I love being home with my daughter during the summer. I take this time to really connect with her and make sure that she has my full attention since I work a lot during the school year. This year it has backfired though. I only have 2 weeks left before I go back to work and I have a ton of lessons to plan, powerpoints to review, and reading to do. I am prepping to teach a new class and have to get a lot done before students arrive. She will not let me out of her sight, she climbs between me and my computer. I can't even go to the bathroom without a meltdown from her and she has to be touching me at all times. If I explain to her that I have to work she collapses into sobs and is inconsolable. Should I just let her cry? I don't want to miss out on my last 2 weeks with her...I am so frustrated. I can send her to her preschool so I can work but I don't want to do that. She stopped napping so I don't even have that time anymore.
Hire a young girl to be a mother's helper to play with her. Or send her to pre-school. She needs to be occupied. Better to be at preschool than crying at home.
You NEED to have someone come over, and help you.
That is the only way.
She is 3.
This is a hard age.
They do NOT yet have, fully developed impulse-control either.
You need help.
You cannot not mind a 3 year old... they are a handful.
It is their age.
Don't let her cry for prolonged periods.
That is not going to do anything.
That will not, turn 'off' her age or age related proclivities.
Just have someone come over and help you.
Kids this age, need a TON of activity and interaction.They need, socialization.
It will be impossible for you to work, if you do not have any help.
No kid, will be a perfect robot about it. They are very busy.
And, their emotions are not even fully developed yet either at this age. And yes, they do have meltdowns.
Either have someone come to the house or a couple of hours each day or send her to preschool for 1/2 days!
I put my 4 year old in child care this past week. It is really helping to get him back in the swing of things. I think it will be so much easier for him when school starts in a few weeks and he goes to Pre-K. It may be easier for her if she gets back in the swing of things too.
The answer is Room Time. Just because she isn't napping anymore doesn't mean she can't still have room time. You let her know that it's Room Time. She doesn't have to sleep but she must stay in her room with the door shut for a predetermined period of time. Tell her she can do anything she wants but she musn't come out until you come to get her. Use an egg timer or alarm clock if you want. Write down the time she can come out on a paper and put it by the clock so she knows when they match her time is up. At first she will cry and have tantrums. Stay calm and when she comes out just let her know that if she doesn't want to play in her room you will find something for her to do. Think up a list of chores she can do in advance so you are ready. (Sweeping, dusting, clean a window glass, clean up toys, fold some wash cloths or dish towels, wipe down a table, clean floor in bathroom, etc.) Of course she won't do a great job but the idea is to tire her out on chores so that she either naps or goes willingly into her room. Make it so that it is NO FUN to be out of that room during Room Time. Always stay calm and present the options--when she melts down just carry her into her room and calmly set her down. You will have to do this for a day or two but she is VERY smart and will catch on. You are not being mean or unfeeling. You are setting a reasonable boundary that she can understand and when she figures out that she can't ruffle your feathers with the crying she will stop. You aren't hurting her feelings, she just knows that works. If you spend quality time with her everyday you have no reason to feel guilty. Remember, you are setting her up for the real world and that is how the real world works--everyone doesn't drop everything to make her happy. She must learn to be more self-reliant. That doesn't happen magically overnight. It is learned in age appropriate bits and increased over time. Good luck and God bless. You can do it!
BTW: My child is 3 and has been playing by herself and looking at books for long periods since she was very small. I am not bragging here, and I know that there are various temperaments but the reason she has been able to do that is because I am a WAHM and she hasn't had a choice. Kids are capable of WAY more than most give them credit for. Impulse control is challenging at this age yes, but no time like the present to start learning! Kids need to be able to entertain themselves for periods of time. You do not want a kid who requires passive entertainment constantly to be happy. That is not happiness--for either of you. I think that because we are such a television heavy culture where kids watch from the time they are infants people really believe that kids MUST be entertained constantly to be happy but that is not true or realistic. Hire a person to play with her if you must--but please know that is NOT the only way and creates a bigger problem that will have to be dealt with tomorrow.
You sound like a great mom--be careful not to function out of guilt. I hear a lot of unnecessary guilt in your post. As a mom I get that!
I'm a teacher, too, and always have stuff to take care of. I don't even try to do it while my kids are around, though. I know better! Can you do it after she goes to bed? Or, hiring a mother's helper for two hours is a great idea too.
When my daughter was three, she refused to nap for awhile. We did the "Room Time" thing mentioned in the post below. She had to chill out in her room until her CD was over (one hour). She could play quietly in her bed, or look at books. She did that for a couple months (and would fall asleep 2 or 3 days a week). Suddenly, something switched in her and after all those consistent room times she started napping again. She just turned four and she's been napping for one hour every day again for the last four or five months. Thank goodness! If you want her to nap, stick to your guns.
