My attempt at college seems to always take the back burner, and wondering if any of you all are going through similar things? After high school I finished one year. Married who I thought was my sweet heart, moved away with him in the military. So we were moving around the country while he was in his schools for his job. While we got settled to his assignment, I thought I would finish school up. Here comes baby... lost baby. Thought we I would go back to school once again. Here comes another baby. So not to stress out again, I don't sign up for classes. Baby comes, marriage falls apart, move back home, and move on with life as a single mother. Should have gone to school this time, however I moved to a bigger city to get a better job. While I was there I met a great man who was willing to take me and my child on, so I went to school. YEAH! He lost his job and we had to move away and I had to get a job. Dang it Am I ever going to finish school? I start taking classes again...who hoo 4.0 while working full time job. This is good. This semester emotional life events and demanding toddlers, and a busy teenager in 2 sports, band who demand mom there 100% of the time. My thoughts are my children deserve me 100% of the time, it's not their fault I did not fisinsh school before I had them right?? Do any of you mama's feel the same way? i KNOW it's important to finish school, but do you ever feel overwhelmed and make the decision to just do it when the babies are older? I have 2 toddlers and one 13 yr old?? I dropped by class this semester after an emotional break down of events outside my family, ...now I feel completely guilty and unworthy.
Q: Know how you eat an elephant?
A: O. Bite at a Time!
Slow and steady. You don't need to do this perfectly, or overnight....just keep chipping away. You'll get there!
I worked full time and finished my graduate work with an infant, which quite honestly was much easier than trying to do so with older children. Having said that, many of my classmates were in your situation.
You have a husband anda teen... your husband can drive, right? Your child has friends whose parents can drive, right? You have an internet connection... ask for help. You cannot do this by yourself. Your older child can find rides to-and-from activities. Your younger children don't need to be in activites at this point. Your husband can care for your children while you are in class. Many schools offer online courses. Invest in a laptop and work on your papers, research, whatever while waiting for practice to end.
If your HUSBAND is committed to helping you earn your degree, you can do this. If he isn't behind you 100% (meaning he is able/willing to do "more" than his share for a while), then you need to put this off until your children are all in school full-time. If my husband hadn't been able/willing to flex his schedule and give up some of his "personal" time until my degree was finished (including a demanding year of internship) it simply would not have happened.
First, do not ever feel guilt or unworthiness! School on top of parenting and work and life is hard, but doable.
I have been taking classes for six years towards a graduate degree. I started when my daughter was two. I worked full-time for the first half of that time, but then switched to part-time. My classes are also all online, which gives me the flexibility to do my work at midnight if necessary.
I agree with Krista P. that the support of your husband is so important. If he is willing to pitch in and make adjustments in what he needs to do for the family, that will be so helpful. The emotional support is needed, too.
Then, give up on the 4.0. It doesn't matter. Almost no employers care about you having a 4.0. The degree is what will count.
If you don't really need to finish school for financial reasons (you guys are doing ok with you in your current job) I'd give yourself a break and wait!! I can't imagine doing full time work, kids and school. Maybe you can do it but will you enjoy any of it? Life should be enjoyed... Both kids while they're young as well as school since learning can be a lot more fun than working. School will only burden versus a chance to expand your horizons etc.
I work a full-time job, my husband works 2 hours away so I play the single mom role during the week while he is gone. My 4 and 6 year old are in football on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. My 8 year old dance on Tuesday, until this week, they have all been going to Tae Kwon Do on Thursdays, and Friday is out run errands and hair cuts (when needed) day. I also am taking my MBA online and am in the 8th of 11 weeks on my 6th class. 9 more to go! I have gotten straight A's (well, one B) though. I only take one class at a time so it makes it easier because I know I only have so much time in a day to dedicate to my school.
BTW - don't stress yourself on it. It works for me because I WANT this degree so bad. i took 4 classes from 2007-2008 and got a high B in one class so that's why I took 2 years off. After kicking myself around enough for that, I started back with the resolve that a B would be okay, as long as I knew I gave it my all. But don't go if it stresses you. Do what you have to so you can be a happy mom :).
Don't wait. I kept telling myself to go back. I tried again and again and kept waiting for life to settle down. Now I'm helping to raise my grandson. Life isn't going to settle down. I'm almost 45 years old and feel like my life is 1/2 over.
My GIRLS... One is 24 and in her 1st year of a state college after 4 years of Junior college LOL... Anyway, she kept waiting to get into a program that had a long waiting list and never wanted to stop taking classes. She has had 4.0 many times, even more when they allow for some strange way of counting things. I didn't know you could get a higher gpa than that.
My 3rd daughter is in college full-time, works 30-40 hours per week, and has a son. She is getting about 3.6 and I'm proud of her because she really sweats over her life. She is insecure in some ways and takes every thing I say as an insult when I tell her she needs to balance her life between her son and her boyfriend. I KNOW she's doing the best she can. It's HARD doing what she's doing.
My oldest has never once been in a position to go to school. She simply can't afford it and has never qualified for enough help or aid and didn't want to be in debt when she finished. At this point I would be happy if she went to school and got a 2.0. I just wish she was going.
there is no choice but to sacrifice something. I just finished my BA a few months ago. It was TOUGH. I stayed up late and was cranky a lot. I had to prioritize a whole lot. I did University of Phoenix online and that was very helpful. One class at a time. I did not finish with a 4.0. it was a 3.75. But that is good enough for me!
I have 2.5 year old twins, am eight months pregnant with baby #3, work full time as a teacher, my husband works evenings, and I am working on my second masters. You just do it. When my kids go to sleep is when I do all of my homework. There's no other way for me to fit it in. I'm a year into the program and yes, I have a 4.0. It's tough, and I feel overwhelmed at times, but I always remind myself that I'm doing this for my family.
Who says you absolutely, positively have to have a 4.0 or else you're wasting your time? Cut yourself some slack!
I'm not saying that you should slack off and try to slide by with Cs. Obviously you want to do your best. But life gets in the way sometimes and we have to figure out how to do the best we can with what we have. Also, although the 'tunnel' may be closing in and full of obstacles and road bumps, it is possible to see the light at the end of the tunnel and know that better opportunities are on the other side.
I don't know how other moms do it but I know how my mom did when she got divorced and decided to go back to school. I was 5 and 7 years older than my brothers so I was her babysitter. I couldn't participate in anything extracuricular in high school, get a part time job, date, go to football games, etc. Anything like that because my mom needed me to babysit my brothers all the time. I was, and still am, very resentful of it (and that was 20 years ago).
Is your career dependent on you having a degree or are you going to school because it's something you want to accomplish? Both are worthy reasons, don't get me wrong. But if you can stretch it out and take only 1 or 2 classes at a time so you can still do something for you and still be there for your family, maybe that's a solution? Just so your 13 year doesn't miss things because you need the 13 year old to helpwith the toddlers. I know you feel like you've stretched things out forever already but perhaps it will help you accomplish your goal and still be there for your family?
