Honey-do Lists...

I tell my husband that if he doesn't do it himself, that I will hire someone that he will have to pay to do the things.

The stuff gets done because he doesn't want to waste the money hiring someone for things he can do himself.

Good luck. It won't get any easier once you're married. Better work this out now!

I am learning to do it myself & when he sees that I have started a project he likes to be macho and finish it for me :)

I think my husband would be really offended by a "list" of things to do. Honestly. Did you literally hand him a list of things?

We're "list people" in our house... my mother jokes that we have "lists for our lists", but we make the lists together. Sit down together and talk about what projects need to get done and in what order- then who's going to do them.

Make him part of the "list" and he's more likely to do it. How would you feel if he handed you a list of things to do? My husband tried it once... only once. I was highly offended and annoyed- none of it got done b/c he's my partner, not my task master.

Just a thought-

Try getting a general handy-man in. Lots of guys are advertising that they will do the things you need help with for a few bucks, especially in this economy. Also, take the Jeep in to a dealer or garage you trust and get that fixed as well then move on. When he asks about the items being done, hand him the bills.

The fees might be worth your sanity and ability to move on and get other things accomplished.

When he realizes that you need his support (and sees the bills) maybe the message will be clearer. ;-)

~C.

People either look at me weird or tell me I'm rude when I say that I make a 'to do list'. But here's my logic - I can look at a room and see chaos - somehow my husband looks at a room and simply sees a room. He cares not about clutter or even a dirty bathroom, kitchen, etc. So, I make a list of all things that need to be done and either say - do you want upstairs stuff or downstairs? Or I say - here's the big stuff we have to get done - which do you want to do? There are those things - such as car stuff, painting, etc. that he will literally put off for months and I have to nag. Rather than nagging I find it easier if I go out and purchase whatever materials are needed and put them out in view......

Hire a handsome young buff college kid to come over and do the list. While he's there Ofcourse! And I guarantee you won't have anymore problems.

Well, it's not the "honey-do" stuff that I have trouble with--it's the everyday stuff! Like, he carries my son's hoodie upstairs (yay!) and puts it on the bed (Booo!) Soooooo close to actually helping by putting something away!) LOL

Tell him if he wants to go from zero to hero in 30 minutes--paint the trim!

And as stupid as it sounds, make a big deal about how you LOVE how the bathroom looks once it's done.

I pick one thing and tell him "do it now" because you and I know you will forget.
He may put a face while doing it but he is going to be annoyed if I gave him a list or if I nagging him anyway, so at least I get the job done, lol.
I love Jubee idea too, it wouldn't work with mine as he would actually rather pay, lol, but I think is worth to try to.

We have a dry erase board on our fridge. I write tasks, and we both erase them as they get done. We have short term and long term stuff on it, and there it is, staring us in the face every time we open the fridge..wOrks like a charm.

When I started saying you can't do this until that is done is when it gets done. Or I say can you give baby a bath while I go paint and hang the shelfs back up. Usually guilt works in my house, but my husband knows that if I have it written on a list and hand it to him that it needs to be done. He will even ask how long he can put it off before it needs to be done. Of course I always tell him right away just to get it knocked off the overall list. My hubby is good at getting his list done, so I really can't complain about him. Have you tried nagging him all the time?

Yeah, nagging (talking to him like your his mom) is going to bring out the rebellious boy in him.
Keep a list, preferably made together, in your dayplanner or whatever. Give him ONE task to do at a time. A list is pretty much guaranteed to NOT work. But one thing at a time, and offering to assist and do it together could help. Also, something simple like painting trim: get out the painters tape, brush, whatever supplies you're gonna need, lay them out on the counter, and really assist in them. Before kids, we actually enjoyed mundane chores together. Now....it's just get what we can done when we can....not so much "fun". But teamwork is key, I think.

My hubby works most weekends so he will have 2 days during the week (no consecutive though) off and I give him a honey do list every week since I am home on the weekends with the baby. He is actualy home right now doing my honey dew list. I make the list, and then we talk about it so he understands why I need him to do it and How I want it done. Right now he is hanging crown molding in our living room, and then bringing my patio chair to a tropitone dealer to get it re-slinged..oh yeah he is also buying bulbs and some bread at walmart too. Its taken awhile for me to get him to this point and yellling does nothing. I have to tell him everytime why I need to get the stuff done..however I have found it doesnt help if I get mad that he didnt finish it. I DID tell him (when he was slacking) that "its ok, I will just pay some else to get it done" and thats exactly what I did. Time IS MONEY and money is not worth stressing over savign $100 to fix your jeep. If he wont do it and its been over a month, then take it to a mechanic. ...the Trim???? Hmm my hubby HATES to paint and basically wont do it. I know that so I dont ask him...you may have to tackle that yourself..sounds like you can being you will be hanging mirrors.
I make all our projects work by making a HUGE list of things I want to accomplish by a certain date. for example since Jan 1, my list is hang crown molding, paint entryway, stairwell and hallway, repaint and redecorate master bath, go through storage totes and sell things not used in 2 years in a garage sale, my last thing is to have a garage sale. All of this is to be done by tax day (04/15) soo far I have everything done except the garage sale..AND our basement flooded so i had to deal with restoring that. ALl of them are big projects but I just chipped away at each one. eventually they get done by doing an hour per night.
Good luck..perhaps he is avoiding it because he doesnt want to do it and doesnt see the benefit....or it could be just a man thing (like my man) where they drag their feet on pretty much everything. Do you think its possible to give him a different kind of list...lets say he can go buy groceries so you can dedicate that hour to getting the trim painted?

