How Do I Push Through This "Funk" That I Am In?

You deserve that trip! Do you have friends who can take the kids? Or a sleepover at a couple of separate houses. Even if you can get away for one night?

I think that mothers are the Queens of Delayed Gratification!
I keep telling my hubby that O. day, when "the boy" can microwave a meal that they will not see me (except for a weekend or two!) for an entire summer because I will be beachfront with a dolly-load of books. It keeps me going. hang in there.

Could you see if the weekend could be rescheduled? If they moved the date one week in either direction that may help.

Honestly, this is something that I think we all go through when "life" gets in the way of us doing what we want to do. Personally, I would find a weekend that your mom could take the kids and go somewhere with your healthy husband and celebrate the fact that you can be together. Sometimes taking a different perspective on a situation helps. Plus, it sounds like your husband could use a weekend away too-

PS- you are a "little angry" with the disease (not your hubs) which has so significantly impacted your life and that's okay too!

Could you ask your girlfriends to do it another weekend? One that works better for you? "Just this time" - I would think they would understand. Be honest and tell them you need this girls weekend away really bad.

I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are feeling - you are being very honest. I would just do everything in your power to make it happen. Does hubby know how you feel? If not, I think it would help to tell him. If in the end - this just can't happen, than plan something on your own and find a friend to join you.

If possible reschedule the weekend. If not ask other family members aunts uncles cousins to watch the kids while your hubby is at work. Tell them you will help them with whatever they need, putting in a garden, washing their car etc. If your kids are in school ask one their friends Moms to watch them while hubby is at work and you will watch their kids one or two Saturday nights so they can go out. Once you explain the situation anyone will understand you are feeling a little burned out and need a weekend getaway.

Plan a getaway when it works out with your schedule. You might even see if you and your husband can get some time away together if your mom can watch the kids. Take control and YOU make the plans. If the girlfriends doing the getaway can't go on another day, find someone else who can go with you, whether it's a cousin, coworker, whomever. Just make it happen.

You need the break, so make it happen. Don't depend on others to schedule it; take charge! You'll be glad you did.

Please ignore Mel F.'s answer. It is not only not helpful but seems a bit ignorant, as well. This person obviously does not realize how incredibly important it is that you make time for yourself and get a break on occasion. It sounds like you've had a lot of stress and are basically keeping everything (and everyone) together. The more time you can carve out for yourself to de-stress, the better everyone in your family will be. I'm sorry Mel, but a stressed-out, overworked, momma, who has not had any real "me" time in three years does no one any good, especially her family. At some point, the down time becomes more of a NEED than a WANT.

I'm sorry you can't get away (again!). I hope you can carve a couple of hours out soon to go and get a glass of wine with a good friend.

How old are the kids?
Could you hire a sitter to watch them while your husband is at work?

I didn't read the responses, but i'm so sad right now, i would think your girlfriends could have worked with your schedule. even if you can't hang with all of them is there one that you are closest too that would be free to join YOU somewhere at at time that would work for your family.??? Good luck, i'm so jealous you have friends.

Oh my gosh, I didn't read through all the answers, so I sincerely hope no one blasted you for this. Your husbands illness has obviously been a huge stress. And you obviously made a lot of sacrifices and picked up a lot of slack. After 3 years, OF COURSE you're going to be feeling like you need to do something for yourself! Is there some way you could plan your own girls weekend (maybe something close to home), around when your hubby can get time off? I know I just did something similar, it was one night at a hotel (with a soaking pool) with 5 girlfriends for chatting and sipping wine. If you can't get a long stretch in, start to schedule some pampering-type things here and there. Maybe a pedicure with a friend in the morning when your husband is home. Drinks out when your mom can watch the kids. I bet you don't need much, just a little breathing room.

You have good through a lot with hubby. My question is does the girls HAVE to have that weekend or can they do it another weekend where your hubby can get off or your mom can be at home? Ask them if they can do it the very next weekend and explain to them that you would love to go if it was on a different weekend?

N.

Do you have the $ this year to pay for a sitter for the kids while he's at work?

Or, can you plan a smaller weekend with one or two of the ladies you're closest with to some place that's closer (like a day trip) one weekend day while your DH or mom watches the kids?

Or, not to sound mean--I'm sure that the ladies are all excited about their trip.... but if you're close friends with them.... and they know that you've been dealing with caring for your family and your DH's cancer.... Can you ask them this year to have a "staycation" in town, so you can participate in some of the activities?

I also really suggest getting in contact with a cancer survivor or caregiver support group--having understanding and support of people who are going through or have been through what you're dealing with can make a HUGE difference.

(hugs)!

Having been the one who has to be taken care of the last several years and that it will not change (and having had been a caretaker for dh for a year) All Caregivers need some "me" time at some point. It helps them recharge so they can come back refreshed etc.
Is there a college age cousin that you trust that might need some extra cash for a weekend babysitting? While you may not get to do the girls weekend I think you would likely benefit from just going alone. Sleep in late, window shop, whatever on your own at your own pace.
Then you can come home recharged and refreshed.
Good wishes for you whatever happens.

Count your blessings!

