baby to be independent, but she's a BABY. If you need to walk away and let her cry sometimes, that's okay - we've all been there. But don't let anyone pressure you into doing so. My son is four now and he sleeps just fine on his own, even though I never let him "cry it out".

Sorry, I know I'm rambling as this is a touchy subject for me. But you said that your daughter spent a week in the hospital; I would assume that she needs extra attention. She doesn't need to be left alone in her crib. I know that it's not your fault as you weren't at home, but I would have a serious talk with your family. No one loves your daughter as much as you do! 1.5 hours is TOO LONG.

Hi Girls! I have a similar problem. I have a 11 month old and in the past few weeks he has not wanted to go down for naps or at night. Just a few days ago he started screaming when he wakes up. Just wants held and will fall asleep and then once he feels crib screaming again. He is teething but we take care of everything when he wakes up and he's not wanting food. Last night he wouldn't go to bed so I let him cry himself to sleep for about 45 min. Then he got up at 1:50 and didn't go back to sleep until 3:15. I again just let him cry. He looked so upset and it killed me to let him cry but I didn't know what else to do. Am I letting him cry to long?

NOBODY should let a baby cry that long. My parents used to say that to ME about my children. BAAADDDD ADVICE!! Psychiatrists have found that babys can end up in MAJOR depression if left too long to "cry it out" and it lasts years. This actually happened to ME. I was a very depressed kid. I was left alone for hours with colic. 1 1/2 hours is VERY long for a baby - after all we put kids on time out for only the minutes of their age, because they perceive time a lot differently than we do. An hour is short for us but VERY long for them. The psychological consequences can be severe if left too long. Can someone "wear" the baby in one of the tied on baby slings for a while before putting her down? That way, they can still do what they need to do and still "hold" the baby. I also liked the advice of the mom of once she gets put down, they check on her every 15 minutes or so and assure her that she won't be abandoned or operated on. This may be even more important since she was left so long to go to sleep. I used to "wear" my children if they needed a lot of cuddles during their difficult times and I needed to get work done. This baby is probably still frightened from her ordeal she needs you and caregivers to give her extra comfort for a while. I know that's very difficult if you're working full time. Also maybe don't be so rigid about the naps. She may be associating sleepy time with hospital time where she was "hurt".

Hi M.,a hour & a half is to excessive. she could be crying because her gums could be hurting and maybe needed some tylenol.buy them just letting her cry that long is just making matters worse for her to get back to sleeping in her crib.did they bother going in and comfort her? maybe she could of been hungry or wet or just need that reinsurance.she is going to get that insecurity of every time she goes to her crib she will be left.when she was in the hospital were you able to stay with her? if not the separation was probaly hard on her.I have read that when you are trying to get them back on track let them cry 10 min go in reinsure but leave again but don't pick her up. then another 10 min if still crying go in reinsure then leave again then they usually just go to sleep. try that and have your family do the same. I would be so upset with my family if they did that to my daughter thats just crazy.I would have them give her some teething gel and some tylenol before she goes down for her nap. to maybe help her to sleep for her nap.if it took her and hour & half and she was still crying there must of been something wrong because at 9 1/2 months she would of worn herself out from some crying but not an 1 1/2 I bet you most of it was from teething and being in pain.I would give the sisters strong instructions on how you want your daughter taken care of.I wish you luck but set down some boundries.

I think the time limit should depend on the type of cry. I have issues with my daughter crying so hard that she'll start hyperventilating. For my first daughter, I would let her cry up to 20 minutes and then go get her. I would either pick her and walk with her until she settled down or we'd do a back rub and then start the process over again. My second daughter is whole different story. If I let her cry for even ten minutes she either starts hyperventilating or makes herself sick. Have you tried any of the homeopathic remedies for the teething? I've found those work really well on my four month old who's already teething. That may help a little.

