How Do I Handle This?

As a teacher, I'd like to offer some advice that will help you and your daughter achieve the outcome you deserve. An educator's first priority is to create and maintain a safe environment for every students.

First of all, I understand that you're upset and you have every right to be upset. You need to have a calm but assertive approach when dealing with the school. Trust me, it will get you so much farther and reach a resolution much more quickly than screaming and threatening, although it would be normal to want to go that route.

Leave a message for the teacher and the principal. Be calm yet firm when you say "This is Susie's mother, and I was notified of a bullying/harassing incident that occurred today that I find extremely troubling. I would like to meet with you as soon as possible and no later than <insert day/time> regarding how you will ensure my daughter's emotional and physical safety while attending your school."

When at the meeting, have an idea of an acceptable resolution you'd like to have happen. I know you're upset but be sure to listen to the teacher and the principal and get all the facts before making a decision. I cannot tell you how many times I have had parents call, all fired up and ready to "tell everyone" and "yank their kid out of school", only to have them calm down once they realize that the school is definitely willing to work with them to reach a solution. The school could have already done more for this boy. The boy could have some IEP that prohibits him being moved (as messed up as that sounds).

Go in with an open mind and do not leave until you think the situation is appropriately resolved. If it isn't, take it to the next level (board of education or superintendent).

There's also the chance that your daughter's teacher has not yet gotten the e-mail, especially if it was sent after the school day ended.

There is no way you should put up with that. I would request....no, demand a meeting with the teacher right away. This boy should have been disciplined. His parents/guardian should be informed as to what he did. He should also be required to spend some time with the school social worker. If you don't get anywhere with the teacher then you need to go straight to the principal. Good luck!

WHOA! This behavior is unacceptable. I would make a personal visit to the school and visit either the teacher, principal or both to let them know that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior by another child. I would also encourage a conversation with his Mom as he clearly has no respect for women.

Unfortunately or fortunately, I have not been through this situation but I do have a daughter and my first instinct would be to protect her. This being said, I know that there are pride issues to deal with here too so it will be a tough balance. Let your daughter know that she shouldn't listen to him and point out all of her wonderful qualities. Time to build that self-esteem because those delinquents are out there and it sounds like your daughter has encountered one of them.

Best wishes and please let us know how you handled it.

Do you have the note? I would call the principal immediately and setup an appointment. This kid seems like a bully and it is unacceptable. The teacher should have called you. I would go the the school tomorrow morning and talk to the principal and also talk to the teacher. Tell her that you are upset that it came from your daughter and the teacher didn't notify you. Kids can be very mean. It is crazy that a 5th grader is writing those things- you wonder if he parents are aware?

Go to the principle right away. Have this incident documented. Make sure the offending students parents are aware of the situation, and if this continues request that they move the offending student to another class.

I think you should take the note to the priciple. They might consider it a form of sexual harassment. The boy should get suspended at least a week. If it continues I'd take it up with the school board.

Do you have the note? If so, I'd call the principal and arrange a meeting. Show him/her the note and document it. It's definitely harassment/bullying that should be dealt with by the principal. I wouldn't be too upset with the teacher as of yet. Besides, why are you waiting for her to call you... can't you call her about it?

I would set up a conference IMMEDIATELY with the principal and teacher and see what can be done at the school level, and then I would request a meeting within the week between the principal, you and your husband, and that child's parents. Let them know in both meetings that this is completely unacceptable behavior. It's bullying and WILL NOT be tolerated by you and SHOULD NOT be tolerated by the school. The school should adopt a zero-tolerance policy for this kind of behavior if they don't already have one. Not only is this bullying, but it sounds like a form of (sexual?) harassment as well. And no child should have to endure that. If things don't change, you can either enroll your daughter in another school (private if you have the finances to support it) or get an attorney. The school can be held liable for not providing a safe, comfortable learning environment for your daughter. That kid's parents will be visiting him at the local juvenile center if they don't straighten him up NOW. I definitely wouldn't be tolerating this behavior from my kid or directed at her. She puts up with enough because she's mixed and we live in a mostly white town. This is her first year in the schools here, and nothing has happened yet that I know of where she's been picked on because of her nice year-round tan. I'll let it go so far where she has to deal with it herself, because our kids do have to learn to stand up for themselves. But once it gets beyond her control, I'd be going in and raising Cain if I have to. Good luck!