How Can I Get My Baby to Stop Crying?

You are right! You cannot spoil an infant by holding her too much! It is NOT time for tough love.
However, you are, apparently a normal human being that needs to bathe, pee, eat something, and hopefully relax for a few minutes, right? lol
Try talking constantly to her. Always let her be able to see where you are at first. Have you tried a baby sling? Does she have a swing? babies like swings.
Does she have gas? Reflux? pain of any kind do you think? Hungry?
Babies don't cry b/c they are trying to "make" you do something...whoever told you that is crazy!
Hang in there---it will get better.

Babies are in tune to you. You are overworked and stressed like all new mom's . Maybe take care of mom ie:( zen ) relaxation. Happy relaxed mom's make happy relaxed babies. Best Wishes.

Hi C.,
I had a crier myself and I remember fear those same things. The best advice and technique give into me is called the 7 min rule. So after attending to all needs and know there is nothing else wrong with her. I did the normal swaddle a laid her down, the crying would start, (and my heart would race) I would set a timer in my room for 7 min (most challenging, nerve racking 7 min) after the timer goes off I would go back in sooth her back, pat her for 1 min. NO picking up!!! Leave again set timer for 7 mins and repeat that till she fall a sleep. It take patience and support from spouse/friend at times. by the end of week she was content to sleep on her own. They do need to learn to pacify themselves and you are just aiding that long by doing the 7 min rule!!
Good luck, Let me know if it worked.

She sounds hungry....

are you breastfeeding or Formula feeding?
If breastfeeding... do you have enough milk? Otherwise, she will NOT be getting enough intake... and be hungry constantly....

Does she latch on properly? If not, she will not be getting enough intake either and your milk production will not be adequate.

Check with a Lactation Consultant...

Also, she may have gas. Do you burp her? Or use Mylicon infant gas drops. This helps a lot. Gas causes pain in infants.... thus, crying...

3 months old is ALSO a "growth-spurt" time, in which they get hungrier... and more often.
Are you feeding her on-demand or by a schedule? You need to feed her ON-Demand.
Many babies also "cluster feed" which means they need to feed every single hour... because they are growing and need more intake, to keep up with their development.

Babies, WILL want their Mommy when hungry or not feeling well... it is normal and instinct in a baby.

My daughter cried a lot, had gas pain problems and was clingy. But she was a baby. This is normal.
BUT she was also very 'sensitive' to her surroundings: temperature, texture, sounds, smells. BUT I KNEW that about her, even as a baby. So, you just handle it and comfort them... they are only a baby... they need to "bond" with Mommy too... this helps their development and even their immune system and sense of 'safety.'

all the best,
Susan

I used a sling with my kids, it was the only way I got anything done. Some babies just need to be next to mom the first few months, it's totally normal. This time will go by fast, I know it feels like it's lasting forever, but if all you have to do is hold her, then that's what she needs, so do it. Find a good sling, one that keeps her close and doesn't "swing around" while you go about your day. Let the little things go, you don't have to have a perfectly neat home, shower with her (they sell mesh slings for that, too), nurse lying down to try to get her to sleep. She is WAY too young to cry it out, babies this young only cry when they NEED something, they don't manipulate (that's crazy talk). Keep telling yourself that soon she will be crawling and won't want to be held, and trust me, you will miss the days when she wanted to be close to mom all the time.
Good luck, sweetie :)

You cannot spoil a baby this young, it's impossible! Whoever is telling you to put her down and let her cry is WRONG! If she's crying then she needs something, even if that something is physical contact with mommy. Try wearing her. Get a baby carrier (I liked the Jeep one, but many people like the Baby Bjorn). She sounds like a "high-needs baby". The best thing you can do for a high needs baby is to provide as much contact as they need. Wearing her will definitely help. The more contact you give her, the calmer she will ultimately be. Eventually she will seek her own independence and that time will come sooner if you give her everything she needs right now.

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Oops, you said you have a carrier.... have you given yourself enough time to adjust to it? Yes it feels weird at first, but eventually you get so used to it you almost don't even notice that it's there. You just go about your day, moving in the right ways to accomodate it. It's almost like how you learn to move "around" your belly when pregnant. I say give the carrier another go and remember that as soon as she's sitting up without help you can switch her to a back carrier. I like the Chicco hiking backpack baby carrier. I actually coached two seasons of soccer with my younger son in one. :)

Toughlove? For a 3 month old infant? Just the thought of that almost makes ME cry. Oh honey, hold your baby and love her because before you know it those days will be but a memory. Let her feel your love while she's against your body. Put on some nice soothing music and sit somewhere comfortable and just enjoy each other. I only wish someone had given me that advice.

