How Do You Know If Your Family Is Complete?

There's a website called "Motherhood later than sooner". It might give you some emotional, financial and physical perspective on being an older mom.

How about adopting or fostering children? I think it's wonderful you have such a love for kids, however, I would want as much time and energy as I could with my kids. Not that 45 is old, but think of how old you will be when that child is in high school, or when they have kids of their own? There are a lot of things to consider, good luck!

No way would I even consider having a baby in my mid-40's, even if I could.

I have four, 24,22,13,11 obviously it took me eight years to forget why I had two kids for eight years. :p

I thought I was done then, four is good, nice even number, boy girl boy girl. What can I say I am talented. :p

Now that I am remarried I would love to have a child with my husband because he has no biological kids. Then I realize what I am signing up for. When I look at my older kids and how little it takes now and my younger two and how much longer before they are really independent. Nope, not happening. The good news is they treat Troy like a dad so he has four kids now. :)

You know you don't want another one when you watch your friend's two year old for the day and feel like you need a nap at noon....

At least that is how I know.

Oh, I only now notice your age... well to be quite frank, you chances of getting pregnant without help at 45 are pretty slim in the first place - I think only a little better than winning the lottery. That is something you need to keep in mind as well. Are you willing/prepared/financially able to get fertility treatment to make this happen? If your DH on board with this? Lot's of things to consider.
One other thing you may consider is becoming a foster mom or adopting and older child. You wouldn't have to start over at infancy and would give a home to a child that is truly in need.
Good luck!

I don't think that most people find having a third child to be extraordinary. I do think, however, that a lot of people find "starting over" to be a little bit off the beaten path. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, obviously. If you and your husband want to have a baby in your mid-40s, go for it. It isn't for everyone (in fact this is something my husband and I fear) and that is why you might get some strange looks or unhelpful comments.

Societal pressures, in your case, have nothing to do with 2 kids being acceptable. At this stage in life, It's all about is it acceptable to get pregnant in your 40s? There are medical considerations that are far bigger than the financial considerations. Also, how does your husband feel about starting over when it is almost time for you two to begin enjoying the next phase?

I get what you are feeling. When my oldest was a teenager and didn't need me anymore (so I felt) and didn't love and worship me unconditionally anymore (so I felt) I felt worthless. The only thing I was really good at was being a mommy. So, my dumbass had 2 more kids. I'm not saying I regret it, but I can tell you the downsides honestly.
1) its a ton of work that I am too old to be doing. my back already hurt, then add in a pregnancy? wth? midnight feedings, lifting toddlers. never getting anp or a good nights sleep? crazy
2) I gave up the opportunity to enjoy my husband. We would love to be able to go on weekend trips, overnighters, vacations alone. Even a freakin date! Our lives are completely run by the schedule of a 6 yr old now.
3) money. of course. I could be driving a brand new escalade for what I pay in child care. It's more than college tuition.
4) what about when I have grand children? I wont be able to properly spoil them, because I will still be in grouchy mom mode, not sweet little old lady gramma stage.
5) my oldest. I had to cut back on the time and money that used to be given sol;ey to her. Now, she has to understand that the littles come first. I never wanted to make her less of a priority, but the kids come 1st. It sucks.
- please dont have more babies. just enjoy your husband and wait for grandkids

You know when you are done.

I never wanted any children. Was devastated when I found out I was pregnant with #1....but grew into it and ended up loving him. He wanted a sibling and I was ok either way, so we had #2. 22 months later, we had #3 and shockingly, #4 arrived a year ago.

After #2 was born, I was sure I was done, but my husband wasn't. We has a vasectomy consult and he never followed through. THEN, after #3 was born, I wasn't sure I was done and he was pretty sure he was done. Well, #4 showed up. I didn't want any regrets, but we were not trying at all, but we were still 5% open to having another baby. Once I got pregnant with #4, I KNEW WITHOUT A DOUBT that we were done.

I work, my husband stays home and I do the majority of the homeschooling. You make it work. We love out family. You want to know something? If I was home and my husband made the money, I might be open to 1-2 more kids. Crazy, I know.

PS One of my friends didn't feel done having babies. Her first child just graduated from college and she is pregnant with #8....and couldn't be happier. Everyone thinks she's crazy. Her husband works (actually, he just lost his job), but they are not wealthy and she's 45. They have money and food saved for times like these and he'll be working again before the baby is born. It will all work out.

Follow your heart. No regrets. Give yourself 6 months off the Mirena before you get pregnant.

I always say that 18 is the perfect physical age to have a baby and 40 is the perfect emotional age.

Well it seems a little crazy to me, only because you are beginning to see the light at the end of the parenting tunnel! You would have to start ALL over again when you could be thinking about an early retirement and a lot of social time. I only say this because my first is 15, the 2nd is 2 and I'm expecting another in October at 38. It's tough to start all over, but don't regret any of it. You just have to do what is right for you and your family.

