During the holidays we, as a family, would always go to my in laws. It was never really discussed it was just done. We would take the, normally 1 hour drive, that becomes over 2 hours on Thanksgiving day without a second thought. At first it was fine, the family was so huge - we would have over 20 people at the house make dinner talk and spend family time. We did this for Christmas too, usually on Christmas Eve, and we would spend Christmas day with my friends locally (they were like family). I also took it as an opportunity to visit my extended family in that same area so it worked out well.
The past 10 years things have changed so drastically with family members passing away there is no one in my family to visit, some family members and friends we no longer associate with, the kids have grown up and my favorite, were only buying for the kids this year, (can you hear my disappointment?) I dont want to do it anymore but I cant get out of it and Im dreading it!
The 'kids' consist of my 8 year old daughter and I dont think my 17 year old son would really count since my sons are planning to spend the holidays with their father so my daughter will be the only kid! The other kids are my nephews ages 22, 20 and my older son age 18 I hated the fact that she was the only one last year getting presents, not cause I wanted a present but because what is that really showing her? 'All the presents under the tree are mine!" Come on really!?!
Now for Thanksgiving this year we got out of it because we planned a trip to visit my brother in San Diego which we are looking forward to! But they are starting to plan for Christmas, they want us to drive down on Christmas Eve to start cooking and celebrate that night. Which means driving home later that night, which shouldn't be too bad. But my husband has to work that friday night into saturday before and will be tired which means Ill have to cook. Ill never get them up to my place, one of my SIL does not drive, the other has 'issues' and my BIL has to work that day too - it would be a shot in the dark to get them up here. We managed to once have the celebration up here because my father in law was sick and we couldnt not do it at the 'house', but he has also passed away.
I also have a business to open, and with having to go down there it means Im not going to be able to open Christmas Eve day. Im sure Ill get sales on Christmas Eve and I want to be open!
Argh, Im so frustrated with this situation, I dunno what to do, how to get over this feeling. I know I have to talk with the spouse but how do you break traditions? Or rather how do you change traditions?
talk with your husband & devise a very doable "new tradition" for your family.
When your DH is on board, have him announce it to his family. It's the only way this will work.
& here's my thoughts: "because of work schedules, could we please plan to celebrate on Christmas Day? We'll all be at our best, well-rested, & ready to celebrate!" With this plan, you are still celebrating as a family, you are still working on Christmas Eve as you'd like....& so what if your DD is the only child receiving gifts. It's her due....the other kids all got it! AND you're not trying to fill in an empty day either.....
I may be crazy....but it seems like a great plan to me! :) Oh, & a 2 hour drive is nothing! We do a 6 hour round trip....no stress - we make it fun: lots of good music, lots of good treats/drinks on the road. Love Road Trips!
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L.A.
answers from
Austin
on
The Holidays are not supposed to be a chore or something you dread.
It is for people to remember the reason for the season and be with your loved ones.
You are the Mama.. You decide what you and your own little family need this year. Keep in mind, soon your 17 year old will be an adult and will be making his own plans, so decide what you want this year and do it..
No guilt..
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M.L.
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Houston
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I would tell them you have to stay home this year to keep it easy on everyone and have a quiet Christmas at home. It IS okay to do that. Or, you can bite the bullet and still enjoy the season with family. Perhaps this year every family can do a simple ornament exchange, so your daughter isn't the only one getting gifts. Maybe you can all get together for New Years.
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G.T.
answers from
Rochester
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My side of the family has always gone to my mom's house on Christmas day. And we all bought gifts for each other. But the last couple years our family has gone thru a big change in tradition. Mom goes to NC for the winters now and stays there for Christmas, so we can't go to her house anymore. Instead, everyone comes here on Christmas day for gift giving, dinner and lots of fun. I have 5 kids (plus their spouses) and 9 grand kids. That's a lot of people to buy for! So we decided my kids would each pick a name out of a hat (only their brothers and sisters and spouses are included) and buy one gift for that person. None of my kids buy for my grand kids (their nieces and nephews) anymore because each of them have kids of their own to buy for. I buy gifts only for the grand kids. I also fill stockings for everyone (that's 20 stocking!). And all my kids buy for me and my hubby. This way everyone gets at least one gift. All this was a plan my kids came up with and it's working out very nicely and everyone seems to be happy with it.
My husbands side of the family has always gone out to dinner on the day after Christmas, then to my hubby's brother and sister in laws house after for dessert. No gifts are given anymore. It just got too expensive to give gifts to everyone!
This exact plan may not work for you and your family but with a few modification maybe it's something you can try.
