How Do You Cope with 2 Kids?

If we did spread sheets and finances before deciding, we wouldn't have any. We are ecstatic with three. You do it. Love finds a way.

It takes two to make a baby so if he didn't want another he should have NOT TRIED.
Now that that's out of the way , my first was more work than my second. I am a SAHM so the childcare part wasn't an issue for us. My first was high needs my second, laid back. They are still totally opposites. Having the second isn't really all that different than the first. I guess it also depends on how far apart they are in age. mine are 3 yrs apart at that age you can teach the older to help, ie bring diapers, play nicely with baby, get baby a bottle, binky etc.
What really gets you in $$ is diapers and formula , if you formula feed. you cut back , buy generic, stop eating out as much, stop going to movies , entertainment expenses have to be cut back on. And you get buy just fine.

My boys are 18 months apart. My oldest loves his brother more than anything, and definately seems happier when baby bro is around. It will be hard work, but I thought it would be 10x harder than it really is. Good luck!

I have 2 kids.

What your husband said, it not true.
The 2nd child is just as much as a happy occasion as the 1st.

You will cope.
It just is.
You will manage financially.
You will be ready for the 2nd.
It just is.
You just do, what you need to do.

The 1st child, will not be unhappier.
My 1st child, is SO happy she has a little brother. She actually tells me that. My 1 kids are so close and two peas in a pod. My youngest also tells me he is SO happy to have his sister.
Love is not finite.
But, it is the attitude, toward them, that either is finite or grows.
Preconceived notions of a 2nd child, is preconceived. It is not fact.
It is based on stereotype. Not fact.

No worries...my husband never felt ready for 1..and we have 3! And he is the absolute best dad! He adores his kids.... It is scary..and to be concerned about finances etc is certainly understandable..but it's all worth it. Don't worry about being perfect...you'll have all the love you need for the next one.....it will work out...and it's all good...promise! Best of luck to you and your family!!

Remember how you loved your first baby before he/she was born, but until you actually saw that perfect little face you never knew just how much love you were truly capable of...? It's just like that. Seriously. I remember sobbing the whole way to the hospital on our way to have our 2nd because our oldest was only 17 months old & I felt like a horrible, evil, wicked mother to be bringing a new baby into the house when we were only 24 years old, totally broke, & our baby boy still needed 100% of our time, love & attention. Turns out I was wrong about all of it. Situations change & as long as your roll with it, you'll be fine. Your husband might take a little longer to warm up to it than you, I know mine did, but if you could see the picture of him holding his baby daughter for the first time & the look of pure glee on his face...well, you'd understand.

Wow! The 2nd makes the happiness from the 1st lessen? Glad to know that! Here I thought the 2nd made life even better! Silly me! LOL Seriously...I have 2 kids, one is almost 4 and on is almost 1 1/2 and my husband is deployed for a year, I don't have family around, and frankly, I don't know what I'd do without both of my little buddies! It's all on me, and although I wish I had family or close friends nearby for some help and support, I think we're doing just fine. Granted there are days where I'm ready for the funny farm...but that would be with 1, 2, or 6! I am a SAHM, so the daycare part isn't an issue, but at the same time, I think a couple hours in daycare for these guys would be good for all of us sometimes! I think in a lot of ways, having 2 is a bit easier...you are not always the "playmate" or only source of companionship. I love to watch my 2 play princess and the dragon (or prince depending on DD's mood that day for her little brother!) or "soccer" or house. Yep, it's more work...but really, not THAT much. I mean, you go to the pediatrician anyway, you grocery shop anyway, you make dinner anyway, laundry anyway...what's one more? Ok...My only gripe with more than 1...if you're alone with them...2 sick kids at the same time sucks. 2 sick kids and a sick mom REALLY sucks. But health does eventually return and life goes on. I had also worried about how I could love another child the way I do my first...and it's true...your heart just explodes and expands and envelops them. I'm even considering a 3rd at times! It's just amazing to see your "baby" become a big sis or bro and fill a new role. You can do it! Your Dh can do it. HE may be pulling the "Ok, well I didn't want this...YOU did" routine so he can do an "I told ya so" if things get tough...but chances are the "I told you so" will be opposite of what you'd think...I bet he'll adore being a dad to 2.
Congrats!

My daughter just had her third child last night. Her first two, ages 7 and 10 are so excited! I've been told and have experienced it to be true that love expands with each child, friend, etc.

