How Did You Decided to Have Another Baby?

It's a huge decision. I made the decision based on my idea of what kind of dynamic I wanted in my family. I went into it wanting 3, so having the second was not an issue for me--I knew I wanted siblings. When it came time for the 3rd, I thought long and hard about having more kids than I have hands--two was challenging enough! The final decision came when I decided to "try on" the thought of having only 2, and I realized that my family was not complete with 2. I wanted the unevenness of 3, or something like that. Now I have 3, and although I miss babyhood very, very much, I know that I'm done. It's what I thought it would be--the 3-way sibling relationship is a special thing, I think. So I've got it, and I love it with all the pros and cons, and I know I signed up for all of it!

Oh my..I know how you feel.

Just jump into the COLD pool!!!

I heard once that if you really, truly desire to have another child, do it. If you wait, you may wait too long, or have other issues. You don't want to regret anything in life. My second was the hardest transition, but mine were 22 mos. apart. Both were in diapers, both were very dependent(obviously). I do have 4, so that was not enough to stop me! Children miraculously (sp) fit in to any family, and what a joy. If you figure, your "angel" will be 3 1/2, and going to preschool soon.
Good Luck, and I hope you make the best decision that fits you and your family!
Teri Mom of 4!

This is a tough one. I have two children that I absolutely adore. Having a second baby does put a damper on your relationship. For obvious reasons. You have two to look after now. It is an endless job.
However if you have a strong realtionship with your partner and you get time to spend with each other. Then I say go for it. My husband and I are actually splitting right now and it is tearing me up inside. I think a lot of it has to do with us never getting alone time. We have not had a good good conversation in over a year. I am so busy with the kids during the day and then it is time for the night time routine. I am beat when it is time for this. So it is very very testy at times. As long as you have a supportive husband that doesn't mind that you are not going to have as much time for him. Then go for it!! i woudl not trade my kids for ANYTHING but it is tough when you have more than one.
Good luck!!

N.-

I have two sons who are 25 months apart. I always knew that I wanted more than one child and I wanted them to have about a 2year age difference so that worked out nicely.

I would say without reservation that my sons are the loves of my life (husband too ofcourse), but having two young children (my older son will be 3 in July and my younger son is 10 months old) is an incredible amount of time and work. I work full time and commute to the city so I have about 15 minutes to myself each day and that tends to be late at night. While I wouldn't change a thing, I will tell you that two is much more challenging than one. We have been really lucky in that my older son really loves the baby and has not been jealous--we go out of our way to give him tons of personal attention. Best of luck to you!

it was easier the second time around for me. my kids are 26 months apart, and they are getting closer and closer all the time. i knew when i wanted to have another baby, it was just in my heart. i am sooo glad i did! it's a little hard the first year, but then it gets really much easier. and they have each other, my older one was not interested in the baby AT ALL but now that they are 5 & 3, they are like best friends. i guess the strain on your relationship is a given when you have kids, you have to re-calulate and adjust, but i'm sure if you have a strong bond, that will come!

Hi N.,

It's such a personal decision to have another child, but the rewards are great. My first two are only 19 months apart so that had a truckload of issues to contend with originally. It was hard on my firstborn and very hard on me, BUT, that being said, they are the best of friends now (age 6 and 4 1/2). It's great to know they'll have each other after we're gone. My husband is also 14 years my senior so that's a bit nerveracking sometimes. He's tired a lot more than I am, not as patient, although he's an awesome dad. We now have an eight month old son too. I will always be an advocate of more children (although I'm now done!!!)
By the way, my second daughter was really tough in the beginning, very colicky, didn't sleep etc., now she's the most easy going four year old and the baby has been so easy and pleasant from day one! You never know what you'll get, but you're going to love them no matter what! Good luck with your decision, it's a great spacing of age in my opinion, three, three and a half years.

Hi, I'm married with four children. For me, my dream and goal in life was to get married and have four children. So having a second child was a no brainer. And my husband felt the same way;he was extremely involved with our children. Yes, it was so much easier and enjoyable with each child. I learned so much with each of them and was more relaxed with each one. Where there some stresses and problems? yes. But, I think it depends on how much your willing to sacrifice and work at it. It all depends on priorities. I really feel it is like anything else. If you really want something bad enough, you make it a priority and your willing to work at it, you'll succeed and be rewarded with joy and happiness. My children are older now, and I feel so accomplished, proud, and so happy to have had them. It was the greatest decision of my life! Would do it again in a heartbeat!
Good luck!

