House Cleaning (I Am Being Treated like the Maid)

Write up a contract with all that each person is to do have them sign it so that it is in writing and there is no question. Or have a group meeting with the following rules which are to be followed no screaming , no name calling if someone has problems with it the meeting will be held without them and whatever is decided is law and they will have no say in what rules are included. Everyone learned about rules and to be polite to one another in kindergarten so I don't see why these adults are being this way. When they forget to clean up after themselves and you remind them and they don't reply treat them as children if that's how they are going to act. Remind them that everyone lives there and everyone including them has to do there part so you don't have to live in such horrid condition.

This is going to sound awful but sometimes I get in a vindictive mood. Take everything that they leave behind and toss it in their room. Old coffee cup, take it to them and say, "Oh I think you forgot this, since you didn't dump it out and wash it I figured you weren't done." Trash?Sine you didn't put it in the trash, I figured you still need it, toss it in.

Who are these adults that you are living with? Relatives? Friends? Are you living with them because it is difficult for you to find a place of your own within your budget? I would need to understand the rationale behind the living arrangements before I can tell you what I would do in the situation.
It sounds to me like it might be time to find another place to live...if those two adults are fully capable of living alone and taking care of themselves...let them do it. You need to get your family into a healthy happy place so that you can live your lives.

I have lived with a roommate who was the same way, on disability but completely able to pick up after herself, and she chose to be a slob. After a year of trying all solutions (even many times of me creating a "fresh start" by cleaning from top to bottom") I found the only thing I could do was move. You cannot change adults who are slobs. The experience taught me that I will do whatever it takes to have my own home without roommates, even though I now work 2-3 jobs most of the time. The money saved on taking a chance with roommates is not worth it to me. I like the house to be clean enough and presentable at all times for company, and also for myself and daughter to thrive. My advice is to do whatever you have to live in a home without these slobs. It will get harder for you to have your child there the older she gets.

Well... it's time for someone to move out! I'm not sure "whose" home this is and what your financial arrangements are, but if you are staying in someone else's home- start saving $$$ immediately to get out! If the other 2 adults are staying in your home, then you need to have a "move out" date set and make sure that they find a place of their own.

You can't force people to do anything, but you also don't have to continue to deal with their inability to function as adults. If these "adults" are your to-be in-laws then your fiance needs to have the conversation with them. If they are your family members, then it's up to you.

Bottom line, if it's your house- your rules or "get out". If it's their house, then it's their rules and you guys need to find your own place.

It's simple. Move out.

Hello, if you can leave the house than do so. FInd yourself a smaller afordable home. Put remaining furniture in storage until you are back on your feet. No one helps? Then don't be the push over to do it on your own. It'll never stop. You're only lying to yourself. Best of luck

Baby and animals need care first.
If the disabled adults can't help themselves then you need to tend to them after the baby.
It's not their fault. Bravo by the way.
Have the adults that are able bodied help you with everything from light cleaning, pick up of the house, cooking, laundry etc.
Take time for yourself when you can. Even 15-20 mins a day can help: alone time, errand running by yourself, a walk etc.
Ask daughter & fiance to step up to the plate not by saying those exact words but tell them since they live w/you and you are "tapped out" you need their help w/grocery buying, errand running, cleaning and cooking.
Don't be anal, don't expect too much, ask for help from those that can, let some things go. Good luck :)

I am very sorry to hear this. I am a man, a husband and a father and i find this troublesome. My question is how does your fience treat your concerns? My wife and i both work full time and have two small children. We work opposite shifts. As it stands she does more of the house hold work then i do, but i do a bit. Im off weekends and she works every other weekend so the weekend is my turn to handle the house.She does what needs to be done during the week but i take care of everything on the weekend. Cooking (which is a passion of mine), cleaning (which is not lol) and even laundry. I feel that even though a man works full time he can still put his mark on the household chores. I think the biggest thing would be to get your fience on the same page as you. If you cant then there are other issues at work. i really hope you find the "majic bullet" for your problem. Remember as other people have posted, your and your child's happiness are most important. Not sure if this helped. Again I am just a man.

Sorry to say but you cannot change anyone but yourself. I've had this battle and over the years I finally learned to do what I can do and still remain cheerful and healthy. My happiness is more important to me than a really neat and clean house.

Your happiness and the happiness of your daughter should be top priority. You cannot be a good parent if you're always harping on others to get them to do their share. You don't say how old your daughter is. If she's old enough to help, teach her how to help but without irritation.

You can go thru the house once/day and pick up coffee cups and put things away. Once a day! Sounds like your standards are much higher than the standards of the others. You cannot change them!

Why do they all live there? If this is your house, you and your fiance need to make plans for getting them out. If you live in their house then you and your fiance need to be making plans to move out. IF your fiance has different standards than you do then you need to consider if this is a good match or you need to find ways to meet in the middle somewhere. I can tell you from experience in more than one situation that being angry and cranky only makes them less willing to help.

In my marriage, I did find it helped to have one room that was mine and that one room was to be kept neat. For the most part no one else used the room except to watch TV. I reminded them to remove their messes and eventually they just stopped using the room. Hooray! I could sit and watch TV and read in a neat room without noisy kids. Of course they had a TV in their rooms. And I left the marriage after 6 years of trying to find a middle ground. I am the only person I could change and I was willing to make massive changes but not give in all together.