This is so not going to be the advice you want, but get a good carrier (I personally liked my Babyhawk Mai Tai) and keep holding her while going about your day.

That said, have you ruled out physical issues like gas pains? Is she breastfed or formula fed? If BF, have you tried cutting anything out of your diet (dairy is the big one). If formula fed, have you tried different kinds?

I personally agree that you should NOT let her cry it out at this age. She's too young to be manipulating you.

Check out the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" for some more tips. They might help so Dad and Gramma can help, too (if they're willing to follow the advice).

Good luck!

My guy needed to be held, too, so the carrier was a lifesaver (I also had a Moby wrap and a Ring sling).

Please do NOT rip out your hair.
I haven't yet read the other answers.
It WILL get better soon.
If you're sure that nothing is hurting her,
please continue holding and rocking
and singing and snuggling her.
If you have a rocking chair,
sit there with her and sing old songs to her.
Years from now, you will be glad you did.
The people who tell you to let her cry don't know any better.
This is the time in which your child learns
that you are the person she trusts.
You are the person she will turn to in the future
because she knows you are always there for her.
Please try to enjoy this very short time in her life.
Years from now, you will probably remember this
with nostalgia and sweet memories.
S.

===================================
and DO talk to a lactation consultant,
and/or LA LECHE LEAGUE.
It may be that, even though you've been doing this
for THREE WHOLE MONTHS, that you haven't quite
got the "latch" right.

I have a two month old that is usually not content unless being held so I googled some stuff and watched a video called "Happiest baby on the block." Its based on how to satisfy a baby up to three months, but I'm sure it might help a little.

I know you already have a lot of advice here and I haven't read them all, so please forgive me if I repeat. As soon as I read your post, I had a question for you. If she is constantly crying, how do you feed on demand? The truth is that newborns don't need to eat more than every two hours (most not more than every 3 hours). If you are 'feeding' every 30 mins, that could actually be the problem. She is just taking a few 'sips', like a snack, then wanting to snack again in 30 mins. I know this is not really what you want to hear, but I would try to get a routine going for her. Even if you don't want to put her down and let her cry a bit (which is not going to hurt her I promise!), you can still try to regulate her feeding a bit. Go ahead and carry her around, or not, but only offer her a feeding every two hours-ish. It should only take a day or two for her to figure out that the endless snacking is over and she will start to eat more at each feed. This is much more satisfying to her tummy and will lead to more sleeping and less crying.

The other thing to consider is this. Colic is marked by consistent crying regardless of situation. In other words, if your baby cries whether being held or not, dry or not, fed or not, etc. then they most likely have colic. However, if they stop crying when held, they are just saying 'I want to be held'. If this is the case, you have a choice to make (and it really is your choice, not hers, or anyone else's). Do you choose to go with what she wants, or not. Do you choose to hold her all the time, or do you choose to teach her that sometimes she doesn't get what she wants. There are plenty of experts that advocate on both sides of this argument, but the truth is it is your choice. Your parenting style. If you are not bothered by carrying her around all the time, then just keep doing it. No worries. However, if it is not working for you, it is time to make a change. Letting her cry for 10 -15 mins. will not hurt her in anyway. My ped suggested to put mine down and go take a shower. (she had colic and cried 24/7 for 3 months). The shower masks out the crying so I could relax and re-group. Even just 15 mins. of no crying made all the difference to my 'crazy' level! If you are tense and aggitated (and who wouldn't be if you have to listen to a crying baby all day!) your baby will pick up on that and also be aggitated, creating a vicious circle.
Be brave!

OK, I know you have a lot of answers, but I have 4 month old twins who are very similar, so I'll briefly share...

It sounds like teething to me! In fact, my ped said, "Oh look! They're drooling and chewing on their fists. They must be teething." I already knew, but it was good to have confirmation. I use Hylands Teething gel and it helps tremendously.
My son also has benefitted (he's worse than my daughter) from dye-free gas drops (only 2 drops, not a full dose per feeding) and Wellements Gripe Water. I pump the milk so I know how much they are getting and it makes it easier to put in the additives. (It also gives me some freedom!!!)

Second, it more than likely will pass very soon. I know it seems hard to believe, but developmentally, she is going through a lot right now and it should get better. My first 2 daughters were MUCH better by 4 months old. It was like a switch turned and the colic was gone.
However, if it doesn't by 16 weeks from her due date, I would start checking into possible allergies. My little ones are beginning to see an acupuncturist who does NAET (I forget what the "N" stands for but the rest is "Allergy Elimination Technique." I have heard from a number of people I trust that although it seems wierd, that it really works. We're still in process, but I am hopeful.

