Horrible Accident

This was an accident...not a horrible accident. A horrible accident is what happened to my friend's grandson when he drowned in the pool and was flatlined for 18 minutes. He has been on life support for eight weeks tomorrow. My friend WILL NEVER forgive herself as he was in her care when it happened. Be thankful it was only a bonk on the head, use it as a learning experience and move on.

I totally here ya and have some mishaps like this as well...You're a good Mom and it is normal to feel upset by this. Just give him lots of kisses and take a deep breath when he acts up again. I see how this could happen to anyone. It was an accident. Hugs!

Hi A.,

I'm sorry your thanksgiving weekend was overshadowed by this. But now it's time to get a grip. You need to put this in perspective. Even your headline "horrible accident" is not within the bounds of REALITY.

This was not a horrible accident.

The post a couple weeks ago where the kids were outside and one slipped on a rock that hit the other ones head and the littlest kid died and the mom was having trouble forgiving the older kid..... THAT IS A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT.

This is a boo boo. That resulted from horseplay with not enough of a segueway into naptime.

Yes, you should have acted in a different way. But you are human and we all make some heat-of-the-moment mistakes. But the most important thing you can teach your son is to get a grip, put it in perspective, forgive yourself, change your behavior if you can and move on. If you teach your son to get stuck you do him no good.

So, practice the art of forgiveness on yourself. It's tough when our kids get hurt at our hand. But like with ANY mistake we stop, take stock, fix it, make ammends and move on.

Good luck.

He is not thinking about it. He may be concerned about why his mom is so sad...

You are overreacting. I grew up on a farm. A "horrible accident" was when a dad drove over his kid with a tractor or truck and killed him/her. This happened more than once, along with other assorted missing fingers, limbs, eyes... My mom was glad we all survived, with no missing limbs (my brother came real close multiple times).

If you aren't able to let this go soon, you may need to talk with a professional about this. Is this the first time you've had issues with guilt, or is this a repeating problem?

I would be worried if you did not feel awful. Please try to learn from it, which it seems you have, and then forgive yourself. I take these kinds of things where it worked out ok as a message from God to pay attention to!
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria

You are human. When my oldest was younger he did around the same thing but with his bedroom door. He was pushing against it so I couldn't open it, when I pushed it the door went across his tow ripping his toenail off. I tended to him, made sure he understood that I didn't mean to do that but it is a potential outcome when you disobey and try to keep the door closed. He doesn't even remember it now.

My point is your son disobeyed, you need to be careful that in your guilt you don't diminish that he was disobeying you. Kids are smart, they figure out quick that if I get hurt mom feels guilty and doesn't punish me. This is not something you want to have repeat for your sanity.

The fact is had he not disobeyed you he would not be hurt.

Oh, A., I am so sorry this happened. You're right ~ it was an accident!! It happens. Ask your son to forgive you and move on.

When my son was just barely 2 I dropped a knife on his head. A big long knife. I grabbed a towel and yelled to my husband to get the car and off we went to the ER. I cried the entire time. I see his scar daily and have to still remind myself it was an accident and to quit feeling bad/guilty. He laughs about it now and loves to tell everyone the story. He is now 7.

A., release yourself from the guilt. You are sorry, you've apologized, you've said you will work on calming behavior going forward ... there is nothing more to beat yourself up over. You didn't intend to harm your son, it was an accident. You don't say how old your son is; I'm going to guess pretty young since he's still napping. But I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that he's moved on now and so should you. Hey, my then 5 yo almost electrocuted herself in our house by sticking my car keys in our electrical socket. I beat myself up over it for a couple of days (why wasn't I in the kitchen at the time? Haven't we taught her not to do such a thing??! etc.) But the bottom line is accidents happen.

I know you'll soon have some moms regaling you with their personal 'horror' stories of accidentally harming their children ... you're not alone!!!

Cheer up!

My daughter is 32 years old. When she was 10 she got her finger smashed in the car door. I didn't think it was too serious, so I didn't take her to the doctor. That night she couldn't sleep because she said her finger hurt. I just put some ice on it and told her to go back to bed. By the next morning, her finger was swollen to 2xs its normal size! I took her to the doctor and they had to puncture it to relieve the pressure. Still, over 20 years later, I feel HORRIBLE for not taking her to the doctor right away and making her suffer through the night! Sometimes parental guilt doesn't go away - it fades with time and we learn to live with it.

Our emotions can give us information. Feelings are simply chemical messages being sent between brain and body. In my mind, they can serve a purpose by helping us gain insight about what we want, what we need, etc.