I suggest that once you know for sure that you're pregnant you will begin to think of ways to make this work. My daughter and her husband were also concerned about the cost of child care. They decided to take the two out of child care and were able to do that by changing their work schedules. By the time baby arrived they had made several adjustments that now enables them to fully enjoy this new bundle of joy.

We do make adjustments as various opportunities occur in life. For example: I didn't buy a house because I didn't think I could make the payments and still maintain a reasonable life style. I literally thought I'd be eating beans and rice for years. An opportunity arose in which the price of the house was below market value and I bought it! To my surprise the adjustments I needed to make just seemed to happen naturally and I didn't have to eat beans and rice. lol

I advise you to see this as an opportunity to expand your family and your love. Yes, it's risky but somehow, some way everything does work out.

It isn't coping... your life just adjusts! I am one of those crazy people that think 2 is way easier than 1! They keep each other entertain and are best friends! They play together, they comfort each other, they just generally take care of each other. Sometimes I get jealous because I feel left out! :)

Updated

It isn't coping... your life just adjusts! I am one of those crazy people that think 2 is way easier than 1! They keep each other entertain and are best friends! They play together, they comfort each other, they just generally take care of each other. Sometimes I get jealous because I feel left out! :)

You just do it. You find a way and make it work, fall into a routine and it becomes second nature. Hmm, maybe that's what happens when you have the third and fourth. Oh yeah, I remember.... having a second child is a big adjustment. At first it's a shock how much more work 2 is than just one. THEN you fall into your routine and it becomes second nature. Then they get older and it's so much fun, they play together, they fight but learn how to get along with a sibling, they go off to school, they learn to drive and you hardly see them and ready or not off they go to college and you wonder where the time went and wish you could do it all again.

My husband and I both work fulltime and we have 2 kids. I think life is much easier/happier with 2. Honestly.

Yes, there is daycare and food and scheduling...etc...but its all worth it. We have so much fun with our kids (now 6 and 3/almost 4). We were a little older and a little wiser when we had our second. We knew what to expect. We also always knew that we wanted two, so our family never really felt complete until our son came along.

Now 3/almost 4 years later, our kids are almost best-friends and play very well together. I love having conversations with them about the world and its workings. I couldn't imagine life without the 2 of them.

personally, 1 child seems too boring for me! I know I might sound crazy, but I always wanted 2 dogs and 2 kids (stopped at 1 husband though :)).

It is really up to both of you to decide together, but I think your husbands concerns are valid and perfectly normal, but I also think #2 is so worth it!

I had 3 to start with, my 4th came 3 yrs ago. You just do it. I don't quite get his idea that you are happier with the first and the 2nd is more work. Honestly I think my first 3 were a heck of a lot easier than the 4th because that girl is a whirlwind of energy and I don't have a way to distract her. At least the first time around I could clean while they played with each other. And I did not have help around the corner. My mom helped with an occassional pack of diapers with the 3 and watched them in an emergency. But otherwise, it was just me and my husband. When I got home he went to work. I was no less happy to have her than I was the first 3 (surprised maybe but no less). You learn with the first one--cutting your teeth so to speak. Each child is different and you figure things out as you go along. A friend is pregnant, worried how she will handle a 4th child. This child is a surprise but i am sure things will work out fine. While there is a financial aspect to it, it will ALWAYS be there. Yes, we had tough times and we went without a bunch of times but it can workout. You make it happen. You can sit down with him and talk about his fears and your own--emotional, financial, etc. Talk about what ifs. What if you are in fact pregnant? Guess, what, your having a baby. Talk about "now what"? Communication will be the best way to get through all of it.

Your husband will come around no worries there. The prospect of two is scary when you know first hand how hard one is! I have two and was scared to death of it before baby came. Somehow, you just do it. I do however recommend a mother or MIL to stay with you for a while to watch your toddler while you take care of new baby. Then, surprisingly you just juggle and somehow, it just works out. Sometimes you have to leave one whining while tending to the other, so second baby has to learn some patience. I have less me time than ever before, but in a strange way its easier than the first because I was prepared in advance how hard it was going to be. Now big sister can entertain baby so it doesn't all fall on me to keep her occupied. All I can say is, it will work out.

I was a little scared both times my test was positive; my husband was the super excited one :) Yeah, there are financial concerns, and I REALLY worried "How am I going to love #2 as much as I love my son???" It kept me up at night, gave me weird/scary dreams that I couldn't fall back to sleep after, and I even woke a couple of times in a full-blown panic attack.

