Hi!
First off, KUDOS to you for choosing to adopt! We need more adoptive parents like you. Here's my advice - this is just a bunch of random thoughts!
* Do not tolerate insults, put-downs, mean stuff, threats, etc etc etc. Do not tolerate fights and always stop them in a lovingly manner. My parents kinda had the "I'm not gonna get involved in it y'all need to work it out" attitude - PLEASE don't do that! Even when they 17, get involved. Praise and reward them when they are nice to each other.
* At Christmas and at birthdays, take each of them shopping alone to buy a gift for their brother.
* Encourage the older one to say nice things to his brother and praise him often, and reward him when he is nice.
* Encourage them to share, which might be tricky, but when they do praise, praise, praise them.
* Let them have their space. It's really best if they have their own room, esp when they are older.
* Be sure that you still have one-on-one time with each of the children. Hire a baby-sitter if necessary for the other child. Read this article please for advice on what I mean by this: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2120733/parentin...
* Do lots of fun bonding activities with them like go to kid's museums, have picnics at the park, etc.
* Join a church, if you aren't already part of one. This can help b/c they can see how other siblings are supportive (of course they will also see how they fight, but.... it's still good) Read this article for tips on how to find a good church: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1374119/how_to_f...
* I know there's more stuff but my mind is a little fried. You can also ask this at groups at sites such as cafemom.com (there's a group for "Moms of Boys"), etc.
* Because you are a single parent, I wanted to give you some advice: Please read, "How to Find SUpport As a Single Mom": http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/861171/how_to_fi...
Happy New Year!!!!!