Last, It's OK to hold her and it's also OK to put her down and let her cry a bit when you really need a break. My first daughter was in a Baby Bjorn type carrier for most of the first 4 months because it was easier than dealing with the crying. She doesn't have attachment issues, in fact I held both of my daughters as much as I could and they are very secure. In my college human development class I learned that young babies need a lot of touch and being held to be able to feel safe and secure within themselves growing up.
You can't "spoil" a baby. But that doesn't mean you have to do all the holding. I'm sure there are teens or preteen girls in your neighborhood who would love to come hold her while you do other things a couple of hours a day that would cost little to you financially, but be oh so helpful emotionally. Your husband could help at least on the weekends. This is his daughter too, the least he can do is hold her a bit and give you a break!!!

I know what you are going through, believe me. I hope this helps...

Have you tried Hyland Teething Tablets or Oraljel? She is not too young to cut teeth. The average baby starts at about 6 months. This doesn't mean that some don't get teeth as early as 3 months. The average is made up of babies ranging from 3 months to 18 months who cut their first tooth.

I had my first tooth at 3 months. All three of my children had their first tooth break through around 4 months. My cousins babies both did not cut their first tooth till after a year old.

I actually ask my doctor if my oldest was cutting a tooth at his 3 month check up. He examined his gums and told that he saw no evidence of teething. Two weeks later he had a tooth.

Hi C., I see you've had a lot of responses already but I have to stop to respond because my baby just turned 3 months old 2 days ago and is the same way. She nurses less often--every two hours or so during the day--but I can't put her down or she'll cry, and she hates the swing. And I'm not freaking out, but the ONLY reason is because this is my second baby and my first was the same way at this age, so now I know... this is not forever, this is not something I need to change. This is something that will change on its own, sooner than I know. My new-mama mantra is "this too shall pass."

It's easy to feel trapped, like you need to "fix" your baby, and I see a lot of well-meaning advice here, but honestly, it doesn't sound to me like there is a problem. As long as her growth is staying constant, your milk supply is probably fine. You may just need to find a way to get your hands free just enough to keep yourself from going crazy. Your doctor is right: In another month or three you will have much more freedom than you do now, so you just need to cope for now. I'm not sure what kind of carrier you are using, and I see others recommending various kinds, so I'll tell you that I mostly use a Moby right now. It will probably only be the best for another 2-3 months because it's good for small babies, but my baby LOVES it and it's very comfortable. It holds the baby close to your body, which babies like mine (and yours) often love, is very secure, and keeps her out of the way. When my babe is fairly calm, I pop her in the Moby and she falls asleep within a minute or two. Yes, she's "in the way" in that I can't bump up against the kitchen counter or whatever, but it keeps her asleep and I can do things with both hands, and that is a sanity saver for the moment. So I do recommend a Moby for new moms if it works for you. Or try other carriers if the one you have isn't working for you. I have a million (OK, like 6) and different things have worked for each of my 2 babies. A Hotsling is also worth trying; it's very easy to use and a lot of babies and mamas like it. A trick with the sling is to start walking the second you put the baby in it. Even if she fusses for a second, the motion of walking may lull her to sleep quickly.

My baby is also gnawing on her hands and slobbering and crying. I *KNOW* she is teething, even though her gums aren't bumpy yet, so I know I'm in for months of this probably. And it seems to really bother her. Once I gave her ibuprofen and it helped a LOT, so if your little one seems miserable and won't stop crying from teething pain, try that instead of acetaminophen. But otherwise it's something you both have to ride out together. Pretty soon she'll be able to hold things in her hands and she can chew on teething toys and stuff. Again, this too shall pass. I know it's hard to believe, but this time will seem like a blip when you look back on it. You just have to give yourself enough relief that you can cope. Breathe, chant "this too shall pass," and find comfort in the little things that work for a few minutes... or a few seconds!

I was never much for changing what I eat or drink because of breastfeeding. If you look at the science you'll see that there are only a few things likely to make a difference in a small minority of babies. If she doesn't have a food allergy don't worry about changing your diet. She's getting a bit old for Happiest Baby On The Block stuff to work, so don't worry about that either if it's not working. Just hang in there, hold your baby as much as you can, give her lots of love and attention, talk to her, sing to her, hand her off when you need to, put her in a carrier and wear her when you can, and keep chanting your new mama mantra. It won't be like this forever. I promise. Hang in there. And feel free to message me anytime. Our babies are within a couple days in age! :)

I have a 9 week old that is my second high needs baby (both my girls!). I was also nursing too frequently (every 1 to 1.5 hours and am now at 2-3 hours). What she really wanted was to be burped or was tired in my little one's case. I have found co-sleeping and babywearing to be the most beneficial. I use both a babyhawk mei tai as well as a baby k'tan (like a moby w/o the ties). I wear her for 2-3 of her naps a day. I am now finding I can get her to nap in her playpen. At first, just once, then once/day, now 2-3 x per day. She did cry at first, and I'm not one to let them cry it out. I kept going back every few minutes to let her know I was there and would tell her gently, "time to sleep" and make shooshing sounds. I also play lullabies for her. If after a total of 20 minutes she wasn't asleep and still crying, I'd wear her in a carrier. Best of luck to you.

