How Do You Get Your Toddler to Sleep at Night

Hello M.,

I recommend "Healthly Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He talks about ways to help children sleep at different ages of development. This book was a lifesaver for us. I hope it helps you.

T.

Hi M.-

I don't have a good immediate answer for you, but let me ease your worries a little bit. I fed and rocked to sleep all 3 of my children when they were still nursing or on formula. Once they no longer needed a bottle before bed I started rocking a little bit with a lullaby or story and then laying them down in bed. I usually laid down on the bed or floor next to them until they fell asleep. Once in a while I would try to leave before they were actually asleep but were groggy. Sometimes it works and they go to sleep sometimes they would sit up and call me back to bed. At a certain point as they matured I no longer had to stay as long and they would go to sleep on their own. My 7 year old and 5 year olds are now fine sleepers. We brush teeth, read a book, hug and kiss goodnight and they are off to sleep on their own with no problems. We still lay down with the 2 year old to get him to sleep. Some nights he is up and walking around his room while I'm on his bed. I just lay there and wait for him. It usually only takes him a few minutes to decide that the room is pretty boring and that snuggling with me is better :-).

I know many will think that this is just awful, but the truth is it goes by so fast and I now look back on those times of snuggling fondly. Trust me, you will NOT be rocking your 5 year old to sleep!!

If you are exhausted and are just hating your night time routine then I'm sure there are lots of methods to use to get your child to sleep on her own, but if your just worried that you might be doing something "wrong" don't worry about it. Just go with what works and gradually move your daughter to her bed before she's asleep and then you will know when it's time to try the next step.

Good luck,
K.

My daughter is only 11 months, so I haven't had to try this yet, but I read in a magazine that this way works for the child who won't stay in bed.

First step is to go to sleep in bed with her for a few nights. Then go to sleep on the floor next to her for a few nights so that she knows you're still there and you are there to put her back in bed if she tries to get out. Then each night after, work your way closer to the door until eventually you are out the door. She will eventually learn. It may take a week or longer, but worth the end result. Of course, when she falls asleep, you don't have to continue sleeping in her room. You can leave after she conks out. I read this in Parenting Magazine. Let me know if this works. I may need it in the future. Good luck.

My son was nursed and rocked to sleep until he was around 15 months old, and when I went back to work, (at night, no less) we had to come up with a new routine, which was easy to adapt once he was no longer nursing. At bedtime he gets to pick 1-2 stories (depending on the time) and we snuggle down in his bed (or wherever). Once the story is over, he gets tucked in, the light goes out, we say good nights to everyone in the family, give good night kisses, and then we leave the room. We also use the 3 rule. First time he gets up, I take him back, checking to see if everything is OK, and I tuck him back in with another kiss. Second time he is told he has to go to sleep, and is put back with no kiss, and a warning of punishment. Third time hasn't happened often, but you have to follow through! He is 5 now, sleeps through the night in his own bed, and comes and snuggles in the morning if he wakes before me, or I snuggle him when I wake him up. He does slide occasionally, but we always use the same routine. Find one that works for you and your daughter. Good Luck!

I recommend Elizabeth Pantley's book The No Cry Sleep Solution. Also, Dr. Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems.

What I did with my daughter is told her that I would sing two songs and then into the bed she goes. I let her choose the songs so she feels like she has some control. We also have one of those turtles with the fish inside of it that "swim" around and around and it plays music. It's the BEST money I've spent as a parent so far.

Once we are done with reading one book and rocking for two songs and she's in her bed and we pray together she gets to turn on the turtle herself and watch the fish flip until she falls asleep. It keeps her mind busy so that she's not thinking "I wonder what Mommy is doing in the next room?"

If that doesn't work...
You could try switching from rocking to scratching her back which would probably take just as long but at least won't strain your back. To prepare for transition, tell her "tonight, I'm going to rock you one more time but ______ has to take the chair to be cleaned tomorrow. We're going to try something new to go to sleepy..."

I also gave my daughter a brand new inexpensive doll and said this is "bedtime dolly". She needs you to stay right next to her in the bed or she'll be scared. Can you take care of her since you are her mommy? This only worked for a time, but it DID help with the initial transition time for staying in her bed all night. Main thing is changing the focus with introducing something new.

