I Feel like a Terrible Mother!!!

That's more than I would have done if I was sick... my husband would have picked up takeout. I'm very glad I don't have the "guilt gene"

Feel better soon!

I'm not able to function fairly regularly because of my health, so I had to get over the guilt thing pretty early on when my kids were younger. I let go of that notion we can do it all. We can't! No way. And you know what, it's good for your daughter to learn that daddy can handle things. You want her to grow up to know that both men and women care for their children and help each other out when one is not feeling well.

I have a friend who was a supermom and did it all. Here I was not being able to volunteer or do this, that or the other and I used to compare myself to her. Why? It just made me feel worse. I was doing the best I could under the circumstances. I'm not her. Even if I was able to, I'm not that mom. That's her. In the end, she told me she was on meds because she was so stressed. So not everyone is really able to do it all without giving up on something else.

Right now we have flu going around our house. My kitchen counters are stacked high with dishes. One sick kid upstairs in bed missing school. Another one was home yesterday. At around 1 pm I went in to make sure he was still alive and breathing. Being sick sucks but it happens to everyone. Hope you feel better soon - in the meantime, give yourself a break! You look after yourself first, so you can be the best you there is.

Giiirrrlllll...we had hot dogs last night and I feel fine. LOL Stop comparing yourself to others. Not everyone is a great cook or house keeper. NONE of us are perfect wives or mothers. NO ONE has a perfect day every single day of their life. So stop all that.

Count your blessings that you have a husband that will step up when you don't feel well. My ex would have done NOTHING to help with the kids, even if I was in bed dying.

There's a blogger that I follow. She is my idol. She *seems* to do everything perfect. Makes everything from scratch...including her own cleaning supplies AND body washes, soaps and now even MAKE-UP! At first when I started to follow her I felt awful, like I can't do ANY of this! I'm not even kidding! Oh and she does all their home repairs and upgrades...she put in the kitchen floor herself and put the kids wooden play yard together in their back yard...she's Wonder Woman, no joke.

But you know what, one day she posted she had an awful day and ended up making Hamburger Helper for dinner. I was so SHOCKED! Mostly that she even had a box of HH in her kitchen! I actually send her a FB message and we had a really eye opening exchange. She knows that people have this "perception" of her and admits she has a pretty good life but also struggles with things she doesn't post about. She also said she LOVE to cook, clean, homeschool, build things, grow things, etc. *I* don't like to do ANY of that! LOL So why was I comparing myself to her?

Once I realized that I started to see all the great things I do for my family. The reasons why my second husband loves me. EVERYONE has good days and bad days. Some people have more good days than bad days. Other people have WAY more bad days then good days. We are all different people and we live different lives. And that's ok.

Sorry I'm rambling but I just want you to understand that it's ok to give yourself a break and not stress about those days that are not perfect. It's ok to take some time for yourself to recover from a sickness. Or just order pizza one night and have a mental break and watch some dumb reality tv and do nothing else. I hope you can get to the place where you understand this. It's really an important life lesson. Best wishes!

Stop comparing yourself to martyrs.
Are your kids safe? Fed? Clean? Then you did your job.

You are a good mom because you are teaching your kids that it's okay to be human.

So for one or two days your husband had to be a dad??!! THAT'S HORRIBLE!!!
Stop blaming yourself.
Stop comparing yourself.
I don't know you so I can't say if you are a good mom or not, but I CAN say that we all have thoughts like you. Then we all decided...do we get to sit in the ridiculousness or do we move on and give ourselves grace.
I choose grace....

I've been sick all week too. Haven't cooked dinner in 2 days and have been in bed by 10 every night. My hubby is perfectly able to scrounge up something to eat. I've watched my granddaughters (I babysit while their parents work) and yes I did feed my granddaughters cheese sandwiches and cut up grapes for dinner last night because I just couldn't cook. You know what? Everyone will survive and be fine while I recover.

I understand feeling less than when you hear about how others do much more but please know that there will always be someone who is doing much more. That's their love language; doing things for others. Some will do much less. You just worry about doing what's right for your family.

And why should you feel bad about not bathing your child? Your husband is perfectly able to do it. Both parents need to be involved in raising a happy child. I think all this is bothering you because you don't feel well. Go easy on yourself and I'm sure things will look better once you feel better.