From what you wrote, it appears to me like you certainly didn't mean to physically harm your son. It seems to me that you DID feel angry and chose (out of frustration) to open the door with enough force to throw your kiddo backwards and split open his head, knowing that there was a chance that he would be by the door. Should the door have missed him, the action would still have been intimidating and scary for him to witness, no?

From what I read, it doesn't seem like that's okay with you and that your actions were opposed to your value system. Feeling guilt is one way that we can tell that something is/has been amiss.

This isn't the same scenario as if you had not known he was in the bathroom, threw open the door while on your way to use the loo, and *accidentally* knocked him down - because that carries a different intention behind said actions. When we choose to yell, slam doors, throw things, etc., we can be 1. discharging 2. showing ourselves and others that we are feeling upset 3. blaming others for the way we feel/punishing other's for our emotional state (i.e. look how you *made* me feel, I want you to feel afraid of *making* me feel this way again) 4. defending our state of being (i.e. I'm not crazy, this actually isn't okay, and no I'm not just going to settle down because this really is a big deal).

To me, the injury seems somewhat besides the point. The injury WAS an accident. Thus, it seems like you are identifying and are feeling upset about the level of frustration you reached (ex: If I hadn't allowed my frustration to blind me, I wouldn't have opened the door with force and he wouldn't have been hurt), and about your choices of how to deal with your feelings.

Let me be the first to tell you that I have made similar choices (opening/closing doors with force, slamming down the object I'm holding, angry/scary hand gestures, yelling, etc.) on MORE than one occasion. And I do feel guilty afterwards. Why? Because that's not how I want to parent. I definitely want to discipline (to teach) my children and to set firm and consistent boundaries. I do not want to do so through fear, control, manipulation, violence, etc. The feeling of guilt helps me to recognize where my actions have been out of line. What helps me is to fully accept 1. what happened 2. why it's not okay with me, and them for me to take action in learning from it and developing tools so that I don't repeat the action again.

If I LEARN from my experience, it is just that, a learning experience rather than a mistake. NONE of us is perfect. *I* am FAR from perfect. I get to accept that and have compassion for myself (i.e. I am human, I do things that I don't like) and then I get to learn and develop tools, and to progress as a person so that I don't have to do it again and again. I get to practice dealing with my feelings in a way that doesn't harm myself or others (emotionally or physically) and actually benefits them. As long as I'm taking action to grow, my guilt is replaced with gratitude - because there is always an opportunity for me to better myself (even if I don't always take it)/learn.

This seems like a fantastic opportunity in your family, one that you are taking FULL advantage of. You are reading about relaxation and parenting and are processing this event with a lot of dedication and self awareness. I applaud your courage and I hope you feel better soon. Give yourself a break - you are doing everything you can do to help yourself be the best parent you can be. What more can a person do?

A.:

it was an accident. you need to forgive yourself. Stuff happens. He's all good.

When Nicky was about 15 months old - I was putting the dinner dishes away - so I really wasn't paying attention - he was pushing his "truck" around and some how Greg convinced him to "ride" it down the stairs...oooh man - it was a mess - he split his lip open and bumped and bruised himself - he was FINE. I was a mess. After we got him cleaned up he looked around for his helmet and went to do it again...can you say GRAY HAIR and heart attack?

To be honest - he's probably learned his lesson at not saying "NO" to you and slamming a door in your face. You have learned to take a breath and count to 10 before you react. It WAS an accident. You did NOT do this with malicious intent and aiming at hurting him...forgive yourself.

Happened to me when my daughter 11 mos. old. I was chasing her trying to get her jammies on her and she tripped and landed mouth-first into the corner of the brick hearth!! It was horrible! Shaking, I took her to the er, but they didn't even put in a stitch. Forgive yourself. You live and you learn. My DD doesn't even remember it and it's not your fault. You are doing everything right by learning some better coping skills. Kids are sure frustrating sometimes, aren't they? :) You're a great mom just for making yourself sick over it!

Ugh. Forgive yourself!
When my son was a toddler, he would annoy me by clinging to the backs of my legs in the kitchen...O. day I shook my leg to get him off and he hit his head on the table leg....no blood but a mark. I still get sick to my stomach when I think of it 6 years later. But it was not my (or your) intended result! It was an accident. Exhale. Move on.

Call it an awesome wake up call. Feel grateful for it. You learned: You love your son more than anything in life and don't want anything bad to happen to him.