I give my husband a reward when he finishes. I tell him, if you do "x" by this day, (which he's agreed to do, but has trouble getting started) then I'll bake you your favorite cookies, or something else he really likes. I also tell him once he's done what a good job he did and how much I appreciate it (that's out of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus).
Good luck!

nothing would ever get done around here. i don't notice for the most part, and when i do, i make a request and assume it will get taken care of. my men know that of all things i HATE being put in the position of taskmaster. i won't do it.
our positions aren't the same, though. my dh is very organized and task-oriented. he does all of his 'musts' first and then sits down and thoroughly enjoys his chill-out time. i fiddle and spin in circles and get muddled and don't complete things. he's a dynamo during the day and all relaxed and groovy in the evenings. i'm a zombie in the morning and still getting things done at midnight.
:) khairete
S.

Ha ha! The age old problem women have probably had to deal with since the stone age! I have given my hubby lists. I have had them in a notepad, on the bulletin board, on the computer, etc. I have even split the things on the list into different categories, such as quick jobs, things he does not have to buy anything for, by season, etc. All I can say is that there are some things on that list that have been on there for 5 years! He works really hard, supports us, is a super husband and father and person, so I don't get too upset about it. When there is something I really really want done, I just tell him I need it done and he will do it. But, left to his own resources, the list does not get looked at very often!

Promise the kids they can have a picnic out there after daddy cleans it off. Let the kids bug him about it. lol

Tell the kids to go help daddy paint the bathroom. They will run to him and say Daddy, I am ready!

but to answer your question, no I don't hand him a list. I have a master list I keep by the computer so I don't forgot anything. If I need help with something I tell him "I need you help", it just goes over better due to his issues he has with his mom who used to just tell him to do things without asking

This is what I have to do...

I pick the day, usually Sat. morning...tell him ahead of time that I want to accomplish XY&Z ...then I get him up, feed him well, make some coffee and then I hand him whatever he needs or get him set up on the project and then go do my thing!

~I know it is lame. My hubby is a procrastinator! I literally need to help him get started, then he will finish :) If left to his own devices no amount of bitching or nagging will work on him...I have to set it all up and tell him it's 'GO TIME'...now Go and do this please and thank you!

MEN!

Have you guys talked about it? For me, my dh did nothing, and it was so frustrating, and then one time I told him I wasn't giving him chores b/c I'm his mom or b/c I was punishing him or trying to be controlling. I told him I was giving him lists b/c it's stuff I can't do myself, and I really need him. Him supplying my needs (whether they're physical limitations, intimacy, time without the kids, etc) is part of what makes him the perfect man for me, part of what makes the relationship work. If it's something he can't do, or would rather use his money to pay for, then fine. That's still meeting my need. And meeting my needs is telling me he loves me. When I need something done and he forgets...well, I know it may sound extreme to some, but to me it's like he's verbally saying, "I don't love you. I don't care about what you have to do. I don't care that you need my help." When I explained that to him, it really changed the way he thought about the honey-do list. It didn't fix it all, but he really did try, and the more he tried, the better he's gotten. Now I don't even have to write it down. It doesn't always get done how I'd like (once we had about 1 dishwasher load's worth of dishes, and he ran the dishwasher, but somehow almost all of the dishes were left so I had to unload a couple things and then reload and run it again), but I thank him for doing what I ask. We also talked about what he wanted and how I was trying to fix up the house so that he would have a great atmosphere to come home to, it was me trying to show my love to him. So not only was it him saying he didn't love me, it was him saying, "I won't let you love me either." But talking about it helped him be willing to work with me on stuff, and it helped me understand what he wanted and needed to feel loved. It's taken time, but it's gotten a lot better. One way we did this in the beginning was "Honey, do you think after this show you could just spend 30 mins or an hour helping me?" That way he got to finish watching tv, and he knew there was a time limit-he knew he wouldn't be doing stuff all day. When you do that twice a week, the little chores get knocked out really quickly, and then I lavished him with praise for helping me and doing things I couldn't.