How Do You Do It

I know how draining it can be when you are tired and can't "call in sick" to being a Mom! I had twins when my oldest son was 3 and those last few months of pregnancy and first few monthes after they were born were really tough, running on E all the time. My oldest is 8 now and not to long ago he brought up those days when I was so exhausted I would have him watch a video or color so I could take a nap or he used to play with my hair while I rested (so I could know where he was) and would wake up with all kinds of toys stuck in my hair!

Well he was telling me about it but he was remembering it in a positive way and remembering the quiet times we had spent just me and him as he put it. I was so surprised, because I was sure those were horrible times for him, because we could not hardly go out. It is amazing at what we as mothers guilt ourselves for and our children only see the love and never notice anything else!

Please keep that in mind as you struggle with your health and juggling your responsibilies. Children are amazing at understanding and I am sure your son knows you love him and are doing the best you can. It makes those trips to the park that much more special ;>

Never be too tired for a hug and some loving words- it will make you both feel better.

May you both be blessed and regain your strength and health soon,

A.

You do the best you can at that moment. That's all there is to it. If you can't go outside, don't. What the other moms suggest is right on. Games, movies, small art projects, coloring. These are the days where he actually gets more one on one attention than the days where he's running around outside playing.
I also don't have anyone to turn to for help on those days. My husband will be at work, my friends home with their kids. Family is in another state(s). We're military so we have to move and when you do, it takes a while to even begin to meet people. So you have to rely on yourself. I know what that is like.
The problem is that one bad day can turn into a week or a month of bad days if you let it. So much of it is mental. If you have negative thoughts, it will form into negative feelings which can and will form into physical ailments. It's a hard cycle to get out of. So whatever you do, surround yourself with positive influences. Even if it's online or on the television. Watch the happy things and say happy things even when you're not feeling it and eventually you'll start to feel better. It won't cure you, but it will make you more able to deal with what comes your way when you have a positive outlook.

I'm not sure what your financial situation is, but would you qualify for any type of visiting home care? When I was in college I worked for a home care company. While most of my clients were elderly and handicapped, several were for people who had health issues like yours and needed help with basic housework & chores as well as helping with their kids. Also, you might want to contact the United Way. I'm SURE they have resources available. If you belong to a church you can probably find volunteers to help you out. Good luck and hope your health improves!

Find a grandmother type to baby and mommy sit. Ask the minister at your church if there is someone who is lonesome and would like the company. Most churches have Sunday school classes for the empty nesters and they could even get a schedule for members.

HI J., sorry to hear about your medical issues. I think Ana is right in the sense that you should always hug, kiss and offer positive reinforcement in the time that you are able to spend with your child. We have a friend who has MS and she has done a lot of research in how to deal with small children when you have physical limitations. One is the positive reinforcement, positive activities like you're doing plus puzzles, games, flash cards, small art projects etc. She also has a person come in to take her daughter outside. Park, zoo playgroups etc. She explains to her daughter that her body doesn't let her do as many outside things like other moms but that's what the caregiver is for. Each time they come from an outdoor activity she and her talk about what she did. It's a very bonding time for them. She is very honest about her physical limitations. Children are capable of understanding more than we give them credit for. As for you, I would try to find a support group even if it's online. You need to be able to express your feelings. Emotional support can do wonders for our physical state. You may actually feel better if you interact with someone about your issues. I hope your health issues resolve. Hang in there.

I have some days like those you describe, not quite as severe but still. I have arthritis, back problems, migraines, and problems with an old fracture in my shoulder, so I also spend some days in bed because I just hurt too much. Like you, I don't take the kids out on those days, I just bring them in the room with me. What you are doing is good. It keeps him busy with creative things, education, and play, it keeps him from making messes all over the house, while also keeping him secure in the room with you. I do this some times too, I also turn the TV on to something for toddlers on occasion. Just remember, you have to take care of you also, if not it will just get worse, and you know the saying, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." That is so true, so you take care of you, and that will help you take care of those around you. Don't feel bad, you are doing the best you can for your situation.

Another thing you should consider is asking for help. If the husband is around let him know how you are feeling, and ask him to help take care of things for a while. You need some support, we all do. If you know anyone at all, it doesn't hurt to talk to them about your trials and triumphs. Just talking can be helpful and may even bring an invitation of help without even asking.

If you don't know anyone, it would probably be a good idea to try going to some organized activities like a moms club, story time at the library, play groups, story time at a book store, small group church activities, kids parties, etc. Anything were you can go out on days you are feeling up to it and regularly see a group of people and start talking to them and get to know them so that you will have some support, some company, listening ears, and hopefully eventually a shoulder to cry on if you need it. I don't often call on them on my real bad days, but I do sometimes on those in between days where I just need a little boost to help me through things. It really is a huge blessing to have that kind of support when it's needed.

I have a good friend with a similar problem. Alot of health issues and days that she can't even get out of bed. She finally bit the bullet and hired a mature high schooler to come in after school a few days a week. It's been a huge hlep just to take some of the stress off and know her child is being played with and she can just rest or sleep. Since she (the mom) is still physcially in the house, I don't know how the payment goes. It's also nice just having another adult in the house to talk to especially on those days you just have a "meltdown" because you can't hardly take care of yourself and you start feeling guilty about everything.