It turns out I had nothing to worry about. My son had just turned 3 when my daughter was born, and now they are 4.5 and almost 17mo, and truthfully, it's been awesome and so much easier than I ever imagined it could be. Granted, I'm blessed enough to be able to stay home, so I can't testify as the child care aspect, but I can't imagine life without her.

I was MUCH more laid-back with #2, especially surrounding breastfeeding. Everything so far has been much "easier." My son LOVES to play with his sister, and they have their days, but it's awesome how good they are together. One of my greatest joys is hearing them laugh together! I'm tearing up just thinking about it right now!!! haha

More kids is a very personal decision, but it's worked out for us, and we have our days where we contemplate #3 :)

Honestly, I'm like your husband--both times I've found out I was pregnant (planned, mind you) I FREAKED out about everything involved. My poor husband was the only one excited. I'm excited till I get that positive test! Anyway, it's wonderful and amazing and seeing your children interact is incredibly special. My 3 1/2 year old adores the baby and the baby lights up when he sees his brother. I am enjoying #2 so much more than I did the first, I know what I'm doing more, and mostly I'm already in "kid" mode with our routines etc. It takes a while to wrap your head around, but it really is wonderful. I find that #2 actually doesn't seem to be much more work at all. I'm still washing kid clothes, cleaning up kid messes etc...same as before! You're husband sounds like he just needs some time to come around and I completely understand that. It would be one thing if he was a jerk in general, but that doesn't sound like the case. How does he deal with other changes? My husband always reminds me that I freak out whenever we deal with a change regardless of if they are good or bad.

You are very natural in feeling that way and so is your husband. Kids can be overwhelming. I have three and no regrets...Yep I am working and don't want to but we are doing the best we can to take care of our family. A faint line seems pretty positive....Congrats.
Make sure you are keeping communication lines open with your husband and look at ways to cut back and be disciplined on a budget. Regardless of your immediate feelings children are an absolute blessing. It will be ok!

This post could not have come at a better time! I am pregant with my 2nd child and my first will be 2 1/2 when this baby is born. All of the comments left by Mamas with two or more have been really helpful to me. I hope they have been equally as helpful to you. I have been really worried and stressed about all aspects of having a 2nd child (Do I have enough love to give? How could I possibly love my 2nd child as much as I love our my first? Will I have the energy since I work full time as well? Can we afford it? Can my marriage take it?) My husband is 43 and I will turn 40 two weeks after this baby is born, so its now or never for us. I guess we will figure it out.. And, I believe you will, too! Good luck with everything!!

It is definatly a challenge in the begining and it is a lot more expensive but so worth every moment for me anyways. I had a very hard time adjusting in the begining to 2 kids and i felt like i flipped my first world upside down. He actually adjusted better than me. But now they are 1 and 3 1/2 and i LOVE it. There are always going to be good days and hard days but it is so fun watching the 2 play together. Last night the baby was crying during a diaper change due to a bad butt rash and my son was rubbing her head saying its ok sierra dont cry its ok and giving her little kisses. It was soooo sweet!! You always find a way to make things work. Will it be a struggle yes, but you get through it. Being scared is normal and if you really are pregnant then you still have 9 months to try and save a little money so its not so hard financially right in the beging. Everything will work out!!

I have two kids and can not describe how much joy they bring. They play together and it is great, they fight with each other and it is really irritating! ;-) Having two kids has good and bad as does all things. We do have money stress but it does not by any means outweigh the happiness our second child brings to us.

All that said I have friends that have decide to only have one child and they have very, very happy full lives too. ITS ALL GOOD!

I also think it is great that your husband is worried a bit, it shows how important this baby is to him already. He is already concerned about their well being in his own way.

Congratulations and I am sure it will all work out for the best for you guys!

PS - this is a tip I got while pregnant w/my second that I really appreciated and it was great advice. Should you have two, if the baby cries while the older child needs attention (i.e. cries) than attend to the older kid first. The baby won't remember but the toddler will. If you do this, there will be no resentment and in-fact the toddler will start to want to take care of the crying baby once they know he/she is not taking your attention away from them.

I have 2 girls just shy of 22 months apart. I actually wasn't planning on the second so soon, but she is such a joy! She is such a blessing from God. She is happy as happy good be! My family (which is pretty big) kept saying they have never seen a happier child! Anyway, coping is hard, but usually for the first year. I suffered w/ post partum depression with #2. My girls now play together & just have more fun. The only difficulty is when both decide to do something they shouldn't (like screaming in the car). So there is some difficulties, but actually I'm glad we have 2. They always have a friend with them. I hope this helps! Oh, btw some places will do discounts for child care. I know our pre-school does. I don't know what it is off hand, but I know it has helped parents.