I totally understand how you feel. It seems like my husband always has work or a medical issue that makes me have to step-up for the family. I feel like a single mom so much of the time. Of course it's not his fault but it's frustrating. I try to tell him I'm not mad at him vs the situation. I don't have any good advice but know you're not alone. My sister deals with this ALL THE TIME. Only thing to do I guess is constantly remind yourself it's not forever and do your best to take time for yourself whenever possible. This big weekend won't work but maybe you can do something else another weekend.

I know you said the girls have it in March, what about seeing if they would be willing to move the date? Check with your mom ahead of time so you already know her schedule... Also, instead of girls week or weekend, maybe since your hubby and you haven't spent much time together, plan a get away with him... Maybe that's all you really need, I'm sure he needs it too...

I don't know if this will help or not but your situation hits really close to home for me and so I want to share it with you.
My husband's cousin (a really close friend)has been married for like 14 years and has 5 kids aged 13-4. Two years ago he was diagnosed with brain tumors and underwent several surgeries which resulted in him having strokes and basically losing and then needing to re-learn all his physical abilities. He had to go on disablity and it has been a lot of work for him to get back to walking, talking, and etc. Last fall, we heard that the wife was no longer there and then the facts came out that she had been having affairs to "cope" with the stress of this challenge. She was in so deep that she refused to cut all ties with this lifestyle and so the husband had to ask her to leave. She did.
It was pure selfishness on her part but it started with the resentment of dealing with something really hard.
I'm not saying this is what will happen to you, but I just hope you know that you are already better off than her because you are reaching out. Keep reaching out and communicating. Talk to the hubby about your frustrations cause it sounds like you have a real winner guy who would probably LOVE to give his wife the moon. I know all about tight $$ stuff but I suggest you at least do little things to help yourself feel better.
Hang in there! It will get better. Just keep doing the right stuff and good-ness will come back your way.

Take care. and Good luck.

I don't have much advice, but I just want to send my support. You've been through a lot and I agree that you DO need some "me" time.

Being a caretaker is hard. Seeing a loved one (and I cannot imagine, your spouse) go through that, living those sacrifices together... has just got to be so hard. For both of you.

I think you BOTH need "me" time. If at all possible you both should have time apart and then some special time together.

You are not sentenced to live selflessly forever just because you have an ill spouse and children.

You are ALLOWED to take care of yourself.
You are ALLOWED to need, want, desire and long for that trip.

stop beating yourself up.

You are a Care-Giver. Because your Husband is ill.
Care-Givers, go through this. It is a lot to handle. There is high burn-out among Care-Givers.

I was a Care-Giver for my Dad, before he died.
For 3 years, me/Hubby/My Mom, ALL did round the clock Care-giving for him. He was ill. Even when you are sleeping, you still worry about them. My Dad fell once in the middle of the night, going to the bathroom. He laid there on the floor, all night, and my Mom did not know he fell on his way to the bathroom and that he could not get up. What had actually happened, was that he had a Stroke. That is why. My Mom didn't find him until the next morning. On the floor. On his belly.
So, Care-Givers, do have 24-hour round the clock worries and 'caring' about the ill person. Which all feeds into our being always "on."

What really helps, is to perhaps find and join, a community type Care-Givers support group. There, you will find many people who are experiencing the same thing. So you don't feel it is only 'you.' That alone, and the commiserating about it, can help a great deal.
That is my recommendation.

It is not easy.
But 'resentment' will fester.... and all its accompanying 'anger' and negativity.

All the best,
Susan

That really sucks! Sorry! Life happens though, so what can you do? Plan a girls day out! Get your nails done, get a massage have a latte, shop at the mall by yourself etc. Just because you can't go away all weekend doesn't mean you can't get a little break. Take time for you or your whole family will suffer. You can't be the martyr all the time, you will be unhappy and it throws off the whole family balance. Take advantage of your mom when she is in town, drop the kids off and go see a movie, just the two you or order take out and snuggle on the sofa for a flick. Just squeeze it in there somewhere!!

Updated

That really sucks! Sorry! Life happens though, so what can you do? Plan a girls day out! Get your nails done, get a massage have a latte, shop at the mall by yourself etc. Just because you can't go away all weekend doesn't mean you can't get a little break. Take time for you or your whole family will suffer. You can't be the martyr all the time, you will be unhappy and it throws off the whole family balance. Take advantage of your mom when she is in town, drop the kids off and go see a movie, just the two you or order take out and snuggle on the sofa for a flick. Just squeeze it in there somewhere!!

if there is no way the girls can switch weekends, you still have time to get your kids aquainted w a new sitter. line someone up, get your kids prepared and GO! wenatchee is close (at least compared to vegas!), so you could cut your trip short if you arent comfortable w/ a sitter for that long, or the money is too much for that long. you could still go for part of the time.
i recently tried care.com and hired a new sitter- i was nervous about hiring someone i didnt know but she is great) it will probably be expensive to hire someone to cover for him while he is working, but after two years, you need a break! go drink wine and be one of the girls.

Why do you need to get away from your family? What about your husband it sounds to me like he is the one who needs a getaway. You are right you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Taking care of your family is the job you don't get paid to do. Grow up and get on your knees and thank God your husband is alive and fully functioning. A lot of women would give anything to have their husbands back. Plan a trip with your man not your friends. I hate to sound harsh but I believe in telling it like it is and not sugar coating anything.