How Can I Talk to My Rude Boyfriend?

Kind of confused. In your subject line you say he's your boyfriend but in your question you say he's your spouse. Boyfriend? Pull the plug on it and call if a day. He's a rude person and won't change unless he wants to change. Apparently being rude is his thing; don't make it yours.

If he's a spouse you need to figure out if you are better off with or without him. Is this the life you want? Do you want to worry about anything you say or do? Its not going to get better.

Is he your spouse or boyfriend?

If he's just a bf break up.

If he's a spouse talk with him not to him.

You choose how you allow people to treat you. I personally would not put up with someone being like that all the time.

Are your boyfriend and your husband the same person or do you have one of each?

Maybe some marriage counseling would help.
Maybe some individual counseling will help you get in touch with your feelings.
Guys tend not to change so you need to decide if you want to live with this the rest of your life or if it's a deal breaker for you.
If you really can't take it anymore - then you've already made your decision.

is he your spouse or your boyfriend?

why did you pick a man who has a 'rude personality' and always has from before the time you were dating. do you feel as if you deserve it?

you're not going to change him. you haven't so far, right?

so i would talk to him by saying 'have a nice life' and finding someone who isn't rude.

??
khairete
S.

is he your husband or your boyfriend?

Back in November you were upset because he was on the phone all the time.
WHY are you with this dude? I won't even call him a "MAN".

WHY are you still there??

Spouse or boyfriend? Big difference.
You're not going to change him. That is who he is, and if he doesn't show you respect now, he never will.
If he's your boyfriend, run!
If he's your spouse and you're childless, run.
If he's your spouse and you have kids with him, then you're going to have to suck it up and accept that you chose a jackass to bring kids into the world with.
Good luck.

Why are you still with him. I'm not sure if he's your spouse - you say boyfriend in the subject. If you're dating, end the relationship. Consider therapy, because knowing the person is not nice and then choosing an intimate relationship with that person is NOT healthy. Get out. Spend time with yourself. Get help. It will change your life for the better.

I think it might have been Mamazita who wrote a really great bit of advice not long ago and I meant to copy it so we could paste it every time a mom wondered how to get her man to 'change' to treat her better.

Staying with a man like this - is not the sign of 'emotionally healthy' (think was term she used) woman.

You need to look at yourself - why you are standing for this - and not focus on him so much. You can't change his personality. You can only teach people how to treat you. You need to build yourself up I think.

You can tell him how you're feeling, but if he's so rude I don't expect him to really listen, do you?

Maybe it's become habit for him to disrespect you. If it's been tolerated for a long time, it's like a bad habit you'll have to break him of. I would just walk away every time he spoke to me badly. I would talk to a counsellor for advice. Maybe you just need a boost and some support in your personal life. You deserve more - no one deserves to be treated badly. Best to you

Why would you date someone who is rude? How is that a turn on at all? Just dump him. Rude people aren't worth your time or energy. There are a lot of kind people in the world...save your time and energy for them.

Time to work on your assertive skills. Perhaps go talk to a therapist or life coach to help you determine why you are so cautious or why you are hesitant to be vulnerable with you partner. Find your voice Mama!!

If he's your boyfriend, you start the talk like this: "I deserve to be treated politely, and you're not capable of that, so goodbye".

If he's your legal husband, you start like this: "My lawyer will be drawing up the divorce papers so you should begin packing".

And most importantly, you talk with YOURSELF. What is it that keeps you in a relationship with a rude man? You're not describing a generally nice person who had a bad day and was rude to a server in a restaurant, and that shocked you because 99% of the time, this guy is a decent, polite, even-tempered gentleman. You're describing someone who is basically cruel, and has been since you met him, yet you willingly entered into a relationship with him. I don't care if he buys you cars and houses and designer clothing, or if he looks like George Clooney, or if he's the heir to the throne. None of that is important when the heart of a person is cruel and rude and mean-spirited.

Did you think you could "fix" him? Did you think that being with you would improve his temperament? Did you think that his wealth or status would compensate for his rotten personality?

It doesn't work. You can, when you begin a relationship, make small compromises. Maybe you're a vegetarian and he has to have meat or it's not a meal, and you can introduce him to an amazing couscous and grilled vegetables plate and convince him to try one meatless meal a week. Or maybe you can convince your new guy that his favorite raggedy stained t shirt is not the best choice for date night, and tell him how handsome he looks in an ironed fitted shirt. But if "rude is the kind of guy he is", to the point where you can't go out in public with him, and where he's extremely verbally cruel to you, that's a different story.

Evaluate your own strengths and weaknesses, starting with your willingness to endure cruelty, your inability to speak up for yourself about an important issue, and being uncomfortable asserting your right to be treated politely and kindly. That's the bottom line.

In the right moment, I'd ask him if he's happy with your relationship. If he responds in a rude way, tell him that YOU are not happy, and why. I think if he doesn't care about your feelings, it's a deal breaker. If he says he is happy with you, tell him that you are feeling bad/sad/uncomfortable when you hear his negative comments and annoyed tones in many of your conversations. Tell you would really like it if things could be more positive, and that you will do your best to keep things nice on your end as well. Give it a few days, then and see if he makes any attempts to improve. If they don't, you've got make a choice whether you can and/or want to continue like this, or leave the relationship.

Personally, I would leave him. If you are not ready to do that you should state very clearly your feelings to him exactly like you did to us. Say that you cannot live with someone being rude to you and feeling like you do not even want to hang out or talk to him for fear of him being rude...that you are walking on eggshells all the time around him. Give him a time limit to change insisting that you go to couples therapy and he goes to individual therapy. After that time frame...(6 months? a year?) if he has not changed then leave him. (In my opinion people don't change though...he will try for a while and then he will revert back to being rude). The fact that you hate talking about your feelings and being vulnerable means you need to work on changing yourself. That's not good! You are worth more than that. You DESERVE to be treated with respect. You deserve to have a spouse who is never rude to you. You deserve to be with someone who is mature enough to handle daily interactions in a respectful and kind way. That you put up with this means you are not valuing yourself. I strongly suggest therapy.