J., I do not mean to scare you but I thought I had the flu and went in for an arthritis check up and the Dr ordered an EKG. He found out I was in atrial fibrilation which means your heart beats too fast. He told me that was making me dizzy and nauseated so it sounds to me like you need to see a Dr. Tell him how bad you have been feeling. Friends and relatives as well as babysitters can hopefully give you a break. Good Luck, Prayers, Lyn C.

J.,

I'm very sorry to hear that you are so sick. The best thing for you to do is rest. See if you can get your baby to bed at a decent (early) hour at night. Use that time to rest up. When you wake in the morning, hopefully you are well rested and refreshed.

I'm sure your son is fine with reading books and spending time with you in your bed. Watching movies and fun kid tv shows are grea too, don't feel bad about this.

Depending on your age and medical issues, you seriously need to seek medical attention. There are many medications that should work wonders for your problems.

My mother always tells me, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO JUST DO IT, TAKE CARE OF THEM ALWAYS, THERE IS NO DOWN TIME FOR MOMS (except for when we are sleeping-but even then our minds are always racing). One day, he'll take care of you J.!

Best wishes and Happy Holidays

i have arthritus in both wrists and in my knees i know what your feeling and winter really sux what i find helps is the braces you buy in walmart with the bars for support that way i have the use of my hands without having the movement pain, it also helped when my children were babies i was soooo afraid i might drop them due to the pain and if i felt any pain i put on the braces for extra support never dropped a baby:) the legs are different i just have to tackle that pain as it comes and it totally sux. all i can say is take it easy cuddle in your bed with your son have some of his favorite toys in your room for those days you can't get up he can play in there and you still be involved. movies and kids shows are great as well good luck and merry christmas

J. I am sorry to hear about your issues. I know how you feel about having bad days, I have bad days and I am pretty healthy so I can imagine how you feel. Maybe you could get toghether with other moms who have children and then you could get together with the kids so they can entertain each other and also have a friend to help you out! There is nothing wrong with your child reading on bad day, play some games, so some crafts etc. It is good for them so do not feel bad. If you over exert yourself, it will make it worse. Keep strong.

my problems aren't as severe but when I do get sick over the counter meds can be a godsend to get you through a day or two especially if your baby is sick to its very hard to take care of little ones when you are both ill. Thats why they say moms have the hardest jobs!! Good Luck!!

Maybe you can hire a mothers helper? At that age they are so curious and want to explore. My son is 22months and I am healthy and I still get exhausted. It's hard.

I am lucky to be pretty healthy but we all get sick and have low energy days. On those days I try to get help so my daughter can still have a fun day and I can rest and get better quicker. If that is not possible I just explain that I am not feeling well and I set up in the bedroom with some movies and get as much rest as possible. My daughter is 2 1/2 so her requests of me are pretty constant but she really does seem to understand when I don't feel well. I usually have her make me tea (pretend) and bring me tissues, tuck me in bed. She's a natural little mommy so she enjoys that. It sounds to me like you've got the hanging out in bed part down and what you really need is some help. Tell your friends and family members what is really going on with you. There must be someone you can reach out to. Is part-time childcare or a babysitter an option? Maybe look for a mom's day out program, usually churches have these. If you really don't have a support system in place a church might be a good place to find one. Your illnesses sound serious, you need help. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

There isn't any easy way. I work part time but always have my kids when I am sick because daycare is close to my work and way out of the way for my husband. I was pregnant and my daughter was 1 yr old when I had mono. I was freezing and running a high fever. We have a separate room set up as a playroom, filled with toys. I normally let them play in there while I lay on the bean bag and try to do the best I can. When I had mono I had to put my daughter in her crib to play because I couldn't stay awake and I know she could get hurt otherwise. You do what you can when you are sick. I try to have patience and entertain them. It is easier with my eldest now because she loves to watch Dora but my youngest is only 11mths so she requires constant attention. Having a separate playroom that is baby proof and full of toys is the best. They play and have fun while you lay down and sometimes dose off. I do lay them down at the same time for a lap so I can get sleep too. Unfortunately, it normally results in my youngest crying for awhile because she is exhausted by then (she is use to having a nap earlier). What I try to remember is that your health is important the sooner you get over your illness the quicker you can be back to normal and playign with them. If you don't take care of yourself then you could be sick a lot longer. It sounds like you have somethin other then a common cold going on. I wish you the best of luck and hope you feel better. You should really find someone to talk to. Maybe having your child in daycare one or 2 days a week so you can rest would be an idea.

The important thing is that you are doing something creative with your son. Seems like you are. Consult with your doctor. See if he/she can recommend vitamins or give you suggestions on what you can do on the days your arent feeling good.

I have suffered from depression most of my life. This condition also causes pain in your body which makes it almost impossible to get out of bed. I also have herniated discs in my back which causes me alot of pain. Some time ago, I stopped taking any prescription medication such as anti depressents and pain medication and seeked a more holistic cure. I started drinking MONA VIE and it has changed my life. It is an all natural fruit juice that has many health benefits. It has changed my life, I have more energy, sleep better and more. I even have better periods. If you want to ask any questions about this I am happy to help. It sounds like your a great mom and although this is not a miracle, if it can help you anyway, it's better than what your living with now.