Does she have any other symptoms? I would think that it maybe is a physical issue as others have mentioned like gas or dairy issues although you said you don't have much of that. As others mentioned, she is still much too young for crying it out, that would be possible in another 2-3 months though. I also think she's probably a bit young for the exersaucer, but not the swing...I'm surprised she doesn't like that. It is possible she's teething, but it's really not likely. Yes, there are kids who have done it, but that wouldn't be my first inclination.

I think the advice of S.H. on finding a lactation consultant is a good one. Check with the hospital where you delivered, many of them have breastfeeding support groups where you can talk to lactation consultants for free otherwise you can make an appointment and get some quality one on one advice. You may have to pay for it, but sometimes your insurance will pay for it, either way, it shouldn't be very expensive.

this is tough...I feel for you! The first 6 months is the hardest!! Hang in there and keep trying to make it work!

I read some of the other responses, and I also agree with Lisa G (as another poster said). Although the Ergo worked best for me, and it's good for all ages. I bought it when my son was 18mo, and we used it until he was over 2. Then, I used it with my daughter starting at age 1mo, and we're still using it (she's 10mo today!).

I also want to agree with a couple other posters about finding the right fit for you when it comes to your pediatrician. You need to feel like your baby's doctor is listening to you because YOU spend more time with your baby than the doctor, and you also have more instincts regarding your baby's behavior, even if she's only your 1st. Even if what you think may be wrong isn't medically correct, you need the trust between you. You're going to be spending a LOT of time with the doctor with all the appointments in the first couple of years, plus sick visits and all other visits as your baby gets older.

All that being said, my babies were BOTH like this from 8wks until about 3.5mo, especially my first. Milk supply was never an issue; I'm a habitual overproducer and only had to feed on "1/2" a breast at each feeding :) As long as her growth and development are consistent, you don't have to worry in that area. However, if you'd like a resource, I'm a peer counselor with Nursing Mothers Counsel. We are a non-profit group of moms who have breastfed and gone through additional training to be volunteer counselors who educate moms and support their goals through one-on-one counseling, mainly over the phone. Feel free to email off list if you'd like more info. ____@____.com

Ibuprofen also worked and works better for both my kids than Tylenol. Even though both name brands have been pulled, my 10mo daughter is responding better to the off-brand ibuprofen, and I myself do better with ibuprofen.

Take heart; they're little for only so long, and so much is changing in her world. The first year especially is a time of trial and error and learning and growing together :) I do however agree with putting her down for 5-10 minutes and taking a little break. 5-10 minutes isn't going to damage her, and it'll help refresh you....

My girls were the same way.

My first liked her swing, second hated it but did like her bouncy chair. I didn't have to have it vibrate, she just enjoyed sitting up and looking around. It gave me a chance to scarf down some food or quickly vacuum or just have my hands free for a moment. If you are not opposed to pacifiers you might try one of those. Neither of my children liked pacifiers. My first really took to being swaddled while my second just couldn't stand it, but I liked Kathy's idea for swaddling.

I did a lot of tummy time with my girls. Sure, they'd grumble and whine about being on the floor, but at about four months they both started to enjoy it and would stay there for a good twenty minutes...grunting sure, but they got into it. Still, they'd want to be encouraged and supported, but it allowed me to get my hands free. They both ended up being pretty physical so by five months I could leave 'em be and they both would entertain themselves on the floor for up to a half hour. So, it's not an immediate fix, but one that will help tremendously in the near future. Plus it's very important for their bodies.

And a carrier. I would not have functioned without one! I echo the other women who say find one that works for your body and your baby's body. I couldn't stand slings but loved the ergo baby (once they were old enough to not need the infant slip) and the baby Bjorn (I heard it's getting some negative criticism about the way it holds the baby, and I don't know much about that...just that it was very comfortable and my daughter's loved it.)

I would also take my infant on lots of walks in a pram. When we got home, the little one would usually be asleep so I'd just bring it in and let her sleep for as long as she would. Only twenty minutes, but that's long enough to chop some veggies!

