How Do I Explain THIS Part

Dear A.,
I really feel for you. It's so hard to watch our kids hurt. We feel so helpless. I have a couple of thoughts for you. I was a bereavement kid specialist for 14 years and the following concepts helped lots of kids.
1-the body is composed of 2 main parts-the "outside" and the "inside". The outside is the part we can touch and feel, the inside part is invisible, it thinks and loves. We cannot touch that part. That inside part is what does not die. When the inside part leaves the body in a way no one understands, the outside part is empty. It doesn't feel or think-it's like a puppet without a hand in it or a peanut shell without the peanut. That "shell" needs to be either buried or cremated.
2. Poena's shell that doesn't feel anything will be cremated. (You can explain why the cat can't be buried here)So, Daddy and I decided this would be the best thing to do for Poena's shell. What will happen is that Poena's shell will be put in a box that will be heated as hot as the sun. When that happens, Peona's shell will become ash. Think about the logs Daddy puts in the fire place. First they are logs and then they are ash. First they are big and then they are little.
3. There is a great book called Cat Heaven. It's really cute and helpful to kids. You can borrow it from the library or buy it. I have it available from my web site along with several other children's books you might find it helpful. My web page is www.grannygracecares.com I have reviews on each book.
4. Suggest the girls draw pictures, collect nature things, plant a small tree, make a stepping stone with their cat's name on it, make a photo collage, build a cat at build a bear -whatever you can do to help them build memories. Another book that is helpful is called, the Badger's Parting Gifts or the Tenth Good Thing about Barney (a cat)Both also avaialble on my web page.

Good for you mom-looking ahead to healthy emotional health.

they accually sell little urns that are cat's just for this purpose. Look on line tell the girls this way they both can have a memory of the love they had for thier pet forever.

Hi. Our cat too suddenly got sick - blood cancer in Jan. and we had to put him down. Many tears on my part but know I did the right thing. We have 3 other cats though. Our 3 yr. old knows he's in kitty heaven and did tell him he was cremated also. I used to work in a funeral home so I guess the questions don't bother me at all. Since, the beginning of April my dad had also died. Lung cancer and he was also cremated. He doesn't get the concept of cremation but knows he's in grandpa heaven. Don't know if this helps at all.

Sorry about your loss. I am a huge animal lover and the mom of a 15 year old girl. We always had birds and when each died, we allowed her to bury it. She wanted to make a little cross with its name. That was her way of dealing. She never actually saw the dead bird, so we put it in a box, wrapped it up and let her bury it. You can spare her the cremation explanation and, when you get the ashes back, put it in a box and have a little burial for it. Let the kids make a cross for the grave. Hopefully this will help. Good luck.

G.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Our first and only dog passed in Nov. and I still think about and miss him sometimes. We ended up having to take him to an emergency animal hospital to have him put down. He was not responding when we arrived so it was like he was already "gone" and not my dog anymore so it was really not even a issue for me to leave his body there and my children are older so they understood. I would explain to your children that he has a new body in heaven now and does not need his earthly body anymore. That they can remember him in their minds and hearts even though he is not here anymore. Does the part about what you did with the body really matter? If they ask and really want to know where his body is give them an honest answer. Sometimes a simple answer is all they need and you do not have to go into details. Good luck, hope this helps a little.

sorry for your loss . . .

i think the idea of talking to your girls about the body being a shell that housed the soul, and that their loved one is no longer there . . . and in a better place . . . is a good idea

and that we have some options in caring for the shell, once they have moved on . . . one being cremation which results in ashes and the other being burying . . . focus on the animal they know as their pet being in heaven as much as possible . . . .

maybe come up with a comparison that they can understand . . . i.e. a house becomes a warm cozy home when it has people/families living in it, to care for it, use it and maintain it . . . but with no family living there for a long time, an old home becomes run down, things break, stop working, it gets cold and shabby . . . and the house needs to be torn down . . . but it is just a shell of something that was formerly there . . .

maybe not the best comparison, but maybe something to get your mind going :)

good luck . . . it is hard enough dealing with loss on your own, but then explaining it to children and helping them through it . . . again, my condolences . . .

I agree that explaing about the body being the shell of the soul and so forth. One thing that helped my family when my dog was cremated, was to leave a little bit of her ashes in areas that meant something to her... along the back fence where she ran with other dogs, in the park, etc. So we could honor her with things she loved. If she had been buried, it wouldn't have been an option. Maybe involving them in a decision process like that would make them more comfortable with cremation.