How Do I Get My 3 1/2 Year Old Out of His Crib?

Please call my wife, we have copies of a great book called "What I wish I knew when my kids were young." We give them away to those who want them. Rick and A. ###-###-####

Hi C.

The best thing may be is to remove it from his room so that he can only sleep in his nice new one. Tell him that he is too big now for the crib and put it away until you need it for the little one. (remove it when he is not in the house) He may be upset for a day or two but he will come to no harm. (Out of sight and out of mind) Give him lots of cuddles and that you all love him. Good luck.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but why are you giving him so much power over this decision? You're the adult - you make the choices on things like this. Just take down the crib. If it's gone, he can either sleep in his cool new bed or on the floor - THAT becomes his choice.
Then, re-assemble the crib (I know it's a pain) for the baby in a month or 2. By then, he won't even care.

Maybe this has something to do w/the new sibling in the house???? I know 3.5 yrs seems old to be in a crib & I bet he's getting kinda long for it, but he's still adjusting to the new baby so maybe give him a bit more leeway (SP?) on this. How long can the baby stay in the bassinet? Our second son slept in our room in a pac-n-go til he was about6 months old & then we moved him to the crib. Is that an option for you? Maybe set up a target date for him to be outa the crib & in the bed. Mark the date on the calender & then 'x' off each day so that he can see when it's coming. Once that day comes, make a big deal out of it....have a little party to celebrate him moving to his big boy bed. Any time he's napped or had quiet time in his bed lavish him w/praise telling him what a big boy he is. Once it's time to put the baby in the crib, thank big brother for being so nice about giving his crib up for the baby. Tell him the baby really appreciates him sharing his bed & what a good big brother he is to give up his bed for the baby. Also, how often does he nap? At his age, most kids are ready to give up the nap so maybe cut it out so when bed time comes, he's exhausted & won't balk at sleeping in the new bed. Does he have any friends in big boy beds? Maybe try playing that up, too. Hope this helps & good luck!

I have a 3.5 yr old in a crib also, with a baby who is now 8 months sleeping in a "port a crib" (a small crib). She too, has a bed in her room waiting for whenever she wants to make the change. I used to ask her, without pressure if she was ready to let her baby sister use her crib. She is not and I think it is fine. She, like your son, may not want to give to the baby as a crib is something they have grown with sice THEY were babies. I know my daughter is attatched to her crib and feels it is her "own little place".I would in no way force or pressure him, instead, find other sleeping arrangments for the baby. Buy a crib used or a portable crib or whatever is affordable to you. I feel it could make him resent the baby if you force it. Also, I read that when giving a new sib. the older sibs crib, there should be 3 months of time elapsed in between the tradeoff. Meaning your son should be out of his crib for about 3 months before putting the new baby in. Like at the end of your preg... Anyway, hope it works out. Oh, or you could move him out of his crib right away, stash it in the garage for 3 months while he is getting used to his bed, then bring it out again for the baby. Hope this isnt conflicting info...

my advice is to set a date, say on a Saturday when daddy is home and make a ceremony about taking the crib downand putting it somewhere else. Taking down the crib is very important. There should be some time that your son is sleeping in big bed before the baby moves into the crib otherwise he will asscoiate the baby with kicking him out of his bed

Have you considered removing one of the sides, and maybe even the mattress? Have the railings surrounding him is probably comforting, similar to being in the womb. With the railings and mattress gone the space is no longer comfortable. Once he gets used to sleeping in his race car bed you can put the crib back together for the baby.

My children are 3 years apart also so I can understand your dilemma.Have you told him that big boys sleep in a bed? Tell him the baby needs the crib b/c she has outgrown the bassinet. Remove the crib from his room (if they will be in separate rooms. Bite the bullet, he may struggle less with the change than you are anticipating. Reward him with a sticker/hand stamp, hugs, to motivate him to stay in his bed at night if that becomes a problem. Emphasize how much he can do b/c he is the big brother and that he can get in and out of his bed on his own, while the baby can't even roll over! Good luck.

