How Can I Help My Grumpy Child?

Talk to him about what kind of person he wants to be. Glass half full or glass half empty type of person. Role play with him. Show him how he acts when he is grumpy. Whatever he says and does show him. He will probably laugh but hopefully he will get the message.

Is it just his personality to see the world a bit negatively? If it is, try to accept that that's part of his temperament and focus on behavior instead of trying to change his entire world view.

What does he do when he's grumpy that's undesirable? Focus on those behaviors and treat them as you would any other negative behavior, with whatever consequences you would normally use. Better yet, reward him when he handles something well - perhaps a sticker chart where after a game, you evaluate how he handles himself and if he shrugs off his disappointment or expresses it in an acceptable way, he gets a sticker that will build up to some kind of reward. When he does handle disappointment or a bad day with grace, really talk that up.

At the end of the day, you can't prevent him from feeling how he feels and don't want to invalidate his feelings, but you want to teach him to process negative feelings productively and gracefully so that he can get past them and move on.

One tactic that I use with my kids is "The Four Gs" - think about what's good in our lives, what our glitches are, what we're grateful for, and what our goals are for the day. I do this in the morning when I'm still lying in bed and recently shared this idea with my kids. I didn't think the older ones listened at all but I saw a text on my teenage son's phone where he was telling a friend about this and how it helps him remember to be grateful and focus on the good. I do this with my youngest son when we're walking to school in the morning. It might be an exercise that you can do with your son to help him to be able to think about something that's not going his way (the "glitch") but also think about what's good, what he's thankful for, and to set a goal for the day.

I hope that helps - two of my sons have rather sensitive, touchy, negative personalities but over time, they are learning to just roll with things.

I recommended this book yesterday to someone. I'm still reading it, but its called " freeing our child from negative thinking:powerful strategies to build a lifetime of resilience, flexibility and happiness."

I have a glass empty 5 year old that tends towards the grumpy. I'm hoping this book helps me to help her see the positive.

We currently do highlights at the dinner table. It has helped her to find the positive in the negative.

Does he not like school because he has to get up early and is maybe tired? Does he not like school because he's having problems academically, socially, etc?

Since he's better on the weekends since he doesn't have school, I am wondering if it is the tiredness or the school itself that is fueling the problem. Knowing that will help us give you suggestions but, more importantly, it will help you address the problem.

If it's tiredness, get him to bed earlier (even if it is just quiet time...no tv or computer etc). If is academic struggles, talk to the teacher and see what can be done to help him. If is social struggles, make sure he's not being bullied and then help him by scheduling some playdates to help with his social graces.

Some people are very negative (my boss is and it drives me crazy) and some are influenced by other negative people. What is your disposition? your husband's? the teacher? other's in his life? He could be feeding off their attitude.

It sounds you might need to find out what he really likes. My dd LOVES gymnastics and is excited to go every time. School is so-so...it depends on her classmates, but most of the time she's fine with it. We go to a very contemporary church which does tons of fun things in Sunday school. Try some new activities and see how he reacts.

Is he getting a good diet? Does he need vitamins? Does he get plenty of sleep, sleep is a biggie, children need much more than adults.

Maybe the lazy days of summer will help. He doesn't have to be going some where like soccer if it makes him grumpy, does he?

Try singing songs to him and making light of things and maybe he'll follow along. When it's time to do things like go out or go to soccer try singing a song that's just for those times. Songs make a big difference for transitioning from one activity to another. When we get ready to head out the door for the car I sing and clap: "walk the rock o' joe clark, walk the rock I'm gone. Walk the rock o' joe clark good-bye lucy long." Gets them moving instantly. I use all kinds of little songs for different things and have a lot less grumpies.

Maybe there is something missing. Does he need more games like cards, jump rope, hop scotch etc. Does he need story telling time? The reight story can do wonders. You can make up a story about a cranky crab who always pinched, etc. Tell it again and again. Have fun with him and show him how you enjoy life with him. Make a game or story of things around you in every day life, make it magical. Magical innocencense is to captured and nurtured. He'll only be little once.

Have you read any Reg Down books to him? This would be a good way to bring in some magic and you could foster it with your own continuing stories. Find it in yourself first. A reg down book to start with would be Tiptoes Lightly. Children love them. They really bring the imagination out. The books only have simply drawings for this very reason. My six year old loves them and talks about jeremey mouse and acts out the stories all the time. Also, tv, computer games, etc. any screen time will make kids act grumpy after they're done watching.

I'm still working on myself. Once I figure me out I will tell you how to handle the grumpy child. Just kind of kidding. Has he always been grumpy? Such as always since the day he could walk out of his room and complain. If he's just mildly grumpy don't worry. But if there are severe episodes of emotional ups and downs, out of control, bad temper, complaints from teachers, then you do something. Otherwise he has to learn how to make himself happy. Or not. It will eventually be his choice unless he has a condition that is considered a mood disorder (my son was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder). That was not his choice. Sometimes a puppy helps, or extra exercise or a different diet without digging deep into his psyche. Start checking his diet for perhaps more veggies and fruits. Being out in the sun helps. If all else fails then you see someone who can tell you another step to take. Good luck. I know it is hard!

Tell him flat out that his grumpiness is due to stop! It's bringing other people down, so if he can't communicate w/out being a grump, then button it! And stay buttoned until he can communicate on a little bit more positive note.