My son is in 6th grade and is having issues with a kid at school. Lots of teasing, name calling and he pushed him in gym today because my son was trying help his friend.
Anyway, my son is small, the youngest in his class and not the most coordinated or physically talented. He has not been good at standing up for him in the past. He has tried to ignore the kid, but has him in 3 classes and he seems to just seek out my son to tease him. My son has had issues with being bullied by older kids in the past and really did not know what to do. I am afraid this will just continue if he doesn't seem to know how to stand up for himself
I plan on contacting the school counselor for advice, but at this point my son doesn't want me telling on the other kid.
I have 3 kids and my 2 older kids never had an issue with telling people to back off, my youngest is really a sweet kid and seems to have inherited my tendency to want to avoid conflict.
Thank you all so much for your great advice. I am contacting the school counselor today. My son just started Karate last week as well as occupational therapy to help with his coordination. balance and handwriting issues. He is also in Scouts but none of the kids in Scouts go to the same school. There is 6 years between my middle child an youngest, so unfortunately there is no back up for him from siblings at school. I think I am really having a bigger issue with it than my son, but I think it is really important that he learn to make sure people treat him well.. Again ...thanks and hopefully we will get it all under control soon!!
I suggest karate...aikido....whatever martial arts suit him would be a great idea.
He doesn't have to DO anything with it as far as the bully goes, but knowing he COULD will give him confidence....
Good luck!
my son is in kindergarden and there was a kiid in his class 2x my sons size that was bullying and biteing (SP) the other kids. Someone elses body fluids being put on my son grosses us out. I told my son you beter warn that kid. If he bites you or even looks like he is going to try to bite you , knock that kid right sqaure in the nose. I promise you that kid will think twice about ever messig with my son again.
PS I told the principal about our conversation. Now I am a big volunteer int he school and he was one of my pricipals. He told me that as a principal he could not condone what I had told my son to do. BUT as a Daddy he would have told his son the same thing.
Will my son get introuble at school for it yes. But I will be called and we will face the punishment together. BUT it will stop right then and there in kindergarten....
Never got that far just my son threating it, gave the kiddo enough scare to back off....
I know it sounds corny but I swear by role playing situations out with your child so they get comfortable with knowing how to react. Talking to them about different ways to deal with situations helps, but when you act it out it gives them more confidence. Also, if they are having issues on school property, don't feel like it is being over protective to go talk to people at the school, teachers don't always know when there is a situation, heck my daughter has been in classes that had 28 kids, they simply do not see every thing.
If your son is comfortable talking to the counselor that can help too...moms are great but sometimes hearing it from another adult helps as well.
I would assure your child that if you do feel the need to talk about the situation with another adult that it will all be kept confidential, but you should make your child understand that bullying is something that should not be ignored.
Your son is being bullied. The teacher AND the principal need to be aware of it.
That said, (and this will not be popular) my son has been told if anyone physically hurts him, he is to punch the kid in the face, HARD, O. time.
He knows that he will get detention, in trouble, whatever, but I will NOT have some little creep hurting my son (who is a very gregarious, likable kid with MANY friends). I think he feels better just knowing he has our permission SHOULD a serious situation arise. Show him how to throw a punch.
Not all kids have an inherent ability to stand up for themselves.
It is taught.
Role-play with him. Give him actual sentences/words that he can say.
TEACH him, to TELL THE TEACHER when wrongdoing is occurring.
Does he have self-confidence?
For some kids, these things are learned as well.
For Bullying, YOU need to speak up too.
Just ignoring it.. does not make it go away, nor make it better, nor solves the problem.
Kids ALSO learn, about standing-up for themselves, by seeing their parents do it too... and in relation to managing problems at school.
My Daughter was Bullied in Preschool, and 1st Grade.
I, spoke up to the Teacher and reported it. I then explained to my daughter why/how come/and what I was doing, because it is wrong. And that, ANYONE, can speak-up, not to be afraid.
Since Toddlerhood, I have always taught my kids about standing-up for themselves, when wrongdoing is done to them or others. By an adult or child. They do, speak-up. And they see me do it too. And I always explain it to them. Per the steps I take... and what can be done. And how.
But no matter how your child is, always encourage him to tell you his feelings. So that, he can have someone to vent to and tell.
The show 20/20, last year, did a show on Bullying. They said it is 'epidemic' in our country.
The degree of severity, was mind boggling. Kids, even commit suicide, over being bullied.
One girl, was beaten up outside her own home, and ended up in the hospital. Just because she was "too pretty."
Don't deal with the other Bullying kid/his parents, yourself.
You tell the SCHOOL. That is their job.
Plus, you do not know, how that other kid's parents, will react, if you talk to their kid. And that can be a can of worms. Most parents, will 'blame' the other kid.
