How Can I Get My 5 Year Old to Sleep in His Bed?

D. - i had this issue with my oldest daughter who is now 15. I told her that if she wanted to sleep in my room it was fine but that it would be on the floor in a sleeping bag. she did that for a short time and then realized that her bed was more comfortable. Good luck! V.

We set-up a reward system for our daughter. We talked to her about the importance of her sleeping in her own bed through the night. We told her that we were going to start this reward system and what it involved. Then we took her to the store and had her pick-out a toy, that we agreed would have lasting value for some time. Then we put it on the mantle as a reminder, for her to see before bed and in the mornings. Told her that if she slept in her bed for 3 nights in a row, she would be able to open the toy and play with it (she was 3yo, so we figured that was a number that she would understand – 5 nights might be okay with yours). Two nights went by, and she shucked the toy, and said that she could just start the 3 nights again the next day, which we made no issue about. She went two nights again and so we started all over again (but at least we had a 2-night stretch, instead of a daily ritual of her coming into our bed). Every day we would remind her how much fun she would have with this doll and the many items it came with. Finally, she did 3 nights straight, got to open the toy, and it’s been her favorite ever since. She’ll have a night here and there where she feels the need to sleep with us, and we tell her that we have to put the doll away until she can sleep in her bed by herself again b/c "that’s the rules with the doll". And she’s okay with that, but she’ll sleep through the night again the next night b/c she wants her doll back the next day. She’s talked to me excitedly about how there are some nights where she wakes up, but she just puts herself back to sleep. And I praise her for it with lots of hugs and kisses.
We did the same thing with putting herself to sleep in the beginning of the night. I stay in her room for 5-10 minutes after our bedtime ritual, just so she relaxes a bit more than just going cold-turkey. And, she does put herself to sleep now, too. I’ve had friends implement the same thing for their kids with similar results. It’s a great, non-stressful, positive method that has wonderful results. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open, especially when they feel the need to talk about their fears at night (but don’t harp on it for too long), roll with the punches, and be consistent.
Hope this helps.
Good luck!

Dear D.,

Talk it over with your wonderful husband, and tell him that you truly need some help on this one. Be sure that your voice is just right, not whiney or mean, but 'you need help' type voice. Maybe he has an idea. My husband comes up with good ideas when I press him, and they work. I think that husbands feel that we are so capable that we don't need help sometimes.

Otherwise, as soon as the five year old hits your bed in the a.m., then make yourself get up and walk him back to his bed. Put him in it and be firm. Mother needs her rest. period. No more sleeping with us in the a.m., and be firm. After all you are the boss or second in command aren't you? The five year old speaks English. Be firm. Then in the a.m. when everyone is awake just act like you are not upset with him, as him if he had a hard time getting back to sleep? Stuff like that. Thank him for cooperating. You know that COOPERATION is the most important word in the English language when you are raising a family.

Also, you can warn him at night when he is getting into bed that there will be no more visiting your bed in the a.m. Tell him that this is a new rule that you are going to stick to and tell him why.
o.k.? O.K. C. N.

We had the same problem with our four year old son, and finally got over it, but only with a lot of hard work! My husband set up a regular routine they do every night- reading, brushing teeth, going potty. If they miss one thing it throws everything off, and the whole process takes about half an hour. Then we turned his monitor up really loud, and shut his door, so when he woke up during the night we'd hear him and put him back down in his own bed. We told him when we put him to bed that he was not to get up during the night, so he'd call for us instead. The last thing we did was set up a reward for him. We marked off two weeks on his calendar and told him if he slept in his bed for the whole two weeks, we'd take him to Build a Bear. It worked, and ever since we have not had a problem. Hope this helps you at all- Good Luck!

Yup, we all seem to go through it at some point, right? Luckily, I never allowed my (now 5 year old) daughter to sleep in our bed so we never had to worry about that part of it. We did NOT however enjoy being woken up 2-3 times per night to be asked to put her back in bed.
We decided to endure a weekend (and a few subsequent week nights) of lots of crying in the middle of the night and refuse to put her back in bed.
It was rough. We never wanted her to feel like she couldn't come to us for comfort or anything like that, but dang it mom and dads need their sleep too.
Eventually she realized that coming for a hug and kiss then going back to her bed is a pretty good deal!
good luck.

I think everyone who has responded to your post has good ideas. Five is old enough to be able to have a discussion with your son about where he should be sleeping. I would explain to him that his bed is where he needs to sleep. Consider allowing him to come into your bed for Saturday morning snuggles, so that he doesn't feel like he's being completely rejected. Put a clock in his room so that he knows what time it is (When you see a 6 on the clock in this position, you can come into mama's bed if it's Saturday) My parents used to let us snuggle with them on Saturdays when it was "light outside" which is another option.

Make sure he has a stuffed animal, or even take him to the store to buy one he really likes (or a body pillow) and tell him that when he's feeling lonely in his bed, he can hug the stuffed animal or pillow and it will be "just like being in bed with mama" not true, but hey, maybe it will work.

