How Does Saying NO Make You Feel?

One of the advantages of being older! I can say no, yes, maybe, whatever I want and have ZERO guilt, and no need to explain myself :-)

I understand where you are coming from. For a long time, I didn't like saying "no" to people. As I truly expected others to help me as I was helping them. Then I woke up. Much like you did. I won't be used and I don't do anything I don't want to do.

If I help out people, it's because I CAN and not because I feel guilty or forced into it.

I know how you feel. I used to have problems saying no, but eventually I grew up..

I have different things that I say.

No, I am sorry. I just do not have time.

No offense but no, I am not interested in donating for that.

No, I already have enough, thank you for asking.

No, not at this time, but please ask me next year (if I am honestly interested in helping the next year, next time or at some point in the future)

No, sorry, but good luck to you.

And many times I will say, No, I cannot do that, but here are the things I will be happy to do instead,

One more thing, never be afraid to ask for help, but do not be offended if others say no to you.

Saying "NO" makes me feel liberated.
L.

I say it pretty much like you do. Saying no makes me feel great, when "no" is what I feel like saying. I love being able to say no, after not being able to for the majority of my life.

I'm 50. I can say NO if I need to without nesting myself up about it.

How I feel when I say no depends on WHAT I'm saying no to.

I feel bad if I HAVE to say no to something with positive, necessary, useful stuff for people I care about.
I feel good if it's total BS that's due to someone else's poor planning or selfishness.

I have a hard time saying no. Over the last few years, I have realized that it is very much my personality to be a "people pleaser." I hate letting people down and I want to be helpful.

One thing I have learned is that it is better to do one or a few things really well than to do a lot of things that are not my best work. I am also realizing that I have very few hours each day to even tackle my priorities and I don't want to look back in 5 or 10 years and realize I have made no progress on the things that are most important to me because I was too busy saying "yes" to everyone else's wishes. So I say "no" a lot more often now.

You can't please everyone all the time, anyway! It feels good to only take on what I feasibly can, with a good attitude. If it is going to stress me out or take away from my priorities, I don't say yes anymore.

I learned to give the honest "no" in my early thirties. It was hard, but good. Now, when there's something asked of me that I genuinely don't want to do, I just say "no" and give an alternative suggestion if I have one.

"You know, it won't work for me to watch Clarrissa for you tonight but we'd love to have her over on the weekend if that gives you some time."

I'm also pretty critical in thinking about what/why I am saying 'no' to something. I'm like HLooLoo at this point. If someone is going to get burned at me because I'm not going to do what they want me to do, that's on them.

And if there's a real need and I'm just unable to help, I will apologize, because that happens sometimes too.

Pretty much the same as saying yes but different letters. What situations are you talking about? I don't see any.

I don't think I ever say no. I don't say yes either. I communicate however that may look at that moment.

I have never had a problem with saying NO. I've always been comfortable in saying NO when I felt that was the vest response. However, I've also always had clear boundaries with situations and people. And rarely have I felt guilty behind saying NO. I feel being direct is best that way no one is misled.

I used to do everything people asked of me, whether or not it put me or my family out. I have learned to say no and I don't feel bad at all.

If I can do it, I do. If I can't, I don't. Certain people I will go more out of my way for, but in general, I do what I can and that's it.

Yes is a request for future invitations.

I used to say Okay, before I heard what was needed...on one innocent, can you do me a favor, um, Sure. Yes, it was just like that, a run on sentence.

I am always interested to see what I can do and then I decide if I am interested.

To answer your question, I guess a little confident.

I've just gotten to a point where I can say "No" without making excuses as to why I don't want to do something. I'd beat around the bush about why I'm saying no, and eventually give in due to feeling guilty. I'm a musician, and my mom is the worst for wanting me to perform here or there- to show me off (I'm 39 years old for goodness sake).
Now, if I don't want to do something, I just say so. I've found that when I'm honest and upfront about how I feel, generally people are more accepting of my answer and back off.

If I'm talking to a telemarketer or a door to door salesman - saying 'No' just feels really good.
If it's a scammer (I really hate those Microsoft support scam calls) - I feel pretty good about telling them to drop dead.

If you are really comfortable with saying no - you don't even OWE anyone an explanation or apology.
You are merely correcting their misguided impression that they can bamboozle their way into getting you to do something for them.

There are certainly times when I say yes joyfully and happily.

I'm just very clear about what I'm willing to do and what I'm not willing to do.

I'm better at it than I used to be. I finally decided to take care of myself! Saying "yes" all the time said a lot more about my need to be accepted than it did about the worth of the other person's request. When I figured that out, I was much much happier. And I learned that you don't lose real friends when you say no - you just lose people who use you or people who are just rally in need (but others are going to have to help them out sometimes).

I found that if I say "no" without a whole bunch of reasons why I can't do something, both I and the requesting person are much happier! My reasons for not being able to do something don't have to be proven to someone else - it's much faster for them if I give them an answer and they can move on to someone else.

Wish I'd learned this earlier!

I don't know that I've ever paid attention to any feeling associated with NO. I just speak it as a regular part of my truth, just like YES or I'M WEARING BROWN SHOES or anything else that I might say. Sometimes I don't have to actually use the word; I might say that this doesn't work for me or that I can't commit to that.

I really don't think of it as some grand event. It's just one of the things that I communicate when it applies. I understand that some people have trouble with it, and I try to be understanding, but it's not something to which I can relate.

I have no problem saying no and do not feel the need to explain why and feel no guilt. The only people entitled to an explanation are people who write checks to pay my mortgage - me and my hubby. Period.

I recently read an article (I wish I could find it for you) about the difference between the way men and women say "no." It was fascinating. Many women (yes, I know, not all), feel the need to justify their no, even going out of their way to tapdance around using the word. Most men do not, and let their no stand on its own.

Very interesting stuff.

I am a no person. To everyone. Even when I worked out side the home. If my boss wanted me to work on my days off. NO!

If the request does not fit into your time frame then the answer is no. "It is not a good time now for me to do x,y,z." Or a recent response I sent due to a quick schedule for surgery. "I have to decline due to an upcoming surgery." I did try to figure out how I could do an order but when she wanted a customized flightsuit out of hubby's (he's size XL and she is a size 2) it was going to be too much.

I didn't feel bad because I knew there was no way I could do the work and have it turn out the way I wanted.

You will find that sometimes saying no is a relief and a joy. The word sometimes makes you feel free to do what you want when you want without worrying about unneeded deadlines.

Once you say it, it will get easier and there will be no feelings guilt on your part. Life is too short to be entangled in things you don't want to do but agreed to do to "please" others.

the other S.

Sometimes I feel like a heel, and sometimes I feel empowered.

Fortunately I've never had a problem saying no except to my mother. I still can't say no to her. I've hurt feelings by saying no but I always felt that I shouldn't put myself out if other people aren't going to put themselves out for me. I learned all of this from my mother.

I have a friend who can't say no. She has a back problem and sometimes she doesn't feel well and people know it and will still ask things of her. When I'm with her and she's asked to do something I will tell people no for her. I might be meddling but I hate to see her hurting. She just can't say no.

Saying no isn't a bad thing. I do for people and other people do for me but if I don't want to do something I will say no.