Ok, I'm going to try to word this as carefully as possible as I don't want to come off as ungrateful or anything. I'm not. But, my DH's family has a habit of giving their old things to each other. It was always a joke because my DH and I would just watch it happen and laugh. There was NEVER a get together that someone didn't bring something, "I thought someone could use this." We never participated. Well, since having children, we are becoming the targets - so to speak. It seems that since they save EVERYTHING they feel the need to pass it on. I'm just not interested in all honesty. I try to say "No thank you" or "we have plenty", but sometimes that doesn't even work.
Whenever we see my MIL, she will ALWAYS have something that one of her siblings gave her or that she found at a garage sale. This last time it was an old ABC game that had like 4 - 5 letters missing. How can my son do his ABC's when there are missing letters? My husband just takes the items and doesn't say anything.
Please, don't get me wrong, I'm not too good for recycled toys/clothes. I'm all for finding deals on Ebay (spent the last hour on there, actually) or garage sales, but I'm careful to only purchase items that can be thoroughly cleaned. Many of the items received from my MIL can't be washed and so we just throw them away.
My mom will do the same thing, but she knows how we feel and won't buy anything used unless it can pretty much go in the washer or dishwasher. Also, she buys things and just leaves them at her house for when we visit. We don't visit my in-laws because they refuse to lock up thier two dogs (the larger one has a bite history).
Has anyone else had this happen? If so, how did you deal with it? How do I tell my MIL that we just aren't interested in additional toys in our home without sounding so rude.
Thanks for the responses. It was nice to know I'm not alone with this. I won't say anything to them/her as the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone's feelings. I'm going to just donate the items that are acceptable and toss the others. My fear is that someone will ask about the items and I'll kinda be on the spot. But, I suppose I'll deal with that when the time comes.
Thanks again for the responses.
T.
I agree. Accept them with a "Thank You" and then toss in the donation pile. If they ever have the nerve to ask where something is, just say, "We couldn't use it, but passed it along to someone who could." Smile. Change subject.
Easy peasy.
I have a MIL that saves everything, so we get toys from when my husband and his brother and sister were kids. This Christmas we got two suede cowboys vests that my husband and his brother wore when they were little(and she wanted my oldest son and daughter to wear them!) So believe me I understand and sympathize! I have even gotten preschool workbooks for my daughter that my BIL used when he was a kid, and half the pages were done. This woman saves EVERYTHING! Plus she goes to garage sales and resale shops. Anyway we just take whatever it is and say thanks and then dispose of it appropriately, either through donation or the garbage.
My MIL volunteers at a charity thriftstore and used to bring us a stack of clothes each time she visited. my husband told her once, no more clothes and no more toys and was firm. i thought it was very thoughtful, but would donated it to the goodwill if it was something i wouldn't have bought for them or wanted them to wear. She gave a dress once that was all frayed and said, that it would be a good dress for her christmas picture. I let her play in it once. But it was too beat up for pics. She also gave me clothes that didn't fit her anymore but these clothes were two sizes too big for me. i actually had to put on a pair of pants once and come out showing her that they would fall off of me. I think she was being super thoughtful, but now, she donates to her thrift store unless she knows it's something nice that we need.
I felt bad though when my husband told her "no more clothes or toys" I felt like I could just drop them off at the goodwill and not hurt her feelings. also, when i came out the one time to show her that the pants were too big, it wasnt my idea, she requested that I tried them on. UGh!!!
Just wanted to sympathize. My in-laws go to garage sales and buy really old worn out toys, broken toys, age inappropriate toys, books with pages torn out and scribling in them, games with missing pieces. They also give things like this as gifts. We just say thanks and throw it away when they leave. So far they haven't asked where anything is later, but I'm sure that day is coming.
Aside from the fact that the kids have plenty of toys to begin with, it is a pretty serious safety issue. My 1 year old son was given a little low-rider humvee car that you would probably display on a shelf with play speakers in the back, 1000 removable chokable parts, and I have to be the bad guy and take it away. Grrrr.
I, too have a similar situation. My dear MIL brings us stuff on her once a year visit. I mean boxes and boxes of stuff. Almost all of the things are nice, but it is overwhelming. I used to feel guilty about not keeping everything, but I finally decided that I just can't keep this much stuff. I go through everything and we keep what we like or I put clothes in the attic that the kids will grow into. I always use a rule of thumb that if it is nice enough that I would buy it --it goes to charity, if not it goes to the trash. The key is to not feel guilty.
I kind of don't agree with what some others have said- I think you need to make a point to say something to your mother in law even if it's uncomfortable. You don't need the hassle of taking things that you didn't want in the first place to Goodwill. It might not be an enjoyable conversation, but it will save your sanity in the long run. Just my opinion. Good luck.
Hi T.!
I have received many hand-me-downs from well-meaning friends and relatives. Some clothes even have had stains. Because I don't want to hurt their feelings I say, "thank you" and realize that it was a nice gesture - they were thinking about me and the kids. Most often I put the items in a bag along with my other dontated items for a charity pick-up. Everybody is happy, I made a donation, and there is no harm done. It's not worth the trouble of letting them know how you really feel because someone's feelings will get hurt - guaranteed. As long as you don't see these people too often you could just try to put up with it. Maybe the donations will help with your taxes!
Say thank you and be happy you have such a great family. Then toss in in the garbage!
My sis and mom do the same thing!
I just thank them politely and then put them in the Goodwill box. I sometimes try to tell them that we live in a small place and simply don't have room for new clothes/stuff, but that doesn't always work. Their hearts are in the right place, so I don't make a big deal of it.
It sounds like you have already tried to tell then how you feel . I would just continue to say those things and if that doesn't work quietly take the items and give them to charity.
I can understand where you are coming on this b/c I have family that buys thing at yard sales and such and does the same. The stuff has stains or something is missing. What i have done is just take it and if it don't wash out throw them out and if they ask tell them that it has to many stains. Or like on the hubby side that i don't go see much i just sometime keep what is ok and than throw out the other or use as play clothes. I love hand me downs but when you can't use them what can you do. Trash is trash and hand me downs are hand me downs.
An old neighbor of ours used to do the same thing. I would throw most of it away. We moved and when we did she gave my daughter a huge ugly old doll and all kinds of wigs and clothes. I want to throw it out so bad, but I'm afraid she'll ask for it one day. I know you hate to seem ungrateful, but you get to a point where you just can't take it anymore! I feel your pain!