If you have just one more consider that that your child will feel like an only child. Their siblings will be to old to bond with. This is what happened with my BF. She acts like an only child too, as her mom doted over her. :) Maybe consider having 2.

I assume you and your husband are in agreement on having another one. I think you should do whatever is right for your family and screw what anybody else thinks. Lots of people have 3 kids. One thing to take into consideration is your age and how it may impact conception. How would you react if conceiving or carrying a child to term became difficult? If your heart is set on another child and you can't conceive, are you open to other options? Also, your other kids are almost adult--but you may want to consider the impact of another child on them. Good luck!

yes-it is-not advisable-you're blessed with two children-that's how it scrolled down-and you should be very happy with what you have-were you not able to have had children and by some miracle at this time in your life-able suddenly to have a child-then yes, by all means. In a few years, you may have Grandchildren-and that will take away what you are currently feeling, as well!

If you can afford it and both you and your husband want another then absolutely go for it :) It doesn't sound to me like you feel your family is complete yet. I have 3 and I feel done although every milestone with my 3rd is bittersweet b/c I know it's the last. I'm sure when mine are older I'll miss the baby parts but I'm just hoping my kids will choose to have babies before I'm too old to enjoy them ;)

I know of several families who have had 2 sets of children. I see nothing wrong with having more children. If it is what you want then there is no reason to not have more.

One of my friends was a good mom to her two boys. They had the standard tennis lessons at a certain age, they had music lessons, private tutors, private exclusive schools, etc...she was raised very well off in California. She can remember Clark Gable and other movie stars dining at her childhood home and the nanny or governess bringing them down to say good night during the dinner parties. Her mom was a vogue model and dad was, well, an entrepreneur. He also invested money in movies and just made money hand over fist. They did fall victims to the Hollywood lifestyle though and became alcoholics and died broke at a pretty young age, I think they were barely in their 50's. She obsessed about being poor and not being able to provide the right lifestyle for her kids.

When she divorced her sons dad she met a man who had never been married or had any children. He was ready to accept he would not have biological children or even be a step parent since her kids were similar ages to your kids.

She got pregnant accidentally in her 40's and they decided if they were going to have one they should go ahead and have 2. So she now has 2 pre-teen children in her mid to late 50's. She is such a better mom to them. She was a good mom before but now she recognizes how important it is to let the small things go, how stressful a parent can make their life over such unimportant things.

A different friend joined a church when her children were older. She had done a great job raising them. The boys were upstanding young men of virtue and morals. The church they joined believed in the family and that a family should have as many children as they wanted. They prayed and thought about it. They had not had a girl so the idea was tempting. She worried about her age, she had even gone back to work in her engineering field. He was an electrical engineer for the city and she worked at Conoco on several different projects.

They decided to live within one salary for 6 months to see how it would go. If they could afford to do it they would try getting pregnant. Everything was wonderful.

They now have 5 children. All are grown and have their own kids this couple has never once regretted having more children. Their daughter was born first then came 2 more sons. They have wonderful grandchildren and are now in their 60's.

Almost all of my friends have at least 5 children. There are very few that I am friends with that have less than 3. A couple of my friends have over 10 children too. They are awesome families too.

I grew up having a best friend from 7th grade on that was one of 12 children. They were dirt poor too. They didn't even have plumbing under the one bathtub for the whole family and they used the used bathwater to flush the toilet, they kept a bucket by the tub to scoop the water. They had a girls room with 2 full beds in it and a boys room with wall to wall beds. The mom and dad had a room with a couple of baby beds and a twin bed right against their bed. They had a long picnic style table in their kitchen. We would climb over the table to get to the back part. The dad was a house painter, he would come in smelling like alcohol and be drunk almost every day. They always had enough for food. I don't know how they made it but they always did.

Having more children is not a big deal. If you want more children you should go for it.

Couple things:
You DO know that your chances of conceiving at 45 are really low. Contrary to popular belief it is quite difficult to become pregnant after 40.

ARe you a young 45 or an old 45? ARe you in great shape and have a youthful outlook or are you like many parents of older teens and a little worn out. Sorry but I do notice a difference in myself and 45yos with older kids. I am a young 45 with two young sons. I do think that it would be quite difficult dealing with a newborn. It will be a 100% different experience for you than with your other 2. I noticed a difference at 38 compared to 35 even.

I do want to say that I know what you are going through because now that I have shut that biological door sometimes I really really want another. I thought I had it all figured out though and was firm with only wanting 2. What I wish I would have done was to try for another at 40.

LAstly-what others think about this should really be your last concern. Everyone's "normal" is different.

Give it a few more years and you'll be playing with grand kids.
And the really great thing about that is that you can hand them back and get some sleep when ever you want to and no more stretch marks!
Having a baby at 45 means you'll be joining AARP when they are starting kindergarten and they'll be 20 when you are 65.
Some do it, but I think I'll be ready to do some traveling once our son is in college.
Having kids is great and can be sweet, and I'm glad we did, but there's more to life and I want to explore it.

