Hi,
I have a very good friend who is moving in a couple of weeks, and her moving dates and closing dates are 4 days apart. I told her that I would take her dogs for that time, and longer if she needed me to. I have show dogs of my own here and we have guest dogs a lot. She then said well maybe she could stay here, also, for those few days. I tried to explain that since my husband is laid off, and has been for 2 1/2 months, and we have two very small kids... it might be too much. SHe is not hearing me. She says she will help out and take care of the kids so dh and I can go out or something. We can't afford to go out! Our marriage has been not-so-great over the last month, especially, with him sleeping in another room most nights. I really don't want to lose my friendship with this person, but I really DON'T want her to stay here. I am not good with houseguests under the best circumstances, and now I just feel SO stressed that I think this will do me in. How blunt do I have to be? I have told her about all the stress I'm under and that my marriage is very fragile right now. What else do I have to say? Should I just deal with it and let her come here? The thought makes me want to cry. But I really do care about her... her son lives 16 miles from here but she says she would rather be closer to her old home in case she needs to go there between moving and closing. ACK! What do I do?
Thanks everyone for your wonderful advice, it helped me so much. I told her this morning that I just could not have a guest at this time, it is too much. I really have to get used to standing up for myself, it's not something I am comfortable with. I hope she understands and that she is still my friend... but I am very worried about it. It's not something I do a lot.
Paula, playing cards in the evening is really not an option... our kids sleep with us and trying to play cards before they go to bed would be near to impossible!
Assuming the closing on her home comes first, and moving into her new home comes second, she wouldn't be able to go back to her old house for any reason, if the new owners have the keys, which she should have given them at the closing. So! No need to stay near her home. Just be blunt and tell her you will keep the dogs for her, but at this time you just can't have houseguests. Period!
Hi! I would definately sit down and have a talk with her. You don't have to tell her everything, but just make it clear to her that it is not the best time for her to stay. A true friend wouldn't pressure you. Maybe she doesn't realize she is doing this. Have her stay at her son's house.
A.
http://www.CareerAtHomeNow.net
I would say to your friend that " it's not a good time for our family to have guest stay but I'd be happy to help with your dogs if you need me too." Unfortunitly there are some people you just have to be blunt with.
if she's really that good of a friend, you just tell her exactly what you just posted. if she doesn't get it then my guess is, she never was a good friend to begin with.
Just say no. That's it and don't look back. It is your home, your husband and your friend has to understand that. You are going in way over just offering to take care of the dogs. If she is truly your good friend she will understand. And most closings have people paying rent to someone else if they have to move in earlier. So she can use that money to rent a hotel. It sounds like she's rather pushy. I am not used to too many people who given an extremely direct hint like you did where they keep arguing it. You take care of you, your marriage, your family. She is not in your contract. She has her own. What exactly does she have to do anyway in between sounds like she's stalling on getting her house cleared out. And I wouldn't be too verbal about how difficult your marriage is right now. Just stick to your guns.
I am sorry you are going through all of this in your home.......the way you explained it to your mamasource friends is the exact way you should explain it to your friend. ....best wishes
E., your going to have to be really blunt and say I am sorry you can't stay here. It is not an option. Some people just don't pick up on small clues. tell her your having some family issues and the dogs will be fine but no space for her. i have a friend who is moving out of town. she cleans for me a couple hours each week. she decided to drive back her every week and still clean for me and another lady. she then said hope its ok but I thought i would just spend the night with you guys and then do my other jobs the next day. my husband was like absolutely not. you will just have to be upfront and honest and tell her now so she can make other plans
Her son lives 16 miles away? Then she should stay there. I would be blunt and say that things in your life are currently fragile and that you can't have a house guest right now - you are sorry that things have changed but unfortunately that is the way it is.
This friend seems very selfish! You have already told her that your family is very stressed, and your marriage is also stressed. If she is insisting upon staying with you, then she is really no friend at all and you'd be better off without her. Tell her one more time that you cannot host her there. If she persists to pressure you, I'd break off communication.
Be TOTALLY BLUNT!!! You are already offering to help this person out with her dogs. If she is any kind of a real friend, she would not impose on you further if you say it won't work out for you. Be totally straghtforward about it. If she gets mad or holds it against you, she is the one with the problem, not you. Sorry to hear about the stress on you at this time- it doesn't sound like you need more! A true friend will not want to add to that!
I would like to suggest to you the infomercial program "How to Deal with Anxiety and Depression". It really helps with the issues of what you are going through with your husband and also with saying no to people. I didn't think it would be so helpful to me until I started listening to the program. I intended on returning it as soon as it was delivered, thinking that it was silly, but after listening to it and doing the workbook, I'm keping it and lending it to others. Its wonderful!!! Let me know if I can help.
V.
4 days please by a friend and lighten up a bit play some cards in the evening .
because she didn't seem to get that you are having problems, why don't you just say to her that while you originally offered to help her out with her dogs at this time even that may be the straw that breaks the camels back in your marriage. Let her know that you are sorry but you will be unable to house her dogs or her at this time, just say please forgive me, but this is what I must do for my household. A true friend will understand.
I agree with all the other responses. Repeat to her what everyone said here. Be polite but firm. Tell her...
"At this time, I am happy to help you with your dogs, but unfortunately, I can only extend myself with that. We are having a hard time as it is and having you stay here would cause me stress that I cannot handle right now."
IF she does understand, then she is a friend, if not.....she was no friend to begin with. Life is too short.
Edited to add: Sheila is right---closings are worked out in such a way that she can rent back from the new owners of her old house for just the 4 days. Her attorney should be able to have that in writing or adjust the contract to reflect a price that it would cost her for a hotel room in the area.
You have already stated what you wanted and yes you have to be blute and tell her that the dog can stay and that you are sorry but she can not stay at your home. You have a marriage that is in trouble and the last thing you need is another woman sleeping at your house. Work on your marriage and dogsit only. Good luch with the marriage
This is a no brainer, like the other responses I agree your answer needs to be No, no and No!
You have your own troubles to deal with and already a bad feeling about her staying over. She is not your responisbility. You are already helping a great deal with taking the dogs. She needs to stay with her family , in a hotel or whatsoever, but not with you. House full of dogs, little kids around, a husband that is not the happiest these days... you sure have enough on your plate.
Again, you heard this before, as a friend she should not even have asked for that favor. Do yourself a favor and be firm on your answer.
Good luck
Follow my rule: Make your house happy first. If it's going to put further stress on your marriage then the answer is NO, sorry, it cannot be done. And maybe give her a clue that you are serious by giving her some suggestions on nearby hotels.
