Husband Says NO to Wknd Away with My Bff;what Do You Think?

No it's not wrong of you to want to do this. It's wrong of him to want enough power to be able to say no.
I'd go.

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't go , there is a good reason for going , she is moving to the other side of the country and you won't just be able to meet up as and when for a coffee , he should understand that. It comes across as him being very childish , I would tell him that you are going , and he either likes it or lumps it....end of!

Have Fun!!

Go and have fun! My husband has had a lot more guy nights than me lately, and he accuses me of pouting (I'm not pouting that he's out - I actually like girly nights with my daughter) I just wish I had the same opportunity to go out, too! He's probably pouting that he didn't think of it first :)
I think it's a totally reasonable and necessary outing for all women - mamas or not!

Uh, I would have told him, You must have misunderstood me, I was not asking for permission, I am just giving you a heads up because I AM going..

Go and have a good time.. He must have been having a bad day, because I KNOW he would not want o ruin this time for you and your friend to have some girl time. Cause if Mama ain't happy, nobody is gonna be happy..

Every winter I go stay with my single BFF in LA for at least a week. Just last night my husband asked when I planned to go this year so he could take time off work to watch the kids, and for how long. When I said 7 - 10 days he said, "are you sure that is all the longer you want to go, I thought the 2 of you had talked about taking a cruise when you came down to visit"!!! My husband understands that it is important for me, BECAUSE I am a wife and mother, to have time to get away and just be a woman. Does your husband ever spend time with the guys? Does he go on weekend hunting or fishing trips? Or to sports tournaments or the like? If not he should, men need time to be men as well.

You deserve a getaway. I'm like WorkinMom, I wish I had friends that I could do that with. But they all live too far away.

My husband goes on camping trips and backpacking trips, leaving me home alone with the kids. I'm more trapped because I watch the kids all day. So I can't go anywhere except on the weekend unless I take the kids. Get this--my husband complained when I left to visit my friend for a week and I TOOK THE THREE KIDS WITH ME! I'm tired of the inequality, so I don't care what he says about it anymore. I'm also planning on booking one night every week or two and leaving the kids home with him. He won't offer to do it, so I'm going to tell him that's what's going to happen.

I think men just aren't comfortable taking on their wives' roles for a few days, so they don't want us to go. He may be jealous, thinking you're going to go do something you shouldn't. I'm not quite sure how to deal with that, because that's a deeper issue of trusting you.

But to sum up, it's not morally wrong for you to go hang out with your friend for a weekend! In fact, it's will probably be wonderfully rejuvinating!

GO GO GO!

Sit your hubby down and tell him you ARE going. Tell him why you need to go away with your friend. Don't negotiate or ask, just tell him. It is so important for you to get away. Not just because of the situation but because it makes you a better wife and mom when you can refocus once in a while.

I do go on weeked trips with my friends. ABSOLUTELY!

Have you ever given your husband reason not to trust you? If you can honestly answer that with a "no", then by all means you should go! My girlfriend cheated on her hubby years ago. For many years he wouldn't "let" her go places overnight without him. She complained, and I explained to her that until she earns back his trust, she can expect him to be a little uncomfortable. Eventually, he eased up. But, if your situation is nothing like this, there is no reason for your DH to not "let" you go. I would go! And, don't you dare feel guilty about it either! =)

I know my hubby wouldn't want me to go, and he would probably tell me "no", all because he wouldn't be able to handle the kids alone for that long. (to which I would say too bad and I would help arrange for that weekend to go as smoothly as possible). Is this his concern? If so, help him out by arranging for someone to help, freezing meals for him to cook, etc. Then, out the door you go!

He probably does not want you to go, because then HE will be left with the kids. Alone. And maybe he can't handle it????

Ask him "WHY"?

Just a weekend is not long. I don't see what the problem is.
Or is he insecure? Thinks you are going to have fun without him and meet guys? Geez.
He sounds insecure.

all the best,
Susan

Sounds like he is over-protective, and it is out of his comfort zone. You may need to stand your ground instead of having to ask permission. Tell him there is no need to worry, and that you and your friend will be taking a small trip to relax.
It's not as though you are going to be dancing on the tables at chippendales..then I can see his worry :)

I go out to lunch/coffee with the girls every week. We have overnight
outings appox twice a year. All of the hubbies are supportive.

