How Do You Handle Extremely Clingy Children?

Hello A.,

When a child I'm working with changes their behavior, becomes more clingy, angry, throws more tantrums, I first look to see if they need something I'm not providing. Children cannot say, "you know Mom, I'm feeling lonely right not and I'd love a heart to heart." They just don't have the words.

While in no way am I saying you're doing something wrong, I KNOW no matter how much attention you provide kids, sometimes it's just not enough for them. I do suggest you set aside time each day for you & your son time. This is time you two can talk, play or just be. It's not dinner or TV time, just you time.

When your son gets clingy, look at the clock, tell him what time it's 'you' time, you could also write the time down and let him be in charge of watching the clock. Also, when he starts getting clingy, ask him what he wants to do during 'you' time. Remind him you need to get your work done or you can't have you time.

This will take time, and you will need to be consistent about your approach, but I think it will help.

I which you the best of luck. You have a lot on your plate.

R. Magby

He's normal.
Separation anxiety in children, occurs at different ages and stages.
My son, is typical real independent... but since 3 years old, he is more "clingy" and attached to me. Normal. It is developmental based.
Nothing has changed in his or my life, but he is going through a stage. An age stage.
They say that boys attach to their Moms differently... more so at times.

It will pass.

All the best,
Susan

He wants his mother and your time is clearly divided. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him, in fact he's quite healthy! He doesn't want to go to day care he wants to be with you. Sounds like there's nothing you can do about that so you both will have to get through this.

I work full time (my husband is a stay at home dad) and my 2.5 year old is glued to me! Bathroom and is now sleeping with us etc. Just the way it is. Children want to be with their parents!

Good Luck and I would really focus on the time you do have with him.

I completely agree with Kim N. - get the "Smart Love" book. It has been a tremendous help for me and my son. Yes, this clingyness is difficult and frustrating, but patience is the key. It will get easier, but keep in mind that there may be flare-ups in the future. My son is almost six and there are times when I can't even go to the bathroom by myself - he literally will sit outside the door waiting for me wishing that I had kept the door open. Usually these periods are because something is bugging him or upsetting him in his life (e.g., start of kindergarten) so again, patience and understanding is key.

I am sure he will out grow this. My son spent most all his time with just me and he acted similiar to yours when I left him. He is 7 now and has no problem getting dropped of anywhere and I pray for the moments he wants to spend time with just me. You may want to set some boundaries at some piont with bathroom or what have you with personal space. But I imagine in a few years you may wish for half the attention he gives you now. Just love him give him security let him know you'll always be there and I'm sure he'll out grow this stage. Good luck I know it can be a little annoying.

This is pretty normal for his age. It does vary from child to child. My daughter is also at times somewhat clingy. I have read a good few child development and parenting books and those that are well grounded in science all say that the best approach is to go with it and to remain very available. If a child who is looking for it gets a lot of attachment it will make them more secure and this will help them later in life. The book "The Science of Parenting" has some good explanations of brain chemistry and the neurochemicals released due to touch. As a single parent myself I do understand that you may sometimes need some time off. If you can, you might see if you could get a babysitter for an hour or two a week to just go get coffee or something, so that you get a break or if you have a friend or neighbor that could give you a break for a little while, that would be good. I tell myself that it will not be long before my little sweetie really will be independent and not want to hang out all the time with mama. So maybe we enjoy for now realizing it is transitory. Good luck.

Ahhh, he really ♥'s mommy. That is so sweet. = )

He just misses you when he is not with you.

I know that it is VERY hard right now to do everything and still give him the attn. that he is looking for. But one day this will all be gone and you will look back and wish for these days back again.

God Bless and take care.

I have a similar schedule as you, but have a husband to help, so I applaud you in your loving efforts. Yes, this is normal, a phase you two will need to work through. In different seasons, my children manifest behavoirs that require me to pay more attention to them than usual. At age 3 the whining and crying fits can be very challenging since, as other posters mentioned, they don't have the language to explain.
We use the acronym: HALT to address these moments and I help them process and communicate.
we say; Are you Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?
Then we work to address that need. In our house they will rarely admit to being tired, but if they are they will instead say "lonely", for which the solution is generally a hug, that I turn into a bit of rocking and cuddling until they realize that they actually are "tired".

As for the day care issue, take some time to share with your son, what you do when you are away from him; show him your homework, read your assignments out loud with him, if you can, brig him to work sometime. It helps kids to understand that they will have SO much more fun at the day care than they would going with you.

Good luck. You'll get through this.

It's normal for your child to be clingy, it's part of his developmental process. I suggest reading a great book "Smart Love" (they also have parenting classes and online support). We all want our children to be outgoing and independent but at the tender age of 3 years children still need as much love and attention as they did when they were younger. I've been doing a ton of research on this topic and the "Smart Love" philosophy and book really helped put things into perspective. Try not to get frustrated as we all know it can be exhausting at times, but know that your child is counting on you at this critical development stage and needs to know that he will not be punished or cause you to get upset by wanting to be near you and spend time with you (know that this is normal behavior and actually critical to his self confidence and worth especially as they grow and mature into young adults).

Hope this was of some help :) Keep up the great job!