One pact my husband and I made that has been a blessing was to ALWAYS be thoughtful and calm about discipline, and not react to hectic scenarios. We don't yell, act out in a rush in anger, etc. (doesn't mean I haven't accidentally slammed their fingers in cars doors etc...) We're definitely pretty strict, but we never want to regret what we do or say if we can help it. I'm NOT criticizing you at all, this could so easily happen to everyone, but it was an accident that happened as a result of you busting into the bathroom because he screamed, ran away and slammed the door. No, he did not deserve to be "hurt" for that, and you did not mean to "hurt him". But you can now consciously work together on not allowing him to run away and slam doors when you ask him to get ready to go. I've seen lots of parents do dangerous things in anger-yank arms, push, etc. Calm methodical discipline prevents angry accidents, so you've gotten a nice signal to calm down and watch out.

You really do have to forgive yourself and let it go. It will take a little time. Your son knows you didn't mean it and feels your sincere apologies. Try your best to get over it and move on with your precious new start! I just read the Untethered Soul which was pretty great about letting go of hurtful images that you can't shake, if you're interested.

It's truly OK, sometimes small accidents are gifts that prevent very big ones!

Let it go! You are making yourself sick over an accident. Trust me, he will
not hold it against you. You learned not to push a door open and he learned
not to stand in front of a door. Forget the books. Just move on with your
life.

I would need a lot more hands than my own to count how many times I have gone to bed feeling like the worst mom in the world. Bottom line is, it was an accident and it sounds like have learned a valuable lesson that you will carry with you. Not guilt, but the lesson of not reacting to what your son does. Not that you shouldn't deal with him, but often times a reaction is not something thought out. I think you should first forgive yourself, it was an accident and you said you were sorry. Secondly, how can you use your mistake to teach your son a life lesson?
You sound like a great mom, so look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are forgiven. If your son can forgive you, shouldn't you be able to forgive yourself? {{hugs}}

Honestly I think this could have happened to any mom on this site at some point...sometimes we do things like that and get lucky that no one got hurt. No one is perfect, and if any mom claims she is perfect, she is lying.

When something like this happens, it's a teachable moment - for us. Obviously this incident has made an impression on you to react more calmly when your toddler does something uber-frustrating like running away from you when he's supposed to be listening. But it was an accident. He's probably already over it. It's only still an issue because you won't forgive yourself. Let this be the moment that helped you to approach these situations with more patience. You'll be fine. Forgive yourself already!

A similar thing happened to me, except I was picking up something that fell behind a door and my 2 yr old son came running up and playfully pushed the door hard as he could.
The doorknob hit me upside of my head and I saw stars.
My skin didn't break but I had a nasty bump on my head and I just could not help bawling the pain was so sudden.
My husband grabbed him, put him in bed and told him to stay there while he got me an ice pack.
Child and I were both crying by now.
Once we all calmed down we had a talk about being gentle and careful around the house - he was getting too strong to rough house all the time.
He didn't mean to hurt me but I had that lump on my head for more than 3 days.
You had a scare, and it will take a little time, but you will get over it.
It was an accident.
Your son just wants you to comfort him and you can't do that if you are falling apart with guilt.
You have to put it aside for your son's sake if not for your own sake.

Moms are human. We make mistakes. We get angry and frustrated (and rightfully so). A person can only take being ignored and disrespected so much before she feels she might go crazy!

That being said, while your son probably knew better, he acted out and it probably won't be the last time. You will know to try to keep yourself calm next time.

Have you talked to your son about it? I'm sure you said you're sorry a million times, but have you sat him down and said, "mom made a mistake by pushing the door so hard," ? He needs to know you're human, and that you make mistakes too. Then, you have to let it go. He'll be fine, and he won't harbor any negative feelings. he's probably already forgotten about it!

it was an accident how were you to know he was behind the door. i have done similar things with my daughter. things happened. its not like your son is abused. hes a happy boy and isnt even thinking about the fact he got knocked in the head. use it as a teaching tool to not stand behind the door.

Welcome to parenting 101. I think we have all done something similar to this. It is time to get over it. Your son is very young and will not remember. I have accidently hurt my daughter, pinched fingers turned and bumped her head with my elbow. It happens to ALL parents at some point.

He is not blaming you! You know it was an accident and need to stop blaming yourself. We've all had these moments. I was once rushing to get to work on time and shut a car door on my five yr olds hand. I guess I still feel bad (13 yrs later) that I did it but it clearly bothered me more than it bothered him.

