My husband has always resembled his dad. Last month he got his upper teeth pulled and now has a denture. After supper he takes his teeth out for the night. It doesn't bother me that he isn't wearing them... what bothers me is he looks just like his dad.. more so than with his teeth in. I have told him a few times that he looks identical to his dad with out his teeth in ( his dad never wears his upper teeth)
Now here is where the problem is..
I have an extremely hard time being intimate with him if he doesn't have his teeth in because all I see is his dad. I know it sounds dumb, but I really do have a hard time getting past it. I don't want to tell him.. go put your teeth in first so I see you instead of him ( I wouldn't say it like that, but you know what I mean). That would be really insensitive and vain on my part. Even with my eyes closed I still know that he what he is looking like. Even just kissing him with out his teeth in, I have a hard time. I feel like I'm kissing his dad, not him. I love my husband and I'm attracted to him, he is very handsome... when he has his teeth in and looks like himself not his dad's mirror image with out them in.
I just don't know how to get past these feelings. I know its dumb, but the feelings are real and I'm struggling with this.
** trust me its not the fact that his teeth aren't in.. I have upper dentures also and don't wear them every night either.. its the fact that he looks SO much like his dad**
Thank you everyone. I guess part of me that feels so bad about these feelings is that I had mine pulled and a denture 2 months before our wedding due to a genetic mouth disease. They messed up on my denture and it's too big for my mouth. I have to glue it in 3x a day and insurance wouldn't cover a new one for 5 years. Even though my 5 years is up now, we don't have the $1,000 to get a new one after insurance costs.
Not once has he ever said anything about me not wearing mine. He has told me that he can't even tell when I don't have mine in or not anymore. I have asked him ( because I'm self conscious without mine in, but wearing it all the time due to being too big causes blisters on the roof of my mouth) if it bothers him and he says no, that I'm beautiful either way and he loves me the way that I am..
No Grandma T he has never said I look like my mom with out them in. Although my mom will never go with out her top ones in.. now her bottoms that is another story lol
You don't need to "get past it." This is bothering you, so his teeth need to be in!!! Just tell him. If it means sex, he won't forget.
I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think that would be kinda freaky to see my FIL's face in my bed....yeah...I would tell him if he wants sex, that he needs to put his teeth in...you want to have sex with HIM!!!!
Call me vain, but I would tell him to keep them in until you are finished with him. :)
Heck, if my hubands breath isnt up to par when we are about to go there, I make him go brush his teeth! Being a smoker, sometimes he needs a little help. I shouldnt have to tell him to, but men need a little help sometimes.
Just tell him how you feel, its your husband, he should understand.
My grandma wouldnt take her dentures out until my grandpa was fast asleep! She would never let him see her without them!
My mom has worn dentures since she was 18 (long story, not germane). I love her, but toothless mouths are just not that nice looking. Do the dentures hurt his mouth? I mean, is that why he takes them out after supper? I can totally understand not wanting to be intimate with him if he doesn't have the dentures in.
I think that you should be able to tell him that you would prefer if he had the teeth in until bed time. I mean, he doesn't think it looks good, right?
You're feelings aren't dumb. You should be honest but tactful.
I think you just need to come out and tell him you would like him to wear them while you are being intament My dad had dentures and my mom would not kiss him without them in. Be honest.
R., just tell him that you can't perform without his teeth in. Tell him that you feel like you are with his father and it makes you feel just icky. Don't mince words. Tell him and make it stick.
It's like being repulsed by someone who smells like they just worked a full day mowing lawns. No one in their right mind would try to subject you to that. Don't let your husband subject you to looking like his father.
Period.
Dawn
I think you should just tell him. If he wants sex, he'll remember to put his teeth in.
Maybe in time you'll get used to it.
It is kind of an illogical thing when you really think about it.
I think time will fix it.