YOU need this..A small break will do wonders!! stand firm :)

I go on a girls trip every other year.
So far we've chartered a catamaran and sailed the British Virgin Islands and I was gone 10 days. Spent a week in Mexico. And just last November spent a week in Belize.
At the time of my first trip my kids were 11 and 15 with all kinds of activities. My husband is a saint and actually was the one who convinced me to go on the first trip! I wasn't sure about being gone 10 days. They did fine and I came back rested and ready to tackle life.

I've also met girlfriends in Chicago just to shop. And routinely go to a medical/nutritional conference once or twice a year.

I'd tell him to go to hell - nicely. In all seriousness, what's his issue? My BFF wants to go away for a week to Spain to chaperone a youth group visit. They have PLENTY of money and he's telling her no, as well. Guess why? I think he's afraid of her meeting someone and liking him better. Insecurity. She's been happily married for 10 year, has 2 kids and has never considered cheating. He says that if she wants to go to Spain, he'll take her himeself. She's mad and feeling resentful. I told her, it's her life, she needs to live it. Resentfulness is NOT a good emotion to stuff....no emotion is a good stuffing emotion, but be resentful can literally make you physcially sick.

My husband encourages me to go away and he stay with our 3 kids. I am our breadwinner, homeschool our kids and rarely get any time to myself. I'm going to North Carolina to visit a friend to scrapbook for 5 days. Earlier this year, I went to Costa Rica for 10 days with my mom. In November, I'm considering going to Manchu Pichu for a week with another friend.

Nobody needs to "let" you do anything.

LIVE AUTHENTICALLY

It is not wrong at all. I think your husband is just worried he will be stuck at home all weekend with the kids and don't know what to do, or have you at bay to call for emergencies..lol. Arrange to have the kids taken care of and suggest your plan to him and see if he changes his mind.

.

I'm always jealous when I hear of girls' weekends. I don't have those kinds of girlfriends, but wish I did. If you want to go, and your husband can handle the kids, I say go! There is a difference between hanging out at the pool and getting pedicures and partying in Vegas. If you went to visit her in NY after she moves, how would your husband feel?

Wow, looks like you have a lot of answers. What a shame that your husband can't say, "Absolutely go and have a blast!" That's what my husband would say. If I were you, I would explain how important this is to you and make plans to go. Hopefully, he will rise to the occasion and at least send you off with a smile.

I see nothing wrong with it. I am married with 2 kids and I have gone up to Washington state twice with out my husband. Once with no kids and the other time I just brought 1 kid. You should be able to go and get a break from life once in a while. I'm planning on another trip to Washington next year with out the kids again and I can't wait! I stay at her house (and she is married with 4 kids) and her husband will watch the kids while we go out and watch a movie or go to dinner or go shopping. It's a ton of fun!

I agree with Denise. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to go. And he should trust you enough to let you.

Personally, I would LOVE a night away with a girlfriend!

No, of course I don't think there is anything wrong with a girls weekend. I am actually about to have one in a couple of weeks. First one since before my kids were born!

It might help to explain:
- Some time away will help you come back refreshed, refueled and ready to give him and your kids more.
- Having her over for dinner, or even for the day, is really different then going on a little trip. I have dinner and get togethers with my girlfriends at least once a week, if not more. It's great, but between my kids and their kids, there is always a kid who wants something or a negotiation to be made between them. Kids are needy. Which is fine and dandy, but geeze is it nice to not have to meet demands. I feel better after even having an occasional solo coffee date. I cannot wait to see how relaxed I'll be after a weekend!
- If it is a trust issue, perhaps he could explain it so that you could put his mind to ease.

Never ask your husband for permission. He's not your dad and you're not a child. I would go and my husband would be all for it!

No, it is not wrong that you want to have a girly weekend with your best friend. I have two thoughts regarding your husband:

1) Is it possible that he doesn't trust you (or your friend)?
2) He probably doesn't want the sole responsibility of caring for your children by himself all weekend (which is lame, in my opinion)

If I am right about #2, tell him that he can have a guys weekend sometime.