My husband is an only child and I have 2 brothers. He wasn't sure he wanted more than one but I was. He was very worried about how it would affect our first, that she would feel very jealous, less loved, etc. but I explained about how in the long run it would be great for our first to have a sibling to share things with, my husband had had a hard time being the only child only when it came to grieving and making decisions when his mother died. He finally reluctantly agreed and we had our second. Now he is so glad we did although it was hard for him. Our first doesn't remember what life was like without her brother. They love each other so much and play together. They are 26 months apart. She sometimes gets jealous but so does he and even my husband agrees that it was the right decision and that he is glad that I guided us in that way. I did have to agree not to to try for a third though which I'm ok with.

Hi N.!

I got pregnant with my second when my first was 27 months. It was difficult for me the first 3 months because I was so nauseous, but after that passed I felt great and got through it. Of course it's a big change going from one baby to 2, but it's been wonderful. It's so fun watching them interact, seeing how my oldest cares for his brother. Sure they fight and the little guy gets in his way, but in general I would never trade it for anything. My friend said to me once that a sibling is the greatest gift and it really is. You'll be adding a best friend a companion to your son or daughters life....you'll be adding family. It's amazing when you think about it.

Hope I helped at least a little.
God bless.

Hey being a Mom is awesome but the hardest job I have ever had. I was a SAHM but went back to college for another degree when our daughter started pre-school. I did college for a year and a half (part time due to finances) and found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child the day after Christmas. I WAS 3 MONTHS PREGNANT!!! Because of fertility and cycle problems we didn't think we could have any more children and in fact the 1st one we were told was a miracle! Anyway our second child also a girl has put my college on hold and doubled the laundry BUT I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING!!!!! She is a wonderful child with so much personality and spunk! I will get back to colege some day and a job will be available when I am ready but for right now being a SAHM is the best thing I could ever want!
My 1st child wasn't sure she wanted a sibling and has a rough time for a while (they are 5 1/2 years apart) but they are friends that fight! Now the oldest has been praying for another baby but a boy this time! (I'm not sure I'm ready) Another child will change the dynamics of the family but if you want another it will be a good change. If you don't want another ever or right now then wait because you don't ever want to resent your children.
Talk to your partner and see what their impression is and decide together!!! A.

Hi N.
I think you have to really sit down and do the pro's and con's list. I see your 33 which I can tell you the clock seems to tick a lot louder at that age. I have two girls who are 29mths apart and they are so different from each other. Here are some of the issues that I face with the both of them A. Your finances will change dramatically. We spend over two thousand dollars a month in child care and private nursery school. That's something to consider. B. When one gets sick the other is almost sure to get sick. C. Space is an issue two girls two huge toy boxes, a crib a toddler bed, you get the picture. D. Your relationship will take a back seat if your not in a really stable relationship this will take it's toll. Lastly you need a good support system i.e friends who baby-sit, parents, etc. The pro's of having two children is that for the rest of their lives you have created a bond that is unbreakable. When you hear them laugh and play together you will have found that piece of heaven that everyone looks for. When you see one look after the other or offer a hug or a gentle hand your heart will melt. Lastly there is no other security in the world than knowing no matter what may happen they will always have each other. You seem to have your work cut out for you. Good luck and remember the pro's and con's list it works.

for me specifically, i would never want one for the simple fear what if. there was a couple that lost their only child around 20. in that moment, they lost everything. they were no longer parents, would never be grandparents. its not a reason to have a second, but you can ask yourself, would you be ok if something happened to your only child.
for us, there was never a question of if, just when. from what you describe, i would say you are ready. when you forget all the hard times of a new baby, and are truly enjoying your child so much, you cant wait to do it again, you are ready.
i cannot tell you how much easier it was with the second. you will be more confident, therefore able to actually enjoy more. as new parents, we were often worried about the little things, and if we were doing everything right, that we kinda had alot of blurs. now, we are so much more relaxed, we are able to just take it all in.
my 3 yr old adjusted wonderfully. she was old enough to comprehend things so we told her along about the baby coming, then when she got here, my first was very interested, helpful, wanting to play and take care of, and protective of the new baby. there were no big problems at all with my 3 yr old. it is the most amazing thing to watch your firstborn interact with their sibling.

its amazing the way you will love another just as much as the first, that you have that much love to give. good luck

Hi N.!
Our son was just over 2 when I got pregnant again. We knew we wanted him to have siblings, but I was so content with just him that if I had actually thought about it we never would have gone through with it. When you start to think, money, stability, sanity takes a major role in your decision. My husband and I got pregnant the first time 3 weeks after our wedding and I had a horribly sick 9 months. Our relationship continued to deteriorate after our son was born due to sleep deprivation, decreased communication, etc. Our love life was non-existent. Then, one night out of the blue, I suddenly was so amorous that I attacked him. You're going to laugh, but I swear, my grandmother who had passed away 5 years ago made me do it, because she always wanted our family to grow. And I got pregnant that night. Our relationship has improved and we are returning to our old selves. The pregnancy was a gift, and it sort of turned us into adults again, instead of the children we were acting like. If it is meant to be, it's meant to be. We are 6 days away from my due date with #2, and all getting excited. Our 3 year old will probably handle the transition the best, but we are prepared this time for what goes on and I think that will make a big difference. Good luck!

