How Do I Motivate a Depressed Husband?

Updated on March 06, 2008
D.R. asks from Arlington, TX
5 answers

So my husband has been trying to finish his degree since he got out of the USMC about 5 years ago, he has been in school FULL time for 5 years and no degree yet. He was attending this Engineering college up in Washington and the college actually closed due to financial problems, he has over 94 credits from that college. Then he changed majors from engineering to business and was going to try to get in the Army as a helicopter pilot, and the birth of our third child and some complications changed his mind about that. Then he found out that the school he transferred to will only transfer less than half his credits, so he has been at that school for about 6 months now and now he dropped out. He tried out for the DPD and they never gave him a call back, but instead of keep trying for a police job he quit looking and is trying to find another “path “ for him. He is an electrician now and has always said it is a respectable job be would never want to do it forever, but now says he is destined to only be an electrician for the rest of his life. He even applied for a traveling electrician job and had it, but then the owner called him two days before he was to start and said he did not have enough work to hire him anymore, due to the drop in the economy. I know it has not been hard for my husband and things keep happening to his plans but how do I motivate him? Whenever he thinks he has the answer, the new school, the Army, the DPD, the traveling electrician…. He gets sooo excited and thinks that is the answer to everything and that nothing will go wrong with it, but then when it does he is devastated and gets so depressed!! I don’t think he can take many more let downs, he is at his breaking point. I want to support him but also want him to get over all the crappy stuff that has happened to him and keep moving forward!! On top of everything else we are going through, we are having financial problems and it is in the best interest of our future to move in with his parents, so that is not easy on him either, how do I get him to stay motivated even if things don’t go the way he has planned out in his head? Even if his next plan fails??

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K.C.

answers from Dallas on

Have you considered him staying at home with the kids while you go to work? Maybe you have more skills training than he does. It's becoming a more popular thing... then maybe he can do electrician stuff on the weekends or at night. I'm a single mom... I don't have the luxury of not working.... but I became licensed to do home daycare so that I COULD stay home with my now 2 year old. Where there's a will... there is a way. Anything is possible as long as you believe it is.

Good luck!

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K.F.

answers from Dallas on

My best advice for you is to pray... set a time on your cell phone and pray 15 minutes for him each and every day. Not just for his job but for his strength, his happiness, his health... everything. Try not to show him that you are worried but remind him of his strengths and the battles he has won along this path.

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

He really needs to continue pursuing his degree. It took me 7 years to finally get my Bachelor's but I'm glad I stuck with it. He should see if maybe he can get his credits transferred to a local community college and at least receive his Associate's degree. Even with that, some doors can open up. Whatever he needs to do to finish school--evening hours, weekend hours, student loans...that's the way to go. Just remember to be his greatest cheerleader in his educational pursuits. A man can do anything with a great woman in his corner. Good luck!

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

Convince him to finish his degree. He can finish either one but he should and needs to finish it. That will be his best motivation. There are so many online colleges out there now and whatever else happens in his and you lives he will at least have the degree to convince him that he could do anything especially with a family to support. If you live in the DfW area have him get in touch with Northwood University. It is geared for the working adult and has some wonderful professors. Good luck, J.

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S.H.

answers from Dallas on

I like Kristen's idea about being a SAHD. It may be difficult for him to accept, at first, but considering what the circumstances are, maybe that is a solution for now. Your skills may be in more demand than his for the time being.

I don't know how religious you are, but prayer is such a life-saver. I know how he feels about getting so excited about something, only to be shot down. :( It is such a blow to your confidence! So, just let him know that you believe in him and know that he will find his "niche". Pray together for him to find it (soon.) lol :)

Remember that it is difficult for most men to not "provide" for their women and families like they want or think you deserve. So, just continue to keep positive, too. I know it's difficult, but that's where prayer really helps...because you've got a lot to be grateful for.

Can he teach a Community College class on anything he knows? That may help boost his confidence and bring in some money. (Not a lot of money, but more than none.) :S What about advertising on Craigslist for odd jobs? Moving help? Tutoring?

I hope you will both find comfort soon. I will pray for you, D.. Take care, Sweetie!

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