How Do I Get Them to Listen?

Hi L.,

You don't say if there are children there for your children to play with. If not, they may be trying to punish you for making them go which is not OK. You might try telling them ahead of time that if they use "yucky words" (as we call them at our house), speak to you disrespectfully, or act up, you will be leaving immediately and they have lost ________ priviledge (use of the computer, can't watch a favorite tv show, no dessert, whatever). Tell your friend of your plan ahead of time. Give them the old 1,2,3, then get up and take them out. Your friend will understand.

Another option would be to have your friend say something to them. Talk to her about it in advance. They say that the best way to get kids to listen is not to be their parents. I've done this with a friend's child when she couldn't think of anything else to do. I asked the child if she would talk to her friends like that and told her that her mother was my friend and I didn't appreciate her speaking to my friend that way. I told my nephew that I didn't allow the language he was using in my house. They were both mortified. It also gave their parents the chance to say, "You misbehaved so badly that Ms. S. had to speak to you about it." It gave some reinforcement because then, it wasn't just the parents that were speaking to them about it.

Hope it helps! Good luck!!

Hi there,
My kids are 7 and 9 they were in a way like this when i was visiting a particular friend. My daughter and her oldest were in the same class. It was hard to understand and i eventually ended the playdates for awhile and made other arangements to visit my friend. I found that it irritated my duaghter not going to her friends houses as well and explained that each time we go you start being controlling and mean. There was always an arguement at some point. I have seen that when I react to them in a way that affects them personally that it is really affective. I always say I'll do something sorta like a threat ususally it's taking someting away a toy, a special night out, or even a upcoming activity that was planned. I have to follow through and sometimes it's affecting the whole family but it has to be done.My daughter is so strong willed that I have to treat her as her actions. My kids actually can not stand it when do this. It helps me get a grip and gives them a impression of dissapointment. When I tell them to stop what the issue is then they continue I disable what ever there doing if T.V. it goes off gameboy it's grounded and then i ignore them I act as it there not there and eventually they see that they have hurt my feelings and diappointed me. But as I said there older too.
Good luck and be calm as you can.

What ever you do don't threaten...because then you HAVE to do what you've threatened to do, or you've lost authority. The next time you go to that friend's house, lay out how they will behave: there will be no talking back, etc. you don't have to tell them what will happen if they do it, just let them know there will be a consequence, that leaves you open to choose the consequence with a clear head and not the head of frustration. The FIRST time it happens, pack them up and head home. At home, chastise them how you normally would, time out, etc. The idea is that their behavior and moral development is important enough to drop everything and deal with it, even if it is an inconvenience. A good idea is to make sure your friend knows about this and maybe do a practice run. Plan a day when you really don't have much to do with your friend so that when you go home you really aren't missing much. My friend had issues with her 4 year old throwing fits in stores and other places. She laid down the limits: no means no and she needed to maintain control with her dissappointment. She went on several practice runs to the mall and walmart and such and made sure to pass through the toys. The idea though is that she did all this when she was free to, not when she HAD to get the groceries or something for work, so she wasn't tempted to tell her "you'd better...or else" so she could finish shopping... I hope you do well!
Good Luck!

Carrying through on the "threats" and actually punishing a child is the best way to get them to listen and realize that you mean business.

try taking them away from their playmates as soon as it starts and explain to them why theyre leaving so soon. next time do the same. be prepared to leave quickly and let the other mother know its not her ahead of time. you might have to do this a few times but after a couple 2 or 3 or so times and i think the visiting poor behavior should come to a screeching halt. it worked with my 5 kids.

Hi L.,
Your a concerned parent, so I give you Kudos for that! A lot of parents would just brush this issue off and not handle the root of the matter. I know you take being a parent seriously. Your children need to know what to do before they get into that environment. Be firm and consistent. If you have told them "When we visit Ms. Friend, make sure you sit quietly ( or play, etc)" then they already know whats expected. Then let them know that if they choose not to behave well, they will be disciplined.
Children thrive on our consistency and our ability to decide what we will do before a situation presents itself. Also, you have to be firm and you must discipline them. They are testing you when your in public because they have gotten away with it many times before. So, make a decision to give them tough love, all the time, everytime they make a scene!

set them down and tell that want you expect when you get to the friends house. let them know that you will be taking them home if they act up. give one warning and then leave. it is no fun to have to go home for mom eaither, i know that i like the playdates as much as the kids, but after they know mom means what she says, they will learn to behave. and the outings will be more fun for all.

C. S. mother of two girls (7 and 3) and auntie to 7 I get alot of mom advice from my sister she has ages 19-5 in her house, she has seen it all.