Do you look like your mom when your teeth are not in ;)
R.,
My SO and I were just talking last night about this exact issue.He is sooo self-conscious about his teeth(he needs his teeth pulled)I think he is the most gorgeous guy in the world.Anyway,youve been through the same thing yourself so you can sympathize.He is probably so comfortable around you,he thinks nothing of it.Its not even about his teeth,its the fact he resembles his dad so much,I get it.theres really no way to sugar coat asking him to put his dentures in before you sleep together,so....catch him when he he has them in or just be honest and say what is really bothering you,chances are he'll be relieved its because he looks like his father and because of the dentures.Good luck...Im sure it will be fine!!!!!
I know what you mean. My husband borrowed his dad's deodorant one time and it was hard to even kiss him since he smelled like his dad. Very strange! I don't think it's too much to ask that he put his teeth in but I also don't know how sensitive your husband is. You were pretty clear about how much you love your husband with or without his teeth so hopefully he will understand your reasons for wanting him to wear them during your intimate times. Oh, and your feelings are not "dumb" so cut yourself some slack because you obviously love your hubby.
I don't have any advice. I just want to tell you that it's not dumb to feel what you feel.
Can't help with the hubby thing, but for you - give a call to a local dental college - I've heard that you can get help there for MUCH less. Perhaps they can help you.
You're going to get a wide range of responses. I am interested in reading them. Reading your post I had to chuckle. Not laughig at you though. I am in the same boat kind of. My husband looks A LOT like his dad. I am able to get past it for the most part, but sometimes his manerisms or the way he talks makes him REALLY look like his dad. At those times, I'm not really attracted to him and I look away and just do other things. I feel bad for it and feel kind kind of petty, and not sure what to do about it. Never ever even voiced it or talked about it with anyone. There is really nothing your husband can do. Please don't tell him. He can't help what he looks like without his teeth. You'll need to dig down deep and get past it, and know that he isn't your FIL but his own person. The dentures thing is new, so allow yourself time to process it and find a new normal. You'll get past it. Hang in there!
Ditto on Bug's answer. So true...I'm sure he'll be willing to wear anything as long as it leads to sex!
But I'm so sorry. I feel for you. I have a friend who's husband was in a bad bad accident and now he looks like he is perpetually slumped over, like a hunchback even when laying down. She couldn't seem to get past that either but its been a few years and I don't think she thinks about it anymore. But I guess beinghunched over isn't the same as looking like someone's FIL.
If your own dentures don't fit, that must be very painful for you when you have to wear them. Have you ever considered going to the Bureau of Rehabilitative Services? They're a federal department and they would consider something like this a disability, especially since it's in your mouth and if your job is working with the public or with clients. BRS might be able to help you get new dentures with a reputable place and cover the dentures too. I'm going through BRS for them to help find me a job due to my having Fibromyalgia and other issues, all considered disabilities. It's worth checking out.
As for your husband, I think it's fair for you to gently let him know that it's a little unsettling for you to be intimate with him when the dentures aren't in. Talk about it when you're not being intimate and not getting ready to be. Make sure he knows that it's not about HIM. I understand exactly where you're coming from. I get unsettled when my husband intentionally adopts some of his father's "old man" behaviors. His father was 84. He wore one of those old Italian beanie hats, so since he passed away in October my husband wears it AND my fil's slippers and checkered jacket. He also hunches and shuffles around the house like an old man when he wears them. He's 44 years old! He's shuffling like he's 84! Come on! Don't come upstairs when you do that and expect some fun lovin'!
if i was in your shoes i would just talk to him about it. maybe he can do something crazy that you can see him instead of his dad. my guy looks a lot like his dad so i know when we get older thats gonna be fun
I simply told my DH that I couldn't stand to see anyone w/o teeth! He DID already know this cuz' my stepdad NEVER wore his dentures & sometimes my mom runs around the house w/o hers. It may be dumb, it may make me be an A - -, but that's just the way I feel. My DH only takes out his dentures to clean & if there is a problem with his mouth.
Believe me, I think if he knew it bothered you so much that you aren't 'feeling' the intimantecy (sp) he will WANT to keep them in!
I have a hard time when my mom does not have her teeth in. Everyone please keep your teeth in!!! If you want him to keep them in so you will not have a visual of his dad, keep yours in also!! Just tell him he is sexier with them in, it turns you on!