Good luck!

Heck no girl! A mom with two kids and a husband, you totally deserve a weekend get away with your bestie! Hate to sound harsh, but sounds to me like your husband might have a trust issue with you. Either that or he might be a bit jealous you get to go and he doesn't. I would simply talk with him and ask why he doesn't want you to go. If I told my husband and I wanted to do this with one of my girls, he would say GO, GET OUT OF HERE!

Good luck girl!

Some friends of mine and I are planning a girl's weekend away in a couple of months. All of us are married. I have a 3 year old daughter, one has 4 year old twins plus a 13 year old, and the other 2 do not have kids. All the hubbies, including mine, are fine with it. When I asked my hubby, he didn't even hesitate to saying, sure, have fun. He knows I work hard, both at my job and at home, and he figures I deserve it. You deserve it too. We all need a break sometimes. I would be asking hubs what is objection is, what he thinks is going to be going on, and how he would feel if there was a guys weekend he wanted to be a part of and you told him no?

My husband encourages me to go out, even though I don't feel ready yet! He wants me to take a week and see a dear friend of mine, but my second baby won't even be 1 yet at that time, so I'm not ready to go! If your kids are old enough that you're comfortable with it, I don't see any reason why you can't go. Is he worried about being alone with the kids for a weekend? Perhaps if you can arrange for someone to help him out, he'll be more willing. Good luck.

Ugh, I don't like this (for so many reasons). Something's wrong with your husband. Sometimes they say that jealousy is caused by guilt. Maybe he's just controlling and insensitive? Maybe he's the one with a skeleton...

Absolutely not! I think you should be able to go and enjoy this time with your girlfriend. Wouldn't you be ok if the shoe was on the other foot and your husband wanted to go away. My husband just left for his annual golf trip with the college guys he has been doing for years before I met him. He went the year we got married on my birthday and now we have our first son who was born premature at 27 weeks and he still went with them. You shouls have your time apart, there is nothing wrong with that and if you have to just make it brief. 2 nights and come home in time to spend with the family Sunday afternoon.

I think that it's absolutely necessary to have your "you" time, and a weekend away here and there is a perfect way to get it!! I feel it makes me a better Mom and wife to take time to spend with friends. My husband agrees... He gets to go hunting every winter, so I get to go camping with my girlfriends in the summer! (We both appreciate each other more when we have time apart) Maybe you could suggest him going away for a weekend with his friends or to do something he enjoys....

There's nothing wrong with it at all. A good friend & I are planning one now. Our husband's went away for the weekend last weekend so it's our turn.

Nope nothing wrong with it at all!!!!!!!!! Does he get away???? My hubby has let me get away for the weekend and I have three! Find out what his issue about it is. Is he stressed about taking care of two kids by himself? Maybe he is overwhelmed by that idea. How old are they? If the kids are older I don't see it as a big deal. If they are younger...infant or toddler in diapers is there a family member that can help babysit???

There is nothing wrong with getting away for a wkend with out him and the kids!!! Does he hunt or do anything that gets him away? He will get over it. He might be mad for a little while. But don't give him the satisfaction of dwelling bout if he is mad at you, cause he will probably milk it out!!! I would def go!!!

Definitely not anything wrong with it.

It's absolutely not wrong of you to want the weekend away. In fact, I'd be shocked if you DIDN'T want some time away! Everyone needs to have time to themselves, even the most devoted mothers and wives.

Your husband needs to trust you and happily let you go. If I was in your shoes, I'd be booking my hotel room and scheduling a massage.

I've been married for 7 years and I have a 3 year old son. I usually go away a couple of weekends a year with my girlfriends and my husband is not only ok with it, but understands that it is important for me to get this time away. I really hope your husband comes around.

K.
http://oc.citymommy.com

Being married with children does not mean you don't want to spend extra special time with your BFF, it just makes the logistics more interesting.