I think you are putting too many expectations on yourself! It's ok if the kid doesn't get a bath for a day or two...or even three. That happens sometimes in our household and it's no big deal. Sometimes we get sick and just have to let things slide. Be kind to yourself! When I have a bad headache I really cannot function. As for your friend...stop comparing yourself to her. Baking must be her "thing". I am not a baker, but my MIL and SIL are. They will bake all kinds of complicated things. I don't think they are better mothers because of that! In fact, if you want, you could secretly think you are teaching your daughter better eating habits by not having baked goods around all the time. As an adult eating baked goods really makes me put on weight. I hope you feel better soon and I hope you are kinder to yourself. I bet you are a great mom. And remember, it is OK to have slacker days now and then...especially when you are not feeling well.

Perhaps your friend feels peaceful and happiest in the kitchen. Do you have something that you really enjoy? Don't feel bad. Kids don't need a bath every night. There was a time when bathing even once per week was a luxury.

It's winter too. Your child could end up with extremely dry skin due to bathing too often.

Don't feel bad about yourself. Your husband should help. Even if it's tucking kiddo in bed so you can go lay down early.

everybody gets sick, hon. and when you're sick, the rest of it has to take a back seat.
good for your husband for stepping up. i'm sorry he was exhausted- but you pick up the slack when you're NOT sick, right? sometimes it's absolutely a matter of who feels less depleted.
i remember a blizzard hitting us not long after we moved to this farm, right before christmas, and all four of us had the flu. and we all four had to shovel our long driveway out, in shifts, all sick, all miserable. even the kids, who were young teen and pre-teen at the time.
i hope you realize that your friend isn't bragging when she shares her happy stuff with you. (and if she is shoving it in your face, she's not really a good friend, is she?) i'm always a little perplexed when people are angry at those who are happy. i'm sure in your case it's just that you're feeling blue, right? you're not really resentful of a friend who loves to bake and boings about it?
there were times my kids got a bowl of cereal for dinner. burgers and dogs in the oven is pretty fancy when you're feeling sick and overwhelmed.
cut yourself some slack.
khairete
S.

You need to take care of YOU so you can take care of everyone else.
You need this down time - so get over feeling guilty about it.
You'll recover more quickly if you allow yourself to rest up instead of worrying about not being able to do what you normally do.
Everyone plops the kids in front of the tv once in awhile while Mom snoozes on the couch.
Sometimes you call in sick to work, take your child to daycare and then go home and sleep until it's time to pickup at daycare.
Take a break from your 'good friend' s bragging.
If she's so good - let her make you some chicken soup and bring it over.
It's all good and everyone has been there at one time or another.
Stop beating yourself up over it.

We all have had those days... don't worry. If it makes you feel better- I bought kids pizza for lunch today even though I had made lunch. I was too tired to put it on the plate. I literally begged the younger one to watch TV so I could sit down. I have been sick with terrible cramps. Just got to know that I will need surgery. 10 days ago found out father in law has skin cancer- hubby is stressed. Well everyone was fed. That's it. I am past that feeling terrible. We are human.

Sometimes we are just sick and sick and tired.

I think it is the over all feeling of being so super yucky that is making you feel even worse.

Stop beating yourself up and go to bed.

HUGS!!

R.

STOP! Stop trying to compare yourself to others and their BS.

Your "friend" can TALK a good game. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in her house.

You fed your family. You took care of them. HOW ON EARTH IS THAT A FAILURE????

I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well. Take some vitamin C and take a nap or stay in bed. You need to take care of you too. That's how you do it.

Your husband can pick up the slack. Even if it means ordering pizza so that you can sleep.

Moms occasionally need sick days, too. If you were working full-time, you'd be able to take a sick day. And I'm glad that you are sympathetic to your husband. If he really is exhausted at the end of the day, I think it's wonderful that you appreciate that he put your daughter to bed. I don't know what your husband does for a living, so he really could be exhausted. But don't think that just because he had to "work" all day that he gets to say he's "exhausted" but taking care of your daughter all day doesn't count as "work." Point being, you do, in fact, work all day. You are allowed to be tired, too. Both parents need to parent whenever they can. Dad should never be routinely off the hook just because he went to work that day.

If your friend is always bragging about baking and cooking all day, she's probably insecure and feels the need to compensate by making a big deal about it. I don't cook at all everyday. My husband and I both work, we both cook, we make extras and often eat leftover's for dinner. Sometimes we just make sandwiches. 0There are other things that take our time and energy. Also, we just enjoy relaxing occasionally.

If you are sick, you need to rest. If you are having trouble resting, maybe your husband could take a sick day and stay home so that you can just rest and do nothing.

Being a mom does not mean never taking a day off. We're only human!

You should ditch the good friend. If she was a good friend she wouldn't be bragging about cooking while sick which to me sounds like a lie. A good friend would have helped you out this week.