This stage does pass, SO quickly. Remember, these little ones have NO concept of time. So when they are hungry, they have no concept of being fed in a minute, or that they were fed a half hour ago. All they know is that their body is hungry and that means they have and will always be hungry, or alone, or tired, or whatever. Their only survival mechanism is to cry. And cry they do very well. All too soon your baby will be communicating with you in different ways. They will have ability to be separated from you and your mama milk. I know it's draining when you're in it...but truly it will all shift at five or six months and then again and again...until you have a little child instead of a little baby! Good luck and hang in there, sounds like you are doing a GREAT job!

3 months is not typical for teething, but it happens for a few. That she stops when you pick her up is a good thing. My Mom tells me I was colicky as an infant and seemed to cry almost non stop for the first 6 months of my life.
She will out grow this sooner or later.
You are not a bad mom, and you are doing the best you can, but this can be so frustrating.
It's important for you to get some break time every so often.
You need to recharge your batteries.
So if Grandma or your husband watch her for an hour or two (you can pump some milk for them to feed her while you are out), you could go see a movie, read a book, take a long hot bubble bath, take a nap, take a walk, etc. That little break will make you feel so much better, and you'll be better able to withstand the long crying spells.

Hello, Hang in there...she won't chew on her fingers the rest of her life. Just Breathe......and try to get a few minutes out of the day to recharge..it is important!!!
Okay, I have been a speech pathologist for 35 years and I have just published the book, My Baby Compass, Birth to Two. I want you to know that your baby at 3 months old has NOT comprehended the fact of manipulation of "I cry....she will hold me!"....sorry...she isn't cognitively aware...she doesn't even know she has hands and feet and what they do!!!! How can she understand that she can cry and you will hold her? Sure, if you don't pick her up......she will stop crying...but so does a child that experiences neglect... So lets talk about the solution. First of all a child cries at this age because she has a need...period...These needs are minimal: she is tired, hungry, cold, wet, or in pain. I am going to address two issues, hunger and pain: 1) Breast feeding. There is two kinds of breast mildk...foremilk and hindmilk. The foremilk is thin, watery and provides fluid....the hindmilk is thick rich and creamy and provides the nutritents and gives the baby the feeling of satisfaction as being "full". So...if you are nursing too frequently...the baby may not be getting the "hindmilk"....and feeling "full"...I would talk to a lactation consultant...or pump my milk and give her a bottle in between nursings so your milk can rebuild or the other factor 2) the pain issue. New research has determined that more babies are experiencing esophageal reflux....which is different than "colic" which is a gastrointestinal problem. If you have ever experienced esophageal reflux....you feel a burning sensation in the throat and a bitter taste in your mouth. So to nurse would make the throat feel better and to remove the bitter taste and If you pick up the child,,,,the incidence of esophageal reflex lessons because of "gravity" which reduces the incidence of reflux. What I suggest is...1) Talk to your health care provider to check to see if either of these are a possibility 2) After your baby has eaten....hold her upright...or place her in an upright position in seat and try not to bounce her...that will make the reflux worse...of course..if she is "colicky"...it will make her better!!! Don' t you love this guessing game. You have to try one thing at a time. She is a little young to be teething heavily..but that still could be an option. What you have to do...is try and do one thing at a time to sort out what may be causing the problem and what is the solution. I hope I shed some light on the issue...but please don't let anyone let you think your baby can manipulate you at this age...she is just not cognitively there to make those decisions. Hope I was of some help....if you want more info...get my book on Amazon...take care...these are precious moments and you won't look good bald....lol....have a better day K. Thorson Gruhn, MA CCC-SLP

She is not going to get hurt from crying. You can put her down in her crib, and walk away to give yourself some rest. Lay down for ten minutes where you can't hear her, knowing she is safe, and think about all the good things about being a new mommy. You need a new doctor, or, at least, a second opinion. Not that there is definately soemthing wrong, but some babies are born with teeth. Babies teeth at all different ages. As to her crying because she knows you will pick her up? Not true. She is way to little to be manipulating you like that.

That always has me stumped because all 5 of my kids were like that at around this age. Mine is now almost 5 months old. I end up holding him a lot when he's like that. But I do lay him down when I need to and let him cry for about 5 minutes or so. Usually that's enough for him to fall asleep or if I have to get him after that, he'll fall asleep faster when I nurse him. I also have to stay away from dairy while I'm nursing or else he'll be extra fussy. All 5 of my children couldn't handle me eating dairy and breastfeeding. I'm not sure if it's common or if it's just my kids. Good luck and congratulations!

I wish I had advice for you, the best I can tell you is This will pass, and ANYONE who tries to tell you that a 3 month old is manipulative is wrong, you cannot spoil a 3 month old...have you tried pumping so you can see how many ounces she is taking at one time...I nursed all 3 babies, there is no way I would be ok to be snacked on every 30 minutes. I can understand your distress though. Have you called anyone with the La Leche League for ideas about nursing?