I have, just by being clumsy, actually knocked down my kids.
How?
Well when I am doing chores or errands, I move around quickly. Sometimes I don't know.... my kids are right behind me. I swing around with something in my hand... and BONK, I bang and knock down my child.
They fall down or bang their head.
What an idiot! Me, the idiot!
I don't have 360 vision.
My kids tell me they know it was an accident, but still.
One time my son was crying.
I felt like the worse Mom in the world.

Your son has probably forgotten all about it. If you make a big deal, he will start to think he was wrong for blowing it off, and that will cause problems.

Be kind to yourself! No one is perfect! The entire point of mistakes is to learn from them and not repeat them. This mistake has done its job - you know what NOT to do in the future. Let it go, with thanks!

I am very sorry you have had this experience, but you are not alone. Many parents have done things that lead to their children being hurt or almost being hurt, and it was all from an accident or a quick lack of attention. So, you need to get over this part of it. What you do need to do is think of this as a big gift you have been given of now knowing what can happen when things (kids) and you (parent) get out of control. You do not say how old your son is, but I really can't think of any reason why you and he would be running around your house.....it's just not safe. Also, I would never want to go to the bathroom and nap if I had just been running around. This should have been book reading time. You got him all excited and then just wanted him to turn it off......kids cannot do that. My children are twins and their younger days were very very difficult. One thing that made everything better for everyone was we had a very set daily routine of eat, play, tv, reading, nap, etc. All of us knew the routine and that helped to keep things calmer in our house. So stop being upset with yourself, apologize to your son again, and learn from this.......both of you learn from this.

Looks like you already got your help. I'm gonna vent my story that I steel feel bad about from about 8 years ago though anyway...haha. It was a door in our story too but it was pinched fingers! My son who is now 11 (I'm thinking he was about 3 when this happened) had his hand at the side of the door where the hinges are and I didn't realize it, I think it was a frustrated moment for me too and I yanked the door shut and stood there like an idiot for a few seconds wondering why he was screaming. I could still cry just thinking about it and he probably doesn't even remember it. The fact that it bothers you so much is a good thing. It means you're a good Momma. ;) I didn't read the other responses yet, but I'm sure they've all said about the same thing. We all have our "shining" moments. :P LOL

When our daughter was about a year old, my husband was carrying her down a slippery grass hill and he slipped. They both fell to the ground and she rolled down farther and then fell off the bottom ledge to the ground below. It was about a 3 foot drop!! Of course she cried and after taking her to the E.R. she checked out just fine!! No injuries at all!! Of course my husband wanted to shoot himself for it. But, the point is, accidents happen. We all would do anything to protect our kids and never let them get hurt, but sometimes they do!! And they are ok. No lasting harm. So just forgive yourself and continue to love your little guy and do your best!! Thats all any of us can do!!

Hello,
The title of your article says it all, "Horrible ACCIDENT". I have four grown kids and five grandkids. Believe me, there will be more accidents. I spent so much time at the E.R. that one of the nurses remembered us. I can remember telling a doctor that it was a miracle that I hadn't had to aswer the questions "Tell me what happened." with "I ran to catch him from falling and knocked him across the room." I would use this as a learning lesson. I remember a little boy who would not listen in the parent participation preschool class my oldest daughter attended. He was running through the room one day and was told to stop. He didn't and ran right into the coffee pot and had second degree burns all the way down his little body. The coffee pot should not have been there (I never remember seeing it). However, I used that with all of my children and daycare children and grandchildren, as an example of why it was important to listen. Everyone of them has had to hear the story of "Charlie".
Good luck with your precious little boy. You are going to be fine and so will he.
K. K.

Things happen, you didn’t do it on purpose it was an accident. Once when my son was about 7 to 8 months old I was trying to change his pamper and was in a big rush. My son kept trying to roll over as I was changing him so there was a hanger next to me and I handed it the baby to keep him occupied so I could finish changing him, Boy what a stupid thing for me to do. The hook of the hanger went in his eye and pulled up his eye lid. It happen so fast I pulled it out and rushed to the hospital, lucky he was perfectly fine not even a scratch!! And I felt like horrible mom, but things happen we are human :)

You need to take a breath and truly believe "it was an accident" and move forward with your own forgiveness. We all make errors. You learn from them and you move on. To beat yourself up won't fix it and make it "all better". He's probably more affected by your deep reaction than he is by the accident itself.

When DD was about 15 months old, I sat in the ER for 3 hours waiting to find out if she'd eaten one of the tacks I found her chewing on or not (not, but I was so scared). Our tack board is horizontal now, not vertical, because of it.