I've been married almost 20 years and my husband and I have taken weekend trips together and by ourselves to see or be with friends. For example, one of my BFFs and I used to do a few days in Las Vegas. I can't stand the place, but she loves it and I love getting away, so it worked. One summer, my husband flew to Seattle to spend time with an old friend (who is a girl, but not a former girlfriend) for her graduation from med school. I've gone to professional training with guy friends I work with, as has he. We miss each other when we're apart, but neither of us has ever said no, unless there was a scheduling conflict.

I see one main reason for his refusal. Fear. He's afraid you'll cheat or he's afraid of being home alone with the kids. In my (very humble) opinion, he needs to work through either issue pretty darn quick. Neither is fair to you and if it's the cheating fear, it's pretty insulting. But, only you know if that fear is founded.

Perhaps a compromise is for him and the kids to go with you, but he has to be the "nanny," so you can go play with your friend. I'd even go so far as to say, you and your friend get a suite to share and he can have a room with the kids so you can drop by and visit as your schedule allows. I know this sounds totally ridiculous but, then, so is his refusal to let you go.

Bottom line, he has no right whatsoever to say no to your trip. He may ask you not to go and then offer some REALLY good reasons. If he can't, then it's time for him to man up and take you to the airport.

Good luck!

I am a married mother of 3 kids and just spent 4 days in NYC with a great friend of mine. Sometimes you need to just get away. However, maybe you need to sit down and speak to your husband about his reservations.

Girls need their weekends away. I do it at least once a year sometimes more. We have gone to the beach for long weekends, just recently we stayed at a casino for a couple days. It's usually me, my best girlfriend, and any other ladies who can pull it off.
I am editing my answer because I asked my husband what he thought, so this is his input. He say your husband is either being selfish and doesn't want to stay home alone with the kids but won't admit it or he doesn't like your friend and is threatened by her. Food for thought.

My hubby told me one year that it was the most selfish thing he ever heard when I wanted him to take the children to his mother's just for a weekend so I could have some peace and quiet. I never let him live it down. This was 14 years ago. He has learned not say no to me.
Yes I can be very manipulative and in some cases mean, but he is a very stubborn, Alpha male Marine. He does not walk over me. I did not go that time but I have done things when he says I don't think so and i turned around and did it.
Let him know how you feel and if the situation should ever arise that he needs a weekend to go fishing would he take it, I bet he would.

Oh my gosh, I can't imagine my husband saying anything like that. It is usually the opposite with us. He is always telling me that I need to go and hang out with my girlfriends more! If I were to mention separating from him and the kids for a whole weekend he would be ecstatic! Don't get me wrong, we have a wonderful relationship, but he would have the whole house and the kids to himself for a few days without me trying to take over all of the time and would love it. If your husband doesn't want you to leave, he either,
a. doesn't trust you
b. is a control freak
or
c. is afraid to be alone with the kids while you are gone
If he doesn't want you to go or wont stay with the kids, then find a sitter or a friend who can watch the kids and go anyway - you're not a slave to his demands!

Good Luck!
M.

it's not wrong. in my experience, men hate change and he probably doesnt want to deal without you.

I can only add: In the future, make sure you don't put it as a question (if you did). But you can put it in a way that shows consideration (the kids don't have anything going on). And "You know you are welcome to get some R&R with a trustworthy friend as well.

Of course, make sure it is at a city that isn't considered to be a playground for cheating adults. Some places, such as "Miraval Spa Resort" in Arizona has two for one prices in August. We went there and saw lots of people getting together with friends or brining their grown and married daughters.

If so, the rationale "married with two children" is not relative at all.

I believe that once you are married then it is time to be a couple. I agree with you husband. Maybe spend the day with your friend but you should alway come home at the end of the day. You are not single anymore.

Have you ever done anything to make him not trust you? If yes, then I understand where he is coming from.

However, if you have never done anything to make him not trust you then I don't really get why it's such a big deal.

How about your friend? Does he trust her? I know my boyfriend always has some reservations when it comes to me going out with my best friend, but that's because my best friend has made a LOT of stupid decisions in the time that he has known her.

I suggest sitting down and talking to him about why he is so worried about you going.

Maybe compromise and do something like a couple's weekend... You, your husband, your friend, and your friend's husband all go somewhere for the weekend.

I don't think it's wrong for you to want this.

