Horrible Sleepers..

Greetings N. ~ my son started skipping naps when he was about 2-1/2; he would nap every other day or so and was down to 1-2 a week by age 3. Frustrating when you're a tired mama! I started a mandatory 30-minute quiet time, in his room, with the door closed, more often then not he was asleep after 15-minutes. But, if he was still awake after 30, he could come out and join me, he did have to be quiet so the baby could still nap. As for the 10-month old, it sounds like he's thinking bedtime is just nap time? Maybe his last nap is too close to bed-time? Or you need a different routine for bedtime then for nap time? And, is he waking up and howling for you to get him or just playing in his crib? If he's just playing and babbling to himself, I'd let him be (and pray that he goes back to sleep). If he uses a pacifier, throw a couple extra in the crib, so there's always one nearby! And you're right, we all do what we need to do to get by! My 1st born didn't know how to take a nap by himself EVER, I had to lie down with him. And my 2nd would go to sleep in a crib with about 10 paci's so she could just reach and have one! It worked, and eventually they move on!

Like Deanna Leigh, I, with both my kids (6 yrs. and 28 months old) do NOT waiver from a REGULAR nap routine every single day. BOTH my kids still nap to this day.

Sure, there were times of developmental changes and moods, but still, there IS a concrete NAP TIME, and my kids both know it. And they do it. So now, as they have gotten older... they KNOW there is a nap time at the same time everyday, and there is less protesting about it. It is a HABIT, now. Not a "choice."
And yes, I plan my day according to their nap times. It is not a burden, believe me.

My oldest child, my daughter, was 4 years old when my son was born... and she knew, that when her brother was napping, she had to also "help" Mommy and be quiet... I would enlist her "help" and really praise her for it... she did her best. So now, the "habit" is set. And she complies. And in the afternoon after my daughter comes home from school, BOTH my kids nap. I do the SAME routine everyday. They know it like auto-pilot now.

Partly, for your oldest, he is 2 years old... and they naturally go through this. But you have to KEEP at it... reinforcing the desired goal.

My daughter is also a light sleeper... but with her brother, if HE makes noise when she is sleeping she says it's "okay" because that is her brother and it does not bother her. But with any other noise, it will bother her. So, we talked with her about it and it seemed to help her.

If your youngest wakes after 1/2 hour ready to play at night... then just leave him in the crib.. .UNLESS he is crying/screaming/in distress etc. Put toys IN his crib for "company" and to play with. Let him be.. .and see if, once he gets out his yah-yah's that maybe he will settle down by himself and go back to sleep. My son also does that sometimes.. but if we let him be, (we can hear him playing in the crib), then he will settle down by himself and then go back to sleep. He does not cry or scream for us... he is just "up" and playing.

Also, WHERE does your 2 year old nap? Hopefully not in the same room as baby? If so, have him nap in another room. Even if he has his own room, how is he then going to wake up the baby at "his" nap time? Is is just because of the noise he makes? Perhaps, in your baby's room, put some white noise to drown-out your 2 year old's noise... we have a fan on low, when my son naps. This helps. My son also likes it on when he naps. Try that.

Or, for us, we have a room that is the "quiet room" (a small living room) and a room that is their "play room." Before nap, we ALL go in the "quiet room" and THAT is where we get ready for nap and our routine (we ALWAYS get ready for nap in the SAME room)... I have found that letting my kids watch a "Little Bear" video helps to relax them. (it's a real great cute cartoon by the way & real "wholesome"), or we read a book or poem for about 15 minutes. There is a "tv off" time as well. Then we change into pajamas, change diaper, we all "kiss" good-night, then I put my son in his crib after he kisses his sister, then I close his door, then I put my daughter in her room to nap. I tell her "no talking now, nap time... quiet...Mommy will not talk either... " etc. Then they both drift off. Our complete "pre-nap" routine takes about 1/2 hour - 45 minutes... for them to deflate and unwind. Then once I KNOW they are un-wound, it's off to nap they go. My son naps/sleeps in his crib, and my daughter naps in her room (on the floor of her room, her choice), but at night, both my kids and us all sleep together in our room. We have a futon on the floor of our room. It works for us.

Another thing... when my daughter was about 2 years old and in that "phase"... it was hard to put her down for a nap... but I found, that if I "let" her "choose" WHERE to nap... then she would, and fall asleep. Often, her choice was to nap on the floor of the living room, or on the couch. So be it. She napped this way. Then, once she choose where to nap (this was part of our routine), then she would get all her blankets and stuffed toys and make a "nest" as she called it... then she would settle in, lie down, and I would sit nearby and read a magazine... I would tell her that there is "NO talking now.. it's nap time..." and that would work, and then she would slowly drift off. I would also tell her that at this time "Mommy does not play with you... but AFTER you nap, we will..." This was enough of an incentive for my daughter.

