How Do I over Come This Feeling???

J. C,

Being cursed, hit and called names is not a good trade off for not having hard times.

Work on your current marriage. I know you miss your son but kids grow up and make their own life. If you build a good solid marriage you will have a life companion and friend.

Blessings.....

You made the right choice is not staying with an abusive spouse. I agree with Momma L, you are doubting your decision due to the financial strain and also missing your son.

If you were accustomed to doing certain things with your ex that you can't do now with your new husband, think of ways to compensate for that. If you can't go to a fancy restaurant, go somewhere that's affordable and enjoy each other's company. Cook meals at home and turn it into a dinner date. Be creative with your new marriage.

Also, see what extras you can cut out. Try to put together a budget. If you are able to work, may be getting a seasonal job will help out as well. Use your paycheck to save a little and also help get things caught up. So hopefully when your seasonal job is over, there will be less struggles.

I know it helps to be financially comfortable, however it's a rough time for everyone. And trust me, there is always some one worse off than you are. Don't allow the financial issues to ruin what you have with someone that you truly love and who loves you. Hang in there!!! Be blessed!!

It sounds like you made the right decision! You should not stay with someone who is abusive. It is not healthy for your children to see that. You do not want them to think that type of behavior is acceptable and end up in that type of relationship when they are adults.

Sure, financial struggles are not fun, but there are lots of people in the same boat. People are more important than things. If you have good people in your life, that's key. That's teaching your children an important lesson.

As Monica K. said, "Money can't buy happiness."

I'm sorry that you're struggling. I think you might have exchanged struggles but for the best. You can always think of ways to make more money or spend less and you can see if you can see your son more often. Maybe every other, etc. Plus, in a few years your son will be finished with school and on his own, most likely. I think your situation now would be less stressful than being in an abusive marriage. That wouldn't be good for you or your children. Hang in there!!

You didn't mess up leaving your husband. Try not to make those comparisons. That's in the past. Plus, if you are going to go ahead and compare, I'm sure your new husband would win in every other column. No amount of money is worth getting beat. But then again, no school is worth losing your child. I think that if his father is abusive, and you are depressed and miss your son, you should have him come live with you. I know you never would have left him there if you thought he was in danger of being abused. But It's not healthy for a boy to grow up in an abusive home. Even if he isn't in danger himself, it sets the example of what a man is supposed to be and how a husband treats a wife. I know you think you can't afford another kid right now, but if your ex made that kind of money than he would have to give you 20% for child support. If all that is just not possible, than take heart that you did the hardest thing of all...you walked away from an abusive man. That takes real guts sister.

Think about your kids, is seeing their mother being abused?....or stressed about money?

which is worse?

would you rather your daughter seek out a man who hurts her?, or one who takes a low paying job?

lesser of two evils

there you have it.

Your son is fifteen now; when he is older and a legal adult, he will be able to be more in contact with you if he wishes.

From listening to friends who have been in this sort of situation, I don't think you're going through anything rare. However, please think about finding some professional counseling to help you get your feelings sorted out.

Everybody is struggling financially now. But that's a whole different problem. It's better to struggle financially alongside a husband you love and respect than to be wealthy with someone you fear. But really, you know that already. You wouldn't trade your current husband in for any money, would you?

Hi J.
I think you are feeling really stressed because of finance and missing your son.Instead of realising that these are your two main issues you are projecting your stress.You are focussing on the one positive of your past relationship-having money.
As you said your first husband was very mean etc, and that your new husband is a lovely man.
Thats your first answer,why would you want to go back to the past.Think of how strong your were to leave this relationship in the first place and the relief you felt when you left him.Remember the start of the relationship with your new husband and the love and respect you felt from him.Focus on these positives and don't ruin a lovely marriage because of finance.So many people are going through finanical crisis at the moment because of world recession-we all are.Your husband shouldn't be punished for this.Try to offer him support,maybe try to get extra work or cut your expenses etc.Hard finanical times do pass and it would be a great pity if you left your marriage because of this and regret it in the future.
As the old cliche goes money doesn't buy happiness.
As for your son I'm sorry that you don't see him as much as you would like but remember the reasons why this happened.You were putting his needs first by letting him stay at school.He is 15yrs now and will be finished school in the near future and maybe then he could live with you.Think about that possibilty.
My advise would be try to focus on the positives in your life and not be wishing back for a life that you had with no love.
Try some relaxation techniques,meditation CDs,etc.
Wishing you all the best
B. K

This abusive ex-husband is the same one you spend too much time texting and talking to?? I think you need to appreciate the loving, kind man you are married to and sort out your issues.

I just want to offer you a hug! Money can't buy you happiness and that's what it sounds like you have right now. I feel for you that you don't get to see your son very often, but it sounds like you are being treated much better and are a happier person because of it. Hugs to you!

J.,
I think you are really lucky to have found someone good, after an abusive relationship. I was in that boat too. It is always easier not to struggle, we are struggling too. And living away from a son makes it that much harder. But you have to look at things in a positive way, life has good times and bad times, and times of abundance, and so on. But regardless of that, now you have a husband who loves you very much, and a son independent enough, to decide where he wants to go to school. Just think about that, whenever you miss, not having hard times, and think that no matter what your husband will be there for you.
I am struggling financially just like you, but in the end all that matters is that he is my force to wake up and look at a new day. Also I have a very beautiful son, who wakes me up (@ 3:00 am) almost everynight, and you know what, I'm grateful for it. (I'm not saying you aren't, I'm sure you are, just think about it more often)
I hope you find this helpful, Hang in there, tough times will pass, but your hubby will stay, and that's what you'll enjoy more in the end.
Good Luck

I would see a therapist, have them help you confront the feeling, and dissect it to find its roots.

Sooooo...the person isn't important but the "less hard times" are? Sorry I'm confused.

Oh.....I don't know what you are going through. BUT I do know that being with someone as a partner in life who respects and appreciates you is so VERY important. I would say that being with an emotionally/mentally supportive husband is leaps and bounds more important than being with a wealthy abusive man. I don't know what your financial struggles are but I know that it is usually possible to live below your means and make it work. AND that living on less than you make is more than okay. I don't kow about custody issues but could you see your son more, like you go once a month like you normally do and once a month your ex foot the bill for your son to come to you? I don't know but I hope and pray you get some resolution...keep us updated!