Not knowing your hubby, I am just speculating based on my hubby's reaction to Baby #2. I think men immediately start thinking about finances etc. and they kind of freak out a bit initially. Mine did that with both our kids. However, as time goes on, they adjust to the idea. For example, when we found out that we were having a girl, my hubby said that he wasn't sure he knew what to do with a girl (he grew up in an all boys family). But here we are 7 months later, and that little girl makes his face light up every time he looks at her. He is completely in love.

But anyway, I am quite enjoying having two. It can be challenging at times, more so at the very beginning in the newborn phase of things. But overall, now that we have settled in to a routine, it's not much different than having one. You really do adjust. And now that my daughter is crawling and playing more, she and my 3 year old have fun together. It's really a cool thing to watch. I hope they always love each other this much! Financially, you make it work. It seems like it would be much more expensive, but it really isn't. You probably have alot of stuff from your first, so there is not near as much stuff to buy initially. For us, we just have to adhere more to our budget instead of buying whatever we want. But I don't feel like much has changed really. I think two is a great number! Don't worry!!

I have a son and a daughter, 3 1/2 and 2 years old. I have never ever regretted it but for us the financial impact was one of the biggest ones. With childcare for one, it still made sense for me to work and with 2, now there is no longer enough left over to make it worthwhile, so I stay home. I just don't think money should be the deciding factor, things can change. A month after our second child waas born my husband lost his job! But now he is in another, better paying one. Things change all the time and I am glad we did not wait to have a second one because as tough as it can be to have two very young children it almost feels like it would be harder to go back to having a baby if you have a first child who is alot older and where you have moved away from that phase in your life, diapers, staying up late at night etc etc. Be prepared for a very busy first year, but once your second baby is walking and playing a bit your kids will actually begin playing together and it will get alot easier very quickly. My kids really love each other and I think it really benefits them to have each other and I am so happy now to be having two. Saying that, we are very sure we are not going to have a third! It also helps to organise some childcare for your first one before the second is born, anything you can plan before the second comes helps alot. Good luck to you!

Every single word of what exhausted&lovinit said - right down to the 2 dogs and the ages of the kids. If she also has 3 chickens living in the backyard, I'd say we are the same person : )

Oh my! Well, I have 2 and I can't imagine life without the 2nd. I have 2 boys 3.5 years and 14.5 months. My older one will beg to wake up the little one in the morning. He misses him when he's not around. My younger one will hug my older one or go up and lay on him to snuggle. They are the perfect pair and really enjoy eachother's company. Depending on the age of your first, it is not that hard with another. Once the younger one began eating table food, mine eat together, play together, bathe together, keep eachother entertained, ect.. It's a built in best friend!

Its just something you learn, you learn as you go. I didnt think id be up for it either, but i like it better this way(with 2). Some things become harder and some things become easier. Its a trade off.

I wonder how people with 3 manage sometimes!

I wouldnt say cope, because we planned both our boys. You just learn how to make everything work, if the house doesnt get cleaned one day oh well. At least you have two well feed happy kids. I love both my boys with all my heart and I couldnt imagine my life without them.

We have a 3 1/2 year old girl and 6 month old boy. I won't lie, it is not easy! But think longer-term. We will be a family of 4 for the rest of our lives. Try to be as flexible and creative as you can be in the first year(s). It will get easier after that. At least that's what I keep telling myself! :)

It was rather heartbreaking to not be able to give our first as much attention as I used to, but again, we all adjust over time.

If you are indeed pregnant, congratulations! And try to see the positive and try not to freak out about how hard it will be at the beginning. Be brave! :)

I have two boys, 4.5 years and 20 months and they were both planned. They are awesome but I won't lie, it's a money stress (both are in day care)and you have even less time for anything but the kids. I love them both dearly and wouldn't trade it for the world and they get along SO well. The first 6 months were the hardest just because they weren't on the same schedule at all. Then it got "easier". If I'm being honest, it's still more exhausting and I still have more less time for myself. But I love it and know that the time that I sacrifice now, will go by quickly and then they'll be all grown up and I'll be very sad.
I agree with the other posts that most men focus on the money stress first. You may also think about really talking about the family dynamic. Perhaps he's secretly concerned about having less 1:1 time with you? Especially in the infant stage? It may be something to specifically discuss before you're in the exhausted stage of a newborn.
Good luck!