My suggestion would be to TAKE THE CRIB DOWN. Sorta out of sight, out of mind. Offer him a date at the park, or a trip to get ice cream if he sleeps in his big boy bed.

hope this helps
t

I have a 3.5 yr old, and a five week old. I got the oldest to move out of his crib by simply telling him it was baby brothers turn to use the crib now, as cribs are for babies, and if he wants to continue using the crib he will have to share it with baby brother. He thought this was fine until I put them in together for a "nap". He quickly agreed to use his thomas bed and since it was his idea he hasn't looked back. Worth a try...

C., I would remove the crib from his room right away. The longer time between him sleeping in it and the baby the better. Don't just move it though, put it up for a few months out of sight. He will get attached to his new bed and hopefully you won't have a power struggle when you need to put the baby in it. When you do get it back out be sure not to use any of his blankets or anything that makes him think it is his bed. Be very positive about the whole thing and I think it will go smoother for you. Tell him things like "look how much more play space you have and now you can be like the big kids". Give him a choice of two things that you want him to do, like you can sleep in your car bed or make a camp bed on the floor, it's your choice. Your giving him the power of making the choice, but either choice is OK with you. Good Luck
C. Brown

As long as he is getting attention for this, then it is time you're spending with him. Offer him some choices about other ways he would enjoy spending time with you in exchange for moving to the big boy bed.

I feel that it is his way of expressing a little worry that the baby will be replacing him.
He needs to know that he is needed and you can have him help you be a part of teaching the baby how to be a big kid. The baby will look up to him.

Love, L.

Hi C.,

I'd say to just take the crib out & tell him he's a big boy and that now he needs his bed. Don't give him a choice or wait for him to decide. Who's the parent? I don't want to sound harsh, but at 3, they don't need to be having those type of choices. Maybe a choice between what shirt they wear, 'this one or this one?', but not bedding. My son will be 4 next month and he's been out of his crib since he was almost 2. When he started climbing out, then there's no reason for him to be in it. He needs to feel good about being a big boy and encourage him to help you with the baby. Make it fun to be a big boy and the transition will be easier.

Good luck.
B.

Do you want your son to resent his sibling? Because that is what will happen if you force him to "give" his bed away to his sibling. How would YOU feel if someone came along and said, now that we have this new family member you're no longer allowed to sleep in your own bed?

Changes have been made to the family dynamics, let him keep is comfort bed. It would be unkind to him and to your baby to force this change. Is it really worth the strife and struggle?

Go buy another crib. There many cribs in good condition that you can buy second hand. Look on craig's list, ebay, pennysaver (it's something you get in the mail, dunno if you have that in SAC) and second hand stores.

You can even have your son help you pick one out.

Believe me, your children will love you for it, and so will you and your husband's stress levels.

Hi C. ~ I never personally had this problem - but heard a great idea someone gave when they had this problem with their child. They had the 3 year old son, take the crib apart - they helped where needed, but this gave the son a real feeling of being "grown up" and then he had no problem sleeping in he "big boy" bed.....now me, I would just put my foot down! LOL! but to each his own eh? Good Luck, I hope all works out well!

It seems like your 3 year old is just waiting till he has to move and will do just fine in his bed when the 6 week old goes into the crib. You could just make the transition now. At least lay your 6 week old in the crib (even if he/she won't actually stay there all night) at your 3 1/2 yr old's bedtime, so he physically feels the necessity of him using his big boy bed.

Does his big boy bed have a little safety rail on it? He is probably afraid of falling out of it. That can eaisly be solved by putting a small safety rail at the middle of the bed.

I'd say move the crib out, into your room, for the baby for now. If it's not there, soon he'll sleep in his bed.
With my two (that were only 19 months apart) i had to just buy another crib.

I had a similar issue - my two boys are 2 years apart. The older boy wanted his crib back after the little one was in it and became jealous - it was "his" crib. I find the more I talk to my son and repeat our conversations daily the easier it is to get him to make changes and give things up or share.

Hi,
My last 2 boys are 16 months apart, and my 1st son went in a big boy bed at 18mos and never looked back, so of course I thought #2 would be the same!!! oh, not so much!
#2 son didn't want anything to do with the big boy bed, so for 7 months my #3 slept in the pack and play. He did just fine. We finally just bit the bullet and made him stay in his bed. It was a very hard night, but after that, he was just fine. He cried and cried, we just kept going in and reassuring him, finally out of exhaustion he fell asleep, and the next night there were no fights or tears and all is well. Now, having said that, 3 year olds have the ability to argue like none other, so just stick to your guns, don't give him a choice, and he will come around. Can you disassemble the crib for a couple of days? Good luck!