I would have to agree that over an hour is a bit excessive. I agree with the method of letting them cry it out because it teaches them to self comfort. However, I would give it ten minutes like another lady said, go in and check on her if she is still upset to make sure nothing is wrong. Then give it another ten minutes. You'll know she is going to fall asleep when there are pauses in her crying.
It will probably take her a while to get back into the swing of things since she was in the hospital for a while. A week is just long enough for that to happen. Good luck

Well after crying for an hour and a half, she is now left to wonder if anyone will EVER come to get her any time she is put down! Babies cry for a reason. Mainly that is the only way they can communicate. She could be saying: I'm scared, I'm hungry or thirsty, my teeth hurt, my tummy hurts, my diaper is wet, I don't want to be alone, could somebody just come and hold me and let me know everything is OK? Or even I've crapped all over myself and the crib and it's pretty gross! Friends of ours ignored their daughter's cries for over an hour that started at 6am just because they did not want to get up yet. When they finally went to her after 7am, still crying, they found poop everywhere! So you just never know the reason! A baby is seriously trying to communicate with you!

Personally I don't think anyone should ignore any baby's cries. For me, 10 minutes is too long for a baby to be left alone to cry. A parent's job (or care giver) is to meet their needs. Figure out why they are crying and fix it. Babies under a year need lots of love and touch. They need to feel that someone cares about them. I've had my baby cry while I held him for longer than 10 minutes, but that is different. He knew I was trying to help! The cry changes when you're holding them.

I agree with the other person who said it leaves psychological scars for a baby to sit alone and cry that long. They lose faith that people care about them. They grow up anxious and jumpy, they don't trust many people in life yet don't know why. Wouldn't it be so much better if your child grew up happy and secure and was able to be left with sitters without fearing how she would be treated?

On that note, I would have a serious discussion with your family who has been watching her. They are grossly slacking in their duties to that little girl. If you can, look for other child care providers. Many are happy to hold a baby and figure out why she is crying. They actually enjoy it. It might be worth the price to avoid the damage that is being done to her. I know people who charge under $30 a day for quality child care.

Also if she has had surgery or something, expect everything to be upsidedown for a month or more! She might have setbacks or developmental delays, perhaps she was about to crawl or walk before the incident and now has reverted to laying, rolling, or sitting in one place (or only crawls if she was about to walk before). She needs extra hugs and human touch to know her world is safe and people love her. If you are single, try letting her sleep with you in your bed for a while. Don't put a time limit on it, just see how it goes. She needs comfort from her mama and that may be all you can give since you do work. I promise she won't be in your bed forever!

I was exactly you 5 months ago! I think my son was just too young to understand what was going on at that time. I posted the same question, and a lot of people told me to just let him cry it out and he would be fine. But I couldn't stand the tears. So I continued to co-sleep with him until He was 12 months, then I decided it was time for him to sleep in his crib. What a difference! He started out crying when I layed him down, but now it was only for 5 min or 10 min then he would sleep. Now, 14 months old, he lays down and goes to sleep without any tears. So give it a few months, don't push your daughter, she's just not ready yet.

Ok, so I believe there is a very fine line that only you as mom can decide where is with this one. My son got to a point where he would NOT go to sleep while we were in the room, but for a long time held my hand through the crib to go to sleep. We had to let him cry it out or not sleep. I did it by checking on him every 5-15 minutes, rubbing his back, hugging him (but not picking him up) and laying him back down saying "night, night". I found that a shortened version of bedtime routine worked really well (in fact at 2 1/2 he still needs a story before sleep, even naps) as it lets them know its about time for nap. If she has always been asleep before you lay her down she will have to learn to put herself to sleep and it will be VERY difficult. I dont think that leaving them alone for hours to scream is a good idea at all. They need to know you are there but just out of sight (hence the checking in). Babies this age also can be suffering from seperation anxiety and she may just be upset you arent around more even though nothing has changed, she has. Also, she may be trying to drop a nap. My son went to one nap a day. Instead of 2 2hr naps he would take one 3-4hr nap right after lunch (at 11am!).
People have said, it doenst hurt them to cry, but I believe that is not true. At this young age to cry and cry without comfort damages their tender growing feeling of security and love! Good Luck, Jen
p.s. It must be very difficult to be a single mom. I wish I knew what to say to encourage you!