For me, I learned that the ROUTINE of it all makes a big difference. For the times when my Hubby tried in earnest to do it "his" way... it did not bode well.. and then he SAW that the kids then got off of their "good" napping habit... and then it got all messed up again. So then, I would have to re-do the undoing that my Hubby did, and get my kids back on track. So, to me, it showed me that the CONSISTENCY makes a big difference... and that way, kids KNOW what is expected of them, hence, less confusion or "bargaining."

I know it's hard and tiring. But getting 2 kids to nap, is possible. It takes repetition, and stamina, and the Mommy KEEPING to the routine... no matter what. That is what I did... and to my Husband's relief. HE thinks it's great "our" kids nap still and he's glad I kept this part of their routine intact. No matter what.

Good luck,
Susan

that sucks! well...i have a son that is just 3 months shy of 3..and he's a great sleeper....wasn't always..but is now. Instead of bribes and punishment do u just talk to your elder son and explain why its bad to wake his brother? Or maybe tell him this is you and me time...our special time together.
I tell my son that sleep time is grow time..and just before his nap i say.."ok it's time to go grow" and this is bad but i give him a bottle at nap time we call it "babahaga" "it's babahaga time" and he trots into his room and climbs into his crib himself.
Then we i come to get him out i act like it's hard to lift him b/c he grew and he's bigger now..haha..
works though..
i always had him go to bed the same time every night...now i can change it up a bit..
and for a month i never went in at night ..i just turned off the monitor and did not go in...and it taught him to STTN..
and now he does..sometimes he sleeps in til 9:30am..that's when he goest to bed around 10pm
you have to just not go in ..i leave a sippy cup of water in his crib for him and a bunch of his stuffed animals..
He can even climb out but he doesn't ..and can open doors.
he is not a passive child either..he's a little wild man..but i sleep trained him and i'm lucky i guess it worked.
Try just explaining and telling them why they need sleep..
it works telling them what it's for.

good luck..hope you get some sleep..hugs

d

Hi, Just thought I'd share a CD that worked wonders for us and many I've recommended it to... you can find it online at sound-science.com and it works great to get the kids asleep and stay asleep. Play it on repeat so it plays continuously and give it a try... we found it was worth it's weight in gold... mine are 23 months apart so I know how you feel!

First things first, examine your bedtime/naptime routine. For my son who is 2.5 years old, we've maintained the same routine no matter what happens. Often times it's pushed back or interupted by things like colds or other things we can't control, but keep the routine the same. You could make the bedtime routine fun, and include your toddler as a helper with your infant.

It's okay that you've done what you've had to do to maintain sleep and peace...it's really all we can do as Mommy's.

Naptime is something that my son has waivered in and out of for the last six months, sometimes he naps really well and other days it's a struggle. But, I (and my Mom watches him while I'm at work) have maintained the same consistent routine. I always tell my son, that even if he doesn't sleep his body 'needs rest to grow'. He lays in bed and I will give him a book to read and he'll hang out for a while and read and most times just fall asleep. Other days I lay down with him and we have quiet time togehter...since you have a ten month old, I would recommend explaining to him the importance of sleep for both of them. Toddlers understand much more than most give them credit.

I think by making 'sleep' something that is a punishable offense you may be blurring the lines between what is okay and what's not. Taking things away for not resting is going to put a different kind of importance on sleep that will become confusing as he gets older. You do need to set boundaries, but create realistic ones that you can follow through on as he gets older and moves out of toddler-hood.

Kids of any age, can sense stress and frustration, and react to that with behavior that mirrors it. Often times, kids will act out what we're feeling even if we think they can't tell how much Mommy wants to scream and pull her hair out. Relax and take some time to plan how you will deal with this. My son is a light sleeper too, and I often play soft music or white noise to drown out the other noise in the house.

Okay, I as am thinking I remembered something my friend did with her little boy. She would do lunch with him and the baby, and then would ask him to help her put the baby down for a nap. If he could sit and 'help' her put the baby to nap he'd get a sticker for his chart. Then, he was a terrible napper so, she would set an alarm clock for thirty minutes in his room and tell him that it was his 'rest' time and he could either lay in bed and rest, read a book or play with his 'naptime toy box' which was filled with quiet toys. Eventually, he got bored and would lay down and fall asleep. She'd go in and check on him and turn the alarm clock off. Just a thought.

Good Luck!

Go to www.3daysleep.com and get Davis' video!! It has SO MUCH information and is quick to watch and cheap!! I used her system for both my children and my 9 week old is sleeping 9hrs/night because of her! My 20 month old son has slept 12hrs/night since he was 4 months old because of her! SHE IS AWESOME and she guarantees it will work or you get your money back! What do you have to lose?
Good luck!

Hi N., I am a Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach and I know I can help you with your son's sleep issues. Please visit my website and contact me for a consultation.
www.theindependentchild.com
Best wishes,
K. Smith