From what I understand, it sounds like colic. However, in my opinion, if your child wants to be held and that's the only way to get them to stop crying, why not do it? When you leave a baby to cry they can get paranoid when they see that you aren't around, therefore making them cry. It could be that she's teething too. Either way, your baby can simply tell you what's wrong if you test and trial different methods to calm them. Good Luck!

I know we think that once we have a baby we can get everything else done and carry on our lives with just a few interruptions to feed, comfort, change , play with the baby and then put her down to enjoy looking around or sleeping or even being held by someone else.

Some babies take a longer time than others adjusting to life on the outside of the womb and still feel safer and happier when attached to the person they started out with.

Rejoice that she is happy when you hold her and take advantage of these few days, weeks and maybe even more months when you are her all in all. It will not last forever. Hold her as long as that makes her happy. It will not become a "habit". She will get interested in her daddy and grandparents and other people who make faces and can occasionally hold her and take over. Try to use whatever helps you not get an aching back. Sit on whatever is comfortable. Use whatever carrier works best for you.

If you really want to have a happy baby, listen to what she tells you of her needs and respond in a loving way and she will gradually get the confidence to expand her horizons. Someday you will actually miss this even though it doesn't seem so now.

Blessings on your family!! N.

(the fourth of my five children, who was my most clingy wanting--only- me child, is now a doctor and is very confident and independent

My pediatrition said you can not spoil them at this stage . My son was the same way. It seems like you will never get through it but you will and it will probably start to improve soon. I dont know how many times I took my son to the Dr swaring something had to be wrong. There is no magical anwser to stop the crying . I also had that book lots of great ideas but none really worked for me. I say hold the baby as much as you want or have to if I was to start over I would do it the same way.Eventually the exersaucer will get a little use my con came to a point where he did use it he would only last at the most about 15 minutes in it. I used to get upset when people would say how quiet there baby is and how they would stay in the swing for hours if they let them. All I can say is hang in there you are almost past this stage..

She is a needy baby that enjoys your warmth and love. Keep picking her up if that's the only thing that makes her stop crying. You have answered your own question. If she sleeps in your hand, let her do that and then try to lay her down. You have to do what works for your own baby. You spend the most time with her, and seem like you have tried everything. Some babies are just high needs and will do that. A baby that age is not trying to "test" you so crying it out to me is absurd. The baby needs something when it is crying and if you holding her makes it stop, why not. As adults I often imagine us being in the hospital with a tube in our mouth and have to have someone care for us. If we have an itch we can't really talk to tell them where it is and we can't get it ourselves. Think about your baby how frustrating it is for her when she has a need and it's not getting met just there. To have her continue to itch (cry) saying she does that because she knows you will pick her up is probably right - because that is what stops the "itch"

I'm sorry you're going through this now but I promise this too shall pass. Don't you hate it when people say things like that? Someone said to me when they were little, if they cry, they need you. Accept that and love them. You can not over love them. I think that's true. Your daughter just needs you and that's okay. I suppose it could also be colic. Unfortunately, that seems to magically disappear at either 3 months or 6 months. Once it disappears, they change into a new baby overnight. All that said, you need a break and whether she cries or not, you need to let her dad take over sometimes. Get out of the house and don't worry about leaving for a little while. Don't let the guilt take over. You need to get a break and it's better for everyone involved if you do. This will end soon - I promise.
Good luck.

My little high-need cutie is 17 weeks today. Believe me, it gets better. hold that little girl and love her all you can. I use a Moby Wrap and have loved it. If you have to do something and need both hands, it's ok if she fusses a little bit, just don't leave her to cry. A baby associates you with comfort and security... There is NOTHING wrong with that. You are not going to spoil her.
My little girl wasn't crazy about the swing either, but she loves her bouncer and her jumper. The exersaucer is wonderful too, but will take some time to adjust as they bring on a lot of stimulation.
Have you or are you able to take morning walks with her. These have really helped keep my sanity.
Wish you well. I know what you are going through. Hang in there. :)

.

I'm sorry to hear that. It seems to me that you are lucky to have a high need baby. Dr. Sears talks about it: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050400.asp

My first son was like that and he started to calm down with time (although he still is a very intense toddler). With my second kid I discover that I was not doing anything wrong and that kids are different. My second one is very mellow.

Hold on and remember that all your baby need is your contact and that he is too young to manipulate or anything. And take care of yourself...

Lisa G. Gave you the best advice that I read! I just wanted to reiterate that you may want to get a new doctor. Even if the pediatrician is right and the baby is not teething, you need to have someone who doesn't make you feel like you are being blown off. If you feel iffy about the doctor, then switch. Personality matches go a long way in the doctor-child-mommy relationship.

