Hospice - Buffalo Gap,TX

Doris Day's answer is right on track. Putting your loved one on hospice is one of the hardest decisions that you'll ever have to make. But once your doctors have recommended it, they are letting you know that your moms condition is terminal. Now you have to make the difficult decisions regarding how you want her final days to be.

Do you want her to be in the hospital being poked and prodded and in care where they can put her on a feeding tube and restart her heart and/or breathing until her body gives out?

Or do you want her to be at home, surrounded by the family and friends that love her... Still receiving nursing care, and home aid care and even Chaplin care?

The worst decision I ever had to make in my life was to choose hospice when they would not insert a feeding tube. When my father stopped eating our automatic response was, "We have to make sure he is getting nutrition!" But we knew that he did not want to be I the hospital and that he wanted to spend his last days at home. So, we listened to the hospice workers when they explained how, at the end of a human life, just as with other living creatures, many people's bodies start shutting down and they just stop eating. Actually having food forced from a tube can increase the pain they are having. This was an even more difficult decision for us, because my father didn't suffer from cancer or heart problems, etc. he had Alzheimers. So when he stopped eating we figured we needed to have a feeding tube started.

However, as the days went by on hospice, we saw how much love and carrying each person who came to our home had for my Dad. How gentle they were with him... And how many good moments we were able to have with him during his final month.

Medications were prescribed for pain, but my Mom got to make the decisions regarding how often to give them. So if he was hurting, we medicated him and if he wasn't, we didn't have to. So he wasn't all drugged out all the time. They also prescribe anti-anxiety medications, if needed. Also, he had moments where he would eat a little soup or something else that he wanted, but mainly we would give him water or sprite when he wanted it.

And they provide all the equipment your mom would possibly need like bedside toilets, Walkers, bedpans or other hospital grade supplies.

My Mom was able to care for him as much as she wanted to (sponge baths and changing his clothes, helping him sit up comfortably) but the home care workers would come and do the harder chores like changing sheets, etc. and our family was able to be close by staying at their house and sitting with him to talk periodically as his strength allowed.

My father lived for five Weeks, surrounded by his loving family, talking about his life. And one day, after all for of his children had been in to see him and say our "I love yous", he went to sleep and passed away. It was a beautiful experience for all of us. Although it was such a hard decision to make to not have a feeding tube, we realized afterwards that the hospice workers knew exactly what the were doing. My father was comfortable and coherent and calm right up to the end. I will never be able to express my thanks enough to the hospice team that cared for my father...

My father lived for five Weeks

M., I see that no one has answered your question. First of all, I'm so sorry about your mom. I think that no one has answered your query because it's hard to talk to you about this since we don't really understand her case enough, and it's a very sensitive subject for you. What you seem to be telling us is that she has terminal cancer. No one wants to hurt you by talking about your mom's impending death.

That being said, I want to tell you that your mother wouldn't have been recommended for hospice unless she is actually diagnosed as being terminally ill.

In regards to the lack of a feeding tube, if she has end-stage cancer, NOTHING you can do will cure her or keep her alive. Most people ARE scared of dying, and dying from cancer is very painful. The Christian aspect here in terms of prolonging your mother's life in this condition is what you need to make a decision on, M.. Will you regret making your mom hold on to pain and suffering? A feeding tube just prolongs this. If she codes, do you want them to crack her chest to shock her heart to make her come back until she just can't anymore? When do you stop trying every medical procedure meant to prolong her life?

It's very hard to find the "line", M.. When does helping your mom turn into hurting you mom? Prolonging pain when you cannot fix it is a terrible position for the family to be in.

You want to think in terms of "Christian". Perhaps being "Christian" in terms of your mother is letting her go without making her continue to endure this terrible pain. I know what I'm talking about personally because my own dad was in this kind of pain before he died, though not from cancer. At the end, my family members lovingly told him that we would be okay, and that it was alright for him to go. Do we have regrets? No. My dad is no longer suffering. He's in a better place.

Your question about whether or not to have her in hospice isn't so much about hospice itself, but whether or not to just treat her pain rather than prolong it. This is what hospice is for. It's for pallative treatment when curing a terminal condition is not possible.

If I were you, I'd seek out the social worker at the hospital for end-of-life counseling. With her help, you and your family can come to terms with this. You need to be able to say goodbye to your mom, and dealing with this issue, rather than running from it, will help you do that.

Sending you strength and caring, M..

I think Hospice sounds like the right place for her. It seems she may be close to death and they are wonderful at keeping them comfortable. No one wants to lose a family member and no one wants to see them suffer but when it's happening all you can do is be there and hold their hand and let them know you are with them. When I lost my dad, my sisters and my mom were there and sang him to heaven! I was at a friends funeral at the time so was not there to be a part of it. But what a nice way to send someone you love home! My prayers are with you.

M.: I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. My family has dealt with this twice with grandparents and it's not easy.

1st of all I agree with what Doris Day said, she worded things very well.

The purpose of hospice is for the end stages of a terminal illness. Their job is to make the transition to death more comfortable. Cancer is a horrible, horrible disease. I remember when my grandpa was in his last days how much morphine they had to give him just to keep the pain somewhat bearable for him. He was not able to eat anything and they inserted catheters for him. Hospice honestly was such a huge help to our family during those last days. It was really hard to let him go but we came to the point where we realized that prolonging his life wasn't benefitting him, it was for our benefit.

Have you had a pastor come in to talk with your mom? I would highly suggest that you have someone come in and speak with her and any other family members. They can help give her and your family some assurance.

Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this. You will be in my prayers.

I too was going to suggest home hospice. My aunt works for one in west Texas as a chaplain. They go by daily to check on patients and allow them to be comfortable in their own home with family instead of in a facility.