Good luck, but also remember that you might start missing the rocking time yourself. It's a special sacrifice of love and once it's gone, it's gone. Blessings to you. I know it can be frustrating.

My answer to this is that you need to keep putting her to bed, she has become used to the routine of being rocked obviously so why not before bedtime rock with her and read a book, letting her pick out the book and telling her that after the book she needs to go to bed. You have now added something different like the book to break up the routine a bit. Establish with her that after the book she needs to go to her bed. Then put her in bed reminding her that you love her and its bedtime. Walk out and close the door, she will cry but you know the sound of a painful cry or the cry where she is just wanting something. Wait 15-20 minutes then go and put her back in bed again. Assure her that you love her and walk out. This will happen several times until the crying ceases and she is asleep. If she falls asleep on the floor transfer to her bed. Eventually she will fall asleep in bed and will fall asleep when you put her down. This may take a couple days to 10 days to break this routine that you established with her. But remember it too 18 months of this routine so it will take a little bit to break it. You will be a much happier mommy after this is done so give it time. I am not pretending that this will be easy because it will break your heart and you will cry the first couple of nights but stay strong. Both of you need the rest and the break in the old routine.

yes, you just do your normal routine, kiss her and say "it's time to go to sleep now, goodnight" and walk out. you WILL have to put her back in bed 50x! just stand by the door and every time she gets up, you calmly walk her back to bed and say "no, it's time to go to sleep now, stay in bed". you have to be consistent with this, or she will know that if she gets up enough times, you will give in! so she will just push you more and more. it may take a week or 2 for her to stay in bed, but after that it will be sooo worth it! trust me, I've done this twice and it was just as hard both times but worth it in the end! sometimes my girls would end up falling asleep on the floor halfway between the bed and the door from sheer exhaustion! but if you are consistent, keep what you say short and to the point, don't give in to extra hugs or kisses or drinks, don't make it interesting for her to be up, she WILL get it and she WILL give up and stay in bed =) good luck and stay strong!!

is the bed set to the lowest level, all bumpers out, no big pillows or stuffed animals. our son is big for his age and cannot climb out. there are some tent covers that cover the top to prevent them from getting out. our son sits on his bean bag and watches a little tv while he drinks his milk. we say good night and give him his blanket, duck (small blanket with duck head) and curious george...a small one. put his night light projector and white noise on and shut the door. some nights he will chat to himself for 20 mins. but he usually falls asleep fast. he goes down at 8 every night.

The key is to be consistent. Once you commit to stop rocking her, you can't do it anymore, or she will just get confused. After bath and jammies, skip the rocker. Put her in her bed and sit next to her, preferably with a low light. I use a nightlight. Then read a few of her favorite bed time books, tuck her in, sing or do whatever you do, then tell her it is time for bed, turn out the lights, and practice letting her fall asleep while you are next to her. If she cries, either put your hand on her back or hold her hand. If she tries to get out of bed, just keep putting her back in over and over and over. She may not try and get out since you are right next to her. Once she gets where she can fall asleep on her own, then you repeat the same thing, only moving further and further away from the bed every night until eventually you are out of the room. I am still sitting next to the bed with my little one, but she is now falling asleep without being rocked (and in my case nursed as well.) You can do it!! The key is consistency. The best part of this method is that you are not leaving her to cry. You are with her, helping her to learn the skill, so she will not feel abandoned. If she gets sick and ends up in your bed or you have to rock her to comfort her, then you will probably have to start over again, which is what I am having to do right now. It may take awhile, but be strong!! Good luck!!!

Wow, that sounds like my daughter. I rocked her also everynight. I couldnt even put her down awake or there would be screaming and eventually she would cry so hard she would throw up. She would fall asleep in her crib when she was almost 2 if I put a movie on. Then she learned how to climb out of her crib and she is now in the bed with us. I know it will be a life sentence (haha) but she goes to sleep and so do I. Good luck.

I have 2 year old twins (boy/girl). I have them in separate rooms and have the heavy duty plastic gates at their doors (so they can't come out of their rooms, but don't feel closed in). I use the Homedics Spa for each and they love that (so much so, that I have a spare one in case one breaks), they were only about $20: http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_12605_00823337000P?sid...
Mine were from Bed, Bath and Beyond and were cheaper than the Sears one in this link (but same exact product). It plays music (twinkle, twinkle little star and 2 other classical tunes) and projects a light show (3 different options: stars/moon, fish & animals. There is a timer, so you can set it to play for 15min - 1hr.