Babies will gnaw on their hands if they are hungry or hurt (and also just out of curiosity/ exploration- but that's usually when they are calm). Are you sure she's nursing long enough for let-down? It took me a long time to let down with my first born, and 20 minutes per side feeding wasn't uncommon. Let down, as you probably know, is where all the fat stuff is that will keep her full longer. My second born used to nurse whenever she felt bad and didn't want a pacifier. So, when she was teething or had a cold, or when she had an ear infection.

There are lots and lots of books and people want to tell how to do it the right way, but the truth is, you have to go with what's working for you and what feels right. I hope all the advice you get here will help you and your baby girl get some peace.

babies recognize smell, try putting a shirt that you have worn all day around a pillow and set that next to her ...see if that helps . have you noticed if she might have colic or gas?? mylacon works great (just in case)...
my son is 4 months now and was starting to do the same.. thats because all my older kids wanted to hold him all the time because he was small and of course having a new bby in the house was just cute to them..so he started to get cranky and cry unless he was in someones arms. so I of course had to stop them from holding him all day and it took some time for him to get used to. I did try the shirt thing around his nap times and it seemd to work most of the time..and of course as long as he was fed and changed ...not picking him up right away if he was crying made a diff. aswell. and my son does the same thing with his hand _puts them in his mouth its normal. and I noticed you posted your feeding every 30 min ? I dont know if thats right or not, but when I would breast feed it was one and a half to two hours apart... have you tried pumping to see how much milk she is actually getting?? that can prob. also cause her to want you all the time because she is used to being fed so often...just a thought. Good luck!

You can feed and weigh her for free at a Maternal expressions store (there is one in Folsom). That is what I did with my son b/c he was colicy like this, and it turned out he wasn't getting enough breast milk. I had to start pumping and feeding him the expressed milk--or you can supplement with formula, but continue breastfeeding. You can also breastfeed every 2-3 hours, this may give your supply a chnace to build up so that he is satified with the amount.
Also, I used a sling with my son for a looong time. When he was tiny, he liked to be lying down. but, when he got bigger, I continued to use it with him on my hip. The Peanut shell is a good one.

Some children just have a harder transition into this life. My first baby cried constantly for the first few months and I tried everything (allergy testing, reike, cranio sacral, homeopathic drops, elimination diets) and the best advise I got was from another mother who had a colic child: she said, "I am an expert on colic and there is nothing you can do about it but wait." So I suggest (and I KNOW it is hard) that you just try to think of this as a short phase-- it will end-- probably suddenly--and feel good about the fact that you are trying your very best. Not that you shouldn't try the things I tried, they may work for you and may have shortened the colic for me (who really knows?!) Hold her and love her and tell her and you that she will get through this. You're being a wonderful mother-- responsive to her needs and concerned. That is the most any child can ask. When the colic is over you will feel proud that you did what you could and didn't give up on her.
Last idea-- Dunston Baby language did help me interpret my babies cries. And I know a guy who was born with a tooth.

She may need some extra nutrition added to her diet. My granddaughter was needy when she was a baby and I put her on some good wholefood nutrition at 2 days old. Her mother would pump her milk and I would put the nutrition in her bottle and she was happy.

If you need some help let me know. I am a wellness consultant and we work with many children

Good luck to you.

N. Marie

What kind of carrier? I had an Asian mei tai which my boy absolutely LOVED! I also had and ERGO that I loved. If you can find a carrier that works for you I think you will see your daughter be happier. The carrier will hold her close to your heartbeat and that will help her feel better almost instantly! If she's gaining weight and height, then your milk supply is fine, if not, find a lactation specialist and get her on supplemental formula.

And please, I agree with you that she is much too young for crying it out.

Hang in there. The first three to four months of a new baby in your life is the hardest thing you'll ever go through. And NOBODY will tell you that. I had to find it out on my own, and have since discovered that a lot of women feel this way.

My best to you.

Oh you poor thing! Sounds so overwhelming.

I hate to say it, but I agree with what Lisa G. said. It's been three years since I was in your position, so I can't remember it very well (see, one day you will look back and hardly remember, too!). But we're due in a month with our second child... so I'll most likely be in your same boat soon!

She is too small to just be left to cry. And if she is happy when she is at the breast, then she is getting enough milk. You can refer to the La Leche League (www.llli.org) for ideas or support for breastfeeding. It's easy to blame breastfeeding for a lot when a baby is that young, but try not to.

The only thing you didn't mention that my daughter loved, was a vibrating chair. We had the Fisher Price Papasan chair. Have you tried that?

