How Do I Get My 7 Yr Old to Take Responsibility for Her Actions?

J., your letter made me smile! This sounds sooo-o normal to me. She's seven, a girl, and doesn't like to apologize: yup, normal.

May I suggest "ignoring" the incidents when she 'loses it' over (as you said) bumping a chair? This may cut down on those times...

I say you're doing great teaching her to apologize when she does do something by accident that may have hurt or disturbed someone (good manners, right?). I make my son (who hates to say "sorry" too) use the sign-language sign instead, then I keep it low-key to avoid any drama. He's only 2, but I'll occasionally get an apology out of him without asking (!?)

Good luck, and thanks for the grin!!!
T

I always recommend talking to a doctor if a child is acting weird but I learned the hard way that sometimes things like this is medical related and all the fixing in the world is not going to help. while keeping that in mind sometime when your daughter has not just bumped into something sit down and talk to her and ask her different questions OR totally ignore the incident and move on it could be an attention getter. in this case ignoring her when she just bumped into something maybe the right thing to do at least for a little while. you may just observe it was deliberate just for the attention she gets. if you see that her bumping into something is not deliberate I might make an appointment with a doctor and get her ears checked ----- and if that is the case that if something is wrong with her ears (your balance is connected with your ears) how she acts (hysterics) might be out of frustration.

on a funny note when my youngest daughter was about 3 if she would bump into something instead of saying she did it by accident she would use the wrong word and say she did it on purpose. that was fun (NOT) to help her learn and use the correct word before she got much older and it caused her problems with playmates LOL

Wow, my seven year old just started doing this! Glad to hear it may just be a phase, and not the sign of bad morals! Can't wait to hear all the great advice!

I recently found this awesome website http://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/ It is about parenting. They state that a child's learning occurs best under pleasant circumstances. I am guilty of trying to teach my kids in the heat of the moment. I also like that they said we should plan and take time to teach our children the skills we want them to learn. This is what they say to do:

1. Describe The Skill
Children need to know exactly what it is you want from them. “Claire, at your party tomorrow, you’ll get a lot of gifts. I want to teach you about a good way to respond to people who give you presents.”

2. Explain Why It's Important
Talk to your child about why the skill you want to teach her matters. The new skill may help others feel better, or simply be the right thing to do. “It’s important to be kind about any gift you get, because the person giving it to you is excited.”

3. Model The Skill
Show your child how the skill looks. Often this is where it will “click” for young children. With the birthday gift receiving example you could have Claire “wrap” a favorite toy in a blanket for you (let her surprise you), and you could unwrap it and show Claire how to respond appropriately.

4. Let The Child Practice
Have the child practice the skill. “Your turn to unwrap my surprise!” This game is a lot of fun for kids.

5. Give Feedback And Praise
I really liked the idea that you plan a time where you talk about a skill you want them to learn.

There is more and it is all good advice. This website helped me with some of my questions I had and I hope to be able to implement them into my life and I hope it can help you too. Love, D.