E.F.
Hello,
I am sorry that your ex is trying to cause problems. I do have a couple of suggestions, though.
first off, record everything. Keep a notebook with all this information, when he visits the children, how long the visit lasts, does he pick them up/you drop them off, who innitiated the visit? was it him, you, or the children? any conversations that you have wiht him regarding the children, comments he makes to you or hte kids.
as far as the money goes, frankly it is none of her business what you do with it as long as it is going to things for her. for instance, on the rare occasion that the wonderful state of NJ manages to send me my child support, it usually ocmes in alump sum for the month. I take it and go grocery shopping. my boyfriend, our son, me and my daughter all have to eat. I dont' work, I stay home with the kids. my boyfriend supports us all, including my daughter, who is not his, but who he has been raising since she was 21/2. (she is now 6)I may take some of that money and get gas for the car. If we have no gas, then cliff can't get to work. he takes the bus from pennsylvania to manhattan every day to support us. as far as I am concerned, the cs money that I spend on gas to get cliff to the bus so he can get to work and make money to pay all the bills, buy the children's toys, clothes, pay the health bills (my girl has no insurance righ tnow. any dr visits or shots cliff pays for.) is actually money being used for my girl's best interest. therefore, her dead beat daddy can take a flying leap if he has anything to say about it!
Now, the wonderful state of NJ has implemented this debit card thing called the eppicard, which the child support goes directly into. I actually take it out and put it in my bank, because I don't want to pay the extra fees, and we are allowed one free withdrawl from the card per deposit. BUT if you don't have this brilliant piece of plastic, then I do suggest that you go and get a seperate account for just the child support. that way any bill, groceries, clothing, etc that you spend that money on is documented. If your ex has an issue and decides to push the matter, you can show exactly where the money went and that you aren't using it to go party every night or whatever.
As for your girl, she is a child, and I see nothing wrong wiht telling her that because she is a child, she will not be allowed to question what you do or don't do. The fact is, you are supposed to use the child support money in a way to benefit her. Not to hand it over to her. If that was the case, it would come in her name, Or be placed in some kind of trust until seh is old enought to use it. And you may want to tell your ex that if he is so concerned with his 10 year old having money to piss away on nonsence, that he is welcome to give her some sort of allowence on his own. I am sure that will shut him right up.
If he is so bent on causing problems for you on the rare occasions he decides to show, maybe you may want to consider talking to a lawyer or your case worker about getting him to relinquish his rights. then he doesn't have to pay you, or see the children. I don't know if that is really an option for you, or if you could afford to lose his money, but it is something to think about.
I hope this helped some. good luck.