My bff and I go on road trips several times a year. We do tend to take the kids and do things that they find fun. Your trip sounds much better. She goes and leaves the kids at home with her hubby occasionally for a girls weekend away but I can't afford that. So, our husbands don't mind, when we take the kids he gets a quiet weekend at the computer.

If I wanted to go to the girls weekend he would let me do that too. he is okay watching the kids but I don't think I would go for 2 nights. Only over Saturday night.

Seriously? You are J. too. Not just mom, not just wife J..

I haven't read the other responses, but I'm sure every single one of them agreed that you have every right to take a weekend away with your friend.

Only you know how to handle your husband, however. He's a little controlling for my taste.

Of course not! My BFF has an eight year old and a 5 year old. If we didn't get once a month or maybe once every two months to just share a night or afternoon together...we'd go crazy. I think maybe you could establish a trade off. Just because you are a mom...does not mean that you cannot still be who you were before you had kids. You are a mom, but that is not what defines you. You still need some time for yourself, and a person or people in your life that don't live you. It's good for your soul and body to take a break every now and again so you stay "sane." Maybe schedule a time for him so he can have a "guys" night. Maybe he feels a little neglected that you are not including him. I think a weekend away will do you all good! I say go for it!

It's not wrong for you to want it. Taken by itself, it seems really reasonable to spend a girls' weekend together before she moves away.

Another question is: what is his motivation for not wanting you to go? Only you can can answer this, but is there anything in your history together that reveals why he feels threatened by you taking a weekend away alone with your bff? Or is he truly being unreasonable?

You have known this friend for so long. Neither of you are out to pick up someone. Your losing a wonderful friend and now will only be phone calls.
I think that hubby should let you go away. He has no reason to say "no".
I would say he is being selfish. If a buddie of his asked him to go away say on a golf wknd. or whatever he likes wouldn't you say "sure". Besides' its nice to get away from home/hubby/kids, not that you dont' love them to bits.
Just because your married with children doesn't mean your not human. I can hear the hurt in your note and your hubby is not dealing with this rationally at all. I do hope he changes his mind "just for you and your friend".
Good luck and I wish you the best!!

No you are not wrong to want this weekend, however you are married with 2 children and when married with kids sometimes your wants and needs have to take a backseat to what is good/right for the marriage, husband, and children. Right now, there is some disagreement between you and your husband. You will probably have to compromise. Why not take a mini-vacation with hubby and kids to New York and then you can take some alone time with your girlfriend on this mini-vacation.
V.

We all have our opinions and we all have something going on in our own lives and not everyone expresses that openly and that is ok among friends but when it comes between a husband and wife that is the only opinion that should matter not what everyone thinks is right in their own lives and that is ok for her husband to have concern but they have to deal with it within their own family. Opinions are great but not always the right answer for the two of you. What works for others may not work for YOUR family. We need to respect our significant other and he is to love us unconditionally. If he agrees on you going then go for it otherwise if he says no then you have to respect that also and not pout about it, it's easy to get caught up in the selfish or what about me attitude but in the end it will all work out if it is meant to be. I know coming from experience my hubby does his annual fishing trip every year and I would hold resentment like why does he get a 4-5 day without kids and I don't? Seems unfair but for ME I didn't realize at that moment that I'm a SAHM by choice and am blessed to be, I have a roof over my head, a new suv ( which I know we could of stayed with our smaller car but my hubby felt that we needed it so we wouldn't be squashed when we travel & food to eat & clothes on our backs. All these things my hubby provides for our family and I should be grateful, believe it's not easy but I know in the end my hubby is right there beside me and when the time comes and I would like to go somewhere I know that I have his support and I will be able to go. It takes two in a marriage and communication is the key but for me putting GOD first has given me the peace to sit still and be quiet and knowing that God knows my heart and he is pleased. Best wishes!

Without attacking your husband's motivations, I suggest you either need to respect his wishes outright (not go) OR you guys need to sit down to talk about why your weekend trip away bothers him enough to say no. I know for a fact my hubby would flip if I tried this so for me I just respect his wishes. It works for us and I don't mind the judgement it garners regarding his insecurities, jealousy, etc etc. It is afterall our marriage and we work together as a team. As in all things talk to him.