It sounds like they are motivating you to move out. Which is what your goal should be, and the sooner the better. You cant control them, you can only control yourself. Start circling ads in the classifieds and make sure to leave it out on the table so they know you are planning on leaving them there in their own mess soon. If they dont want you to leave they may start pulling their own weight after you tell them that you cant live in this type of environment anymore. The circled ad on the table may give way for opportunity to discuss the cleanliness issues and maybe they will care enough to start picking up after themselves.
If they were there first and dont mind living in a messy home, you are the intruder trying to change them.
**You cant change people, you can only change yourself. That's the best lesson you can learn this year.
Me? I'd move asap.

I keep reading this and missing something. Exactly why are you taking care of two disabled people? Are they your parents? Are you being paid to take care of them? Are they your children?

The way I see it my parents gave a lot to make me the person I am today, if they wanted to be lazy now I would take care of them without complaint. I actually have been cleaning my parents home along with mine for years while raising my four kids and working full time. My mother recently passed away from Altzheimers and cleaning their home seemed like nothing compared to what my father was doing.

My adult son would not clean up after himself so he now lives on his own, problem solved.

If you are being paid to take care of them then stop, it clearly isn't worth the trouble. If they are family you are living with rent free or some like situation then suck it up, cleaning is the rent you pay.

Sorry for throwing a lot of advice out there but I have no idea why you are in the situation you are in. :(

I just wanted to add something I learned from years of experience. My ex was lazy and never cleaned up after himself. I kept the house clean since I was a stay at home mom but what happened was given the choice of parents to emulate they choose their lazy dad. You need to be concerned about your daughter. No matter how clean you and your fiancée are when she sees these lazy people she may decide they have the life and be just as sloppy. The good news it took about six months after my divorce to turn three of the four into neat freaks like me. As you read the fourth moved out. :)

i agree - no way could i ever have "roommates" like these. i don't believe grown women are wired that way. men, yes, they could live 20 to a hut and be fine. women need to be the true "queens" of their castles. roommates stink! i would never do it unless i had absolutely no other choice.

having said that, maybe you don't have any other choice. have you tried "mothering" them as well? obviously they need it. "So-and-so, would you please come put your laundry away? would you please take your cup to the kitchen and rinse it and put it in the dishwasher?" treat them like what they are - immature lazy overgrown kids. unfortunately, some peopls' parents never finished raising them so it is left to those of us who have to deal with them as adults.

i know this because i married one of those half-raised kind. he's turning out ok now after about 10 years of "re-parenting" on my part lol. only half kidding. good luck! (sorry pete, didn't mean to man-bash - speaking only of my situation!)

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Tell the roommates to either clean up after themselves or find somewhere else to live.

Are you sure you aren't ME? Seriously? I could have written this post with the exception of my other adults are not disabled, not seriously. One isn't, she's young. The other is, supposedly, but she has more energy than me sometimes.

It doesn't work here to talk about it or hold meetings or use chore charts. I just get told how controlling, bossy, and selfish I am.

Looks like it's time for you guys to move out

J.,

I am sorry to tell you that you are the classic example of a pushover. I used to be a pushover too (not w/ adults living in my house, but with allowing people to treat me poorly and not confronting them about it). I have since learned from that. Your living situation is impossible and unacceptable. I assume your fiancee is the father of your daughter? Even though he works full time, he must help you with the house when he is home. As for these other adults, they MUST MOVE OUT ASAP!!! How did they end up living with you??? If they can't take care of themselves and have no one else to live with, they need to check themselves into an assisted living place (even if they are young). It is NOT your responsiblity to care for other adults in your house!!! You have your own family to care for (again, your fiancee must help you and if he doesn't, I wouldn't be so quick to marry him). Tell your fiancee that these adults must leave your house ASAP and if he doesn't agree or refuses to kick them out, you should first try going to therapy with him, and if that doesn't work, I feel you should break up with him, even if he is your daughter's father. You must get yourself OUT of this horrible situation immediately. Don't allow this to continue anymore! You deserve much better! Good luck!

are the other two in Your home or are You in thier home- I am just trying to understand. If you took them into your home it is time to get them out. If you are in thier home it is time to find your own. They sound like awful people who are just sitting around like teenagers waiting for thier "mom" to pick up after them. You could try what I do with my teenager- " If you are done why is your bowl still on the counter?" "Did you make Ramen- then clean it up or dont make it any more" It took about two weeks of following him around calling him out of his room or the "man cave" to clean up his mess but he finally got the hang of it.

Love J. S. answer! I wish I had had the nerve to do that in college!

J.,
Many times some people or ourselves allow other people to take advantage of us or allow them things than even we don't like. However, there is always time and opportunity to stop the situation.
It is not easy to give advice or suggest something without knowing the facts. Are those adults your relatives or your fiancee's? Is it your house or your fiancee's? Did you both agree to share and help these adults? Start from there and have a calm, nice but firm conversation with your fiancee and the rest living there, and state your points clearly. You are not the maid of anybody, and everybody should help him/herself to keep the house clean and healthy. You are home but doesn't mean you have to do the others' job. Do not allow others to control your life, stand for yourself and get to an agreement now..later may be too late and painful.
Good luck and remember that you are the only that allow what is happening at your place.

If you are being treated like the maid, charge them for your cleaning services. Or ask them to find somewhere else to live.