I would just take one of the sides off, so the crib looks like a day bed, and then let him sleep where he wants.

Hi C. - When my grandson was a little guy, my hubby built him a "flat bed truck" with side rails on it. I used the rails on my grandson's twin bed, as a guard, so he'd be more comfy! It worked, you might try buying bed sized rails, at a sleep shop for kids, or a toy store. Say nothing to your little one; see if he gets his own idea! Good luck - A. U.

All my kids were very anxious to be out of their cribs-so never dealt with this directly. But we do deal with other hand-me-downs. Maybe try having some kind of "ceremony" where the older kid gets to "give" his crib to the baby. It is a very cool big brother thing to do...good luck!

HI C.!

Aaahhhh...what a sweetheart. He loves his "bed".

He's probably ready for his Big Boy bed, he's just not so sure yet, especially with another baby in the house about to take it over. I think I would be GENTLE with this situation.

I think I would lay with him in his new bed until he falls asleep for the first few nights AND leaving the crip empty. After a few weeks of adjustment, THEN ask your son " Gosh, your baby brother/sister is growing so much! We need to find a special bed for him to sleep in....Where are we going to find a new bed?".....Voila! He has the answer! He "thought of it himself" and he's too big for it now anyway (in his mind).

I know what I wouldn't do.....I wouldn't demand that he give up his bed for his new sibling. That could be devastating for his little mind like "you love that baby more than him" because you're giving the baby his bed.

You'll find a way, C.. Good Luck

:o) N.

My daughter was 3 1/2 when her little sister arrived. I made it special by buying new bedding, side rails, pillows, cute decorations, etc. Then I just told her in 3 days you're going to start sleeping in your big girl bed...in two days, tomorrow night, etc. Then I moved the crib, got her room ready with all the decorations and didn't make it an option to be able to go back to the crib. There may have been a little moaning about wanting the crib every once in a while, but for the most part, she liked her new digs and she didn't really have a choice anyway.

Good luck!

C.,
I would temporarily remove the crib, so he has no other option, or I would put side rails on the racecar bed.
I know it already is probably low to the ground, but maybe he likes the security of something by his sides.
W.

Hi C....

I'm sure you've already explained that his baby sister NEEDS the crib so she doesn't fall out of bed, or get out of bed and get into something and get hurt once she starts crawling. Perhaps he's a bit jealous about having to share his comfortable place with the little one who he also has to share Mommy with.

Maybe he will see that he's such a big boy now that he gets to do lots of things a baby can't do yet, and maybe if you start a new routine of reading to him "only in his big boy bed" for a few minutes at night time, he'll see that that's a special thing that gives him time "just with you" or "just with Daddy" that baby sister doesn't get to do.

Or perhaps you could "dangle the carrot" and offer him a very special "big boy treat" if he sleeps in his race car bed for three nights in a row without complaining. (A trip to someplace special, or that special toy that he can sleep with... or even one of those constellation projectors that project the stars and moon onto the ceiling might take his mind off of where he's sleeping.)

It may be more of a competition for attention and rank than it is a preference over where to sleep. I'm sure this little one feels like a bit of an intrusion on the time and attention he used to get from you, so if you redirect his attention to something special that only the big boy gets to do at bedtime - maybe he'll give up the fight. As soon as you feel he's ready to let go, I'd take the crib out of his room so he's able to forget about it. (I'd talk a lot about how much you enjoy your reading time with him - and make it a big deal for that to be your special time with him.) And I'd give him a day's notice before you take the crib out of his room, but I wouldn't make it negotiable. I'd be careful not to make him feel as if removing the crib is (in any part) his decision... but I'd be sure to comfort him by replacing that familiar place with a very pleasant and special activity. He will soon feel secure enough that he'll move on to a different battle for control and attention. :-) Sounds like he's a very smart little boy!

Blessings!

M.