I have 4 kids, 2 girls in their 20s, then a 5 year gap and 2 boys in their teens. There is a reason women don't keep having children as they get older. I had my last one at 40 and it was hard on my body. Not just being pregnant but getting up all night with a newborn, schlepping baby equipment. Whew, I was just plain tired. This is in spite of the fact that I stay in good shape. And now, at 56, I've had some serious health problems. So I'm dealing with my medical issues as I'm dealing with 2 teenagers. Most of my friends my age have their aches and pains, too. It comes with being over 50 so just plan on it.

I love being a mom and I loved having little children at home. I think it's normal to long for another baby. However, this is what grandchildren are for. If you don't get your own grandkids, you can always find and help a young family with no grandparents nearby. You could watch kids for an evening and get your baby fix, and some tired young parents can get away for a few hours. It may not be the same as having your own baby, but at least you won't find yourself putting off retirement because you have to pay for one last chid to go to college.

I am not sure that my family will ever be complete in the way I imagined it to be...honestly, I would love one or two more kids.

We are financially secure with two, I don't have to work, with more I couldn't go back to work as we would be starting over but we would need the money. My two are both going to be in school next year and I will be free to work part time, volunteer at their school and pick up my hobby that got pushed aside. I am in my early forties, not too old but older than when I did it before.

Part of me wants to throw caution to the wind and have another or two...but logistics, finances, space in our house, and starting all over again...are winning over another child.

My parents had my sister ten and a half years after me...she was in first grade when I left for college...my mom was 38. She kept them young and they enjoyed doing it all over again.

If you and your husband want it...go for it...one of my friend just had her second at 43 and is planning on another. I don't see a reason not too if you really want another child...I mean when they get here, would you give them back?? no way!! Hugs!!

I think this is a case of if you have to ask the question, that's your answer. You are not done. Who cares what society or anyone else thinks?
Don't be so hung up on what's considered normal.

Sounds like you have some soul searching to do. Also, what does your husband think? Does he want another baby?

First of all, I wouldn't be worrying about what you think "society" deems acceptable.

Why couldn't you have O. now, while you are working?
Does it have to be an all-SAHM situation or nothing? Why wait 2 years?

Think about what you & your husband want (leave society out of it!) and make the best decision for you guys.

well then I blew society's socks off when I had my 4th DAUGHTER lol...... I think your age is just a #, I think if you yearn so much to have another child and you CAN both physically/financially then why the heck not? Of course people are going to judge, talk, look,stare blah blah blah......but who cares? you'll be happy :) more power to you, i've always believed that the "older" moms are the best moms :)

I felt the same way . . . until I got a puppy. :P

I would pray about it and go where God leads me. What does your husband think? We had a pregnancy "scare" a couple of summers ago and I was surprised how my husband reacted (not positive, even though we had talked about it). In fairness to him he's older than me and raising another child would have put him well into old age before that child would have been grown.

I do believe children are a blessing from God, and one of my greatest regrets in life is not having a 3rd relatively soon after my 2nd.

Good luck - God bless you!

I think it is mostly a feeling of satisfaction/completion. Right now, my family is good. Now here is the "odd" thing (part of that feeling I was talking about) - I know/feel I will have an older child brought into my home at some point when my son is older, both boys will be about the same age. Will that be a family friend's child that needs care for an unfortunate cirucumstance, or a family member or a foster/adopted child, I am not sure. I will tell you this I have always felt I will have two boys around the same age, but the "second" will not have been "brought up" in my home. So, I take comfort in knowing/feeling that we are on the right track. Even if it does not happen and I only ever raise one child I will feel complete and fulfilled as a mother of one. With that said, I knew a woman who knew she would not feel complete or fulfilled until she had 10 children.

I never had any pre-planned thoughts that I must have "X" number of children. I am fortunate that my daughter came to us as an infant (my biological niece) and she was all we ever wanted!!

*For me* I never could have imagined having another child at 45...the age where my daughter started college. I have tons of friends and family that have though and are completely happy. I certainly could have afforded another child but starting over was not a goal of mine. I truly gave everything I could as she was growing up and don't think I could do that at 65.

Best of luck with your decision!

Don't worry about normal! Just follow your heart. By the way, I have never even heard your guidelines of what is normal before!
And: My son's best friend's mom was 43 when she had him, loved pregnancy, loved giving birth, and has no issue with energy, even though she also works.
Don't let people tell you you can't.

Dont worry about what society or you family or MIL would think, worry about what you feel is right for you and your familyl. If you have it in you to mother another chiId at this point of your life, then go for it! I can really related with you right now. I am almost 42 with a 9 and 11 year old and I want another BAD. I have always, since I was a child, said I wanted to adopt a child about 4 - 6, one that wasn't adopted as a baby but still young enough to be able to accept love. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DECISION!