My SIL still has to rock her 2 1/2 year old...for both nap and night time. When I used to watch her during the afternoons I would have to do the same rocking to get her to go down for a nap. It was very frustrating and almost impossible because I was also watching my own 4 month old at the same time. It became so difficult that I decided I just wasn't going to do it anymore. Now I lay her down on the couch next to me and we watch a little TV while I pat her back until she falls asleep. Yes, another crutch, but one that works for me. But it does show that not all hope is lost and that even a strong willed toddler can change if you help her out.
I don't have much advice, except that persistance and consistancy is the key! It may seem impossible right now, but if you want things to change you have to make them change becuase they won't do it on their own. Good luck! You may have a week of rough nights ahead, but it will be TOTALLY worth it once you get to where you want to be!

Our son is a little older, turned two in July, but we just transitioned him to a toddler bed about a month ago and had the problem of him getting up several times. The way we handled it was we would tell him that we are going to read two stories before bed. Then we rock and pray and then he gets in his bed. The first time he would get up, Mommy would come and take him back to bed with reassurance and kisses. The second time just back to bed, no talking. Third time, enter Dad. If Dad had to get in the mix then there would be a threat of punishment should he get out of bed again, and a follow through of that punishment if he got up (seriously we had to do that once I think). We still do the same should he wake up in the middle of the night and come to our room. I take him back and check that everything is OK, no wet diaper, no fever, you know the normal drill. If all is well I kiss him and put him down. If he gets up again, Dad takes him back and lets him know that he is not to get up again. I don't know your exact situation but the thing is at our house the third time is where the line is drawn, regardless of who draws it. The first couple weeks we really had to be a little stern, but now he goes down like a champ and just loves his bed. He shows everyone who comes to the house his cool bed and loves to sleep in it. So I think consistency is the key and not being afraid to use some discipline to let them know that going to sleep and staying in bed are not negotiable. It really won't cause any sleep problems and gives them the confidence that the parents are in charge and all is well. You really can introduce a new routine and enforce it, she will do fine even if there are a couple bumpy weeks. Oh, I have a very strong willed little boy who is just wonderful but as I said STRONG willed, my hubby and I are reading a book called "Temper you child's Tantrums" by James Dobson. Wow, what a great book for parents who have feisty kids! I picked it up for like $5, I highly recommend it. Best wishes!!

If you have ever watched an episode of the Supernanny, then you will understand that kids can be VERY persistent! The key is to be MORE persistent than they are. If you really don't want to rock her to sleep anymore, then you need to just keep putting her back in the bed as many times as it takes. Is she out of a crib already? If she's climbing out of a crib, then I would recommend getting something called a "crib tent" to put on top of it to prevent that. If she's in a toddler bed already, then you're just going to have to keep putting her back down. If you outlast her, just one night, she will learn very quickly that she won't win that battle. I think it is going to be tough at this age since they certainly grow accustomed to things and like routine, but you're just going to have to create a new one for her and wait for her to accept it.

I still rock my 17 month old boy, but only for a minute or two, just to have some cuddle time before I put him in the crib. He is still awake when I put him down and goes to sleep on his own. He has a crib toy (the Fisher Price Aquarium) in there that he plays with and listens to the music on and eventually puts himself off to sleep. Consistency is the key to this and even if it seems like it will NEVER work when she keeps getting out of bed, I promise you, it will if you are consistent and don't back down. Good luck. I think you will have a few rough nights ahead of you, but it can be done and it really should only take a few nights. Be strong!

M., I have 5 children and I have rocked and breastfed them before bed, too. However, when they were around 4 months or so, I would feed and rock ONLY until they were slightly groggy but still awake. Then I carry them to the bed and cover them up to go to sleep. The last thing they remember is putting themselves to sleep. They have now all learned to put themselves to sleep fully awake and they just know that it's time to go night night. They snuggle down and just fall asleep. I am not sure at 18mos if this would work since she is accustomed to being rocked fully asleep. I guess it's worth a try! I pray you will find the right solution.