How Do You Support a Friend with Money Problems

Try www.gofundme.com
Tell her to do it.

Don't answer her calls every time.
Don't solve her problems for her.
All the questions you asked, SHE should be finding out the answers, herself.

Is she married? Has kids? Is Divorced? Or Single with only herself to worry about?

The woman sounds like a looney.
Don't get caught up in her schemes.
Don't give her money.
Don't get swept up in her dramas.

What has she ever done for you?
Or are you her constant venting-person?
It all seems very one sided. Her side.
And you doing things for her.

I don't know the answers to your questions about what she should do, but I can tell you what YOU should do.

You should stop taking her calls every morning. Your time is valuable, and you've exhausted enough of it by talking about the same things with her on a daily basis.

If she stops calling so much, she's gotten the hint! If she asks you why you've been avoiding some or all of her calls, be honest. Tell her that you're at a loss for how to help her more than you already have, and don't know what else to say. While you can sympathize with her situation, you need to have the focus of your friendship be more than just her money problems.

She needs a bankruptcy attorney.

You sound like a really kind, thoughtful friend and I think you deserve the same type of support that you give others. So, my question is what does she provide for you in this friendship? It's so hard to have needy friends because they are a total energy suck. I've had friends in the past that constantly called me to talk about their problems (usually men). I finally learned that they have zero interest in my life other than to dump on me. If you notice that she never once asks you how your life is or shows general interest in your life (family, happiness, career) then it may be time to create some space.

Sorry you are going through this. You should be valued in your friendships.

If you're tired of listening to it (I've been there, I totally understand your frustration), why are you trying to get answers to her questions? That will only propel the situation, and you will continue to be the sounding board. My advice would be to tell her to talk to someone about her mortgage and financial situation, and leave it at that.

She honestly sounds like a PITA. I suggest setting boundaries in regard to money discussion. Become a broken record. "I don't know. Maybe you should call the bank who has your mortgage.

1. They won't let her without a really good reason. She's already shown herself to be unable to handle money, they're not going to forgive more debt and keep giving chances.

2. Not sure. She should call her bank.

3. Not for many years. Again, she should protect her credit and call her bank.

4. Not with her poor credit and inability to pay bills. She won't qualify for a loan. She is foolish for even considering foreclosure as an option as it will ruin her financially for a long time. It will likely be difficult for her to even get approval to RENT a property.

5. Yes. And she likely still owes taxes.

6. The bank her mortgage is through. She needs to answer the phone when they call. They want to get paid and will work with her. Foreclosure causes the bank to lose a lot of money and they don't want to do that if they can help it.

It sounds like your friend needs a professional. Maybe you could help her find one.

When you are stressed about money that is about all you can think of since that is the way our world has become. Maybe you can start to set time limits on the conversation. When it rolls around to money give her 10 min of your time then tell her you must go & get off the phone. In person, give her 15 min then tell her it's time to change the subject because dwelling on it will not solve anything. If you can help her organize a yard/garage sale or taking things to consignment offer to do so. Otherwise limiting her is the only way to go.

You need boundaries. This girl is a mess and is now sucking the life out of you.
You need to only answer the phone when you want to.

You are looking for a communication style called Medium Chill.
She is looking to suck emotion and help out of you.
Stop feeding her and she will go away.

You are going to quit supplying emotion for emotion.
She tells you about a hair brain scheme and is all excited, you say, that's nice. No joy for her joy, no sorrow for her sadness. You are not going to reflect her emotions.
Your solutions to her are not going to envolve you.
You can supply a website or suggest going to her bank but you should not give her this list of answers for her questions. She is using you to do her leg work.
Her judgement is off. That means she is not a stable person and sooner or later you will be sucked down the tube of her circumstances if you keep this up. What she really needs is a mental health professional. If she has what I think she does, she will never go. Check out BPDFamily.com, never tell her about it. They have lessons on boundaries and communication skills.
Good luck.

I would say to my girlfriend, "I can't talk about your money all the time. Maybe you haven't noticed, but it dominates our conversation. I want to help where I can, but I don't have these answers for you. Would you be willing to talk to a financial expert?" If she says no, then you just tell her that you are not a good sounding board for this because you don't know much about it and feel overwhelmed with all the information that she's giving you. You can only hear so much. If she says yes, then help her find one. When you talk to her again, make a point of asking if she's found any relief. Let her vent to/share with you what's going on. Give her a certain amount of time or let her go so far into it, and then redirect her to getting help from the expert "Oh, well, I sure hope that Rooty-poo can help you set some goals for that one..."), and change the subject ("...So what's going on with the kids?"). Give a little time to hearing what's most important in her world right now, but don't let it take over your relationship.

I know you want to support your friend, and you should... emotionally. But I think that it's important that she recognizes that she needs to get real. She needs a financial adviser and a lawyer.

I think that you need to establish some boundaries with her. I can't think of one single reason why you need to know about every single detail of her finances and bills and bank accounts. Those are things she should be telling a financial adviser... someone who can take her entire budget and give it a good raking over the coals and an overhaul. She needs to start her budget from scratch and she needs good legal advice on how to handle her debt.

She shouldn't be looking for ways to get out of having to pay off her debt. She owes that and should pay it in good faith. In order to do that, a financial adviser and lawyer can work with her to help her communicate with the bill collectors and bank and mortgage company.

You have a lot of factual information from the other mamas here so I won't throw any of that in. But I will tell you this: your friend is getting a lot of attention here from you and probably others. That is part of the payoff. The next thing is that people have some priorities that exceed that of even having a home to live in. I know people who live like very rich people, get their charge cards way up high and were willing to loose their house over giving up their trips and stays at hotels. They think they need to shop in expensive stores, wear expensive clothing and belong to expensive clubs. They do not watch what they are doing with money until it is too late. I know a couple who are at odds with this-one co signed loans for her children, threw giant parties and the husband on the other hand wears shoes with holes and is driving a Flinstone car around. They lost their home. The dynamics in this relationship is more like control issue. You would do best to be straight with her. Do not loan anything to her unless it is a direct payment somewhere like a tuition bill. What does she mean to you? If you really care tell her how you feel. And if you are finding you are suffering because of this it's time to back out of the relationship