How Do You.... - Portland,OR

Try going with him for a day. Would he be willing to get onto the bus with you? You may be able to identify something that is bothering him.

Ouch. I really feel for you. Have you talked to his teacher to see if she has any suggestions? Maybe talking to the bus driver would be a good idea, too. At the very least, they will understand that you are willing to work with them and receive advice, etc. - just having a partnership with them might be beneficial for your son and the rest of you.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

J.,

Not to alarm you or anything, but how recent is his refusal to got to school? Have there been any new changes in his behavior/teachers/routine? Are there any particular people that he dislikes, but can't tell you why? In this day and age we need to be SO super careful of those around our children. If this refusal is something new I'd look at the surroundings.

The last thing I want to do is be an alarmist, but I just started a new job as a swim instructor and some of the online training I had to take was about inappropriate behaviors concerning children. Your son would be a prime target.

Hope this helps,
Consideringly,
Melissa

Has he been getting on the bus OK prior to this?

My grandson, who will be 5 in June, has a speech disorder and behavioral difficulties. He goes to a therapeutic kindergarten. He may have ASD.
He cried and clung to Mama and me the couple of times I put him on the bus. The driver helped him to his seat and buckled him in. This is a bus that at that time is only transporting kids to the therapeutic preschool. This is similar to the routine of dropping a preschooler off at preschool. I watched from the sidewalk and he had stopped crying. He was OK with getting on the bus in a couple of weeks. The driver was friendly and talked with my grandson as well as his mother or me before he took Chase's hand and took him up the steps.

This was his first bus driver. There have been two new ones since school began. My grandson didn't want to get on the bus when it was a new driver. The new drivers, when I was taking him to the bus stop, had me take him to a seat and buckle him in. They were also friendly with me but were very matter of fact with Chase. They didn't try to talk with him. He stopped crying by the time I had him buckled in and was OK with getting on the bus in less than a week with each driver.

I've also noticed that when something is new he gets upset more quickly including new bus drivers. He changed teachers a month or so ago and he once more didn't want to get on the bus. He was also more emotional at home and in the classroom.

If your son is new to the bus I recommend that you be as matter of fact as possible while giving him encouragement. Not getting on the bus was never an option for Chase. I or his mother would walk him to the bus and either the driver then took him to his seat or one of us did. It seemed that once he realized that we weren't going to have enough time for much sympathy and that he was getting on the bus the tears and screams stopped. I was sympathetic to the point that I'd tell him I knew he didn't want to get on the bus but he had to get on anyway. I didn't linger with him. I did watch the bus leave and wave good bye to him.

My daughter talks with the bus driver and with the school. He has an IEP which means his teachers are specially trained in handling kids with difficulties. I'm not sure about the bus drivers' training but they did succeed with getting him on the bus and calming him down.

I couldn't tell from your message if riding the bus is a new or old experience. I suspect it might be new because I can't imagine dealing with this behavior for several months.

I do know that to suceed in most endeavors with young children one has to be both consistent and confident. Bus is the only option. No ride to school with mom. No not going to school.

I also think talking with the bus driver and his teacher(s) is a good idea not only in this situation but also in any behavior issues. My daughter and grandson had a social worker who came to their home. She worked with Chase using play therapy and taught my daughter some different ways of parenting that were more effective for both of her children.

If your son is in the public school program you probably already know much of this.

I feel so bad when I have to have Chase do something that he doesn't want to do. go to bed, turn off the TV, get in my car or get out. I was soft with my granddaughter who is 3 years older and I'm paying the price now. She's learned how to frequently manipulate me to get what she wants. Other times she's so adamant about not doing what I've asked that I get a brief feeling of panic which I'm getting better at squelching so that I can get "the job" done.

I wish you success. Raising a child with difficulties is very challenging even to Grandma whose role is supportive rather than in the midst of everything. I try different methods until I find one that works. I've also found that I have to try just one consistently over time before I'll know if it works.