Tell your son about the new rules, the reason for the rules(you need sleep to be a good mama and he needs sleep to feel rested and happy), and that he will need to stick to them.

Start enforcing the new rules, whatever you set them to be, on a Saturday (so he gets the snuggle time if you decide that works for you) and make your husband the enforcer of the rules. If he comes into bed, he needs to be put back without any talking or stimulation over and over until he gets it. It's key not to show him frustration or give him any attention aside from telling him that he's to stay in his own bed until morning. This could take a while, and you might be exhausted while you go through the process, but a couple of weeks of sleeplessness for years of peace and quiet seems a fair trade in the long run.

When he stays in bed for the night praise him and tell him what a big boy he is. But, you don't really need to "punish" him if he doesn't, just let him know who's boss and put him back in bed. I would stay away from bribery because even though it can be effective, eventually kids get the picture that if they act out and then behave they'll get something. So, that can start a pattern. In my opinion, they should follow rules because they're rules and get rewarded with lots of kisses and hugs and positive praise, not toys. But, that's what works for my family.

good luck!

I have had the same problem. My daughter, who is also 5, comes to my bed anywhere between 3am and 6am. It's really hard because she insists that she "dreams about monsters" every night. I've started telling her that she's not allowed to sleep in my bed and if she feels she can't stay in her room she has to sleep on my floor. I also tell her she can't wake me up and she has to bring her own pillow and blanket. Now I get 1-2 nights that she stays in her room. It's not a complete success yet but I don't know she's usually there until I get up in the morning. Good luck!

D., I feel for you. My son did the same thing for years, only he would sleep on my floor next to me. I believe it was till he was about 11 that he stopped. We tried everything from bringing him back to his room, to shutting and locking the door, that just made him upset and of course woke the household up. If I remember because he is now 14, I think we promised he something anything he wanted if he stayed in his own room. I think it was a gameboy sp or something. Good luck and for the record it does eventually stop. My advice, enjoy it now as once he is older he will stop and so will the cuddles and kisses.

Hi D.,
I have the same problem with my 6 yr old daughter. The difference is I am ordinarily not a light sleeper, so I don't usually wake up when she crawls into bed with me. A friend of mine has the same problem, also. So, it must be a fairly common problem. Sorry that I don't have any suggestion for you. Do you still have to lay down with your son in order for him to fall asleep? That is my other problem. Good luck! I can't wait to see what advice the other moms have for you.
Have a nice day!
K.

Hi D.....You definately need your sleep!!! Your husband needs to get involved with this situation!!! His dad needs to talk to him and explain how important sleep is for you. "Mommy will be able to do more things for you etc etc". Your Husband needs to carry him back to bed and be firm about it, as many times as it takes. He needs (your son) to understand in a loving way that it is unacceptable for him to come to your bed and wake you up. There also should be consequences if he does not stay in his bed. He needs to be punished in some way for his bad behavior and rewarded for his good behavior. I don't want to suggest anything as every parent has their own ways of setting boundaries.

Good Luck and I hope this helps you.

J.

I have the same problem with my five year old son. I think they all do go through this stage in their lives and it is a hard one for the parents. Hopefully soon he will be over it for sake.

Hi D.,

I think all children go through this phase. We've had this same experience with our 4 yo. son and he has stopped altogether. It's been about a good 2 1/2 mons. where he's sleeping through the night and not running into our room. He used to crawl into bed with us, because neither of us wanted to get up and take him back to bed...we're dead tired, that's why.

I think children dream and have nightmares or it's just their way of being reassured that we're there, even through the night. Sometimes our son would tell us he saw or heard a cat or something. Their imaginations can run wild so being reassuring helps them. It also helps when we pray with him at night.

I read in a magazine somewhere that a safety gate would be a good thing to install. I am not sure if this will work for you. They say the worst thing that can happen is the child will crash on thier own floor. But I think you need to identify the reason he comes to bed with you. Does he get up to go potty and then head to your room? Do you put him to sleep in your bed and then transfer him to his own? If so this may be where your problem is. He may be waking up in the middle of the night and not be able to get himself back to sleep. So he comes to your bed to go back to sleep. Something you may want to try is when he comes to your bed, take him back to his, and sit with him until he goes back to sleep, then go back to bed. If you find that as soon as you leave the room he follows you, you may want to get an air mattress or sleeping bag and sleep on the floor next to him. And every few days move your sleeping bag closer and closer to the door until you are right outside his room in the hallway. You should eventually be able to sleep in your bed throughout the whole night. But I would definetly discuss with him what is going on, is he having nightmares or something and can't get back to sleep cause he is scared? If so, devise some sort of thing he can do to "scare away" the bad guys. Like a flash light with red celophane over the light so it makes red light that "scares" the bad guys away so he can feel safe sleeping in his own bed. If he can't express why, I recommend taking a weekend and making it a camp out in his room with all the family. Him in his bed and everyone on blankets on the floor. Then you will be right there when he wakes up in the middle of the night and maybe be able to discover the problem. Hope this helps. :)