My son is 2 1/2, and has not seen his dad in over a year (even though he just lives down the road, he chooses not to see Connor). His dad has only seen him a few times, and I doubt will ever be a part of his life. I knew someday he would be asking where is dad was, and since I don't know for sure anymore where he is, I am just going to tell him I don't know and leave it at that. I'm not going to say anything bad about him, he will meet him someday I am sure, and I want to allow him to make his opinion on his own. He is a smart kid, and I think he will see who his dad really is when the time comes. I was expecting that question in another year... but this morning as we were getting ready for church, I was trying to put his jacket on, and he said "No! I want my Daddy!". He doesn't even know what that means, or really understand what a Daddy is yet, but I was in shock. I didn't know what to say to that. I just stopped and looked at him for a second trying to think, and then just continued to put his jacket on, and let it go. He goes to daycare, and I am sure has heard kids say that there, and I also babysat a little girl who got upset when her dad left last night (he is a single dad and hasn't left them in 2 years, so it was hard for his 7 yr old daughter). I am sure he is just repeating what he has heard from other kids, but what would you do with a child at that age when that comes up? Or even older... since I know the issue will come up a lot more in the next year or two. My friend said just tell him Mommy is right here and leave it at that when he asks that, which sounds like a good idea to me, I think I am going to do that. Just curious what other peoples opinions are on this subject, and how it has been dealt with?
Thanks!
J.
This post was written by an AMAZING mom.
(She also happens to be my best friend.)
Jess-
(Of course I tell you this a lot,) but you're doing a great job with Connor. (He's so intelligent, he's well-adjusted- he's GIGGLY-HAPPY!)
You are a great mom, and he is VERY lucky to have you.
-me.
Thats a tough one but i hae to agree with your friend let him know you are their for him no matter what. kids are smart and he will realize that you are mom and dad sooner or later but be prepared for a few issues along the way.
J.,
I am so sorry for your son and you! I have been on both sides of the coin. My bio father had nothing to do with my life, I met him when I was 12! I wish I never had, he was and still is a loser! But it comsumed me intill I had the chance to figure that out on my own.
I have also been a single mother. You can do it! This day in age it is more common than not! I hope you find someone who will love both of you as I have. But in the mean time stay strong!
My advice is to try to keep tabs on the bio dad, and when Conner is old enough to deal with it all, you'll have the information to help him seek out his bio father....he will one day want to do this, and it is for the best. More than likely he 2 will figure out that he is not good for him, but he needs that oppertunity.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with it all on your own, life can be so unfair! But that means that you have to double your love for your little man, and it sounds like your doing a great job!
- M.
J.,
Obviously there is nothing you can do about who his father is and the lack of interest he has in your son. I have a good friend who had a similar situation as far as an absent father for her daughter. What she did have, & I hope you do to, is a fabulous grandfather. I would really try to make sure your son has lots of time with strong male figures, such as your father or a brother if you have one. He really needs to see that there are men in this world that care about him and can show him a positive example of being a man.
I'm not sure how you can handle the daddy question other than to say that sometimes we don't always have daddy's that are around but there are lots of people that love him including you and leave it at that.
Good luck!
assure him he will be ok because you are there. as far as his dad, let me tell you my son's dad lives 2 & half blocks away. He will be 9 in march -- he hasn't seen him in over 3 years. My son rarly asks about him & when he does I am very truthful with him. I had similar issues when my son was 2 yrs old. Just be supportive as answer questions honestly with simplist words. Sometimes little one just want a response, it doesn't matter what is is. Best wishes!!!!!!!!
i got the same problem that you have.. my son is 4 and his dad hasnt seen him in a year almost.. and the times before that was only a few min visit.. mine hasnt really asked for his dad yet and i have no idea what im gonna say to him when he does. my daughter father picks her up every other weekend and he crys at times cuz my daughter screams my daddys here.. so my son calls him dad.. well i have been dating a guy for almost a year.. and my son has called him dad a couple of times.. i have talked with my mom and she just tells me to assure my son that i im here and that i love him.. sooner or later he will get older and he will know whats going on and he can make the choice to find his father.. and maybe he wont want to.. good luck just keep strong.. hugs if you need to talk you can email me here or at ____@____.com
My son's "father" didn't want anything to do with him from the day I told him I was pregnant. The best thing to do is not make a big deal out of it, which it seems you've already done. When my 2 1/2 year old asks for Daddy I tell him that Daddy is not here and I always reassure him that I will always be there as well as other people in his life that love him (i.e. Grandparents, special friends, etc.). And if he asks why isn't Daddy with him, simple and to the point is the best way, but make sure that Conner isn't left feeling like he is the reason why Daddy isn't there.
The hardest thing is not to bad-mouth the father but you have the right idea that you're son will see his father some day and make his own opinions of him. On a legal note, if Conner's father hasn't been in touch with him for a year or longer that is considered abandonment and he can lose all parental rights.
I wish you and Conner the best of luck and my thoughts are with you. I know how tough it can get but seeing the smiles from our little angels makes it all worthwhile.
Hi J.,
I am in same situation, my son devon 2&1/2 also is asking alot about where daddy is, his father has not been in his life since he has been 5 months old,so he has no idea what a daddy is, I tell him that not all kids have daddys,but mommy loves him so much he is ok without one.I wish you the best.
S.
I would always remind your son that while daddy isn't there, you are. If he wants to know why daddy isn't there, you just need to be honest. Kids don't like to be coddled or babied, they want the truth and although we can be delicate in how we share it, you can still tell him that you don't know why daddy isn't there, but you love him and altough you may not be dad, you promise to do the best you can as mom, because that is the truth, and as long as you respect his feelings and love him as much as you can, he will know you mean it and be okay.
Dear J.,
My advice because of your sons age, is that when he makes the statement "I want my Daddy!" what I would do is look at your son as if you are really suprised and say to him in a happy, suprised voice... "Oh! Didnt you know? I am the Mommy *and* the Daddy at our house!" and follow it up with a quick kiss and a smile and direct him back to what he was doing. This is a temporary solution of course, but at the age he is now I think it will stall him for a few more years before you have to deal with the enevidible.... when that time comes, you'll have to be as honest as your sons age/maturaty. You never know, you may meet someone within that time who is happy to step up and assume Conner as his own. C. M.