Oh the spectrum of opinion this question opens......!!! Many people plan it, many are surprised and take it as a sign from God, many are overwhelmed by it and many chosse not to have more than 1. It is all a personal choice. My firstborn was a surprise. A most wonderful, beautiful surprise. Wonderful pregnancy, good baby, ate well...etc. My second was a surprise as well, just when I thought 1 was enough. I chose to have my 2nd child, because as an only child, I thought it would be wonderful to give my son a sibling. I had a girl, they are 7 years apart and all they do is fight, so so much for me wanting to have a sibling for my son. They are like night and day. The pregnancy was tough. I was 31 at the time and I was sick from day one and all through out the 9 months. Point here is, you never know when it is the right time. There are many books explaining how to have babies nowadays....1 year apart, 1 year and 6 months and 2 days apart.....but only you will know when the time is right. If all in your life is in a great place right now, enjoy it. Once babies arrive, no matter how many, your life changes completely. Yes you adjust your life and all can eventually be accomplished,but you may find yourself struggling where you thought you wouldn't. The dynamics of the fammily changes also, never to be placed back to what it was. It is a hard decision sometimes, but only you know the answer. Remember to think of schools and college and the cost of living and the freedom that is sometimes lost. As women, I think we all reach a point where we would love to have at least 4 children or more. Unfortunately in todays economy it is so very hard. Whatever your decision, I'm sure it will be the right one for you as you know what you are capable of and all your inner strengths. Good Luck!

We did not actually agree/decide it just sort of happened (original I know)
Our kids are John 20 months and Cyan 5 months. I can say that there is good and bad. They are close in every way and already "play" together he makes her laugh and she kicks her feet in glee (etc)
First three months she could wear most of his onesies & sleepers so that was a savings.
Having to find/purchase a vehicle that transports two car seats and an older child was not easy. We went with Honda Pilot -perfect fit for us.

Hi N.!!! I have an 8 and half month old. I love her to death. I love my husband. We have a strong relationship. I came from a big family. My hubby didn't. I do want another child someone for her to play w/ all of the time. We are going to start try God willing. I think u should go for it and make that beautiful family. U seem like a strong woman that can handle it. Good Luck w/ r decision. My hubby and I have such a good time w/ her we even bring her out w/ us to restaurants and our neighbors and etc.
Barb G.

Hi N.!
My husband and I both have siblings and knew from the day we married that we wanted more than one child. So the jump from one to two was not a hard decision for us. But four years and some fertility problems after our first child, we were expecting twins! That is when all of the same questions you are asking popped up again. Can we do this? How hard is it going to be? How will this be on our first daughter? Well, I was too far in to change my mind =0) so I just set my mind that things will work out. Thankfully they did. I'm not saying it was or is a piece of cake, but you make adjustments. You do need to make time to spend with each of your children separately, so they feel equally special. My kids are 7 1/2 and 2 1/2 now, so fighting is an issue, sometimes. And the older one wonders why the younger two get all the attention, but that is something that comes with the big age difference and the fact that there are two in that "terrible two" stage. But my older daughter does love her sisters dearly and she is a great big sister to them and of course the younger two just adore their big sister, so I have never second guessed our decision to have more. I would have liked to have had them closer together, though. We started the baby thing all over again. Our oldest was almost five when the twins were born. But everything does come back and it is a little easier in the sense you know what to expect and you are less nervous about every little thing.
If you and your partner are close, have a strong relationship and both want another child there would seem to be no reason why you wouldn't be able to handle it. You'll know when and if the time is right for you.
I also have to agree with one of the other women who brought up the finances of having children. It is not something that I had actively thought about, but am finding out now. It's not just the money of feeding, clothing and diapers, but definately also of later years. Now that my older one is in school I am realizing just how tight things are going to be with three kids. Just with the extra activities they want to do like sports and swim lessons, school supplies, trips, lunch money even fundraising for the school. Everything costs money and that's even before college and cars and proms! Just something to be aware of and maybe even have a plan for in the future. Even if I had realized this earlier it would not have prevented me from having a second and in my case a third; but it certainly puts a damper on number four!
I hope my ramblings make some sense and I wish you all the best to you and your family! Good luck with your decision making!
M.