Don't compare yourself to other mothers. I think a lot of people talk out of their butts and make their lives seem better than they are. When I'm sick like how you are I tell my husband that I kept the kid alive today and thats all I got in me. Focus on getting yourself better. The cleaning can wait, nap if you can.

BTW, I feel guilty sometimes too when I don't make my husband a decent dinner when I'm sick. I try to keep extra chili and sauce in the freezer for days like that. The crock pot is always good too.

Oh sweetie, you need to breathe and you also need to sleep!

Here's the thing: We ALL go through days like that. But look at it this way. A stay-at-home mom works 24/7. Your husband works 8/5. Once he gets home, you divide the work, and that's on normal days when no one is sick. If you're sick, you take time off. How many sick days does he get? 10? How many to you get? Zero? How many vacation days does he get? 14-21? How many do you get? Zero?

You see my point....

You ARE a good wife and mother, just as he is a good husband and worker at whatever his career is. You want him to relax from 5:30-10:30, right? Great. When is your 5 hour rest period?

While I don't want to get sarcastic, part of me wants to say, "Oh, boo hoo, he had to come home from work and had to be a dad." My husband worked hard and loved being a dad to his 3 kids. His first wife went out every night, and he was home with the kids. He hated her absence and it caused their divorce, but he loved parenting, even after a long day.

Your daughter does not need a bath every day. Neither do you. It's okay. Hot dogs and hamburgers are fine once in a while - and kudos to you for getting yourself vertical enough to put them in the oven. Cereal for dinner is also okay, and so are cheese and crackers or plain scrambled eggs. Really, it's fine.

Regarding your friend who's alway baking - why do you think she's always shoving it in your face? Because somewhere, somehow, when you can't see her, she's falling down on something and feeling inadequate. The only way she can feel good or validated is by one-upping you. You either need to ignore her or find a new friend. Really. Friends don't do that to other friends.

You are not getting well because you are not resting. If you want to talk about immune system support, I can help you with that. But right now, the best thing you can do is go to bed, don't make a bed or dust a dresser, don't wash a dish, don't give a bath, don't take a shower. Take some Tylenol, drink more fluids and eat some chicken soup (which your husband can pick up at the soup bar at the supermarket), hire a babysitter to take your kid out for a few hours while you sleep, tell your husband to take a day off work to care for HIS child, and stop measuring yourself against some unrealistic standard.

If you can't give yourself this gift, then think about this: you are teaching your daughter that women do not matter.

non mothers call in sick when they don't feel well enough to work. someitmes ya gotta just call in sick as a mother too. if you are ill you will only spread it by caring for others.. and you run the risk of running yourself to the ground and needing more than just extra rest to get over being sick. yes motherhood is a 24-7 job.. but we alre also allowed to "call in sick" and make our partners cover us for a night. don't feel bad about it.. just sleep and get better so you can resume your duities! at least you have a husband that will help you out..
and ignore lil miss brag about my life... shes just hiding her not so good days.

You're not a terrible mother. Please. You need to ditch this so-called friend. No FRIEND would brag in your face like that.

I guess I'm a horrible mom then, because my boys had hot dogs for lunch today with chips. Dinner? We're getting ready to go out.

You are not a terrible mother. You are human, and it's ok for your husband and child to know that you are human.

And I think your friend is irresponsible. People who are sick should not make food for others - they are spreading their germs around!

Oh good heavens! Do you think you're supposed to be Superwoman? You aren't! You are a human being first, a woman second, a wife third, and a mother fourth. If you get sick, you have to have help so that you give your body time to get well. If you don't, you'll just pay the piper over and over. Ending up in the hospital because you didn't take care of yourself is idiotic.

Why do you pay attention to people who do things like your friend? Do you really want to be stupid like her? Why are you letting someone who does stupid stuff make you feel inferior? Or why are you believing that she is even sick? She could just be lying to you to make her feel good about treating her friend like dirt... yeah, some friend.

Time for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept the reality that EVERYONE gets sick and everyone needs to let themselves get well, and not treat themselves badly because of it. Feeling guilty does NOTHING but make you miserable. It serves no purpose other than prolonging your misery and won't make you well.

Go get some sleep and take some medicine. Promise yourself that you will get over this idea that you are supposed to be Superwoman. Then keep your promise!

You are not a terrible wife or mother, but you're human and you're sick. That's not failure. I'm sorry you're feeling sick. I hope you can rest and get your energy back.

No good friend brags about the homemade foods she makes. A good friend would have brought you a homemade dinner. I'm sorry that your "friend" brags and doesn't understand that food is for sharing, for helping others, for feeding someone who needs a meal.