You DOCUMENT everything. You write a letter to the Principal/Teacher and also verbally tell them.
I would think, the TEACHER should know about this. In ALL my daughter's grade levels, the TEACHER, WILL address the ENTIRE class... on inappropriate/bullying behavior by others, upon another child. They then will address the Instigator as well. And handle it. And notifying the parents.
Bullying... is a real problem.
A child, cannot just handle it, themselves. All the time.
There is a point... where a child needs help, by the Parent. To intercede in it.
If "retaliation" occurs, upon your Son, you NEED to report that as well.
In 6th grade and beyond, these things will occur. And maybe get worse.
I would totally recommend getting him involved in something to boost his confidence. Soccer, baseball, karate... anything he is interested in and can be an active participant. It really helps build self esteem and makes them more confident in their decisions and abilities. A self defense class such as karate or something similar will also help build self confidence and make him realize he can stand up for himself - they teach when it is and is not appropriate to fight and mostly show the kids how to deflect a fight. It is "defense" not offense... I feel for you and your son, nothing harder than watching them go through something like this. Good luck and God Bless your family.
this sounds past the point of "gawd mom don't TELL everyone!"
teachers and counsellors should be made aware. this is ongoing, deliberate, and unavoidable on your son's part. the teachers don't have to pull the bullies aside and have a one-on-one with them, which would, yes, create drama and probably make things harder on your son - but they can be aware and nip it in the bud as soon as it starts. put the "blame" on the teachers, not on your son. and yes, perhaps get him into some kind of self defense or martial arts class. some kids just don't have it in them to hit someone, just because you tell them it's okay, not matter how badly they're being bullied. he needs to feel the confidance. i think classes would help with that.
You seem to have a lot of good advise from moms here...which I have to agree with all of them (role play, self-defense classes, "standing up" the one time verbally or physically making the school staff aware etc.) ...however knowing your child's personality only you will know how & when to handle the situation. Is Dad available to visit or is there an uncle in the family that would possibly be intimidating to this bully that could visit the school during the day? You mention also that your two oldest kids never had a problem, are they not in the same school that could possibly step in or a friend of your son? I have three girls all much older now (adults) but they all three stood up for the kids that didn't have it in them... most of the time verbally, my middle child one time physically. I am very proud of them for helping out other kids and it doesn't take much... once or twice would do it. My first instinct (and I/m sure a lot of the other moms too) when I read your post is to have you tell me the school & I would take care of it for you! Ha! But I know that each person has to deal with issue such as these themselves, and I know your son may be the target for now, and it may be hard to understand but the bully needs help too, cause inside they are really weak and lash out at others to make themselves feel good about themselves. Try checking into "WHO" this bully is & maybe address it that way...??? Good Luck!
You're already doing the right thing by asking for help from the moms on this site and the school counselor. Buy some books or check them out of the library about bullying and teasing and how to deal with it. Roll play with your son. Let him be the bully and you be him and show him how to act and what to say. Then reverse roles. Since he is small, I would never advise that he confront a larger child that could do him harm. That is the time to walk away. Bullies react to kids who get upset, cry, get angry, cower, show fear, etc. Teach your son to have an attitude(even if it's only acting) of not letting anything bother him. Hopefully, his friends will help him. Bullies don't bother kids who have friends that will back them up. Good luck!
I'm so sorry that your son is having to deal with this. I work in a public school and I know it is a huge issue for a lot of kids. I think you are on the right track by talking to the counselor. Tell him/her that your child doesn't want the other kid to know he told. There are lots of ways around that. But also let your son know that it takes courage to tell someone when you are being mistreated, and it isn't wrong to tell.
Even though your son isn't a physically inclined child, he can still advocate for himself with words. Teach him the art of the quick comeback. Most bullies are looking for someone weaker than themselves, but your son has a strong weapon in his natural character and intelect. Show him how to use that!
I'm so glad that your son told you what is going on. So many kids don't even tell their parents. Keep the teachers and counselors aware of what is happening, and don't settle for anything short of this bully being stopped. Your child needs to feel safe at school. If there is a teacher that your son has an especially good repoir (sp) with, talk to that teacher and let your son know that they are aware and willing to listen or help. I would also encourage your school counselor or PTA or other parent group to sponsor an anti bullying campaign at your school. I can guarantee there are other children sufferning in silence that could benefit from your voice.
Ask him if he has a kid in his class that doesn't mind telling the kid to back off and hook up with him as friends so he can stand up for him. Sometimes if that's their personality, it's hard to tell them to fight back when they don't have it in them to do. The other suggestion would be to encourage your son to let this other child know that if he doesn't stop he will get talk to an adult. I know it might be scary for your son, but sometimes the bully is insecure and will back off if they see him not back down and stand up at least once.
