How Do I Get My 5 Year Old to Stop Lying So Much?

Kids lie for a lot of reasons. No reasonable adult (like your brother's fiancée) would take the word of a 5 year old. So saying she's causing huge problems is probably taking it a step too far.

Her dad and grandmother need to understand that kids lie for attention and it really should be obvious to them that the kids' bodies and clothes indicate that accusations about no baths or laundry are absurd. If they are keeping the kids from you, there's something else going on. But again, no sensible adult listens to kids about little stuff in the face of evidence to the contrary.

If you are crying and overpowered by this stuff, you need support for parenting challenging kids. There are techniques you can learn to help you stay calm and deal with this without buying into it. When you get so worked up about a kid's stories, you're more worried about some outside pressures. That's more common when there are custody or divorce issues. Please get some family counseling help for you and also your daughter so you have some help - every single parent needs an ally.

If your best friend does not know that your 5-year-old daughter "even exists"? It sounds like you're doing some lying of your own.

Be honest with your best friend, be honest with your family, and start trying to mend all of these important relationships.

I assume that you mean that your best friend doesn't know about your brother's fiance (others have interpreted it to mean that your best friend doesn't know about your daughter, but that's not what you meant, right?).

I would like to suggest a therapist for you and your daughter. It sounds like your daughter has a lot to deal with for a 5 year old (parents that don't get along, custody issues, etc). She is probably acting out because that is a lot of stress for a 5 year old. A family therapist might help you navigate this better with your daughter.

At a certain age my mom's code phrase was 'little pitchers have big ears'.
I didn't know till I was much older - but it meant 'we can't discuss this in front of the kids - they will blabber everything to everyone'.

So first - what ever you say in front of them make sure it's stuff you don't mind if they repeat it.

5 year olds like to tell stories.
They aren't very aware what's truth and what isn't.
So people that get all upset about what ever a 5 year old says - they need to consider the source.
I mean - if your daughter tells people that she's a pony are they going to go and buy her a saddle?
They need to get a grip and not take everything they hear from a 5 yr old as gospel.

Second - that you've been crying tells me you are overwhelmed and don't know which way to turn.
I think talking this out with a counselor would help you the most.

I'm sure you're always doing laundry and bathing the kids every day and to be accused of not doing this stuff is just aggravating.
Techniques on how to handle your stress, anger and your story telling kids should help you to relax and not be so fearful.

Some kids lie and/or exaggerate to get attention. They do it once, realize people take notice of them (it's attention - whichever way you look at it) and then they do it again .. and again and again. You're getting upset, which is a reaction and she's liking it.

It's really dysfunctional, which suggests there are bigger issues. She's obviously not ok.

I'm guessing the divorce, the two homes, what's going on in her world is upsetting her.

It's true - kids make up stories at this age - one of mine did, but the one who did it the worst was the one who was having a hard time adjusting. He had a hard time socially.

Listen, listen, listen ... give her attention that way.

I agree with chacha. Why doesn't your best friend know your daughter exists? What is going on in your own life that is so dysfunctional here? Kids emulate their parents.

I would work at co-parenting in a calm, supportive way with dad - and if you need counseling to get there, then do so. Just don't like your 5 year old push your buttons. She needs you to be her rock, her stability, her safety net. If you're crying and letting her affect you to this degree - do whatever it takes to remember you're the parent.

stop crying. she's only 5 and is clearly horribly confused about honesty, consequences and life.

and that's not her fault.

any kid lying this frequently, this casually and this catastrophically is a kid who has not been exposed to a household and a world where honesty is important and dishonesty has consequences.

so your first step is model honesty for her. that means all the time. no little white lies, no winky winky behind the hand cues to the other dishonest adults in your life. no being too busy with other things, or bawling your eyes out, to parent her firmly and kindly and effectively.

and honestly.
khairete
S.