Hang in there. It is so hard, but it will get better. As Lisa G. said, there is nothing wrong with your baby and she doesn't need fixing. She will grow out of it. Just do whatever you can to try to stay sane. Try getting a lot of books and just sitting and reading while she sleeps on you. Or books on tape? Put off any chores until later or get someone else to do them. It's a really hard phase to get past, but you will!

Hugs,

H.

p.s. I had my first teeth at 4 months, my mom says. So it might be a possibility for your daughter. Maybe find a new pediatrician who is more open minded and supportive!

You can try teething tablets (they have natural ones)...also you can check out Dr. Sears information on Motrine..although it says to start it at 6 months but Dr. Sears says something different...it works best for my little one than Tylenol...she's been teething a few months too and its helped..

is it possible that she could have acid reflux?? If so, send me a message and I can share a natural remedy.

K.

It could be time for a little tough love. Do not just let her cry, but do not pick her up either. Try comforting her by singing to her and rubbing her tummy or back. She has learned that if she just cries long enough you will pick her up, so that has to be relearned. Have dad and grandma spend more time with her as well.

Our ped said my son wasn't teething either at that age but every single person that even walked by us would say my son was teething. He was 2 months old. I gave him Hylands teething tablets anyway (they dissolve in the mouth) and Infant Tylenol when necessary.
Your baby might not be getting enough to eat. Double check your milk supply? Would you be willing to supplement?
So maybe baby is teething AND hungry.
I would try to rule out both of those issues first.
Also, I know it's difficult/tiring to be the only one that seems to be able to soothe your baby but I would do it as this stage will soon pass.
I did that and while it was tiring when he tiny it did soon pass.
That way you're making sure your baby is well fed, soothed and not teething.
Hang in there. It will get better soon.

I would say teething is the culprit. It can cause pain in the mouth but also it can cause ear infections. My son at the age of 2.5 months was slobbering at a visit to my sister-in-law's house and she claimed he was teething. I was in disbelief no less than two weeks later a few teeth pop out. So I would assume it is teeth and have her ears checked for infection. I say this because if it is then the change from vertical to horizontal can cause pain. Just an idea.
Good Luck!

This is going to sound weird, but take a shirt or other piece of YOUR clothing that you HAVE worn and swaddle her with that...your smell might have a conforting affect. I tried that with my daughter and it worked until she started teething and learned to self-comfort.

My little one is almost three months and is going through a similar thing. This is my second so I know that it will pass - hang in there. One thing that is working is that I give her a lovey and she chews on it in her carseat or vibrating chair. That seems to soothe her when I am not holding her. Also, I just put her in the bjorn most of the day so I have my hands free and can get things done. You might also try a pacifier - which at this stage should not interfere with breastfeeding. Good luck and hang in there - it really does get easier.

Hi!

I HIGHLY recommend the book The Sleepeasy Solution. It walks you through the process, offers lots of help regarding sleep and different developmental stages, and is just very comforting and reassuring and non-judgmental.

I have 2 little girls, now 5 and 2, both of whom as babies would cry and cry when I put them down. It was so overwhelming! I was so jealous of my friends' babies who, when put down, would sleep happily for hours. My first was extremely challenging, and we were so new and nervous about parenthood that we were resistant to sleep training. It was a rocky road: though she is a pretty good sleeper now, she did not consistently sleep through the night until she was 2, and even after that, would have frequent sleeping setbacks. Given that my first was so challenging, I knew that with my second I had to make sleep training a priority. My pediatrician and most of the books that I read recommended starting at 4 months, so that's what I did. Until then I ended up wearing her a lot (in a kangaroo pouch type-thing), and we co-slept, as that seemed to work. With both of my kids, I ended up resorting to cry it out. I absolutely hated doing it--by far my least favorite thing that I've had to do as a parent-- but it was pretty clear to me that neither of my children could put herself to sleep or stay asleep. Anyway, we realized that they needed to learn this skill, and we were in desperate need of some sleep! Starting the process at 4 months was much, much easier than doing it later (as I had to with my older one). It was awful, but it took a few nights to get her to go to sleep at night and about a week until she would go down for naps on her own. The reason that I did sleep training with both my kids is that, after we finally got through it, they were SO MUCH HAPPIER. From the time that we did sleep training, my little one has taken good naps (1-3 hours, not the 20-40 minute catnaps that lots of babies take). (And just my 2 cents: I heard the same thing from people about babies crying because they know that you will give in and pick them up, but I really don't think babies that are 3 and 4 months of age are manipulative! They just want to be soothed and don't know how to do it on their own! My toddler, on the other hand, is a whole different creature! :) ).

Best of luck! My thoughts are with you!!!

K.