How Long Should a Transition Be for a New Daycare

Two weeks is pretty standard and crying for an hour and a half is excessive. She is most likely self-harming because she is having a hard time expressing her feelings in another way. I would try very hard to redirect the behavior. You can teach breathing techniques. (putting your fears in a bubble and blowing them away is a good analogy for children to learn to calm themselves.)You can also explain that the best way to heal hurt feelings is through a hug, and not biting herself for attention. By kissing the booboo that she inflicted on herself only enforces the behavior. She sounds very clever to have come up with this method to explian what she is feeling. I'm sure that she would understand the redirection also.
I would reevaluate whether your child is ready for this type of environment. It sounds to me that she was thriving and secure in the previous environment. Children learn for experiencing the world around them. Not all children are ready for this type of setting that young.
I'm so sorry that you and your little one are going through this. It is very difficult. I wish you the best of luck.

Hello H., I feel for your pain. I have 2 possible answers. When I was young if I got very frustrated, sad, scared, had to do something I didn't want to do-go to the dr., get a shot, etc. I bit my fingernails off til they bled or pinched or scratched myself. I didn't have the ability to express my fear and punished myself. I thought what was happening was because I was bad. Since your daughter is so young she may not be able to express her fear, confusion, or separation anxiety so she harms herself to get you to pay attention to her pain.

When my daughter was to go to her first camp she had separation anxiety. I gave her a little something from each family member, a toy car from her brother, an earring from me, to show her that we were with her every day and when she missed us, she just needed to remember that she was coming back to us. She didn't want a picture of us, she wanted something that Belonged to us that she would have to return home to give back. Maybe a pic of you and your daughter doing something she likes would help or matching cheap necklaces that you and she both wear.

I babysat some twin boys who when their mom had to leave for work or if they suddenly got sad, hurt or tired would start to pull their hair, scratch or pinch themselves. They were too young to verbalize their feelings. I would speak for them. IE You just scraped your knee and you want mommy to kiss it. I will kiss it for you and hug you then when she gets home, she will kiss it too. I would tell them that I loved them so much that I wouldn't let anybody hurt my boys. Then I would hug and rock them. When their parents separated, they screamed, banged their heads and hurt themselves. I told them I understood that they were hurt and confused and sad. Daddy still loved them but he and mommy fussed too much so they would live in different houses so they wouldn't fuss and make their boys scared. They began to calm down. I asked if they felt better. "Talk, talk", they said. Keep telling our story is what they wanted. After I told them everything I could think of about their loss and reassured them, they kissed me and said "Wuv oo".

Maybe she would be comforted to hear you tell her story so she knows you understand.

I've babysat 56 children. I hope this helps you. C.

How do you know she is crying for an hour and a half? Are you staying there? Both mine did this at first, the daycare lady would hold them while I left (quickly!), then she would get him active with toys or other kids or breakfast. She always told me they stopped within one or two minutes after the first 2 or 3 days. Is your child the first one dropped off? If so, maybe it is because she is alone with no other kids to play with and distract her. Maybe dropping her off later. I would talk with the doctor about the self injury issue. I have two boys, a 4 year old and 6 year old. I haven't seen that type of behavior before, it sounds to me like it is just her way of forcing you to give in or at least give her "kisses" when she should be in trouble for the negative behavior. I would still let the doc know though, just in case there is someone more serious going on. Good luck.

Yikes! This has to be stressful for you.
First - when you drop her off - leave fast. Even make it a game. Give her something to do - "O.k. time to push mom off to work" and have her push you out the door. Then scoot like crazy.
Second - what is your response when your daughter hurts herself. What do you do? Your reaction is critical. If you stop, are overly concerned, you may be perpetuating the behavior. The goal is to extinguish this behavior. You must consistantly change your reaction to the behavior, changing the function of what she is doing. All behavior is functional..... just figuring out what the function is can be the frustrating point.
Good luck!
T.

I am kinda going through the same thing. My 2 year old cries every day when I drop her off for Mother's Day Out.

I just say, hang in there. My first daughter was in daycare starting at 6 months old. She is flexible, easy to leave with sitters, even overnights were a breeze (at her grandparents). She was just used to it.

My second daughter, my two year old has been home with me all day, every day since birth. She's the one who cries when I drop her off. Cries when we have sitters, she has the separation anxiety BAD. Very clingy, esp. to Daddy.

The longer you prolong have outside care for her, I think the worse it will be.

I am sure the day care center is great, just make sure the teachers have enough time for your child. I only was upset once when I checked in and my daughter was alone crying in the corner and nobody was going to her (hectic, first few days of school, lots of kids crying).

I also notice my daughter cried less last year and she is crying more this year. Honestly, I think she just liked the teacher better last year and the teacher-student ratio was better.

As for the hurting, I think it just basically bad behavior looking for a response. I know it's hard to ignore it, but you are rewarding it with kisses. Talk to your pediatrician next time, that's your expert.